Thinking of leaving one child behind....

[Beth76]

Does this make us bad parents? We are planning on going to disney for the first time next January. My older son would be close to 5, but my younger son would be about 18 months. We're thinking of leaving him with my parents and just taking the older one. Our thinking is he would really slow us down. We'd have to go back to the resort for him to nap and really work around his schedule. Also he wouldn't be able to do as much as the older one anyway.

Of course, after reading a little of this board we may reconsider and go in Sept or Oct of this year. The younger one would only be about 14-15 months and I think I would feel even less guilty to leave him at that age.

BTW the guilt comes from taking one son to Disney and not the other. I don't have any problems with leaving my children with my parents for vacations.

Do we have valid concerns for not wanting to take the younger one? He's not going to be scarred for life because he missed out on Disney when he wouldn't even remember it, right?

 

[nygrl]

dont feel bad we have done the same thing many times. my oldest was five our first trip to disney. my baby was 6 months old and we never even had a thought about bringing the baby. we had such a special trip with our 5 year old and some much needed attention for him. we have gone to disney and other places for the past 4 years and he has only come one time and i will not bring him back to disney until he is 5. he hated it and doesnt even want to go. you will get many different opinions on here but dont make yourself crazy if your parents are willing to watch the baby then go and have fun. he will never remember you were gone!

 

[mom2threeboys]

I think you might be surprised by how much your little one will enjoy Disney, and how little he'll slow you down.
We traveled last year with our three boys - ages 5, 2 1/2, and 10 mo. at the time. They all had a blast. The little ones napped in the stroller some days, and some days we went back the the room for a nap. We found very few things that a 5 yr old could ride, muchless wanted to ride that the little ones couldn't. The only exception was Goofy's Barnstormer, and Dh took our oldest Ds while the little ones and I walked thorugh Minnie's house (which my oldest found a bit baby-ish).
We were quite pleasantly surprised at how much fun we all had, and were very glad we made the decision to go together as a family.
Good luck deciding what works best for you!

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I say bring him with - you will just have to adjust your trip a bit but it will be worth it to have all the family together. You said he won't be scarred for life because he won't remember it? What about the photos you are going to take? When he is bigger he will try to understand why you didn't take him. When I was 18 my parents left me at home (at my urging) and took my younger brothers (16 & 14) to Palm Desert CA. It still bothers me when I see those photos of them having a vacation without me, even though it was my idea.

Take your little one with you our 18 month old LOVED it- trust me, you won't regret it.

 

[MCK588]

I have an extremely difficult child. She always has been. We are now planning our 2nd trip to WDW with her because it's the one place in her 22mos of life that she was really excited and happy to be at!

We took her when she was 8mos and our DS was 2 months shy of 3yo. This was her crawling stage (and teething) so she was not ever happy to be told she had to sit in a highchair, stroller, etc. But when she was at Disney, she behaved in her stroller and sat for meals and smiled and was so stimulated that people would come up to me and tell me what a happy baby I had and when they walked away my DH and I would just look at each other and burst out in laughter because little did they know!

So we are planning another trip when she will be a week short of her 2nd bday, hoping that we'll get the same results. I'll let you know once we get back!

I will say that I believe in 'life experiences' for the kids. Even though you may not think they are absorbing much, I think it's always better to see new things than not. Not to say that being with grandma and grandpa wouldn't be a life experience either, because it would, but I think if they can expose their growing little brains to something as stimulating to all the senses as Disney can be, I think that's the way I would go. Then again, I don't have as much of an age gap between children, so if I'm taking one toddler one more won't hurt, but I could also understand your dilemma since a 5yo is a totally different creature than a 1 year old.

Good luck in your decision. That's a hard one.

 

[Beth76]

Thanks for the replies everyone. We're still struggling with this. So far, the little one has a great personality and loves to be around people. Of course, being out in public he won't nap. He just wants to see everything that he can't settle down enough to take a nap in a stroller. My older son was the same way. So, I fear him getting too stimulated and melting down in the parks. We will be staying on-site, so heading back to the room shouldn't be a problem.

I remember taking my older son to a carnival when he was 18 mos and he loved it. It was really so fun to see him on all the rides. I remember his first fireworks display and it was the first one I ever enjoyed--just from watching him enjoy it. I know my younger son would enjoy Disney at that age, I just wonder if it would be better for my older son if we had a special trip for him. We will most likely be going back to Disney again, so this isn't a once-in-a-lifetime trip for us.

 

[BettyCv]

Beth76,

I don't think you'd be a "bad parent" no matter what you decided. But personally, I can't imagine a "family vacation" being complete without all of my children there. Granted, my kids are all the same age (5 year old triplets).

I would be concerned about what your *5 year old* would think. I just don't think it sends a very good message to your older son - that a child gets left behind if he "slows you down." (I'm sure you'd explain it differently to him!). Do you think he'd wonder if one day HE was going to be left behind?

Those are the kinds of questions I'd be asking myself if I were in your shoes.

Good luck with your decision!

BettyCv

 

[christinadei]

I, personally would leave the 18mo home. I chose not to take my son to Disney until he was 4 and I felt he could truly enjoy it and not be overwhelmed and overstimulated. He loved it last year on his 4th birthday and I plan on taking him back every year. I am glad that I waited to take him becuase it was very stressfree for us and he had so m uch fun. If I had a baby, I would choose to leave him home and take his older brother. What a great way to spend some undivided attention with him. With the baby taking most of yoru attention, it would really be special to your older son to have all of your attention!

 

[robinb]

When my DD was that age she slept in her stroller. I used to put a lightweight blanket over the canopy and that helped her settle down. FWIW, your 5 year old will also need a nap/rest/swim break in the afternoon too, so I see a mid-day break in your day with or without the baby.

 

[mrsminniemouse]

Take him, take him, take him!!!!!!!!!!! There is NOWHERE on earth more child friendly than WDW. He will have a great time and you will have a blast watching him have fun. He won't slow you down anymore than your 5 year old.

If I am honest I think it would be a bit mean to leave him behind, he is part of your family so you should adapt what you do to suit him too. I agree with the other post which said it will be an odd message to give to your older child. Sure, some places/events are not appropriate for a toddler so it would make sense to leave a small child behind then, but WDW is a great place to make special memories that you will cherish always.

Our DD is 20 months and has visited WDW at 6 months, 11 months and 16 months. She giggled and laughed and waved at characters, she had lots of fun. We enjoyed our WDW trips with her MORE than any of the previous 9 we took before we had her. SHe rarely naps in the stroller at home but at WDW she did. We found a quiet place, gave her milk and she was so exhausted she slept beautifully. She has a little album of photos at home and she looks through and names the characters and points to herself. I doubt she remembers the trip but she likes the photos and the video.

I say take him or don't go at all. Only my opinion....but you did ask.

Good luck with your decision.

Mandy

 

[matdamom]

Does this make us bad parents? We are planning on going to disney for the first time next January. My older son would be close to 5, but my younger son would be about 18 months. We're thinking of leaving him with my parents and just taking the older one. Our thinking is he would really slow us down. We'd have to go back to the resort for him to nap and really work around his schedule. Also he wouldn't be able to do as much as the older one anyway.

Of course, after reading a little of this board we may reconsider and go in Sept or Oct of this year. The younger one would only be about 14-15 months and I think I would feel even less guilty to leave him at that age.

BTW the guilt comes from taking one son to Disney and not the other. I don't have any problems with leaving my children with my parents for vacations.

Do we have valid concerns for not wanting to take the younger one? He's not going to be scarred for life because he missed out on Disney when he wouldn't even remember it, right?

We took our daughters to WDW about a month ago, and left our son with my mom. He was 16 months old at the time. I did feel pangs of guilt, but we were staying offsite and I did not relish having to change his diaper, or the tantrums when he was over-stimulated and exhausted, etc., etc. It sounds so selfish, but we had such an easy time of it. My DD3 is a handful by herself and the two young ones together mean that DD5 doesn't get near the attention she deserves. With just the two girls, both DH and I could handle one at a time and it made it easier for us to split up. DD5 loved the teacups, but they make me and DD3 queasy - so DH and DD5 rode the teacups and myself and DD3 rode the carousel.

We are planning our next trip for this summer and this time we will probably bring our son, who will be 21 months by then.


Oh, and BTW, my mom LOVES keeping my DS and they had such a good time together that I didn't feel so bad when we got back. It was also a bonding time for them as well.

 

[coni]

If you have someone trustful to leave the baby with, I would definetely leave him home.
I have five kids and when the older ones were younger, first I took the two older ones, leave my third baby child then at home; then I took the three older ones, until all of them could come.
Now, my older (17) is actually helping me plan our march trip, even though she wont be able to join us because of College.
I believe there's a time for everybody to have fun, and for sure having the babies come along would have slowed down the rest. I feel sad for tired crying babies, that have to be taken away from their daily routine, plus the weather differences are sometimes unconfortable for them, (needless to mention the long lines and wait time)and of course they have no recollection in the future. My children actually enjoy seing at pictures and remembering who and who did not go to that specific trip, the older ones sharing with the younger. I believe there's no need for the sacrifice of the whole family for the sake of the little one.
Different thing would be if you didn't have an option, but if your parents are watching over him, I wouldn't give it a second thought.
Either way, enjoy and don't feel guilty, your baby is going to be just fine.

 

[Mommyof2]

I had this very same problem recently. We have a 7 night Polynesian stay booked in October, followed by a 4 night Wonder cruise. My husband and I went back and forth on what to do for a long time, bring only our older daughter, 3 yrs, or take both her and the baby (I'm due in June). We finally decided that we would not be horrible parents leaving her behind with my parents. At 4 months old, she will never remember we were gone, and my parents as well as the baby are joining us for the cruise portion of our trip, simply because I can't bear to leave her for almost 2 full weeks. But if you have people willing to watch your younger son, than by all means go ahead and do it. He'll have a great time with his grandparents, and you're older son will get some mommy and daddy time all to himself. Whatever you decide, have a magical time!!

Christine

 

[crzy4pooh]

Whatever you decide, you are not bad parents. I personally could not imagine a vacation at Disney without my little buddy (20months). We've been taking him since he was 6 weeks old, and he has ALWAYS loved Disney!!! It's been so neat to see how his reaction to different rides, characters, etc changes over time. A few times, we have gone over to Disney for dinner or a special date and left him with a babysitter. However, I always find myself looking at things and other kids thinking, oh, DS would love that, or how cute would he be doing .... Whatever you decide, I'm sure you will have a good time, but I do think seeing your baby at Disney would be worth the extra effort of dealing with nap times, etc.

 

[Beth76]

I would be concerned about what your *5 year old* would think. I just don't think it sends a very good message to your older son - that a child gets left behind if he "slows you down." (I'm sure you'd explain it differently to him!).

Well, of course I wouldn't say Quinn would slow us down. It would be more of a special trip for him alone with his parents. And Quinn gets some special time with grandma and grandpa.

We're still not decided on this. We probably won't decide until it's time to buy airline tickets. I really see pros and cons to both sides. I've already talked to my mom and she's more than willing to watch the baby for us.

And as far as "family vacations" go. I'm not to up on them. I'm a SAHM, so I'm with my kids all the time. I enjoy getting my time away from them. So, I know many people enjoy travelling with their children and babies. But, to me that would be doing my same exact job while I'm on vacation. OK, well minus the laundry and cooking. But, on vacation things like diaper changes, feeding, sleeping are much more difficult than at home. I don't even want to think about all the stuff we would have to bring for the baby.

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who wants to leave the baby at home.

 

[MCK588]

Even before I read your last post, I was going to suggest that perhaps you bring both kids to Disney and just pick a special event locally to spend the day with your older son at another time. Or have a special night out once a month when the baby stays home and your oldest gets all the attention.

But, now that I read this post and realize that you are looking at it as a vacation from your job also, I'll say that ultimately you'll do what's best for you of course but have you thought about taking the grandparents along to the park? This way, they could get a little R&R back at the resort with the little one and maybe join you every other day so that it's not too much on the baby, AND you can go out at night with your DH and really feel like it's a vacation for you too, while the kids are enjoying time with their grandparents (or sound asleep!). You could even schedule some spa treatments, etc while grandma takes care of the kids. It could be both family-fun and romantic/relaxing at the same time! Built in babysitters are the way to go, I think!!!!!

 

[*Fantasia*]

Take the kids with you. See my sig?
--"Ohana means family..and family means no one is left behind or forgotten."--

We took our kids when they were 4 and 18 months. Though my daughter doesn't remember much or any... We got some pixs taken and shows it to them. It made me and my (late) husband sooo happy to see their happy face. We do not regret taking them at that young age. I just wouldn't feel right to leave my daughter behind while her brother is having a good time with us.

I went to Cali two years ago. I drove by Disneyland a few times. I did not go there. I just couldn't go without my children. It just wouldn't be the same.

Edit to Add: I just read your last post.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who wants to leave the baby at home.

Sounds like you already made your decision. Just have a wonderful time. I know having two small children is a lot of work and you need time for yourself, to enjoy and relax. If I was in your shoes, I would probably just leave both kids home and just spend a romantic time with your husband, just the two of you. No kids.

 

[Beth76]

Yes, we have considered asking my parents to come with. A possible problem: they would probably want my sister's family to come too. Fine, no problem, all the cousin's get along great. We get along fine. My sister's MIL is a disney FREAK and I can't imagine her "allowing" her granddaughters to go to Disney without her. So bringing my parents along could possibly mean even bringing my sister's MIL, which I would not want to do. So, we have to tread that subject very carefully.

Fantasia, I'm big into family too. My feeling on this is my younger son will get to spend this time with his grandparents being spoiled, by himself. His older brother is always with him now. This would be *his* time. Just as it would be my older son's time with just us.

It's a hard decision and I'm not making it lightly. I had, from the beginning, been planning on taking both. A friend had just asked if we would be taking or leaving Quinn. Then I started thinking about that scenario and how that might be better for my older son. I've been to Disney only once when I was 6. I'm just learning about all the *stuff* that needs to be done. I'm finding it's going to be a very complicated trip to plan. I don't know all the "ins and outs". I'm just afraid that if I'm hauling around the baby and all his stuff, that something's going to be overlooked or we'll miss something special. I'm very into trip planning and like to research every bit of it. I'm just trying to find out what's going to be best for us on this trip.

 

[nygrl]

Yes, we have considered asking my parents to come with. A possible problem: they would probably want my sister's family to come too. Fine, no problem, all the cousin's get along great. We get along fine. My sister's MIL is a disney FREAK and I can't imagine her "allowing" her granddaughters to go to Disney without her. So bringing my parents along could possibly mean even bringing my sister's MIL, which I would not want to do. So, we have to tread that subject very carefully.

Fantasia, I'm big into family too. My feeling on this is my younger son will get to spend this time with his grandparents being spoiled, by himself. His older brother is always with him now. This would be *his* time. Just as it would be my older son's time with just us.

It's a hard decision and I'm not making it lightly. I had, from the beginning, been planning on taking both. A friend had just asked if we would be taking or leaving Quinn. Then I started thinking about that scenario and how that might be better for my older son. I've been to Disney only once when I was 6. I'm just learning about all the *stuff* that needs to be done. I'm finding it's going to be a very complicated trip to plan. I don't know all the "ins and outs". I'm just afraid that if I'm hauling around the baby and all his stuff, that something's going to be overlooked or we'll miss something special. I'm very into trip planning and like to research every bit of it. I'm just trying to find out what's going to be best for us on this trip.

hey beth me again .. i will say it again dont have any GUILT. i totally understand how you feel. i am in the same position and sometimes you just need a break ! and im sure your 5 year old will appreciate the time alone with mom and dad where your 18 month old wont even remember you were gone.i too am very big into family and love my younger son to death but disney will be there for a long time . there will be pleanty of years to come that you can take family trips with both kids. and my 5 year old never questioned why we werent taking his little brother he was just so happy to have us to himself!! all i can say is that if you have someone willing to watch the little one then take advantage of it while you can because in a few years your younger one will want to go you will never have the chance again to have a special trip for youe 5 year old. go have fun and dont worry about what some people say they are probably just jealous that they cant do the same.

 

[jehma]

He's not going to be scarred for life because he missed out on Disney when he wouldn't even remember it, right?

LOL - he won't even remember it!

That said, we brought our kids when they were 8, 5, and 16 mos, and they all had a blast. It was fun for all of us seeing the little guy's reactions to everything. You can use the baby swap for attractions that he can't ride, and can he nap in the stroller? Mine did at that age - maybe later than his regular nap time, but he eventually napped. I remember going around and around on the Tomorrowland Transit Authority while the others were riding Alien and some other "big kid" stuff.