This sickens me

[GailT]

A friend of mine is saying he is seprated because he is having an affair. This single womn is lead to believe that he isn't married. I told my friend Dana until he gets his head on straight do not come over here or call me a friend, I can't stand by a LIAR. He uses his 4 kids a s an wxcuse to stay with his wife but in reality he just wants to have some extra marital affair for his own satisfaction, if a marriage is that bad, GET OUT!

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Well, that's very understanding of you.

With friends like you, he doesn't need any enemies.

 

[Wonder_117]

GailT i understand how frustrating that must be for you, especially as your friend has four kids- i do agree that if that person had any respect left for their partner they'd leave, in the end it'll be easier on the kids rather than living with lies and betrayl.

I hope he sorts his head out soon. Xx

 

[AirForceRocks]

Good for you GailT!!! No way would I stand behind a "friend" that is doing what this guy is doing.

 

[ebaynut31]

Another Good for you! I agree with you about if it is that bad then just get out. He's a coward for not doing so.

Sorry Duke, are you a man? Only a man could have that kind of remark! (donning flame retardant suit now).

 

[JaysGoofyMom]

I couldn't agree with you more GailT. I have always said that if you feel you need to cheat on a spouse then something is wrong and you need to get out of the marriage! Staying together for the sake of the kids is no excuse. It is worse for the kids. The kids grow up thinking that it's ok to cheat.

 

[aprincessmom]

Another good for you, Gail! ITA...if the marriage is that bad then get out.

 

[gallaj0]

Here's a good for you GailT, from a guy. By knowing and letting him continue, and pretending nothing is wrong, you implicitly agree withwhat he is doing. If you know either his wife, or the other woman, you should also let him know that you know them, and are not confortable knowing something so important to them, and not letting them know. You're not threatening to tell, but it lets him know that there are people out there who know, and that it will eventually get out.

 

[caitycaity]

i also think you are doing the right thing, gail t.

 

[mom2boys]

You are a good man, GailT! Way to go!

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Originally posted by ebaynut31
[B
Sorry Duke, are you a man? Only a man could have that kind of remark! (donning flame retardant suit now). [/B]

To add to my original comments:

Well, that's one solution to your problem with your friend. Another might be to actually be a friend and try to help him with his problems. Maybe you are trying the "tough love" approach, hoping that he will see the error of his ways and correct them, but I doubt that will work. Perhaps you could talk to your friend, offer your opinions and advice and explain how his actions are effecting your friendship. Maybe you've already done these things, the original post really didn't go into any depth.

There's 3 sides to every story; yours, his and the truth. Granted, cheating on your spouse is never a good thing, but like every other misdeed, it might just be that your friend is in need of help and a good friend might just be the start.

Or you could just dump him, what do I care? I've got my own problems.

 

[JohnsPrincess]

This really disgusts me too. Not only is he lying to his WIFE but he is also lying to his "girlfriend". She doesn't know that she's doing anything wrong! I think it is one of the most sick things in the world to sleep with two people with them not knowing. I have a friend that was thinking of going out with a guy that is married. Her reasoning was that "he says he's not happy". Um, well, if he knows that you're going to sleep with him and he's That kind of guy, he'll tell you anything. "Well, he's HOT". I told her that I would always be her friend, but that I would NOT respect her for doing that and that it would make me think very little of her. In the end she decided against it.

 

[CEDmom]

I don't blame you for not standing by your friend especially since he doesn't want to end things. It would be different if he admitted to the affair and asked for your help in working things out with his family.

I had a friend who was the other woman although she knew the guy was married. The things he promised her were unbelievable. It was like she was living a bad movie of the week. The guy ended up back with his family and I lost a friend because I just couldn't stand the nonsence anymore.

Good luck.

 

[DisneyVillain]

(donning flame retardant suit now).

As well you should! Only a woman could make that kind of remark!

Generalizations (all, only, any, etc.) about any group are almost always false, and invalidate what otherwise might be a legitimate argument.

 

[momof2inPA]

Yeah, stay away from him until the issue is resolved. Otherwise, he will tell the wife he is with you when he is really spending time with the girlfriend.

 

[suzannen]

Okay, I may get flamed, but - I can understand your being upset, but remember - he's not doing it to you or your marriage. He might need a friend now more than you know. Unless we have been in the situation ourselves, we never really know the whole true story from everyone's side. One friend had an affair and I was somewhat judgmental about it. Later I found out that his wife had had two consective affairs beforehand with two of his friends. That certainly did NOT excuse his behavior, but it did play a role in why it happened.

I think you should be a true friend and stick by him. You can make it clear that although you HATE and totally disapprove of his behavior because it makes you perceive him as dishonest, you are still his friend and will hopefully be there as he WORKS this out (and constantly encourage him to do so). Having you around to give constructive advice to could eventually play a role in his ending his hurtful behavior.

 

[Robinrs]

You can be his friend and not agree or condone what he's done. Maybe he needs someone to talk to who can talk some sense into him.

What he's doing is not all that uncommon though distasteful and disgusting. The fact that he confided to you surprises me, though. Maybe he could use an ear, a shoulder or a good tongue lashing. I can't help but wonder why he shared this with you if he knew you would not approve.

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Originally posted by Robinrs
Maybe he could use an ear, a shoulder or a good tongue lashing.

Robin, you've got a fixation with tongues today. This is the 2nd post where you have referred to a tongue. The first one proclaimed the tongue a "wonderful thing."

 

[Robinrs]

Originally posted by DukeStreetKing
Robin, you've got a fixation with tongues today. This is the 2nd post where you have referred to a tongue. The first one proclaimed the tongue a "wonderful thing."

Veeeery funny DSK!!

Actually I was being sarcastic there. The tongue is actually a very vile member of the body that can hurt worse than any weapon. Actually the tongue can and IS a keyboard around here!

 

[Madi100]

That is a tough call. I just found out my cousin is getting a divorce. He has been married about six years. He likes to go out and party and act like he's about 22 instead of 35. He has fallen out of love with his wife, and they are better friends now. The bad thing is that my sister thinks that she saw him with another woman. And, this was before his wife had had their baby. In fact, when my sister saw him in a restaurant with another woman, his wife was about two weeks away from giving birth. What a guy.

I know he's family, but is it better for us to drop him as a friend and not have anything to do with him? I definitely wouldn't let his wife look stupid if I was friends with her at all. As it is, I hardly know her.

Personally, I think that you could be a good influence on your friend with his lack of morals. Now that you know, you could do a very good job of making him feel uncomfortable about what he is doing by talking about it with him and letting him know that you don't approve. I would never ever do anything to help the situation by lying or going along with his deceit. I guess it just depends on how close you are to this guy.