Thinking about leaving my church - Baptism Class vent

[kpm76]

It is permissible in the Catholic Church to stand when others are kneeling if you are unable to do so.

Standing would not be appropriate but you can sit. I did this often when I was pregnant....

 

[VillageMama]

It is permissible in the Catholic Church to stand when others are kneeling if you are unable to do so.

I would never stand while others are kneeling... that's way too conspicuous. But you certainly are allowed to sit, rather than kneel.

Ahhh... the Catholic Church. Nothing makes sense to me.

Everything about Catholicism makes sense to me... except for your arts and crafts class! That is so demeaning and insulting to your intelligence when liturgical coordinators try to be "relevent" that way.

 

[mamamary]

Standing would not be appropriate but you can sit. I did this often when I was pregnant....

When i lived in NY we knelt during certain parts of the mass - moved to Maryland and (in our church anyway) they stand instead of kneel (although a handful of people will still kneel).

 

[antsss]

Odd to me that they would include parenting stuff with a Baptism class! Maybe it's needed, but should be taught separately. When we went to class years ago it was about the details of the day, the meaning of Baptism, the importance of it, the importance of coming to church as a family, etc...
Let someone in charge know your concerns!

 

[Hillbeans]

If you think the Baptism class is rough wait until you have a 2nd grader and you have to sign in for every mass, attend every holy day, etc....

All kidding aside I understand and feel your pain. I remember when DH and I had to do a Pre Cana retreat and the couple who was leading our group of 10 were giving each other snide comments during the course and on the verge of fighting. DH and I laughed about it.

I sincerely doubt that my mom and dad had to go through such a class back when they had me baptized 38 years ago and i'm not big on being forced to attend these kind of classes before receiving sacraments at our church, but if I want my children to be raised Roman Catholic it's just something I go along with. While it would not lead me to leave the church on its own, I would speak with the pastor about your concerns. I am sure there is a shortage of volunteers and they were doing the best they can, although I would have been upset with the Breastfeeding Rant as well.

 

[okeydokey]

I wouldn't leave the church because of this one experience. Do you have more classes to take for the baptism or are you done now? Maybe you could speak to your priest and make some suggestions on how the class could be run a bit differently. Maybe you could offer to lead the classes or to help in the future. There are many different curriculum you can follow for baptism prep. My DH have been teaching these classes in our church for 12 years and we use Gods Own Child books. It consists of 3 one hour classes.

 

[minkydog]

Oh, please This is the hill you wanna die on?There is way more to a baptism class than just the time to show up and where to stand(at least, there should be!) Personally, I see nothing wrong with two older, wiser women teaching the class. IMO, they have way more to teach a young mother than anybody with two little kids under their belt and no real experience as a parent beyond 5 years. So they talked about parenting...I would expect that a class about Baptism would include instructions and a charge to parents to raise your kids in a godly way, which includes reading, singing, and spending time with them. And I think it's great that your DH spends so much time with your son, but you need to know taht is NOT the norm. In spite of how far we've come, moms are still doing WAY more childcare and household activities than most husbands do.

So, yeah. I think you are way overreacting. You can change churches if you want to. If you really want to see things changed, perhaps you need to go to the minister of education and talk about your ideas for change. Better yet, step up to the plate yourself.

 

[sbell111]

It is permissible in the Catholic Church to stand when others are kneeling if you are unable to do so.

It was a joke.

 

[Mkrop]

I think you are overreacting as well and would not leave the church over this class. It was probably run by the only volunteers they could find to do it, were they the best suited, probably not, and the BF issue would have irritated me, but it is what it is.

I went to a mandatory Communion meeting for DS12 when he we in 2nd grade and it was horrible. They lectured to us about everything and did not tell us what we needed to know about the day, times, how many people could attend, what the kids could wear etc. At least lecture to me first and then give me the info I really came for

Four years later went to the mandatory Confirmation meeting with a new Religious Education Coordinator at the helm, and she did exactly that, had an inspirational meeting before(the nun was actually quite funny) and then gave us all the details of what needed to be done that day and prior, service projects and such.

I would speak to your Pastor and let him know what you thought of the meeting but be prepared to be ask to lead the next one, it always happens

 

[ead79]

Personally I can't see leaving my church over something as simple as not liking the style of teaching in a baptism class. Of course, there may be more to it than this alone, but if this is it, then to me it seems like an overreaction.

I would let one of the pastors know what the class was like and politely express your concerns. If you think the class would benefit from a younger mom's perspective, maybe you could volunteer to help out with teaching it. Also, maybe you could suggest that they offer this material to expectant moms in a separate class instead of during the baptism class.

 

[Magic Mom]

You're totally overreacting. You could just roll your eyes and tell your DH, "Wait til you hear what you missed!" and the two of you could laugh about it.

I didn't see anything in your post about your actual religious beliefs and how this one class did not support them, so I'm going to suggest you blow this off and get the baby baptised and call it a day.

 

[HamTown]

We don't have a "baptism class" in the Methodist church. My DH (a pastor) meets with the family individually and discusses the reasoning behind baptism (we have lots of parishoners that grew up Baptist or Catholic so their understanding of infant baptism is slightly different) . They go through the ceremony and make sure the family understands the questions they will be asked and then they set a date.

I realize many Catholic parishes are much bigger than our church, but this makes it sound as if the priest is only there to sprinkle the baby He may have no idea the class is like this. Believe me, there are many wonderful volunteers in the church. But a lot of them don't always do wonderful work!

 

[Minnie&Nana]

I could not imagine dumping a church because it wasted an hour and a half of your life.

That being said, yesterday, I did tell my wife that we should reconsider Catholicism because my knees can't take the rigors of Mass.

As all good Catholics you must learn the art of sitting and kneeling at the same time.

 

[NC State]

You're totally overreacting. You could just roll your eyes and tell your DH, "Wait til you hear what you missed!" and the two of you could laugh about it.

I didn't see anything in your post about your actual religious beliefs and how this one class did not support them, so I'm going to suggest you blow this off and get the baby baptised and call it a day.

I agree...I was thinking about the two little ladies. They maybe retired and have nothing else to do....I'm sure they are thinking that they are helping someone.

 

[happygirl]

I have never heard of Baptism class. It doesn't sound like a big deal to me

 

[dogluva]

Yesterday I went to my daughters Baptism class and I am so mad about it that I am acutally thinking about leaving my church because of it. This is going to be long so bear with me.

There are several reasons why I am so mad about it so let's just start with the fact that it was 2 hours long. Only 1/2 hour of those two hours was spent learning about what we need to do for the Baptism (what time to be there, where to go in the church) and why we get our children Baptized.

The rest of the 1 1/2 hours was spent as a parenting class. Now, I already have a 5 year old. I don't need a parenting class. If I wanted to take one, I would have signed up for one. There were three couples in the class. Me (with a 3 1/2 month old), a couple with a one year old and a couple with a 4 month old. The parenting class was taught by two women for the church who were older. Not trying to be rude, but one was in her 70's and the other in her 60's. It might be a better idea if your going to make people sit through a parenting class that you have people closer in age to the people who have the children being Baptized. Raising a child in the modern day is much different than when these women raised their children. Furthermore, while they were somewhat current on their information, it was totally information that we are all well past. It was more suited for people who had newborns fresh out of the hospital. Or ever better, pregnant women.

One woman talked forever about how we MUST sing and read to our children. How if we do, they will be smarter and better at most everything. She just kept saying the same thing over and over. Ok lady I get it, you want us to sing to our babies. It was so annoying.

The other lady was teaching us how to swaddle and give tummytime to our babies. Hello, most of us if not all of us are well past the swaddling stage. But I knew I was in for it when she introduced herself. She was a nurse in the OB ward in the local hospital. But more than that, she was a lactation consultant there. Now, I am a mom who formula feeds my baby by choice and I knew that I was going to get an earful about breastfeeding. I was right. She went on about how that is how GOD made us to breastfeed and that is what we are supposed to do. She put up a bunch of slides on tips about breadtfeeding and links and numbers to go to for help. Then she says in a very fast, very disgusted tone of voice, "I am not saying that you can't formula feed your baby - if that is what you feel like you need to do". No, I don't FEEL like I need to do it, I WANT to do it. And again, the youngest baby in the class is 3 1/2 months old. Do you not think they have been fed for the last 3 1/2 months? If someone wanted information on breastfeeding is that not something they would have gotten before the baby was born or immediately after?

Now, my husband was sick so he was not at the class but I am quite certain he would have walked out. These women both kept bashing dads! They kept saying how dads don't spend enough time with their kids and how the kids always want mom more. That the average dad only spends 1/2 hr a week alone with their kids. Really? My husband spends more time with our son than I do and I am quite certain he would have been offended if you told him that he did not spend enough time with his kids. Kind of what I mean by they are to old to be teaching the class. Maybe in their day, dads did not spend enough time with their kids, not modern day.

There are several more things that irriated me. The importance of baby sign language, how to massage your baby....those kinds of things. But basically, I feel like I was made to go through a parenting class and listen to advice that I did not ask for. One lady kept quoting a study that was completed in 1995. Hello, it is 2010! And she argued with me when I told her that my kindergartner has to know how to read. She told me that cannot be true.

So I am seriously thinking of finding a new chuch. Am I overreacting? What would you do in this situation?

Kristine

Sorry, but this is really a lame reason to leave a church. Those women were probably volunteering their time and are just really into it. To leave a church there would have to be some serious things going on. This seems minor and petty. Sorry, my opinion.

 

[Tink415]

Everyone is so busy and lots of things seem like a waste of time... but I think you're over reacting. Try to chill. I also wouldn't complain to anyone at the church unless I was prepared to help revamp the class and/or teach it

 

[englishteacha]

Hmmm...that's a tough one for me. I would be very put out if a member of my church tried to tell me how to raise my child or how to live my life. We're having some difficulties with our own church right now, and a lot of it is due to some very abrasive personalities among the congregation. They are very in-your-face with their opinions on how you should live your life. I would talk to the pastor. It was not right for them to "Force" you to listen to these women in order to have your child baptized there. If you were not part of the congregation, I could see having an "orientation" type of class explaining about the church, Sunday school, etc. A class on parenting, singing, swaddling? To me that seems a bit out of line for a baby's baptism. What about talking about faith, love, and the family and friends who will help raise the child in the church? That is what I would expect out of a baptism class.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with the majority that you are seriously overreacting. Once in a hiwle there are hoops to jump through that are just silly in any organization--it seems that perhaps the hour and a half of parenting information in your Baptism class is such a hoop. It does not seem like something, that as an isolated incident, would ever be a reason to leave a church. I also agree with some that it is not even a big enough deal to complain over and I would only voice my dislike if I were willing to volunteer my time to do a better job of it.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

Well, I guess I'll be the voice of dissent here, but... I'd be totally irritated. I work. Time with my kids is precious and valuable and too short. If I wasted two hours being lectured to for no good reason, instead of spending time with my children, I'd be mad too. In additon, shoving opinions down my throat about parenting sytle, breastfeeding in particularly is offensive- just like having to sit in a classroom and listen to people's opinions about politics would be. I can understand why you're steamed, its a total disrespect of your time to make you sit captive while they soap box on and on with unwanted advice and opinion.

That said, I wouldn't leave the church over it. I'd let the pastor know (or elder in charge of the committee). In our church a complaint like that would be taken very seriously.

If there are other things bothering you about the church and this is just one more, that's a different kettle of fish.