This sickens me

[DisneyVillain]

Actually the tongue can and IS a keyboard around here!

Gives a whole new mental image to the act of typing.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your friend is not a person of integrity, and I would have a difficlut time hanging around with someone who is not a person of integrity.

I realize there are 3 sides to every story...his, hers, and the truth. But guess what? MY behavior would not be influenced by someone's else's bad behavior.

In my life, I have developed a certain value system, and I conduct myself within the framework of that value system. If my DH had 25 affairs, I would still not go and have an affair, because that is not something that is acceptable within my value system. Would I continue to be married to my DH after 25 affairs...no. But me having an affair in "response" to his isn't going to change the original issue, and, in the long run, isn't going to make me feel any better. If anything, I'd end up feeling worse for sellig "myself" out.

If Gail's friend had confessed to her that he had a one night stand, and now he felt terrible, and what should he do...that might be a different story. People make bad choices, and a sincere desire to correct a bad choice can go a long way toward healing and regaining the respect of those around you. It sounds as if he is fully CHOOSING to continue an affair outside of his marriage, and unless he's showing a HUGE amount of remorse, any respect I had for him as a friend or a person would be gone.

When one makes choices, one has to live with the consequences of those choices. In this man's case, his choice to continue and extra-marital affair has cost him a friendship. It will probably cost him much more. I hope whatever positives he derives from the affair are worth that price.

 

[Microcell]

Gail did tell him to come back when he gets his head on straight, right? That is being the best friend possible I think. I also work within a certain values framework and that is something I do not allow into my sphere, soI would have done the same thing- I call it the "hey you get off of my cloud" logic!

 

[faithinkarma]

I have no patience with people who have affairs. If you want to mess around, get the hell out of the marriage first. It is hurtful and demeaning and humiliating in way too many ways. No matter what rationalization one tries to make, the person is almost always trying on someone new, while keeping the old around " just in case". I have actually had friends say that to me. That they don't want to leave the marriage in case the new relationship does not work out. I don't have words strong enough to express my disgust at such behavior. It is deliberately hurting another person, the ultimate sin in my book.

 

[missyc]

Originally posted by DukeStreetKing
To add to my original comments:

Well, that's one solution to your problem with your friend. Another might be to actually be a friend and try to help him with his problems. Maybe you are trying the "tough love" approach, hoping that he will see the error of his ways and correct them, but I doubt that will work. Perhaps you could talk to your friend, offer your opinions and advice and explain how his actions are effecting your friendship. Maybe you've already done these things, the original post really didn't go into any depth.

There's 3 sides to every story; yours, his and the truth. Granted, cheating on your spouse is never a good thing, but like every other misdeed, it might just be that your friend is in need of help and a good friend might just be the start.

Or you could just dump him, what do I care? I've got my own
problems.

Sorry, but all this sounds good....maybe for a friend dealing with a friend who stands you up, or is all caught up in themselves and isn't there for you, or you think they have a problem with drugs or alcohol, etc. Talk to them and let them know what they are doing wrong. Of course "be there for them". But I think his spouse is the one who really needs the support and friendship.

Being a CHEATER is something different. What a PAS (new one )

PAS: Piece Of Sh*t

 

[Winka]

Originally posted by missyc
What a PAS (new one )

PAS: Piece Of Sh*t

missy! I think I've seen PoS used before.

It's a tough one GailT. I'd have a hard time stomaching that kind of behavior from a friend too. Eventually though, I don't think I could resist getting back into it and asking, "WTH are you THINKING?" Maybe that's too combative-guess it depends on the friend-but I think I'd definitely find myself butting back into the situation and trying to, in my own way, talk this out with him.

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Originally posted by missyc
Sorry, but all this sounds good....maybe for a friend dealing with a friend who stands you up, or is all caught up in themselves and isn't there for you, or you think they have a problem with drugs or alcohol, etc. Talk to them and let them know what they are doing wrong. Of course "be there for them". But I think his spouse is the one who really needs the support and friendship.

Being a CHEATER is something different. What a PAS (new one )

PAS: Piece Of Sh*t

I'm not sure if you were agreeing with me or not. I can't make heads or tails out of your response.

It's interesting how vehemently some people respond to certain postings. You can almost tell who has been cheated on by the way they respond.

And I believe the correct acronym is POS, not PAS.

 

[Robinrs]

Originally posted by DukeStreetKing


It's interesting how vehemently some people respond to certain postings. You can almost tell who has been cheated on by the way they respond.

I don't think it's something that has been experienced, it's just an understandable fear of any committed woman, DSK.

I lost faith in commitment YEARS ago. There are still many who believe in it and hang onto it. There's nothing wrong with that. I wish I still did.

 

[missyc]

Originally posted by DukeStreetKing
I'm not sure if you were agreeing with me or not. I can't make heads or tails out of your response.

It's interesting how vehemently some people respond to certain postings. You can almost tell who has been cheated on by the way they respond.

And I believe the correct acronym is POS, not PAS.

Yea, I just read my original post and I guess I didn't make much sense. I had 5 kids hollering at me at once and I was trying to hurry and get off here! LOL
I was just trying to say that you can and should be supportive of friends WHEN they need you, but it sounds to me like the one in this relationship that needs the support and friendship is the wife who is being cheated on. NOT the POS (stand corrected!) who is DOING the cheating.
And no, I have not been cheated on. I am still married after 10 years. Not long, I know. I cannot change who my husband is anymore than I could change who my parents are. My parents are still married, and I strongly believe in the commitment of marriage between a man and a woman. I suppose partly from the example from my parents who have stood by their commitment for almost 40 years, the destruction I have seen within my extended family due to divorce, and most importantly from my (conservative) Christian values. There are many things in this life that you can understand and believe in without direct experience. What's wrong is wrong. Sneaky deceitful things reflect on who a person truly is on the inside, no matter what image they try to portray for appearances.
I also don’t believe in “falling out of love with someone”. Love is a commitment and a choice. You cannot love someone without first choosing to and then committing to.
JMHO



Missy

 

[Stepharoonie!]

 

[VampHeartless]

Originally posted by DisneyVillain
As well you should! Only a woman could make that kind of remark!

Generalizations (all, only, any, etc.) about any group are almost always false, and invalidate what otherwise might be a legitimate argument.

Yes, very true. (See my long since deleted post on "friggin english girls" as a good reference).