This is just so sad,,and makes me ask WHY would someone do this?? I don't call it 'playing'??

[C&Jx2]

When you've got twins, it's what you do. Was it the "safest." Probably not. But, time is at an absolute premium with twin babies....there's seldom enough of it. And, you do what you need to do. They survived. Whether I did with my sanity intact is a debatable issue. :-D

Word.

 

[Maggie Gallagher]

My son had this issue with a grandmother in law. She was falling asleep holding their baby, luckily she didn't drop him, but they thought she was going to. No one wanted to say anything to her. I told him, you need to go get your baby if someone is doing something dangerous with the baby. They're all half afraid to say something to her. Or afraid to take the baby in fear of offending her because she responds very mean to them if she doesn't agree with them. (don't worry, I told him it was okay to offend great-grandma by taking your newborn back when she is falling asleep)

I wondered if the parents on the ship saw this situation unfolding and chose to not say anything because they're afraid of offending? (not blaming the parents at all)

I was thinking the same thing. When my BIL held my newborn for the first time, he started shaking her and bouncing her. I grabbed her from him without saying a word. Other family members gasped at my quick reaction. BIL laughed at me and said that he wouldn't hurt her. I just glared at him. My DH didn't know what to say. I never let BIL hold her again after that. I really didn't care if I offended him or anyone else. It's my job to keep my child safe, period.

 

[cinnaminny]

I was thinking the same thing. When my BIL held my newborn for the first time, he started shaking her and bouncing her. I grabbed her from him without saying a word. Other family members gasped at my quick reaction. BIL laughed at me and said that he wouldn't hurt her. I just glared at him. My DH didn't know what to say. I never let BIL hold her again after that. I really didn't care if I offended him or anyone else. It's my job to keep my child safe, period.

Exactly!

 

[DLgal]

I was thinking the same thing. When my BIL held my newborn for the first time, he started shaking her and bouncing her. I grabbed her from him without saying a word. Other family members gasped at my quick reaction. BIL laughed at me and said that he wouldn't hurt her. I just glared at him. My DH didn't know what to say. I never let BIL hold her again after that. I really didn't care if I offended him or anyone else. It's my job to keep my child safe, period.

These types of situations are why I'm glad I have no problem being a stone cold B. I couldn't care less about offending people when my kids or my safety is at risk. I saw a meme the other day that said "We should prioritize teaching girls to be safe over being nice." It is SO true.

 

[luvsJack]

I was thinking the same thing. When my BIL held my newborn for the first time, he started shaking her and bouncing her. I grabbed her from him without saying a word. Other family members gasped at my quick reaction. BIL laughed at me and said that he wouldn't hurt her. I just glared at him. My DH didn't know what to say. I never let BIL hold her again after that. I really didn't care if I offended him or anyone else. It's my job to keep my child safe, period.

As a very young mother when ods was born, I was guilty of not wanting to say anything. I was always second guessing myself and whether I was right to say anything. With his brother, I had gotten braver and spoke up when I didn't like what was happening.

By the time dd came along, I had no problem saying something. I had two almost grown and had taken care of other people's babies for 10 years at that point--I KNEW that I knew what I was talking about. If someone was holding her wrong or being too rough. I would simply take her and then tell them why or what they were doing wrong and I would let them hold her again if they seemed willing to listen to me. Luckily dd has a boatload of uncles who adore her so it was pretty much a non-issue. If it was anyone who wasn't a parent, they were told ahead of time.

I just don't think this was that kind of situation. Maybe I am envisioning it all wrong. But with the little ledge thing in front of the window and with me thinking along the lines of how dh would have done or my dad; I see the grandfather sitting the child on the ledge with her back to him and him holding her from behind. (not sure about the whole open vs closed window thing) For whatever reason he relaxed his grip or completely let go for a second and she lunged forward at the same time and fell. Even if the other grandparents and parents saw that the window was open, they probably assumed he knew it was too. He could have know it was open when he sat her there and then forgot in the second that he let go or relaxed his grip. And I think it all happened in a matter of seconds.

These people are extremely distraught and traumatized by what happened. They are going to remember details differently today than they did the day it happened. They are probably saying things one way and meaning something different. They may not have all even been looking at the grandfather and the child so they only know what they think happened. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the mother and father remember nothing at all except the moment their baby fell. Its going to take awhile to get the whole detailed story of who did what and why. And even then only the cruise line and the family may know due to the footage from security cameras.

 

[Lynne G]

Yeah, it should be the parent, and care givers, that must be the first defense, but as we know, distractions happen, and tries to make the kids happy, sometimes those instances become so tragic, like with this child, the child taken by the alligator, the child found in the pool, etc. Thank goodness it is so rare that it ends in death or serious harm. As a parent of adult kids, I know, if I looked back in time, there were times I put or allowed my kids to be at risk. I feel so sorry for this grandfather and his entire family. They have my sympathy.

I do not see almost all of the time, the person which caused the harm, should be criminally punished in any way. I would think more than the majority of the time, they are good people that loved that child, and the trauma and horror that they will have to carry for the rest of their life, is one of the worst ways to be punished.

I do have to say though, I still cannot see why to put a child, and a very young child, up on the rail. And from the looks of the glass in the pictures, there was glass down low too. But it is not for me to judge, and it would be something I would have never done.

And yes, I would assume there was video coverage. Still, a tragic, freak accident.

 

[C&Jx2]

These types of situations are why I'm glad I have no problem being a stone cold B. I couldn't care less about offending people when my kids or my safety is at risk. I saw a meme the other day that said "We should prioritize teaching girls to be safe over being nice." It is SO true.

Yep. My relationship with my biological mother and grandmother were fragile to begin with. When I had my twins and they showed up to the hospital drunk. I had enough... My mother went to pick my daughter up, my husband prevented her from doing so, they got all offended and that was it. I honestly haven’t had a relationship with them since and I’m not sorry.

 

[Summer2018]

Yep. My relationship with my biological mother and grandmother were fragile to begin with. When I had my twins and they showed up to the hospital drunk. I had enough... My mother went to pick my daughter up, my husband prevented her from doing so, they got all offended and that was it. I honestly haven’t had a relationship with them since and I’m not sorry.

You are doing the healthy thing for you and your family. It’s not easy.

 

[tzolkin]

I was thinking the same thing. When my BIL held my newborn for the first time, he started shaking her and bouncing her. I grabbed her from him without saying a word. Other family members gasped at my quick reaction. BIL laughed at me and said that he wouldn't hurt her. I just glared at him. My DH didn't know what to say. I never let BIL hold her again after that. I really didn't care if I offended him or anyone else. It's my job to keep my child safe, period.

Even if he hadn't done anything wrong, no one should feel obligated to let people hold their baby because they're scared of offending them.

I really didn't let people hold my babies. The first time they met them and occasionally thereafter I would have the person sit on the couch and place the baby in their arms. That was it. No walking around, no going upstairs, no sitting at the table eating and drinking coffee. Most people just assumed I was paranoid and would be snarky about it but my one sister was personally offended and the issue kept coming back up with each kid. I always just told her that it wasn't necessarily that I thought she was clumsy (although she was), but even if I were just as likely to drop my baby as she was, if I drop my baby and injure her then I have to live with that guilt. If someone else dropped my baby and did serious damage, then our relationship would be forever tainted by that.

These types of situations are why I'm glad I have no problem being a stone cold B. I couldn't care less about offending people when my kids or my safety is at risk. I saw a meme the other day that said "We should prioritize teaching girls to be safe over being nice." It is SO true.

Shout it from the rooftops

 

[Allison]

I don't know how they can go on. I couldn't

You don't have a choice. You find a way. You get up each day and go from there.

 

[gwynne]

You don't have a choice. You find a way. You get up each day and go from there.

True, but they are going to need compassionate folks to walk with them.
Their local community is aware they have suffered a tragic loss. I feel sure they will be surrounded with support from extended family, neighbors, personal friends as well as friends from work and so on.
This really is one of those it takes a village situations. It's too big to go it alone.

 

[Floridaman999]

Hopefully they all stay offline for the rest of their lives. Lord knows they'll find all kinds of hate-filled reminders of their pain by people who don't seem to really care at all about what their words might do to someone in pain.

 

[abdmom]

Having lived through a couple of deaths of family members who died very young, your assumption is wrong. It is a takes a village situation, but ime the village leaves after the funeral. The pain lasts many, many years.

True, but they are going to need compassionate folks to walk with them.
Their local community is aware they have suffered a tragic loss. I feel sure they will be surrounded with support from extended family, neighbors, personal friends as well as friends from work and so on.
This really is one of those it takes a village situations. It's too big to go it alone.

 

[Allison]

Having lived through a couple of deaths of family members who died very young, your assumption is wrong. It is a takes a village situation, but ime the village leaves after the funeral. The pain lasts many, many years.

You are correct. IPeople do care but they have to go on with their own day to day lives and get back to their normal routines.

 

[Imzadi]

These types of situations are why I'm glad I have no problem being a stone cold B. I couldn't care less about offending people when my kids or my safety is at risk. I saw a meme the other day that said "We should prioritize teaching girls to be safe over being nice." It is SO true.

Yes. And years ago, someone was interviewing Madonna about her then, little daughter, Lola. The interviewer asked her what she was planning on teaching her daughter.

Madonna said, "To respect herself."

Interviewer: "What are you are going to teach her about men?"

Madonna: "If I teach her to respect herself, then I am teaching her how to handle men."

 

[luvsJack]

Having lived through a couple of deaths of family members who died very young, your assumption is wrong. It is a takes a village situation, but ime the village leaves after the funeral. The pain lasts many, many years.

I am sorry that has been your experience but its not always. My mil's "village" after the loss of her son and her grandson is her church and her family. Her church has been a God send. The ladies in the church keep up with important dates that are particularly hard on mil and they fix a meal or invite her on an outing or just call and talk. It really just depends on the people in the village. She became very depressed after her first Christmas without her son, husband and grandson. The church ladies made it a point to call and come by every single day. They said that way they knew she would get up and get dressed and either make lunch for them or go with them to lunch. They really had a good handle on how to help her where we all wanted to baby her, they got her up and going.

Everyone needs a good support system especially in times of tragedy. If not a church group, a support group can be invaluable.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

... so sad ...
I could try to ask questions about how on earth Grandpa thinks "putting my granddaughter up onto ledges/railings/HOCKEY?!/etc. to entertain her" is ever a good idea, but I'll look insensitive, so I won't. I just did, but I totally understand that this was a tragic soul-wrenching accident so I only hope they get the wraparound support they need, because... they're gonna need it.
... so sad ...

 

[ronandannette]

You are correct. IPeople do care but they have to go on with their own day to day lives and get back to their normal routines.

@luvsJack put it very well: It depends on the people in the village. We are now in Year 3 of walking very closely with loved ones who suffered an horrific loss in a "public" way similar to this family. Honestly, supporting them has almost been a full-time job at some points and although we see it as a sacred trust, it's not without sacrifice. And we are not the only ones by far; these people are beloved amongst large circles of family and friends; there are many others who have also been faithful.

That said, it is 100% normal that the huge outpouring of compassion and support which occurs initially will subside over time. It doesn't mean anyone has failed them and really, there's a measure of healing that comes from having to resume somewhat normal interactions where their pain is not the focus of everything.

 

[kimblebee]

@luvsJack put it very well: It depends on the people in the village. We are now in Year 3 of walking very closely with loved ones who suffered an horrific loss in a "public" way similar to this family. Honestly, supporting them has almost been a full-time job at some points and although we see it as a sacred trust, it's not without sacrifice. And we are not the only ones by far; these people are beloved amongst large circles of family and friends; there are many others who have also been faithful.

That said, it is 100% normal that the huge outpouring of compassion and support which occurs initially will subside over time. It doesn't mean anyone has failed them and really, there's a measure of healing that comes from having to resume somewhat normal interactions where their pain is not the focus of everything.

I remember hearing about that accident and definitely feeing one way about it. Having you talk about the family left behind made me realize that yes, these are real families dealing with real loss. I hope they are able to move past the unbearable pain.

 

[ronandannette]

I remember hearing about that accident and definitely feeing one way about it. Having you talk about the family left behind made me realize that yes, these are real families dealing with real loss. I hope they are able to move past the unbearable pain.