Thinking of putting DD14 on a budget, suggestions needed.

[StitchBuddy]

Ok, here's the deal. Whenever DD14 goes to Target or Walmart with me, I end up wanting to strangle her before we get out the door. It is always I "need" this or that. I think she thinks she has a money tree in her name. So, I am thinking I will just give her X amount of money and then she can buy what she "needs" and if she runs out or whatever she will just have to use whatever is available, like soap and water instead of 3 different cleansers etc.. I mean how much stuff can one person use?? Plus she always wants the most expensive items. What are your suggestions?

 

[LilyWDW]

Ok, here's the deal. Whenever DD14 goes to Target or Walmart with me, I end up wanting to strangle her before we get out the door. It is always I "need" this or that. I think she thinks she has a money tree in her name. So, I am thinking I will just give her X amount of money and then she can buy what she "needs" and if she runs out or whatever she will just have to use whatever is available, like soap and water instead of 3 different cleansers etc.. I mean how much stuff can one person use?? Plus she always wants the most expensive items. What are your suggestions?

Not trying to be rude, but just tell her "No." If she wants it, she can earn the money for it. Don't just give her money for this stuff, make her work for it in some way. When she realizes what she has to do to get the stuff, then maybe she will realize what she really "needs".

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

A 14 year old should be getting an allowance. Give her a set amount a month and tell her what she is expected to pay for herself and help her to work out a budget. There are lots of web sites to help you with this; do a Google search. She is more than old enough to learn how to handle money.

 

[StitchBuddy]

Oh, believe me I do say no probably 90% of the time, but I am just to a point where I am tired of dealing with it. I think I am going to price what she uses and then give her what I think is fair.

 

[Madison'smommy]

I am just curious, what kind of ballpark do you think is fair? I have a 6 year old, so I have no experience with what you are dealing with. What could she need? I guess, I remember my mom bought me Noxema, shampoo/cond, razors.. those types of things. I dont really remember needing a ton of stuff. I do know, though, that at 15 I was working part time. My parents were fully capable of paying for whatever I needed/wanted, but I did have to earn a little of my own money. I also babysat alot! I never got an allowance. I have no clue what I will do with my own DD! lol, I feel like I already say "NO" alot!

 

[wishesuponastar]

Don't take her shopping with you too much. I rarely take my kids shopping so I can avoid the begging. Recently, I brought home shorts from Kohls and just took back what didn't fit. We used to give DD-13 an allowance but now we pay for her texting instead. My favorite word when we are out shopping is NO. Good luck OP and just think in a couple years DD will get a job so she can pay for her "things"

 

[southern_redhead]

The only thing I can think of that I might be leery of saying no on is skin care. I know that my skin is extremely sensitive and acne prone. If I had to use soap and water on it I would break out in huge cystic pimples. If she has an issue like that, and has found something that works, buy it for her! I do think teens can get caught up in product hype. I've heard teen girls talk about their eye cream (really?) and various other products that they think makes them look more attractive to boys.

 

[SandrA9810]

I think you should price a budget/allowance for her based off of the items you believe are necessary, not just what she wants or the most expensive thing available.

I started working for my aunt at the age of 13, in her office doing filing, data entry, and other things she never had time to do. It was mostly scattered saturdays throughout the school year and during the summer. I did help her for a few years before that as well, but I never got a real paycheck. And she'd often say "well this is for helping saturday" when she'd buy me something. She does that to me now too, she'll tell me "well this is your birthday/christmas, and every holiday in between gift".

All through high school, the basic necessities were provided in the house, but anything I wanted, I used my money for. Sometimes it was food that I liked to eat, the more expensive brands of body wash and such, jewelry, shoes, gaming systems, and I spent a great deal of time and money on a fish tank. Ohh, and my personal phone line and internet connection since the computer was in my room, and I was the only one that knew how to use it.

It also takes on a whole new meaning of money when it's earned rather than given like an allowance. Although in 9th grade I was given $15 per week for lunch, if I didn't buy lunch then I'd use the money for something else. I probably spent it on junk food or my "Big Sis" in the colorguard.

 

[IDoDis]

Ok, here's the deal. Whenever DD14 goes to Target or Walmart with me, I end up wanting to strangle her before we get out the door. It is always I "need" this or that. I think she thinks she has a money tree in her name. So, I am thinking I will just give her X amount of money and then she can buy what she "needs" and if she runs out or whatever she will just have to use whatever is available, like soap and water instead of 3 different cleansers etc.. I mean how much stuff can one person use?? Plus she always wants the most expensive items. What are your suggestions?

Your DD and my DD must be long lost twins! My DD will say, "When can we go to Target? I need XXXXX..." She doesn't ask, she "assumes." Many times I reply, "I'm not going to Target and don't plan on doing so." Of course I don't say that every time, because there are obviously times that I do go to Target, and I know she needs stuff. But then there are things she wants but doesn't need. I've thought about giving her $20 a week, but some months that might end up with her getting more money that way, not to mention that's another $80 gone from the budget. And don't even get me started about going to the mall. Teenager girls are expensive. I feel your pain.

 

[sissy_ib]

Your the mom. You know what she *needs*. Just leave her at home more often.

 

[bumbershoot]

Target can do that to the best of us...she is NOT alone in finding all sorts of things she neeeeeeeds while wandering the aisles there. (probably the same with WM, but I haven't shopped there in so long I've forgotten if it's tempting or not)

So the quickest way to stop it is to not take her with you.

Beyond that...I just don't know. My mom just came home with that sort of stuff for me...guess that's why I say to jsut not take her, because it seems that's the tactic taken with me.

 

[fakereadhed]

At 14 my kids didn't get allowance, they had to get a job- babysitting, cutting grass, etc.

My DDs are the same way with self care items. I try to stock up during sales or with coupons. I try to get brands they like. When they ask me for cleansers, shampoo, razors, mascara, deodorant I send them to my overstock cupboard and let them pick what they want.

The saying no thing works, but I like to add that if we save money on this we will be able to get things we really want like our next vacation.

 

[NYCDiane]

Certain things I will buy my DD12(almost 13) without question: skin care (cleanser, astringent, moisturizer); body wash; body spritz/lotion. I will also buy her books since I want her to read as much as possible.

As for the "I need" things such as clothing, DVDs, iTunes card; etc etc etc.... my reply? Get a job! (LOL!) In Target, they have those computers set up where you can apply right then and there. I tell her "oh, look, you can apply right now!". She knows the deal. I'll get her clothing as-needed. We're going to do a purge on her closet this weekend and figure out what she needs for the rest of the summer. Back to school and Fall clothing will happen in late August (if at all since I think most of her stuff still fits).

She also gets an allowance and only gets it if she completes all her chores as she's supposed to. She knows if she wants an "extra", she has to use her money for it. She thinks more than twice before buying nonsense with her own money!

 

[robinb]

My 11-year old had a BAD case of the "gimmies". I put her on an allowance and tracked it on my iPhone which is always with me. When she wants something instead of saying "no" all the time I can now say "yes" if she has enough money. If she doesn't, then it's back to "no". Many times I'll tell her: "Sure, you have enough money for that!" and she says "Never mind." since she doesn't want to spend her OWN money on things, just mine.

 

[hereyago]

Many times I'll tell her: "Sure, you have enough money for that!" and she says "Never mind." since she doesn't want to spend her OWN money on things, just mine.

Isn't it funny when we as the parents are spending the money, they don't care about how much something is like our butts are atms or something, but if they have to spend their money, that thrill for them is gone?

 

[dfchelbay]

Oh, believe me I do say no probably 90% of the time, but I am just to a point where I am tired of dealing with it. I think I am going to price what she uses and then give her what I think is fair.

Just be careful that she doesn't take the money you give her and spend it on junk/going out with her friends, then tell you she has no money left and has no shampoo, cleanser or soap either. You'll end up giving her money and buying her all her stuff too.

If it were me, I'd write down all the items she NEEDS, not wants, and before I go to the store check her supply of them to see if she needs more. Don't take her to the store at all. I certainly wouldn't be giving money without expecting anything in return either. She wants the expensive extras, she should earn the money to get them. I find that once told they have to actually do something, that item they want becomes so much less important and not really wanted that much anymore.

 

[Magic Mom]

DD(11) is doing my lawn this summer for pay. It's in addition to her regular chores that she doesn't get money for. I was shocked how tight she is with her earned money as opposed to when she was spending my money or allowance. She likes Starbucks lattes at Barnes and Noble. When we go she asks for a coffee, I say sure you can have a coffee, buy yourself one with your own money ...her response is almost always, "Well, I don't really want one I guess." That conversation works for a lot of things.

 

[clh2]

...her response is almost always, "Well, I don't really want one I guess." That conversation works for a lot of things.

We foundt hat with our DD also. As another poster mentioned - get a list of things that she "needs" and ask her to let you know when she is running low. That way - it isn't a free for all when you get to the store - even if she is with you.

Another thing I would mention - if you decide to give her an allowance - make sure you both know up front what it should cover. Does it cover movies, outings with friends, trips to the mall etc. The allowance hsould reasonably accomodate all the things you expect it to. And - the biggie - once you give an allowance...once it is gone...then it is gone...until the next allowance time. This helps them to learn how to budget too!

 

[DawnM]

Well, I don't have girls, so my answer may be different, but my boys sure do want stuff too. However, they know we don't buy certain stuff without deep discounts or coupons or birthdays or their own $$. My boys would give up soap and toothpaste for Nintendo ds games though, so take that into consideration!

Dawn

 

[Sunshineminnie]

We put both of our kids on a budget starting in the 5th Grade. Mary Hunt's book Debt Proof your Kids is amazing.

My DD is now a sophmore, my DD is in 7th. We have absolutely no problems with money, or gimmies as they are responsible for their part of the family budget.

Both kids now understand the power of giving and saving. My DD managed to set aside enough money and earn enough with odd jobs to purchase a $700 electric violin. My DS quite spending his money on poke mon cards and such and saved enough to be an IPod. He is now saving for an IPad and is almost there. If they had not been on this budget, both kids would have blown through their money and not saved for bigger things that they really wanted.

They also have been able to buy goats, bees, bunnies and trees through their favorite charity The Hefer Project. It gives them such a sense of pride to help others in less fortunate countries.

Both kids still get to go to the movies with their buds, get clothes and shoes when they need them, and have some random spending money. But really, they do not buy junk or things they just want but don't need.

The other bonus is when they do get money for birthdays or Christmas, they put that money aside in savings instead of running out and spending it.

The BEST part is, because they are in charge of their portion of our family budget, they make their own decisions, are learning to live within their means, do not have a sense of entitlement, and are making their mistakes, and learning how to budget before they head off to college!

Okay, I know that was pretty long, but I am pretty passionate about teaching kids about money and living debt free!