Think of having a Second Child

[disneymomof2boyz]

I think you need to sit down with your DH and seriously do a pros and cons list. I have two kids, and for us it's been a great joy. My boys are COMPLETE opposites, as most siblings are and it is such a blessing having different reactions, seeing different ways of dealing with things from both of them. They each have an ease and challenge to their temperments.

I am 9 years older than my youngest brother, and we are close now. He is 19 and I'm almost 28. The age difference isn't as noticible now, but when I was growing up he was the "baby". I also loved helping my mom take care of him, and I did all the babysitting. I'm sure your daughter will love having a little brother and sister, so think about that.

Also remember that because you were on anti-depressants after the first pregnancy, it doesn't mean that it will be the same with the 2nd. Pray about it, and feel peace in whatever you and your DH decide.

Good luck!

 

[TammyLynn33]

I wish you all the best in your decision making. It has to be a tough decision.

I agree 100% the bonds siblings have, I really feeling adding the second to my little family..(im a single mom, DS6 DD2) was the best gift I could have given him. The two are inseparable.

I was an only child (my Mom had fertility issues) and the unthinkable happened I lost my Mom at 15 and my Dad at 22 and I really lost any sense of belonging in the world. I think had I had a sibling I would have been more secure. (that said i put myself through college work as a nurse have 2 great kids I turned out ok..but I think of what could have happened..)

As for PPD if it were to happen again you are aware as is your family friends and your health care professionals, I think recognizing it is sometimes the real challenge.

Big hugs I wish you all the best in your decision..

 

[carrie1626]

I have such a strong opinion on this subject that anytime it comes up, I feel I have to share my thoughts.
I was an only child for 10 + 1/2 yrs. While I was growing up, my parents siblings had larger families with multiple children SO AT LEAST I HAD COUSINS.
When my mom was expecting my sister and me being about 9 going on 10, I was estatic!!!. I am now 47, my sister just turned 37 on NOV 4th and I am so thankful I have her in my life. She is someone whom I have always been able to share my life's stories with and her with me. Although we have that large age difference it doesn't matter, she is my SISTER and I hold that so dear to my heart.

 

[Kenenitz]

Maybe I'm in the minority but I loved having my diaper bag. LOL We have four, I love having my diaper bag.. even when I don't have the baby with me I have some sort of diaper bag. Even when I just go out with my DD7, I take an extra shirt, some snacks, a book..etc. I just love to have extra stuff. just in case.

as far as having the kids that far apart.. well you might regret never having another.. but you will never regret a child. People have surprise pregnancies all the time and they cope and embrace the child. It's just my opinion but I feel like if you have any inkling that you want a child you should go for it. good luck whatever you decide.

 

[mom2aredhead]

However, as I get older and my parents are aging, I realize the HUGE responsibility that is set upon me. Because my parents are divorced, and not remarried (well, my dad has been married four times, but is not married currently), if anything happens to them, they only have me. I really wish I had a sibling to help me with my parents!

I'm one of 3. Having a brother or sister (or 1 of each in my case) offers no guarantee that they will be there to help you. If anything happens to my parents, it's all on me too. One of my siblings lives out of state, the other is completely useless.

Growing up, because I was the oldest and my mother had "babies" at home, she could never volunteer to be a class mother or chaperone school trips. And some people mentioned being "the helper" - it's fine if your older child wants to help, but don't automatically make the older one the built in babysitter just because you can.

And think of it this way - what if you had a brother or sister that was a complete loser that is constantly losing their job, can't support themselves, takes advantage of your parents, and treats you and your kids like garbage. Once your parents are gone, will they will end up being your burden? There are no guarantees in life.

To the OP - if you decide to have another child, do it because you want to have another child. Don't do it because you think your older child needs a friend, or will be lonely, anti-social, bossy, or any of the other "Only" stereotypes.

 

[emh1129]

I say go for it, each child just multiplies the love and joy! Best wishes!

 

[hematite153]

Only you and you family can know what the right decision is for you. But, I wanted to offer another perspective that nobody has suggested yet.

Have you considered adoption? There are thousands of older children waiting for adoption through the foster care system. You could adopt a child who was in the 3-7 age range and then not have to worry about PPD, large age-gap between siblings or schlepping a diaper bag again. In most places, if you adopt through CAS/CPS/DFS they put a lot of energy (and even money) into making sure everyone is prepared and the transition goes well for everyone. They also work to find families that are a good match for the child in question so you can get some great fits. (There are several families in my church that were formed this way and their bonds are fabulous.)

 

[JackJack08]

I am an only child. I would NEVER have just one. There are too many reasons for me to list. My girlfriend, just had her second and her DD is 10. She wasn't sure either but it is working out much better than she expected.

 

[Starr W.]

I'm one of 3. Having a brother or sister (or 1 of each in my case) offers no guarantee that they will be there to help you. If anything happens to my parents, it's all on me too. One of my siblings lives out of state, the other is completely useless.

I had that happen, my DS was actually more of a liability when my DM's cancer came back. She wouldn't do anything, single no kids, mine were K and 18 months.

Couldn't go to the hospital and sit with mom. She'd just get my mom all wound up or get herself wound up and puke. Totally useless in watching the kids wouldn't change a diaper and couldn't get the other to the bus stop on time.

If it wasn't for a couple of my neighbors, DH and the wonderful hospice staff, I think I would have gone insane during those last 4 months of my mother's life. She got sick in Aug and passed away in November.

 

[mom2aredhead]

If it wasn't for a couple of my neighbors, DH and the wonderful hospice staff, I think I would have gone insane during those last 4 months of my mother's life. She got sick in Aug and passed away in November.

Sorry for your loss.
My mother has cancer as well, and although I have 1 sibling that would like to help, they live 1/2 way across the country so can't do much in the way of going to appointments or helping with recovery after surgery. The other one just causes more trouble that its worth. But I'm certainly not going to have another child now with the hope that the 2 of them get along well enough and live close enough to be able to help each other in case I become ill in 20 years or so.

I am an only child. I would NEVER have just one. There are too many reasons for me to list.

You know what they say about the grass always being greener...

 

[mjkacmom]

The sibling bond is so special - different than any other. I love watching my kids together, especially the oldest with the youngest. Dd12 can be a PITA, but I love watching her nurture her little brother and sister (and tolerate dd7, and be close to ds10). You can divorce your spouse, get new friends, but the sibling bond, in most cases, is precious.