This may be cruel but

[Philagoofy]

Have you ever wonder how some people can be married or have people who actually love & like them? I suppose some people can be completely different with their families than they are at work.

I'm not talking about the quirky, odd or annoying people. I'm talking about the backstabbing, lying, accusatory types who smile sweetly giving you a gift with one hand while the other is planting a knife firmly in your back.

People who do these things time and again, not just to you but to just about everyone they work with.

And then you meet their husband/wife and they seem so nice. How can they love someone like that?

 

[OceanAnnie]

And then you meet their husband/wife and they seem so nice. How can they love someone like that?

My guess is because the spouses don't know. They haven't been on the receiving end yet.

Just as you, I have wondered. I've wondered how a person can act like that and like themselves (and sleep at night).

 

[mking624]

I used to wonder the same thing about the spouse of someone I know who has lied and backstabbed some family. The spouse was so sweet and kind. Then we discovered the spouse was part of it all. Talk about the ultimate backstab. Yeah, we don't trust either of them very much anymore...and they are well aware of it.

 

[Hixski]

Have you ever wonder how some people can be married or have people who actually love & like them? I suppose some people can be completely different with their families than they are at work.

I'm not talking about the quirky, odd or annoying people. I'm talking about the backstabbing, lying, accusatory types who smile sweetly giving you a gift with one hand while the other is planting a knife firmly in your back.

People who do these things time and again, not just to you but to just about everyone they work with.

And then you meet their husband/wife and they seem so nice. How can they love someone like that?

A man I worked with long ago was like this. His wife seemed so nice. We found out later he was very controlling and she was just beaten down. She would come to functions and act exactly as he had instructed her. She did seem just a bit off and it made sense when she finally left him. At least she had the courage to leave someone like that.

 

[djm99]

Many times we meet people who we think are mean - who might not have always been that way. Life has a way of beating the real person inside so deep; they become someone even their love ones can't always recognize. And in reality, that spouse could/or could not have 'helped' in molding that mean person. Just because a spouse appears nice it doesn't mean they are. BTW, individuals that I’ve met who are really mean are just unhappy - and misery loves company.

 

[cardaway]

I've seen more than one thread posted here that made me wonder how OP got married and makes me feel sorry for the spouse being trashed.

 

[Hixski]

I've seen more than one thread posted here that made me wonder how OP got married and makes me feel sorry for the spouse being trashed.

Ohhhh, someone is going to take offense to that. Probably because they know it is true.

 

[mking624]

I've seen more than one thread posted here that made me wonder how OP got married and makes me feel sorry for the spouse being trashed.

I am right with you on that. While there may be things that my DH does that really upsets me sometimes (and I know that vice versa is true), I could never ever talk about him in the manner I've seen sometimes. I love and respect him too much to belittle him like that. And he feels the same, which really means a lot to me.

 

[kellyg403]

Yes, I do wonder sometimes. But different strokes for different folks I guess.

Kelly

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Yes, I know people like that.

I also know spouses who are very aware that their partner is a complete loser yet still defend them. That, I do not understand. Why defend them when you know how much they suck?

 

[Philagoofy]

I really wonder if this one particular person knows what they do. If it only happened to me I'd think it was my fault or I was being paranoid (another thing this person is big time). But so many people I work with have had run-ins with her. She accuses them of something they did not do or say or she lies to other people, saying so&so said this when they didn't.

How can she not know how she is? Everything was running pretty smoothly, then she got a promotion, now she's the boss (not of me thank goodness). But I do have to have some contact with her. Now the nitpicking has started, micromanaging all her people and they aren't happy but they don't do anything about it, not that there's much they could probably do except stand up for themselves if they catch her in a lie, which one person did today. But it's probably a pick your battle type thing with some people.

Thank goodness for my boss. He wants me to keep him informed of everything that goes on with her. With anyone else it'd be little stuff that I wouldn't bother him with because it's simple questions I'm answering. But with her, I have to watch out cause next thing I know, she'll be accusing me of something again. She's done this before, flat out blatant lies. So I'm trying to cover myself.

I think she thinks I'm trying to get her cause of something that happened last week. But I'm not, I don't like her at all & she knows it, I had it out with her 2 years ago in a meeting with her & our boss. But I'm not looking to get her in trouble or make any problems but she keeps bugging me about little things, she's so paranoid.

I do my job and whatever she asks, if I can help, if it's part of my responsibility or just outside it, I'll do it. I don't want my personal feelings to interfere with the way I work.

An example, now that she's the boss, she's been having birthday parties (everyone in her unit stands around & has a piece of cake). From anyone else that would be nice but with her, butter you up today then stab you in the back tomorrow. I'm wondering if it's an invasion of privacy that she looks up people's personnel records to see when their birthday is. I'll tell you, with all the cake their going to be eating, their going to be a fat bunch pretty soon. Also wonder if she misses a birthday, would that be a case of discrimination?

Ok, thanks for letting me unload, if you made it this far. I'm really a rather quiet person, yea, I know, you don't believe me, what with this long post. But I am, really.

 

[Philagoofy]

I am right with you on that. While there may be things that my DH does that really upsets me sometimes (and I know that vice versa is true), I could never ever talk about him in the manner I've seen sometimes. I love and respect him too much to belittle him like that. And he feels the same, which really means a lot to me.

That's really sweet. My dh is like that too. I try to be.

 

[Honu]

I worked with an attorney once who was an absolute terror in the office. Everyone, from his fellow partners to the copy clerks, were scared of him and his meltdowns. One summer his college aged son came to work in the records department and he was completely shocked that people were afraid of his dad. Apparently he is a really nice guy outside of the office, he just chose to be a jerk to all of us.

 

[NeverEnufWDW]

Have you ever wonder how some people can be married or have people who actually love & like them? I suppose some people can be completely different with their families than they are at work.

I'm not talking about the quirky, odd or annoying people. I'm talking about the backstabbing, lying, accusatory types who smile sweetly giving you a gift with one hand while the other is planting a knife firmly in your back.

People who do these things time and again, not just to you but to just about everyone they work with.

And then you meet their husband/wife and they seem so nice. How can they love someone like that?

You sound like a pretty judgemental person. Is your marriage all peaches and cream ? Maybe people are thiking the same thing about you.

 

[hentob]

You sound like a pretty judgemental person. Is your marriage all peaches and cream ? Maybe people are thiking the same thing about you.

Huh? I didn't get that at all from her post

 

[debden]

I think there are lots of people who act totally different at work than they do at home.It might just be stress related or maybe their afraid of losing their job.Maybe knocking everyone else in the work place down makes them feel important and have more job security.
Who knows??? But there is one of those people in every single place I've worked.I feel sorry for them.
Debbie

 

[meandtheguys2]

OP, I agree. There are some people who are so completely two-faced, that their partners have no clue. Whether by choice, or ignorance.

 

[imsorry]

I get the feeling there is more going on here than the original question

Stepping away from the computer......

 

[Imagine Ears]

I get the feeling there is more going on here than the original question

Stepping away from the computer......

 

[Philagoofy]

I'm not a troll & there's no more going on than what I said. Well, I did vent more in my second post. Yea, I'm real judgemental, I'm judging that I don't like people accusing me of saying & doing things that I wouldn't do. And she's done that several times to me already. Thanks alot.