They are going to think im cheap

[RadioFanatic]

She also said that there is only 15 minutes allotted to celebrate a birthday and she would have to take 2 trains and 2 buses to get there. I can understand not wanting to go, I'm sure she see's her child before and after school, she doesn't need to go to the school to make her child's birthday special. In fact thats not the place to make your child's birthday special, save that for at home and have a party. My dd's birthday was yesterday, I didn't send her to school with anything. I woke her up singing to her, cooked her favorite breakfast, let her open a new outfit and sent her off to the busstop. We took her out to dinner last night to celebrate and we are having a family party for her this weekend and she is doing something with her friends next weekend. She knows how special she and her birthday are to us, and she doesn't need us showing up at school to prove it (and ours is right around the corner).

I appreciate your opinion, but I still stand by what I said with reference to OP's post. At her school, it's customary for parents to go. As a child, they know whose parents come and whose don't. I NEVER want my kid to think I'm one who wouldn't come, 15 minutes or not. Just my two cents.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I appreciate your opinion, but I still stand by what I said with reference to OP's post. At her school, it's customary for parents to go. As a child, they know whose parents come and whose don't. I NEVER want my kid to think I'm one who wouldn't come, 15 minutes or not. Just my two cents.

I have to agree. I don't go to my kids' school for b-days either because we aren't allowed to, but if we were I'd walk if I had to (and ours is not close). I normally don't go along with the "all the other kids" thing but if all or even the majority of parents do go, I'd do whatever I had to to go.

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm going to be a bit more blunt than I was last night. If you can't afford $3 to make cupcakes for your kids birthday, you can't afford to go to disney. period. If your budget's that tight, no way.

 

[Haganfam5]

I've never even HEARD of sending goodie bags to school. How bizarre.

What bothered me most about OP's post was not that she necessarily could not afford something to send; but that she didn't want to be bothered with going there to celebrate her child's birthday. I also have a miracle child (told I couldn't conceive after multiple failed IVF's and then 10 years into marriage miraculously pregnant by "natural" means) and I will do everything to celebrate the day I received the greatest gift in my life. This year, I ordered a cupcake cake from Walmart and am bringing it to the class. Even cheaper things can be done as noted by previous posters. But honestly, the way I read it, OP appeared more annoyed about getting to the school than the money of buying something. If you have to take two buses, etc., how does your child get there?

I have to agree. No flames here but my children are very very special to me and if I had to walk to the school, I would. It's not about proving anything to anyone. It's about how they will feel unacknowledged in school if you do nothing for them there. You can do all you want for them at home but like it or not, it does matter how they feel when they are with their peers (especially to them). If you can go to Disney, have internet service, computer, etc, then you can buy a box of cake mix and frosting, make some cupcakes, and schlep them to school. It may not bother her so much right now, but believe me, she will realize sooner or later that everyone else in class is having a birthday at school and they are not. I had a summer birthday and NEVER had my birthday at school. I still ask my mother (as an adult) why she didn't send cupcakes in the last/first day of school for me. I felt very left out and I remember that to this day. No, I am not scarred for it but it would have been nice to feel special for a day at school. Unless it is a complete impossibility, you should do it for her. How many times are you going to have to do it? You have many years to come where they won't want you within 100 yards of school .

I don't do goodie bags or huge parties for my children either and it doesn't bother them at all. I make sure their day is special and they usually have a friend or two over for their birthday along with cupcakes. It's not what you do, it's that you DO something for them. The same thing goes with the teacher gifts. It's not the cost, it's just a thank-you and a show of kindness. I had a girl, (over 11 years ago) in my pre-school class, color a picture from her coloring book from home. She attempted to write her name and mine on the page, ripped it out of her book and brought it to school for me. I LOVED it and I will always remember that. It truly is the thought that counts.

 

[Crystal0608]

I usually have my kids large birthday parties. I'm a planner so once I'm given a theme and venue ideas from my kids I roll with it, my dd's is in the works for August already. Last year my dd's theme was I LOVE HSM and we gave out HSM metal buckets (75% easter clearance) with HSM nightgowns ($1 W-mart clearance), nail polish (75% Xmas clearance), heart stuff like pencils (75% V-day) etc. I spent about $3-4 per goodie bucket, retail value was over $20. I don't throw parties to make other parents feel bad or cheap, I love throwing them and my kids love having them.

DD's bday is in August before school starts & DS's is a week b4 Xmas as well as the class is invited to the party so I usually don't send anything in to school. If it was the norm, I would go to the school and bring something even if there was travel time. We can't send anything homemade at our school, so if it was me and I was on a tight budget here are some things I may send for a class of 6: Wmart 6pk cupcakes, Little Debbie snack cakes 6 to 8 in a box $1, or bag of doughnuts $2.50 etc. Walgreens has huge Hershey chocolate bars for $1 and Mars candy for .39ea this week. There are tons of snacks in a box that are $1-3 to serve only 6. There is plenty of V-day non themed items in stores for a dollar or two for a pack of 10, like pencils if you really want to send something in. For $5 it could be done so your dd wouldn't feel excluded.

 

[libinatorsmom]

ok relax a little bit.... 1st of all there is no rule or law that you need to take a goodie bag or treat to your childs class... so done dont worry about it... If i was you I would send a simple treat.... heck a package of Oreos or a bag of pretzles or something like that $5 max... and be done with it... the kids dont care... they will appreciate anything... as for worrying about the other parents 1- how will they even know its your childs birthday 2- if they are so wrapped up into the fact that youdidnt send a goodie bag to school with your child in all honesty you need to get your child in a different school because that is NOT a good attitude to have 3- RELAX and dont worry about it...

My DDs b-day is on the 31st... so we have to take treat on the 29th... we have ordered cupcakes from the local grocery store bakery... nothing special but my daughter is super super excited about it... we are having a special party for her with about 10 of her friends - I bought the goodie bag stuff yesterday and for 12 bags i spend... $29 total and that included the bags!!! so for about $2.42 a bag I have very cute girly party bags... and I am totally happy with them... and my daughter is too... but I would not do this to her whole class... just the party goers...

its ok... take care of your family and your priorities dont worry about others...

 

[PixiePlanner]

DD & DS's schools do not allow birthday treats: they want to be Generation H (healthy). Instead, they get to do something out of the ordinary: sit by a friend from a different class at lunch, have a visitor(Mom or Dad) eat lunch with them, bring a small stuffed animal to school, etc.

Best part, these things cost me $0.

 

[bamor]

Send in a couple of boxes of little debbie valentine cakes or send in a couple boxes of Hostess yankee doodles, two types of colored frosting and conversation hearts=decorate your own cupcakes. Or sugar cookies and frosting and sprinkles=decorate your own cookie.
She'll know you were thinkinf of her and the kids get to decorate and eat, better than a good bag.

 

[mommycrawford]

What teachers respect is a child that comes to school well cared for(loved, fed, and rested) and ready to learn!

That said, some cultures/religions don't celebrate birthdays at all, and the joy of living in NY is that there are so many different ideas, cultures, values. Every child should be embraced as a valuable part of the school community, and teachers are happy to keep their jobs right about now with the DOE budgets being cut! Don't worry, but if you are upset, then talk to your child, and see how s/he feels...it's their birthday after all.

 

[Ava]

OP, I live in NYC so I feel you on it being a P.I.T.A. to get to somewhere that is far away or not on a direct train/bus line. Here's an idea - ask the teacher if your daughter can have her 15-minute "party" at the end of the school day. Take in cupcakes or another inexpensive treat, then take your daughter home from school or out somewhere special to celebrate her birthday. That way you don't "waste" the long trip, and having mom pick her up from school will be special for your daughter.

To the PP who asked how the OP's DD gets to school if OP has to take 2 trains & 2 buses to get there... her DD likely rides a school bus. A lot of kids in the city get bused to a school outside of their neighborhood/district.

 

[Leajess99]

I'm going to be a bit more blunt than I was last night. If you can't afford $3 to make cupcakes for your kids birthday, you can't afford to go to disney. period. If your budget's that tight, no way.

This is the same woman who took bags of groceries that another lady did not get and kept them. She was bragging about this and said the Lord did it for her. She was also asking about lying about her child's age to get him in free. This type of behavior makes me sick and now she cries about being so poor. My kids get cupcakes or ring pops to take to school for a treat for their birthday. I go to school whenever there is a party or whatnot for my child. I would hate for my child to see other parents come and me not do for them because than it makes them feel like crud.

I love where my daughter goes to school and if I had to walk the 6 miles to get there I would. My children are the most important individuals in my life plus going in helps me see and meet my children's friends. My daughter goes to school out of district so she does not see her friends very often outside of school.

 

[soontobewed07]

As a parent I really can't stand the goody bag thing. It's too much and don't we all have enough junk anyway?

I would have to say I think it is important to attend everything you can at school these are things she will remember. It is very important.

As for staying out of school- My mother did this my birthday was 3 days before Christmas and times were tough but she would take the day off and take me to the movies and out to lunch. As I got older it was nails and lunch or nails and a movie. I have to say these are memories I cherish. It was all I needed for my birthday.

PS she also use to wake me up with a birthday muffin because we would have my cake on Christmas day with the family

 

[torinsmom]

I'm a teacher and only once in 10 years have I had a student bring in goody bags, balloons, etc. I was not happy about it---I had to deal with hyped up kids after the parents left. Once, a parent in another class hired a magician to come into the school and do a show for the kids and she also brought a pinata. I guess that teacher was okay with it.

Anyway, most of my kids bring in cupcakes, but some don't bring anything. We try to make a big deal of every birthday anyway. We have a special "Walk around the sun" celebration we do and we give out a birthday crown to the birthday child at the end of the day. If they don't bring a snack, we have one of our regular snacks as well.

OP, I would send in something for the kids to have as a special snack, like rice krispy treats, sugar cookies or something like that. Are you allowed to have lunch with your DD? That would be a nice treat for her. My kids love to show off their parents to their friends.

As far as Christmas gifts, a note of appreciation is always appreciated whether it is Christmas or not. Sorry, but the drive thru window cashier does not spend more awake time with my DS than I do----the teacher does. I still send in gift cards to DS' teachers and he is in high school. It is not a "tip", it is just something to let them know that I appreciate all they do. That's just me though.

Marsha

 

[descovy]

I would send something. I would not send it to be keeping up with the Jones' I would be doing it for your daughter. Your daughter has no idea what things cost. She doesn't realize that one bag is more expensive than another. She just knows that her Mom made a point to send something in. Figure out a cheap idea and send in a treat.

Regarding attending things at school. I understand that this is not easy for you since you daughter obviously goes to a special school that is not near you. I personally think that this is hugely important and you should try to do as many as you can. I work and can not get to ever event and/or volunteer opportunity at school but I try to send substitutes for everything. because when I do go I see how sad some of the kids are if no one is there for them. I have sent my mother in her sneakers to participate in national gym day. My sister had my father and mother both go to watch her daughter in the geography bee this week. My uncle and brother-in-law have both gone with my son for lunch on veterans day. Last year my in-laws and parents both went to grandparents day, so my mother and father ended up "adopting" another child without grandparents. The pictures of smiles on my son's friends face when he had someone to do activities with was priceless. My son talks about these type of things all the time and I really do think they have a lasting impact on a child's life.

I agree, as a working mom, I can not go to each and every activity at the school, so that we pick and choose depending on what it is most important to my child. Sometimes though, we choose wrong and "miss" the activity that EVERYONE's mom goes to. For example, the 2nd grade play... I went to that... but I skipped a class valentine party. Good grief, I was the *only* mom not to show. And what the heck for? To watch my kid eat a cupcake? Once I made it to one of those parties... "Yay! Mom is here! And then they ignore you, parents chat among themselves as kid eats a cupcake and makes her craft... or worse, hovers over the craft and direct's child moment by moment on how to do it "right." When you have to pick between that and the class play, it doesn't compare.

But as others say, do what you can. For free you can send notes to the teacher, expressing appreciation. If this goodie bag thing is a big deal at the school, send a long a small treat. For your dd's sake, not anyone elses!

None of us is perfect... not even the moms who pretend to be!

 

[KimFIGFern]

In our school, we have a HUGE policy about treats in school. As a teacher, we are not permitted to give food as a "reward" ... such as candy.

Parents still bring in a SMALL treat for their child for school ... but are strongly encouraged to bring something healthy. Please don't feel bad about not sending in a treat. You would really be surprised about how many children do not send in treats. And as or the goodie bags ... I personally feel these parents are going over the edge. Our school STRONGLY discourages "parties" in school. Birthday treats are given out at the end of the day and last for only about 5 minutes.

As for gifts ... most parents DO NOT give gifts ... least in my school district (where I work) and it is a pretty affluent district. So DO NOT feel bad. As one of the other posters said ... the heart-felt thank you notes given to me are the "gifts" I treasure.

So, do not feel bad about taking care of your family in the way you feel is relevant to the way you want to raise your child. Have a WONDERFUL trip in Disney ... it will be a memory she will never forget.

 

[bokolo]

At my school we have stopped allowing students to bring in food for birthdays due to food allergies and health concerns. Instead, each child receives a birthday t-shirt signed and decorated by all the students in the class. We sing and present the child with their t-shirt. The kids proudly wear their t-shirts that day and many other days as well. They still get to feel special and celebrate and a t-shirt lasts way longer than a cupcake.

 

[MickQuinn]

Time is more important than money.

How you make your child feel is more important than what you can buy.


Just my 2 cents.

 

[OceanAnnie]

As a parent I really can't stand the goody bag thing. It's too much and don't we all have enough junk anyway?

I would have to say I think it is important to attend everything you can at school these are things she will remember. It is very important.

As for staying out of school- My mother did this my birthday was 3 days before Christmas and times were tough but she would take the day off and take me to the movies and out to lunch. As I got older it was nails and lunch or nails and a movie. I have to say these are memories I cherish. It was all I needed for my birthday.

PS she also use to wake me up with a birthday muffin because we would have my cake on Christmas day with the family

ITA. I let my kids have them for an afternoon, and then they are stashed. Ugh.