Thinking of putting DD14 on a budget, suggestions needed.

[Sunshineminnie]

We put both of our kids on a budget starting in the 5th Grade. Mary Hunt's book Debt Proof your Kids is amazing.

My DD is now a sophmore, my DD is in 7th. We have absolutely no problems with money, or gimmies as they are responsible for their part of the family budget.

Both kids now understand the power of giving and saving. My DD managed to set aside enough money and earn enough with odd jobs to purchase a $700 electric violin. My DS quite spending his money on poke mon cards and such and saved enough to be an IPod. He is now saving for an IPad and is almost there. If they had not been on this budget, both kids would have blown through their money and not saved for bigger things that they really wanted.

They also have been able to buy goats, bees, bunnies and trees through their favorite charity The Hefer Project. It gives them such a sense of pride to help others in less fortunate countries.

Both kids still get to go to the movies with their buds, get clothes and shoes when they need them, and have some random spending money. But really, they do not buy junk or things they just want but don't need.

The other bonus is when they do get money for birthdays or Christmas, they put that money aside in savings instead of running out and spending it.

The BEST part is, because they are in charge of their portion of our family budget, they make their own decisions, are learning to live within their means, do not have a sense of entitlement, and are making their mistakes, and learning how to budget before they head off to college!

Okay, I know that was pretty long, but I am pretty passionate about teaching kids about money and living debt free!

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

Isn't it funny when we as the parents are spending the money, they don't care about how much something is like our butts are atms or something, but if they have to spend their money, that thrill for them is gone?

Had that exact experience at Target yesterday!

My 9-yr-old just got an iPod Touch (that was all he wanted for his birthday and got cash and giftcards from family instead of more Legos, and I threw in $100 in exchange for *not* having a friend party). He got a belated Target giftcard for $25 from an uncle and wanted to use it to get a case and was also hoping to get an iTunes card. The cheapest case was $24, not leaving enough money to get the card and he asked me to buy it for him and I said no. I said, "Let's see what they have on clearance since sometimes things get returned and marked down." There was an iPhone 2/3 case marked down to $10 and he pulled out his iPod and it fit. It's not a hard protector like he originally wanted, but it attaches to his belt. He opted to get that so that he could get the iTunes card also. When he's spending his own money, he's definitely a lot more frugal than if he's spending mine!

 

[MrsPete]

Like Sunshineminnie, I've been teaching my girls about spending wisely for years, and now that they're 14 and 17 I genuinely don't have the problems that the OP's describing.

I buy all the necessities (toiletries, clothing), but my girls are reasonable in their requests and are very helpful about choosing well. For example, if we're out at Target, they might point out that shampoo's on sale, and they'll ask if we should stock up -- but they won't beg for everything. We do give our girls a small allowance every week -- they're required to do certain chores around the house to earn this -- and they're responsible for paying for their own "extras".


The first thing I'd ask is, What kind of example are you setting for her in your own spending? If you walk up and down the aisles of Walmart/Target picking up this and that, she's going to do the same thing. On the other hand, if you make a list and stick to it, make a point of being moderate in your choices, they're going to do the same thing. Kids will always do what you do, even if you tell them to do differently.

Second, leaving her home is a bad idea. Yes, it'll solve your immediate problem, and on occasion you probably need to do it for your own sanity, but most of the time you need to take her and teach her better shopping skills. CVS might be a good place to start because 1) you say that hygene products are one of her problem areas, 2) it's small and more easily navigated than Target, and 3) it doesn't offer the distractions of clothing, books, electronics. Let her hone her skills on toiletry items, then move up to clothing. Start her on a little price book so she'll realize that prices vary widely from week to week. Make it a goal to spend as little as possible to get what she wants. You can't expect to teach her nothing, then suddenly have her go out on her own and become a wise consumer who knows how to watch her pennies.

It won't be long 'til it's time for back-to-school stuff, and that's a good time to teach her. Inventory her school supplies (does she need a backpack or calculator?) and her clothes (how many pairs of good jeans does she have?), and then give her a realistic amount of money to buy the things she needs. Then -- this is key -- don't supplement her stash. If she knows that she ought to buy 4 pairs of jeans, but she chooses to buy only 2 so that she can have another expensive item, it's HER responsibility to wash clothes more often . . . or it's HER responsibility to EARN more money later to buy the 2 pair that she didn't think were important earlier.

Finally, it's important that you get this under control NOW because if it continues, this could easily lead to impulsive shopping later when she's out on her own. At 14, you have time to teach her good shopping skills before she heads out on her own, but at 18 the credit card companies will offer to become her "partner" in buying whatever she wants.

 

[reginaastralis]

My sister is 13 and gets her monthly allowance on a debit card that my parents load. I have no idea the company, but my parents can see what she's spending the money on and where (not that she goes many places without them). She gets $50 a month, and when it's gone, it's gone.

They've been doing this for a few months with her, and it's amazing how much she's watching her cash. She wanted to go on an extra end of the year trip, and she saved money to do it. I was shocked.

Now, don't get me wrong, when she's with me, she constantly asks for things. I know she isn't acting like this with my parents, but apparently she sees her sister, and all bets are off.

 

[blondietink]

Teenager girls are expensive. I feel your pain.

More and more I am grateful that I have teenage boys! I buy their acne stuff and deodorant, but other than that, they could care less. Throw on a pair of short/jeans with holes in them and a ratty old t-shirt that they have worn for years it seems (all are "favorites") and they are happy to go out and play basketball for hours. It takes effort on my part to get them to put on something "new".

My girfirend has 3 teenage girls and she is endlessly complaining about what she has to buy for them, how they argue with each other all the time, etc. Love my boys more and more!

 

[ilovejack02]

Had that exact experience at Target yesterday!

My 9-yr-old just got an iPod Touch (that was all he wanted for his birthday and got cash and giftcards from family instead of more Legos, and I threw in $100 in exchange for *not* having a friend party). He got a belated Target giftcard for $25 from an uncle and wanted to use it to get a case and was also hoping to get an iTunes card. The cheapest case was $24, not leaving enough money to get the card and he asked me to buy it for him and I said no. I said, "Let's see what they have on clearance since sometimes things get returned and marked down." There was an iPhone 2/3 case marked down to $10 and he pulled out his iPod and it fit. It's not a hard protector like he originally wanted, but it attaches to his belt. He opted to get that so that he could get the iTunes card also. When he's spending his own money, he's definitely a lot more frugal than if he's spending mine!

I have a 9 yr old with an ipod touch too... I bought the otter box, did not make him pay for it because I wanted the best protection on the market. He rarely drops his touch, but he did the other day out of my expedition, onto its face. I really believe with out the hard cover the face would have shattered. Just something to think about .


OP don't leave your 14 yr old home. It is time to start teaching him good spending habits, past time to start : ) .
Love Mrspete post !

I worked for a Dr who gave both of his boys a certain amount of money in January, not sure at what age it started. I believe it was around 1000 .. the boys had to buy ALL clothes out of it ..even school uniforms and tux rentals for school dances etc. One boy bought a 500 leather jacket , it was rough the rest of year and he quickly learned how to mow grass to be able to have extra money . ONe of the boys , saved and saved that their maid finally told his parents that the child was not buying socks or underwear but asking her to fix all the holes in them haha. Come to find out the child at 15 years had saved about 4000 in a shoe box from saving his clothing allowance as best he could and from various money gifts and odd jobs with family. His Dad had promised when he turned 16 that he would match whatever he had saved to buy a car. That family started teaching about money early on and it looks like it worked.

 

[Diegosmom]

When we turned 13 we started getting $13 a week (by the time I was a senior I was getting $20 a week) and we had to pay for everything. School lunch, clothes going out with friends etc. Mom still bought all the hair and cleaning stuff but she just got whatever at the grocery store and we were never picky (but I am now lol)...we learned real quick what we wanted and what we needed...I think before I started working (at 16) we might have got a little extra in the summer for school clothes and shoes (but not really sure).

My son is such a gimme person at age 4 I know I am going to be in trouble if I dont do something now...

Oh another thing is maybe get your daughter into couponing, you can get some great deals and really make the budget stretch...

 

[MrsPete]

More and more I am grateful that I have teenage boys!

Nah, it's not a girl thing. It's a how-they're-raised thing. I frequently go out with a girl's youth group, and it's clear that they've all been taught different things about money. A few LIVE to consume; they want to rush through whatever we're doing so they can go to shop for their souveniers, and that is the highlight of the trip for them. Others shop carefully and consider whether they really want the item. Some just aren't into buying at all. None of these girls come from homes where money is a problem, but I have noticed over the years that the girls' spending habits mirror those of the mom.

Also, with boys it turns into cars once they're in high school. The general rule of teenaged social status seems to be that a girl without a car at 16 is okay, but a boy without a car is a loser . . . and an amazing number of my high school boys are on their 2nd or even 3rd car. At 45 I'm only on my 6th car!

When we turned 13 we started getting $13 a week (by the time I was a senior I was getting $20 a week) and we had to pay for everything. School lunch, clothes going out with friends etc. Mom still bought all the hair and cleaning stuff but she just got whatever at the grocery store and we were never picky (but I am now lol)...we learned real quick what we wanted and what we needed...I think before I started working (at 16) we might have got a little extra in the summer for school clothes and shoes (but not really sure).

My son is such a gimme person at age 4 I know I am going to be in trouble if I dont do something now...

Oh another thing is maybe get your daughter into couponing, you can get some great deals and really make the budget stretch...

We do a lunch-money-by-the-month thing, which works well for us. It's a concrete expense that allows kids to have practice spending . . . but also anticipating how much they need for the rest of the month. They learned pretty quickly that they could choose the more expensive fast-food option occasionally, but they couldn't do it day after day. This emphasizes the lessons I want them to learn: Plan your spending. It's okay to splurge occasionally, but you can't do it every day.

At 4, you have plenty of time to get your son on track. When my girls were that age, we'd talk about what we were going to buy BEFORE we went to the store. I'd tell them, "Today we just stopping in the grocery store to buy these things. No treats today." Or I'd tell them, "Today we want to pick out some summer clothes. I want to buy you three outfits, but we're not buying toys. After our shopping, we'll go get Happy Meals." I didn't discuss money with my kids at that age, but I made my spending expectations clear before we went out.

When they were a little older and understood math, we started comparing prices: "Which is less expensive? Two little boxes of macaroni or one big box?" "Store brand chips vs. name brand chips. Which is the better buy?" They understood and learned, and then we moved it into other arenas: "We're going on a vacation. Should we get the suite, leaving little money for activities and meaning we'd have to bring our own breakfast and lunch, or should we get a standard room and be able to do ______ and eat out all the time?" We'd debate the pros and cons, which was a learning experience for them.

I remember one specific thing that made a difference for my oldest, the one who had the most trouble grasping financial concepts. We went to the movies when she was 5-6, and she wanted a tube of M&M minis for something like $2.50 -- this was more than a decade ago -- I explained that the movies charge a lot for candy, and I told her that she could EITHER have one tube of M&Ms right then . . . or we could go to the grocery store on the way home, and she could have probably FOUR tubes of the same candy. She didn't think I was right about this, but she understood the greater quantity idea. Sure enough, on the way home I bought her FOUR tubes of candy, and we discussed choosing where and when to buy. That was the day that she started to develop a sense of delayed gratification, and it the day that she started to listen to me when I talked about spending. (And now that she's 17 she always brings her big purse and candy to the movies.)

You have to be careful with the couponing idea. It can be good, or it can cause a kid who already has tendencies towards over-consuming, which can turn into a problem with impulsive shopping, to spend excessive energy towards spaving (shopping to save, which isn't saving at all). Keep the words moderation and balance in mind.

 

[prncess674]

When I was a teenager I quickly got expensive tastes for high end beauty items (makeup, hair products, skin care, etc) Mom was always a big sale and coupon shopper so there was always a stash of these products available in the cupboard. If I wanted something different then it came out of my babysitting money. Some of the items I liked could be found at drugstores and had occasional coupons so part of my Sunday was to point out items on sale in the weekly flyers. If I could show that the item was a good buy I could usually convince Mom to add it to the stockpile.

Another way to include some expensive beauty items into the budget is to include them in stockings at Christmas and Easter baskets in the spring. Mom figured it was better to add them there then spend money on junkie candy or Easter trinkets.

 

[dreamin_disney]

Important lesson I think she needs to earn her money. I think that will really help her realize her wants and needs.

If you just give her money she still wont learn the lesson. If you give her an allowence for chores then she's working for it

 

[MrsPete]

Important lesson I think she needs to earn her money. I think that will really help her realize her wants and needs.

If you just give her money she still wont learn the lesson. If you give her an allowence for chores then she's working for it

I think what you're saying is absolutely STEP ONE, but it's not the whole story.

Every year I teach high school seniors who have solidly learned the lesson you're describing: If you want nice things, work for them. But some of them have taken it to an extreme, and they want to work TOO MANY HOURS so they can have a new car, a second Coach purse, the newest phone or ipod, a spring break trip with friends. And as a result, they blow off school -- they don't keep up with their reading, they miss too many days, they choose to leave a period early rather than take something "just for fun" like theater or pottery. They understand working, but they mistakenly prioritize working for this weekend's movie tickets as more important than good grades for a better job in the future.

My average student is very capable, willing to work when a clear goal is placed before him . . . but my average student completely sucks at time management, and my average student isn't all that realistic about plans for his future, especialy financial plans.

So absolutely give them a budget and have them earn money for their wants . . . but at the same time, talk to them about balance and moderation, talk to them about spending wisely, and talk to them about saving. Don't assume that having them earn their money is the be-all, end-all to everything.

 

[fakereadhed]

I think what you're saying is absolutely STEP ONE, but it's not the whole story.

Every year I teach high school seniors who have solidly learned the lesson you're describing: If you want nice things, work for them. But some of them have taken it to an extreme, and they want to work TOO MANY HOURS so they can have a new car, a second Coach purse, the newest phone or ipod, a spring break trip with friends. And as a result, they blow off school -- they don't keep up with their reading, they miss too many days, they choose to leave a period early rather than take something "just for fun" like theater or pottery. They understand working, but they mistakenly prioritize working for this weekend's movie tickets as more important than good grades for a better job in the future.

My average student is very capable, willing to work when a clear goal is placed before him . . . but my average student completely sucks at time management, and my average student isn't all that realistic about plans for his future, especialy financial plans.

So absolutely give them a budget and have them earn money for their wants . . . but at the same time, talk to them about balance and moderation, talk to them about spending wisely, and talk to them about saving. Don't assume that having them earn their
money is the be-all, end-all to everything.

This is fabulous advice!!!

Also secretly wondering if you were my senior's teacher last year.

 

[StitchBuddy]

Op here. Thanks for those of you who gave suggestions. She is actually very good with her money. We do most of the things you all mentioned. It isn't that she doesn't know how to manage money when it is hers. If she wants something lets say from Holister, she knows I am not going to buy it unless it is an amazing deal. We will split cost on things like that. I remember how it was to be 14/15 yrs old and want the in thing. For example she knows I am not about to go to the Buckle and buy her a pair of Miss Me Jeans, so we went to a resale shop, Plato's Closet the other day. She found a pair of Miss Me Jeans for $45 and a couple of other things. She offer to pay half which was about $35 dollars towards the purchase. So she does get it. The only time it is a problem is Walmart or Target and it is make-up, hair stuff etc... I don't really believe in an allowance, I think she earn money like I did, babysitting or pet sitting which she does. We give her money if she is going out with friends to a movie etc... But, I do think I am going to give money for those items and she will be responsible for buying them. I just can't decide what is a fair amount.

 

[Disneyland_emily]

>>But, I do think I am going to give money for those items and she will be responsible for buying them. I just can't decide what is a fair amount.<<

I would look at the level of products you buy for yourself and start there. Say you buy the middle of the line shampoo, high end toothpaste etc give her the equivalent of that "standard of living" then if she chooses she needs something "better" then she'll have to make up the difference or keep the difference if she chooses a lower quality than what you use.

 

[hsmamato2]

give her a set allowance based on what you think is fair,and then NO MORE. not even 5 cents for tax,etc. That extra 5 cents will end up being a 'begging scene' unless you start out with one goal,she spends her own money and then it's gone.
I gave my kids a monthly allowance since they were around 6 years old. Once a month,for their 'wants' when it's gone,it's gone.they learned FAST to budget their own money.and I spent MUCH less than with all the negotiating....
I personally believe it shouldn't be too much,as I think kids,especially teens as they get older need to 'want' to work for themselves. I wanted to be seen by my teen as 'too cheap' to support his lifestyle as he saw fit

 

[hsmamato2]

I don't really believe in an allowance, I think she earn money like I did, babysitting or pet sitting which she does. We give her money if she is going out with friends to a movie etc... But, I do think I am going to give money for those items and she will be responsible for buying them. I just can't decide what is a fair amount.

you are probably spending way more with all these non essential purchases all the time than just deciding how much you want to part with monthly,and let her decide. AN allowance will provide her the opportunity to budget those things,yes, it's not really like a job,but neither is begging your mom all the time in a store and getting stuff.... I always figured since I was going to spend some $$$ on the kids anyway,I'd give them the chance to learn how to manage it well.

 

[kellyg403]

My 11-year old had a BAD case of the "gimmies". I put her on an allowance and tracked it on my iPhone which is always with me. When she wants something instead of saying "no" all the time I can now say "yes" if she has enough money. If she doesn't, then it's back to "no". Many times I'll tell her: "Sure, you have enough money for that!" and she says "Never mind." since she doesn't want to spend her OWN money on things, just mine.

My girls/boys are the same. When it comes to adult money it is endless. My dh is no help in that area. He is a softie and it drives me insane. Just recently we had a 'moment' regarding me telling dd no and the next day he got it for her. Not 100% his fault because she failed to mention I said no. It irks me to no end because it is manipulation. And she has a job! The deal was I buy the necessities, however if you want 15.00 shampoo, endless scents from Bath and Bodyworks, she needs to spring for it. I get a text at least once a week telling me to pick her up this or that. When I remind her that she works in a grocery store 3 days a week, she could have picked up said item.

Don't give in, a monster has been created here and its not easy changing their mind set. Dh is also having difficulty. I finally got thru to him when I asked him if when she was 25 and out of the house was he going to ride over every week and ask her what she needed at the grocery store? She is 18, she can learn to take care of herself, whether she resists or not. She is his 'baby girl'.

Find a reasonable compromise, chores that need to be done, a certain allowance etc. Stick to your guns. If she chooses to spend the money at the movies instead of for special things like expensive shampoo, she will learn what it means to make decisions with her money. You can't have it all!

Kelly

 

[powellrj]

My DD is 15 and we go through this too. What we have done is I ask her what she needs and then we shop for it together. If she tells me she needs razors, we will look at the razors at Target. I don't think she had a clue the price difference in the different brands until I showed her. She knows what her friends use and would assume thats what she wants too. Once I showed her the huge price difference between brands, she became more price savvy. There are several items that she is content using private label, and there are a few that she has a brand that she prefers so we try to compromise.

My DDiL is an instructor at a beauty school and has been a big help in showing her that you don't have the use the most expensive hair item. We get her hair things at Sallys.

She pretty much knows what my limits are on clothes and we get along really well when we clothes shop. Our big sticking point is shoes. She has really big feet, usually an 11 or 12 so it hard to find shoes at a bargain that fit her. I got her 2 pair of sperrys and 2 pair of sandals at the beginning of summer. All she can talk about is that she needs more shoes. Sorry, your shoe budget is spent for the summer, we will open up that discussion in the fall.

 

[powellrj]

My girls/boys are the same. When it comes to adult money it is endless. My dh is no help in that area.

My Dh is the same way. I have to limit their shopping time because DD knows dad is a softy.

Its amazing how much more they "need" when its moms money.

My middle DS is a huge clothes horse. The kid has a better wardrobe than I do! He is very picky about the brands he wears. The great thing is that the brands he loves are also the ones I can get at Goodwill in wonderful condition. I have found that if I shop in a area where young professionals live, I can get lots of Express, Hugo Boss and all the other brands he likes for next to nothing. I found 6 almost new Express dress shirts, 2 Lacoste polos plus a few odds and ends for under $30 the other day. A few days ago I found an tux in his size that looks brand new for $14! Like I said the kid looks better than I do!

 

[Bowen9475]

Along these lines - I buy soap, shampoo etc. for the house. My 12 year old daughter is starting to get more particular about some of these items - she wants products that are made for frizzy or dry hair - which often cost a lot more that the stuff I have been buying. How do you decide which products you are willing to buy and how much you are willing to spend? She does get a weekly allowance and she is paying for texting on her phone out of her allowance because she is the only one in the family to use texting.