This is bugging me a bit...WWYD?

[Fabinva]

My DS9 spend last evening at his friend's house (neighbors), I know the parents and been to their house, seemed fine.
Well this morning my son said (for no reason) "white trailer trash" and I was shocked come to find out his friend was talking about kids acting on the bus and the mom said "sounds like white t t "
I told him that is a very rude thing to say EVER and he does not even know what it meant. Also told him that it was a hurtful thing to say and never to it...he promised he would not.
He likes his friend but i don't like him being around adults that talk like that...should I let it go? ignore it?
I still can't believe she would say that in front of the kids...awful.

 

[Tinijocaro]

While it was a crass thing to say in front of kids, you really can't do anything about it. Just have the friend over to your house from now on.

I originally thought that your son called them wtt. I had to re-read it a couple times!

 

[diznygirl]

Just let your son know that you don't approve of that kind of talk. Children will hear things over time and they should be taught what is appropriate. This is actually a good learning experience for him.

 

[golfgal]

Chalk it up to a good learning experience for your DS. You won't be able to keep him away from everyone that says things you don't like so what you did, tell him it was not very nice and explain why you don't talk like that, was appropriate. I am sure he has heard much worse then that.

DS17 came home from his first day of kindergarten with some very choice words he learned on the bus-asked us what they meant. We did the same thing, told him that they were not appropriate and we have never heard them again (well from him anyway).

 

[Boston Tea Party]

AND she is a sub teacher

in the privacy of her own home...

 

[ChefColette]

You told your son not to say it again, I would just let it go now.

 

[JessicaR]

Just let your son know that you don't approve of that kind of talk. Children will hear things over time and they should be taught what is appropriate. This is actually a good learning experience for him.

I agree.

 

[tasha99]

Just let your son know that you don't approve of that kind of talk. Children will hear things over time and they should be taught what is appropriate. This is actually a good learning experience for him.

I agree as well.

 

[Fabinva]

Thank you all
My husband, like many of you, said he will run into people that use those terms in his life and that we just need to teach him how hurtful those are.
It will be very hard to keep my son apart from his friend so I'll just try to forget it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank you all
My husband, like many of you, said he will run into people that use those terms in his life and that we just need to teach him how hurtful those are.
It will be very hard to keep my son apart from his friend so I'll just try to forget it.

Yep.

 

[LuvOrlando]

There is nothing any of us can do to keep our kids from hearing things we would rather they didn't hear. Believe me, I would love to have kept my DD from hearing all about her DF's parents messy divorce and watching her friend cry while telling her how she would sneak into the hallway and listen to her parents negotiate who would live where with which kids AND I would love to be able to prevent my DS from hearing his friends talk about the R rated movies they get to watch... but I can't. Being around different people and still being able to maintain your identity is a part of being a successful person with integrity or at least that's the way I see it.

When we come across this sort of thing I address the differences privately and am usually very forthright about what I think about it. In this case I would say what you said but go a step further and explain exactly what the phrase means and why it is hurtful... mostly because it is meant to inflict hurt. If your kid doesn't understand what it means he/she might be tempted to use it when around friends because 'off limits' mystery stuff tends to be so temptingly adult. I still have a way to go but so far so good, my kids tell me all about what their friends do/say like it's a curiosity, but don't seem to feel the need to jump on board with them to get approval... at least not yet... my fingers are crossed.

I also wouldn't jump to blame the kids' parents too quickly. Maybe your child walked by a private conversation among adults or maybe your child's friend overheard the phrase somewhere else and was trying to impress your son with the grown up things he knows.

My favorite phrase is "We don't do that here", because it reinforces how we do things in my house without necessarily saying the other family is wrong. Wrong for me doesn't necessarily mean wrong for everyone, even if I disagree with people I think it's important that my kids get that we need to respect our differences. KWIM.

 

[sunnyday123]

I really don't see the big issue with it. Tell him you don't say that, and move on. I didn't realize that was a "bad" word.

 

[MickeySP]

I agree with your DH. All you can do is set the example, talk to your son about hurtful words and he should be fine.

 

[Rose&Mike]

I agree with the pps but will add for the future, if the friend said that kind of stuff at our house, I would point out to the friend that we don't say that at our house. One of my favorite expressions when DS was growing up was "Mom in the room". I used it all through middle and high school when their language or choice of words got a little questionable. If I thought it was really bad I would pull DS aside later and let him know why, and if one of his friends was being really inappropriate I let the friend know. Better to have them say it in front of you so you can teach them what's ok.

 

[disykat]

I definitely think you need to explain to your son what is so bad about it. Some things get to be expressions and people use them without thinking. For example the new thing is saying "that's so gay." That is probably an expression that adult grew up hearing all the time. Honestly - I had to reread your thread because I couldn't figure out what was so shocking. I've heard it as an expression all my life, even by people who actually live in mobile homes.

You need to TEACH why saying these things is hurtful, for example "that could hurt the feelings of people who live in a mobile home" or "that could make people who are gay feel bad" otherwise kids (or unthinking adults) will just think "what, I didn't mean it like THAT."

 

[torinsmom]

My DS is 15, but when he was 6, he chose a moment when we were in a large crowd at the state fair to ask loudly, "Mom, what does *astard(with a b) mean?" After I got over the shock, he told me that his "friend" had called him that. I got us out of the crowd and explained exactly what the dictionary definition for that word was, along with why that would be a hurtful name to call anyone. I told him that his "friend" had probably heard an adult say it, and that many people use it to mean a jerk. Nevertheless, I told him that was one word he should never use.

You can't control what others say outside your house, but you can control the way you react to these things.

Marsha

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I have to say that the term 'trailer trash' would probably not upset me....

I live in the South, and to me, while a bit negative, that phrase just isn't on par with somebody using four letter words that truly are not acceptable to use around children.

Now, if there are truly, DIS filterable, words being used...
Then, yes, I would simply have to consider whether I wanted my child spending much time around those other people.
that is, very simply, my opinion, and my judgement call as a parent.

Like others have said, the kids are gonna, eventually, hear all kinds of words and phrase... (Ohhhh, my poor little precious' innocent ears!!!) Best to skip over any undue frustration and judgment, and use these as teaching moments to let our children know what language is acceptable and what is not.