They are going to think im cheap

[JustAGirl]

and dont care about my kid. .....DD's birthday is the 11th of February which falls on a Thursday. There are like 6 kids in dd's class and they all had birthday but it was a little elaborate if you ask me. DD shows up home with these HUGE goody bags ...one of them was filled with exspensive disney stuff like a mickey talking workbook etc. I was like WOW....I cant afford that! The year before I went to mrs.fields and purchased 8 of those cookie cupcakes and sent like 10 premade cheap goodybags ....I sent it on the bus . I didnt want to go all the way to dd's school for a 15 minute party (that's the alloted time allowed to celebrate the kid's party because it takes away from school time) anyway i just sent the stuff on the bus with her. Im not going to lie I did wonder what did they think about me doing that ....

Last year I didnt do anything for dd's birthday at the school. They have a multicultural day every year the day before her birthday and i show up to them just so im not the odd ball out. Im honestly not really interested but i show up anyways to support dd. I cant do a party the day of the multi cultural because its a school wide event and i dont want to go to the school one day and than come back the next day because her school is really far and it annoys me just traveling there....I live in NYC so i have to get on TWO buses and TWO trains and once im at the stop i have to climb two huge flights of stairs...sometimes a man will offer help but many times they dont....so by the time im actually at her school i tend to be annoyed Last year i did the multi cultural day and i just took her and ds to chuck e cheese afterwards bought some 99 cent store balloons and she was happy with that.

This year i dont even have the money for chuck e cheese because it has to go to the DW trip but i still feel kinda bad about not acknowledging her birthday at the school and giving the kids in her class goodybags like my dd got for thier birthday . I was going to send her to school like i normally do and when she got home have a cake baked and ready and some cheap balloons and just play music dance and have the kids eat the cake . I think the teachers etc. will think im cheap or a bad mom because i didnt acknowledge her birthday at the school though .....they are going to be like yay aniya its your birthday and she's going to be like where's my party? where's my cake?

DD is young and she knows she's going to DW and going to see the castle and princesses. DW is mainly about her..I booked her for the bippidy boppidy boutique and the cinderella royal table ... but i still feel crappy like im a bad mom because i dont have the money to throw her a party at the school and give the kids in her class a party .

I also didnt give dd's teachers xmas presents...i never even thought about it before until i went to parent teacher conference the week later and saw all the teachers thanking the parents that gave them these exspensive nice presents...I was like where's the hole where i can crawl in i was so embarassed...i just come off so cheap and uncaring

 

[uk_wildcat]

I do not send treats in to my son's school on his Birthday. I did when he was in preschool, but after that I stopped. I would not worry about what the teachers think. Honestly, they may be glad they don't have to worry about taking time out of the day to give all the stuff out and get the kids.
Also, teachers should not expect you to give them gifts. Thanking them for being good teachers is enough.

 

[mjkacmom]

No one gives out goody bags here - kids are allowed to bring in 1 treat, to be passed out, not 15 minutes worth! Lots of kids have actual birthday parties for the big celebration.

If it makes you feel better, I only sent in 18 cupcakes for dd7's class, not realizing there were 18 kids, all there (and I always use betty crocker frosting/cake mix so the peanut allergy kids can eat). Luckily, I sent in cookies for her twin in another class, too many, so some kids got cookies instead!

 

[singnring]

I don't think you should worry about what other people think.

There's no law written anywhere that you have to send gift bags to school with your child to have a 15 min celebration of her birthday.

Send some cupcakes and be done with it.
Better yet, tell your child you will spend that same money on her fav take-out meal to celebrate her special day.
Sounds like you have a great trip planned for WDW. So talk to your child and ask what her preference is: BBB or expensive goody bags for her bday to give to other kids at school.

I wouldn't feel badly about not doing what other parents have done. Some people have money to blow, some are just trying to show off, and others are just doing what you are considering and trying to keep up with the Jones'!
Don't fall prey to the peer pressure.
Funny how that doesn't change, even in adulthood! We always worry, "what will people think?"

There's also no law saying teachers are to be given gifts for Christmas.

Teachers get paid to do their jobs just like everyone else.

Do you take a gift to the kid in the Drive-thru at your fav take-out rest? Or to the cashier at Walmart, or anyone else?

People are paid to do a job, and that is enough.

BTW - Both of my parents were teachers - so no flames for my comments.

We grew up on a very meager income, back when teachers truly made nothing for the job they did.
When I moved away from home, I was making more as an assistant manager at Burger King than my parents made together as teachers!

In spite of their pathetic wages, never in a million years would either of my parents feel comfortable receiving a gift from a student, let alone expect it!

Do what feels right for you and don't worry about other people or what they might think.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

You can be frugal and caring!

First thing stop and really think things through. What works for you and your house? Stop comparing yourselves to others. Yep, some people will judge you for your choices, but if you know they are the right choices, you will feel good about them. And honestly, I have found that people are very busy with their own lives. They don't have much time left to spend it on judging people.

Teacher gifts. From all the teachers I have talked to, the thing they most appreciate is a note from the student and a note from the parent. You can do this on a simple piece of white paper. If you write a note, be sure to copy the principal, and write that you copied the principal on her note. (I recently had a teacher tell me she kept all my notes (from TEN years ago in her "happy" folder). I would suggest doing this now. It will make you feel great, and will be great for your daughter's teacher.

Daughter's School. Yes it is wonderful to come in and help sometimes during the school year. Yes some parents will do much more than others. If everyone does something for a birthday I would do something too. It does not need to be big or expensive. Make a batch of cookies or brownies or whatever the school allows. Have your daughter make bookmarks for each student. Or have her make a bookmark and add another blank one. Tie them together and say, "One for you and one to share." Done.

Everyone has different amounts of money to spend on different things. There is NO need for you to ever explain your spending choices to another family.

 

[JustAGirl]

No one gives out goody bags here - kids are allowed to bring in 1 treat, to be passed out, not 15 minutes worth! Lots of kids have actual birthday parties for the big celebration.

If it makes you feel better, I only sent in 18 cupcakes for dd7's class, not realizing there were 18 kids, all there (and I always use betty crocker frosting/cake mix so the peanut allergy kids can eat). Luckily, I sent in cookies for her twin in another class, too many, so some kids got cookies instead!

Ok now i dont feel so bad I dont know why all of the parents send such elaborate stuff...it makes me feel like crap i may just keep dd home altogether just to avoid the drama ....ill show up for the multicultural day on the 10th and keep her home on the 11th and say oh she had a birthday trip out somewhere...which might not be too far from the truth im looking for cheap fun things for the kids to do in the winter until our trip comes up and i dont have to save every penny.

 

[Cindy B]

You can't compare yourself. It sounds like your child is young, and there will be many more birthdays and classes that go on for a very long time. Make your plan and stick with it and don't worry about other parents and the teacher.

FWIW, I lived in a fairly affulent town for a while (didn't know it was affulent until I moved in from out of state ==if that makes sense). Many of the parents had everything, and we were just the apartment renters. Did I let it bother me? No, I did my thing and knew that in my heart I was doing the right thing.

Heres a story:

When it was time for all of us to do soccer treats (DH coached so DS did soccer for "no fee") I got a $1 cake mix box, less than a dollar icing and cheap cupcake papers. The kids went over the moon about it-- and it was just simple choc/vanilla cupcakes that took all of ten minutes to make. The parents were all gushing about this cupcakes as well. It was something simple and easy that didn't compete with the usual snacks and treats. These kids were thrilled about something homemade they went nuts.

I found out late that many of the families never cooked at home and the kids just wanted somethign a mom "made".

We hosted a soccer parent dinner with two pots of crockpot chili, cornbread, rice, lemonade and water. These millionare parents were suprised and happy that someone cooked a meal for them.

Seriously, it is a non issue-it only becomes one if you let it.

 

[Ali]

As a teacher I prefer it if parents don't go crazy. If goody bags come in my classroom I put them in backpacks before any kids see them to minimize disruptions and bad feelings. I also bring in cupcakes for anyone whose parents don 't send things in because I don't want any bad days. Some people can afford mire than others but in my class we all do things together and as happy and quick as we can.

As for Christmas gifts, I got very few this year and I would gave appreciated a card that let me know the family was happy with what was going on.

So what feels right, works for your family, and is easy.

 

[mindyd]

Our School went to a nothing edible rule so I would take stuff in and make bags but then after a few years you run out of ideas and are getting so many pencils etc that I quit. I throw a big Birthday Party for the kids so I don't send anything in anymore. My daughter is in 5th grade and no one really does it any more. My other daughter in third grade has a few that do it but it is always the same stuff.

 

[woodkins]

Ok now i dont feel so bad I dont know why all of the parents send such elaborate stuff...it makes me feel like crap i may just keep dd home altogether just to avoid the drama ....ill show up for the multicultural day on the 10th and keep her home on the 11th and say oh she had a birthday trip out somewhere...which might not be too far from the truth im looking for cheap fun things for the kids to do in the winter until our trip comes up and i dont have to save every penny.

I'm one of the parents who go all out for the kids birthdays and it isn't to make the other parents feel bad, it is to make my child's day as special as possible. I am "crafty" and I like to bake special treats and make things for her classmates. My dd is an only child & was a miracle baby so every birthday is a big celebration for us. I sew her a special birthday girl outfit and she wears it proudly. I do it for her, not anyone else. If other parents feel like crap over it that is their problem not mine. I don't go into debt over it but I do shop during the year for big sales clearance items etc. so it may seem like I spent a fortune, but really spent pennies. I don't expect other parents to do the same nor do I look down upon them. There is no "drama" you do what you want & I do what I want.

I would never keep my dd home from school and lie about it to avoid sending in a treat. That is not setting a good example for your dd and keeping a child home from school for no reason is in my opinion irresponsible. If you can't do a birthday treat or don't want to then don't do it. I personally would go to the supermarket and get a 12 pack of goldfish snack bags, mini cookies or something and send it in. This is about $3.50 and would make your daughter feel a little special on her bday. She would get to share with her friends as they share with her & she would get the full "birthday at school experience." It is only 6 kids so you could even just send that many in and keep the rest for yourself.

 

[a1tinkfans]

What works for your family, works for your family. WHo cares what anyone thinks...if you are unable too or do not want to do something, don't. That being said, if your concern is that your daughter will be upset without sending in bags etc, I'd try and find a way around that. Perhaps just sending in those small cupcakes you get in those warehouse type places, or even a box of cookies or some popped popcorn in snack bags? Just to give an opportunity for the kids to say, HAPPY Birthday to your little girl.
Wishing her a great birthday.............
Sounds like she will have a great time at Disney!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I've never really understood the idea of sending goody bags to school for a kid's birthday. You give them out at parties to thank the attendees for coming and for bringing a gift. But if my child has a birthday, why do I need to send gifts to the kids in his class? I usually send cookies or cupcakes so they can have a short celebration with their class. That's all the teachers allow because they can't take more than a few minutes of class time for each students' birthday. We always have family parties for birthdays. Sometimes we invite friends, sometimes we don't. But I certainly don't feel obligated to pass bags out to the class just because my child is having a birthday. That's just my take on it.

 

[roadtripper]

Do what's right for your family. You can go crazy worrying about what others think of you. Most people are so busy worrying about their own loves that they don't give it a thought, and the ones who don't, need to get a life.

As a PP said, though, cake mix cupcakes are always a hit--no one bakes any more, and cupcakes cost about 2 dollars if you make your own frosting. Some sprinkles are top, and you are the world's coolest mom!

Have fun planning your trip, and don't stress!

 

[robsmom]

I would send something. I would not send it to be keeping up with the Jones' I would be doing it for your daughter. Your daughter has no idea what things cost. She doesn't realize that one bag is more expensive than another. She just knows that her Mom made a point to send something in. Figure out a cheap idea and send in a treat.

Regarding attending things at school. I understand that this is not easy for you since you daughter obviously goes to a special school that is not near you. I personally think that this is hugely important and you should try to do as many as you can. I work and can not get to ever event and/or volunteer opportunity at school but I try to send substitutes for everything. because when I do go I see how sad some of the kids are if no one is there for them. I have sent my mother in her sneakers to participate in national gym day. My sister had my father and mother both go to watch her daughter in the geography bee this week. My uncle and brother-in-law have both gone with my son for lunch on veterans day. Last year my in-laws and parents both went to grandparents day, so my mother and father ended up "adopting" another child without grandparents. The pictures of smiles on my son's friends face when he had someone to do activities with was priceless. My son talks about these type of things all the time and I really do think they have a lasting impact on a child's life.

 

[edk35]

At our schools you can't make/bring anything to school unless it is store bought. I used to order bakery cupcakes for my kids to bring in, however....our school now discourages bringing in these types of treats due to allergies and of course these types of treats are not healthy either. We have ONE party at Valentines and usually 'healthy' snacks are asked to be brought in.

If your child would feel left out by not bringing in something and your school allows treats made at home.....I would just make cupcakes and not worry about goody bags.

 

[Samar]

I just did small treat bags for DD's class this year and a little cake. For DS, I am not sure what we're doing this year because the school is on a health-kick (not a problem but I wanted to put a small treat in there). I did CEC last year 2 years ago for DS and it was just rush rush rush. I hated it. The kids are little and since we're going to Disney for a week +, I'm sure the kids would rather get some cool Disney things instead of an hour long party that will be done when the day ends.

Who cares what other people think?

 

[PrincessMama605]

I agree you don't have to go all out for your dd's b-day. My dd's b-day is after the school year ends, but she still wanted to bring something in on the last day of school like the other kids had done all year. I made cupcakes from a mix and let her pick out some bubble necklaces to give out, I got them at Target and I think they were in a 4 pack for about $2.

Or, for her Halloween party, I just got some little gift bags at Dollar Tree and bought a few treats to go in like mini Twizzlers and little toys from Target, I think I spent around $25 total for 10 gift bags. Plus we had the extra treats around the house, which I sent in to her dance class (yes, they had a Halloween party too).

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I agree don't worry what others think.

I agree don't try to keep up with the Joneses.

BUT, remember that day means everything to your child. She won't know that it takes busses and stairs and everything else for you to get there, she'll just know that you we or wern't there. She won't care if you bought a pack of tattoos at the Dollar Tree and brough in a washcloth to put them on all the kids in your 15 minutes or gave them all expensive toys. All that matters is that she got her time, with her mom, to celebrate her special day.

Honestly, if you don't go and don't do something, you will regret it. They grow up so fast, very soon she won't want you near her school and her birthdays will be so much different then they are now. Really, just go, do a little something, and you won't regret it someday...

 

[mrsklamc]

If it's really that tight, I would reconsider the budget for your Disney trip.

Your daughter would probably appreciate the $$ being spent on her birthday more than Cindy's Royal Table or the boutique. She will LOVE disney even without the pricey extras- but even at her young age kids can be cruel. If they decide to make fun of her because mom didn't bring stuff- that pain is going to last a lot longer than glitter in her hair at Disney. (Plus, you can bring your own glitter and do it yourself!) Trust me, I know- I grew up the poor kid in my class.

 

[Whistle]

I would talk to your dd about what SHE wants, afterall it is her birthday! As a kid, I wouldn't have wanted to miss school on my birthday. If she wants treat bags, then brainstorm a way to do them frugally. Ask her which is more important to be there- multicultural day or her birthday, or both. I would not worry about what other parents or the teachers think but would me more worried about what your daughter wants, afterall, it is HER special day!



P.S. Well said, MickyMomofThree