Think there's truth to things said in anger? Or not?

[NotUrsula]

Depends entirely on the person's personality and preferred fight tactics.

When I was little my parents argued CONSTANTLY. I hated the sound on raised voices, and I used to go an spend hours out in the dog run just so that I wouldn't have to listen.

I'm still that way. If you raise your voice to me, I will instinctively and unconsciously go for your jugular (metaphorically speaking) to try to make you stop. Whatever the reptile part of my brain knows will hurt you the most and get you to go away and leave me alone ASAP is what I will use. Doesn't matter if it's not true, or if it has nothing to do with the matter at hand -- it will come out if it will work.

 

[PigletsPal2]

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best..."No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

Queen Colleen

 

[Wishing on a star]

Most times, yes, it is something that has some small basis in truth...

But, this time, an obviously ridiculous comment about your looks...
Honey, it was a bunch of BALONEY!!!!

Ignore it....

(Just for future reference... when what is said has something to do with ones actions in a relationship... I would definitely read some truth into it...)

But ridiculous comments about looks.....

Honey, don't even give this a second thought....

As Billy Crystal says in his pre-Oscar interview.... "You rlook Mahhhhhvelous!!!"

 

[Wishing on a star]

PS:

Mousejunkie....
this whole interaction and situation sounds, well, juvenile...
Why waste precious words and time and energy trying to hurt one another....
Move on and Move up!!!!

 

[MouseJunkie]

PS:

Mousejunkie....
this whole interaction and situation sounds, well, juvenile...
Why waste precious words and time and energy trying to hurt one another....
Move on and Move up!!!!

Agreed and it so was just that...juvenile.

I've been singing wash that man right out of my hair all day.

And Tina, I have to say usually your posts make me smile a lot. I loved the play by play on the snow! Those kind of things help me get through those crappy days.

 

[kellyg403]

I too had parents who fought constantly as a kid, and still to this day. And they can really really be nasty to each other. I am the complete opposite. I can't stand saying things in anger that hurt another person. Simply because of how bad I feel later and knowing that sorry doesn't always cover the feelings I have hurt. So, I am more of a walk away until I can control myself. Because if I don't I will crush you. I will hurt you for hurting me.

So, while sometimes there is a grain of truth in how I feel it is usually exaggerated fully when I am angry. Yes, you may annoy me from time to time but I honestly don't think you are nasty all the time.

In this situation, I would say he was trying to hurt you since he is feeling a bit hurt also. I would let it roll off my back and move on. IMHO, its more about what he is hoping to get back from you than what he is making you feel like.

Kelly

 

[kaytieeldr]

Or is it just things randomly said during anger? Or do you think people just attack things about someone they know are insecurities in anger to be hurtful?

Someone said some really mean things to me recently in anger and later apologized and said they didn't mean it, but I find myself wondering if they would have really said it, if they weren't thinking it at one point.

I didn't let it bother me at first, but it's sneaking up on me now and really messing with me. Old insecurities rearing it's ugly head, I guess.

So, what do you think? Is there a hint of truth to our anger?

The actual intent of "I didn't mean it" tends more toward, "[While I may be thinking exactly what I said], I never meant to say it out loud" far more than it means "I can't believe those words came out of my mouth even in anger; I don't feel that way about you at all/I know it's not true".

Go ahead, call me a cynic

 

[wdwfan16]

He did this to twist the knife in the would he knew you had. There is not truth to this rumor.

Next time insult is manhood.

 

[Disney Doll]

He said it because he knew it would have exactly this effect on you...have you doubting and wondering and beating up on yourself.

Sounds like he's a good guy to have as an ex.

Next time you encounter him if he says something derogatory about your looks, I'd probably say something to the effect of "Have you needed to see the urologist about your problem recently, or has the Viagra been working out OK for you?".

 

[Handbag Lady]

He said it because he knows you well enough to know that would hit home.


If you loved your car, he would say it was stupid. If you had questions over the ring you just bought, he'd call it ugly.

Bascially, he knows he can't get you back so he's the one feeling hurt and is trying to bring you down with him.

Sounds like you have your act together...go find a new guy that is better looking and treats you better.

 

[Nancyg56]

Very often people lash out and say the most hurtful things they can think of- whether there is a hint of truth there or not.

ITA Some folks will just say the nastiest thing possible to hurt you.

In this situation, I would tell him to kiss off..

It sounds like he was pushing buttons to get a reaction out of you and to get the upper hand in the argument. Especially, since he knew your history with that particular insecurity.

Yes, you are definitely better without him.

Again, ITA. This guy sounds like he knew exactly what to say to hurt you as much as possible. Be glad he is an EX.

 

[brerrabbit]

From a guys pespective all I can say is context, context, context. When I read it was your ex saying what he said it took a nano second for me to know that he was doing it to hurt you period. It seems it always is in that situation. Now on the other hand if there is an arguement between me and my wife of almost 28 years and certain things are said I immediatley look for the truth in the statement because in that context there are a lot of truthes that do come out. We have evolved over the years to certain things that cannot be said even during the worst arguements and I know that if they are said then it's a bad fight.
Our hot buttons are my Mother, her Brother, and any mention of a certain period before we were married when she sort of kicked me to the side of the road based on some really bad advice she got from a girlfriend.