This is sorta personal and i need help

[woodkins]

Thank you everyone for your advice and your well wishes. I really appreciate it .Im going to try to do it alone Just me and my kiddos. I think I can do it . My dd isnt difficult . She's pretty good and I can take her anywhere even to the movies and keep her occupied. DS on the other hand is a runner and he refuses to sit through anything. In general they both dont take naps so that's not a problem . I will still take a break during the day though just to give myself a break watching ds 24/7 will wear anyone out. I know I can keep them both safe though .

You guys are right taking my mom and brother will put a damper on my plans. I already have my days planned out ...where we will eat etc. and I know they both will scream about it and make a scene...I want things to go smoothly for us . I want to be able to make my own decisions etc.


I have a question though...I dont think my kiddos will be able to ride alot of the rides at DW because of height and im pooh sized so I probaly wont be able to get on the kiddie rides with them. Is it a good idea to spend one day at Old Town so they can ride as much as they'd like in a normal carnival/fair setting...My kids love rides more than anything else.How much do you think a Taxi would cost to get to Old Town ?

Only the wilder rides at WDW have height restrictions and at their ages they most likely wouldn't want to do those rides anyway. Children under 7 are not permitted to ride alone at WDW so that is not an option.

 

[Mathfailure]

1. You will be able to go on the rides with your children, many large people come to Disney and ride.

2. Cut off your family, and perhaps Aunts etc. too. This is an intermingled family if others are emailing you about personal decisions between your mother and you. Cut them all off for your sanity and peace, and that of your children.

3. Can you cancell the trip and use the money to move somewhere else? No I am not kidding, getting physical distance will be a sure way of cutting off your family (see #2)

4. Are you in counseling? You need help recovering from an abusive childhood and dealing with toxic family situations. The end result will be a stronger you, and a better family for your two children. If you are not, get in as soon as possible. If money is an issue there are community health centers, start seeking and do not give up. This is always exhausting but also always rewarding.

5.Are your children in early childhood intervention programs? If not, seek them out too. The earlier this is started the better. How about the children's pediatrican, are the Doctor's aware and supportive, have you discussed behavior modification and/or medication with the doctors? Medication is not evil, it is morally neutral and can be helpful or misused. Listen with an open mind.

6. Do you have an education, a skill that sets you apart and allows you to seek employment with a specific marketable skill? If not consider going to a community college (usually lost cost) and gain a job skill. Our local one has many short term (many under a year and a half) programs that will allow the student to gain better jobs. (This will help with the moving away if you are not able to do it now. Anywhere in the country will need a dental hygentist or an LPN)

Do not give in, do not give up...because this situation will not change. The only change that can happen is in YOU and YOUR thinking. The others are too set in their ways, and hey its working for them...look at all the unhappiness and worry they are creating right now. They are winning, so that your life and RUN!!!

 

[JustAGirl]

Ive been fighting for autism services through EI with my son for MONTHS now and its been frusterating to say the least! He had two lazy service coordinators. Thank God he gets his IFSP meeting this month on the 21st. Im so excited for him He will be going to a center 5 days a week and some home therapies as well . Speaking of which you know what broke the camel's back ? I emailed my mom to tell her that im so excited DS will be getting therapies and she emailed me saying " From your lips to God's ears ...he's such a dumbo " and that just did it....Something inside of me just snapped. I was livid She's such a negetive b*tch because she herself is miserable

Anyway enough of that...My aunt has taken BACK her support . She has been ignoring my emails and she thinks that now Im getting ridiculous with canceling thier vacation and not talking to my mother. She's such a friggin hypocrite If it were her kids she would've probaly slapped my mom in the face but because its my kids its ok to say whatever you want You know what I discovered. I dont need her support eithier ...NOPE I dont need anyone to cosign on what I know im doing RIGHT .

My mom and brother apparently still think they are coming with me on the trip. I guess they think eventually they can bully me into taking them along .
My brother called me this morning mad and i stayed cool as a cucumber and i let him know they were not coming with me and my kids to WDW and just like I expected. He began laying on the insults He said " You dont want us to go fat b*tch fine but i hope you are prepared to pay for 4 airplane tickets airlines dont let fat ***es fly for free and you know you're taking up atleast 3 seats "

I just hung up on him. He just proved my point about why I dont want to go with them. They are going to be miserable and me and my kiddos will be on in Disney World.

 

[JustAGirl]

1. You will be able to go on the rides with your children, many large people come to Disney and ride.

2. Cut off your family, and perhaps Aunts etc. too. This is an intermingled family if others are emailing you about personal decisions between your mother and you. Cut them all off for your sanity and peace, and that of your children.

3. Can you cancell the trip and use the money to move somewhere else? No I am not kidding, getting physical distance will be a sure way of cutting off your family (see #2)

4. Are you in counseling? You need help recovering from an abusive childhood and dealing with toxic family situations. The end result will be a stronger you, and a better family for your two children. If you are not, get in as soon as possible. If money is an issue there are community health centers, start seeking and do not give up. This is always exhausting but also always rewarding.

5.Are your children in early childhood intervention programs? If not, seek them out too. The earlier this is started the better. How about the children's pediatrican, are the Doctor's aware and supportive, have you discussed behavior modification and/or medication with the doctors? Medication is not evil, it is morally neutral and can be helpful or misused. Listen with an open mind.

6. Do you have an education, a skill that sets you apart and allows you to seek employment with a specific marketable skill? If not consider going to a community college (usually lost cost) and gain a job skill. Our local one has many short term (many under a year and a half) programs that will allow the student to gain better jobs. (This will help with the moving away if you are not able to do it now. Anywhere in the country will need a dental hygentist or an LPN)

Do not give in, do not give up...because this situation will not change. The only change that can happen is in YOU and YOUR thinking. The others are too set in their ways, and hey its working for them...look at all the unhappiness and worry they are creating right now. They are winning, so that your life and RUN!!!

Well ds is starting his EI soon so ill have a couple hours during the day but I doubt i'd be able to go to counseling without him because his class hours are only 2 hours. I live in NYC so it will most likely take me 2 hours just getting back and forth unless I can find a place about 15 minutes away. I plan on contacting my insurance company this week to find a therapist.

I plan to go to community college this fall! I cant wait I stopped attending when I had kids. I already have 30 credits towards a AA in Business but I want to change my major...I have no clue as of yet what i want to do career wise but I have time. I want a career that is in demand but not as gross as nursing...I just dont think I can handle seeing so many bodily fluids and bed pans yikes . I have a pretty strong stomach but I dont know...maybe it's something to think about . I have a friend who did nursing and she literally came from nothing . I knew her mom and she was a drug addict and her life was horrible. She is a single mom, a nurse (4 years in college) two cars and just bought her first house Nursing may definetly be a possibility and when I get done with the schooling Im definetly moving wayyyy closer to the world

 

[Va-bear]

I'm sorry you have had to go thru such abuse. It's bad enough from your mom, but to hear your brother talking to you like that - well, it's heartbreaking.

I hope you can move on and move forward and not feel any guilt, whatsoever. Don't make your children have to deal w/the same stuff you've dealt with.

Have the best, most relaxed and stress-free trip to Disney ever!

 

[lucigo]

Probably easier said than done, but if it were me I would pack up everything I own and take that Disney money and move far away. Pick a state with good autism services and a low cost of living, get your kids in therapy, get involved with the local autism society, get yourself back in school and start over. Don't look back. Your problem goes way deeper than a trip to Disney. Hugs!

I just want to add after thinking about it, you said your mom is a nurse and she treated your child with autism with such abuse....I think thats absolutely disgusting. If my mother or anyone else ever called my son a dumbo they would not have the privilege of ever seeing him again. And a nurse should know that autism is a medical condition. As a mother bear protecting my cub this makes me furious.

Your and your children will never have an ounce of self esteem if you don't get away from this situation.

 

[tnmt]

So, did you decide to stay on site or just keep your Nick hotel reservations that you already made? I hope you chose on site that way it will be easier on you.

 

[adisneymama]

I would cut the entire family off. You don't need them. Go to WDW with your kids you'll be fine. Lots the kids and you can do. Check out the disabilities board and look into getting a GAC if it is something that might help.
G/L!

 

[canfield77]

I'm so sorry for what you have to go through! I have also had to deal with some ugly family territory, nothing as bad as you have had to go through, but still, it sucks. I've had to stop my stepfather from seeing my son because he will fly off the handle and try to fight people for no reason. He tried to attack my husband just because we left their house one night that we were staying over because my brother was in the next room smoking pot! And we were leaving because of that, and WE get attacked. The things families do to each other, its disgusting. Anyway, I also told my mom that my stepfather was out of our lives for good, I wasn't going to have anyone who tries to attack someone for no good reason around my son, at which point she took his side and was really mad for a long time. But the point here, is that no matter how much it hurts and even if you feel guilty ( I know I did, even though I knew I was doing the right thing, its just because its your mom) YOU ARE RIGHT AND THEY ARE WRONG! Just thought it might feel good to hear it . Another idea: I don't know what your finances are but maybe you could hire a mother's helper for the trip? I bet there is some babysitter out there that is just dying to have a free trip! If there is any service or babysitter you trust, it might be worth thinking about. If it means you have help (that has to do what you want and help you out) that might mean a much better vacation for you. I don't know how you feel about hiring a stranger, but there are alot of services out there, and I bet you could even find a sitter with experience with kids with ADHD and autism. Just a thought!

 

[We_love_WDW]

I would never let anyone talk to my kids or about my kids like that... you are doing the right thing by cutting negative people out of your life - no matter if it's your mom. Don't worry about going to Disney by yourself - have fun, take it slow, and don't feel like you have to do everything. You would be miserable if you went with them...you don't need negative and mean comments at the happiest place on earth. You want to see Disney through your kids eyes and not have your family take away from that. Don't worry you will be able to go on so much. Have fun - you deserve it

 

[mrsmarilyn]

You can't fix or change your mother, and your first loyalty is to protect your children. If she is emotionally and verbally abusive, then personally I would keep her at a distance and for sure not go on vacation with her. (What fun would that be??)

Plan now so you can do it on your own, or find a friend to go with you. And get Dad to stand up to your mother--they are his children too and he can't be too thrilled with her behavior either.

 

[badblackpug]

Okay, your brother, a grown man who won't travel without his mommy, calls you "fat b*tch," your mother calls your son "a dumbo," and you would seriously consider spending thousands of dollars to travel thousands of miles to be stuck 24-7 with these two people?

Not to sound harsh, but it doesn't seem like there is much of a decision to be made here.

 

[momx2]

Isn't your mother paying for part of the trip though???? Or is that the other trip you posted about? Your under another name here, but this has to be the same poster who posted about this problem a week or so ago???

Also, I would break all ties with any family member that treated or talked about my children that way. You need to totally break free from your mother and your brother for your children's sake.

 

[goofy4mykids]

I has a child with aspergers and ADHD and Disney is the only place that I vacation I can relax an enjoy myself... Disney is a place for children and the help ALL children and they know that some children arent being Naughty they just cant help that Melt down..... for this they have The Guest Assistance Card , you can read more about it on he disability board but it is a life saver in the parks, and when my son was 2 it allowed me to bring his stroller into movies, closer to the ride have your doctor write a note if your child is like mine you will need and alternate entrance GA the one with the arrow, this will give you a quite place to wait away from large crowds.

BTW I moved from NJ to Ga to get away from my family....best thing I ever did!!

 

[okeydokey]

The trip will go fine, and it will be a joy instead of a stressful mess.

However, you do need to distance yourself from the family. Do you have caller ID? If so, no more phone calls from family.

Have you already made reservations with Mom and brother? Did they get their airline tickets yet? Is there a chance they will just go anyway? maybe you can change your dates a week or so and not tell them.

Most importantly, this decision you have made, while it is the right one for you, is likely the most difficult one you have ever made. You need some support, and I highly recommend you find an impartial party to talk to at a local counseling agency (United Way maybe can refer you), local hospital, church. An abusive childhood can take years to work through and is a hard journey. Over time your confidence in yourself will improve. I'm wishing you the best.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

I personally would never speak to her again and just take the trip on your own. You can do it!!

 

[woodkins]

Isn't your mother paying for part of the trip though???? Or is that the other trip you posted about? Your under another name here, but this has to be the same poster who posted about this problem a week or so ago???

Also, I would break all ties with any family member that treated or talked about my children that way. You need to totally break free from your mother and your brother for your children's sake.

This is the same poster, different name I am guessing due to the fact the people were flipping out over the fact that finances were being used from public assistance.

 

[Wendy5055]

Having been in a similar situation...go on the trip with your two children. It will help remove you (all) from the abusive actions of your family and allow you to think more clearly.

You can handle your children. Take it slowly and don't try to make everything perfect...they are children and will fit right in. I did hear that Disney is great at accomodating children with special needs...look into that. You can also rent a stroller (this worked for my dd8)...I would recommend a double and do for the number of days you are staying.

Will your son tolerate a harness? My nephew was a "runner" and his mom put him in a kid friendly harness which eased her peace of mind and kept him safe and sound. They don't look bad either AND will allow him the space to move. You might want to opt to do more interactive rides like in MK (poohs corner, small world...etc)and in HS (toy story mania)...just see what they can tolerate and what they cannot. You can also schedule in swim time (I do this for my dd) when you return to the resort and swim before/after nap.

I also found that character meals worked far better than the meet and greets in the parks for some reason...maybe the overstimulation? I remember my dd would hide from everyone other than the little Jiko at AK park until I realized that the character meals were less overwhelming.

Take it slow and easy and you will be fine.