Their charity, for a wedding gift?

[sajetto]

No, it was in with the wedding invitation.

I really think that you should just either opt to give a card then or just go to a different charity and get proof of your donation. That would automatically let the bride and groom know that you cared enough to take their request into consideration, but it just wasn't the charity you wished to give to, but found an alternate on your own.

 

[Cool-Beans]

What I am trying to say is that I think this couple is being very selfless in asking that any gifts go to charity and they should not be seen as being rude.

It is rude. They shouldn't be asking for ANY KIND of gift whatsoever.

You don't tell people to get you a gift. You don't tell them to NOT get you a gift. You don't tell them what YOU would like them to do with their money instead of a gift. You never, ever, EVER bring up the subject of a gift you are expecting someone to give you...especially if you are asking that person to be your GUEST! Argh.



Sajetto, I am sure you will have a beautiful wedding. (AT WDW, no less! My face is totally green.) Can't wait to hear about it!

 

[Beth76]

Tackiness of this being in the invitation aside, OP I think you're reading too much into this. They don't want or need gifts, yet they know they're going to get them. So they'd rather have the gifts go to charity. Like someone said it's no different from asking for charitable donations in leiu of funeral flowers. OK, so you don't like this particular charity. It's not likely to find a charity that EVERYONE on their guest list will like. Rather than be offended at your friends' opposing viewpoints, simply donate to another charity that you like. And preferably one that won't affect the couple. Or just give a card.

As to the tacky question, well I'm somewhat inclined to think this is ok. I don't like registry information in the the invitation, but this is a little different as the gifts are not actually going to the couple. And this is probably the best way for them to get the info out. I don't know, I'm torn on that issue.

 

[goodeats]

If it was a PETA donation request I would probably give them a gift certificate to a steakhouse! HA, Ok just kidding.

No, you are absolutely not required to donate to the charity. The fact that they included the request in the invitation is rude. You never mention gifts within a wedding invitation. A shower invitation is appropriate, but not wedding. Depending on how close I was to the couple I would probably give them a gift certificate to a store I thought they would like or maybe even a restaurant in their honeymoon location. If I wasn't very close to the couple (i.e. a social obligation invite) I would probably give nothing.

Oh, and I looked up NAMBLA - is that site for real? It can't be, can it?

 

[sajetto]

give nothing.

Oh, and I looked up NAMBLA - is that site for real? It can't be, can it?

I'm going to have to look that up too...something had to be really bad there :


ETA: .........I found out

 

[Cool-Beans]

Tackiness of this being in the invitation aside, OP I think you're reading too much into this. They don't want or need gifts, yet they know they're going to get them. So they'd rather have the gifts go to charity. Like someone said it's no different from asking for charitable donations in leiu of funeral flowers. OK, so you don't like this particular charity. It's not likely to find a charity that EVERYONE on their guest list will like. Rather than be offended at your friends' opposing viewpoints, simply donate to another charity that you like. And preferably one that won't affect the couple. Or just give a card.

As to the tacky question, well I'm somewhat inclined to think this is ok. I don't like registry information in the the invitation, but this is a little different as the gifts are not actually going to the couple. And this is probably the best way for them to get the info out. I don't know, I'm torn on that issue.

Aaargh! I think I'm going to pass out here.

If you want to donate to charity, YOU do it yourself. Take the checks, cash them, thank the givers. Then write your own check to "Birds Who Can't Fly." Return the bread-maker or teapot and send the money to "Poor Women With Moles."

I can't believe people are seriously accepting the idea that it is OK for a bride to tell her guests what to do! Eek!

 

[alliecats]

If the charity was the polar opposite of me politically, no, I could not bring myself to donate and I would be righteously offended by them "assuming" everyone is on the same side. Because it would have to be either an assumption that everyone is on the same side (how likely is that???), or extreme arrogance with possible intent to offend. In that case, NO gift, just a card. If it were just a controversial charity that didn't speak to me one way or another, I would donate something.

Now, if it were a neutral, everyone can get behind org, (ASPCA, St. Jude, etc), then I would give more. I think it is a very nice idea, IF DONE CORRECTLY. A political charity is not something that can be used in this way, IMO.

 

[Disney Doll]

Do we really still need to pretend that weddings don't include gifts??? Realistically, we all know that when folks get invited to a wedidng, they expect to bring a gift of some sort. We have a couple here who has all the "stuff" they need. They have chosen to tell those folks who might bring a gift to make a charitable donation instead. Very admirable, IMHO. The only error they made is dictating what charity. Even a note that said "a few of our favorites are..." and listing several organizations, would have been better than listing one controversial one. Or making the notation to donate to "the charity of your choice".

If you really can't give to the charity, then the Home Depot gift card is the way to go. A married couple can always get something at Home Depot.

 

[Madi100]

To be honest I haven't read this thread, I've eaten dinner and been busy. I'm having a wedding, but the only people invited are family and VERY close friends. I have requested not to have gifts because I already own a home and all the crap I need. I did not want a BIG wedding because I don't want people picking apart every decision I make. I don't wish to share the biggest day of my life with people who don't like the colors I chose or the food I serve, or the people I put in the processional, etc. I've seen a lot of threads lately with people that are ticked about decisons that brides and grooms made for their weddings. That's not what I want or need when I'm enjoying the happiest day of my life with the man I love. We are just sharing this day with those who really matter.

Congratulations on your wedding. How exciting for you!

You're lucky. When I got married the only people who wanted to offer their advice and tell me I wasn't making the right decision were my close friends and family. The people that weren't so close to me, came and had a good time. I think that it's a neat idea that you are having just your close friends and family there. However, I would be amazed if they all agree 100% with every choice you are making. Instead, they are just supporting you what. They are supporting your day. And, while you might see on here that people are discussing colors, donations, etc., they aren't likely to say that to the face of the person getting married. I think a lot of the conversations started on this board are not because people want big fights, but rather people think, "Hmm, I think that's odd, that bothered me, I wonder what the rest of the world thinks?" And, then you have a new post.

As to answer the post, I would not support the cause if I didn't believe in it. There is a particular store that we don't shop at. If we received an invitation to a wedding, and they were registered there, I'd simply find out what they wanted and shop elsewhere. I don't care if that is what the bride wanted, even if she's stomping her feet, I'm not going t support something that I don't believe in. Good for you for caring enough about the opposite side of it to not support something you don't believe in.

 

[Madi100]

If it was a PETA donation request I would probably give them a gift certificate to a steakhouse! HA, Ok just kidding.

No, you are absolutely not required to donate to the charity. The fact that they included the request in the invitation is rude. You never mention gifts within a wedding invitation. A shower invitation is appropriate, but not wedding. Depending on how close I was to the couple I would probably give them a gift certificate to a store I thought they would like or maybe even a restaurant in their honeymoon location. If I wasn't very close to the couple (i.e. a social obligation invite) I would probably give nothing.

Oh, and I looked up NAMBLA - is that site for real? It can't be, can it?

Just out of curiousity, why did NAMBLA come up in this thread?

 

[Southern4sure]

DmRick, you do what you feel is right. I would not go with a gift card, I would do a donation in their honor to a charity that I already support.

I would not have been offended by the invitation IF the wording was similiar to:
We request no gifts but if you feel a gift is necasarry please make a donation in our honor to your favorite charity. Something along those lines.

I'm stunned that anyone would think it is ok to request what kind a gift to receive. This is entirely different from a bridal registry and like another poster noted, you do not have to purchase off the registry. The giver is being courteous in doing so if the gift is chosen from the registry.

Another thing that struck me was why would I have to show proof of my donation? When did this become mandatory?

I looked up the definition of gift -
Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.

 

[pearlieq]

Apallingly rude.

Even if I supported the charity, they would be getting a card or token gift from me. No need to reinforce that kind of behavior!

 

[Beth76]

Aaargh! I think I'm going to pass out here.

If you want to donate to charity, YOU do it yourself. Take the checks, cash them, thank the givers. Then write your own check to "Birds Who Can't Fly." Return the bread-maker or teapot and send the money to "Poor Women With Moles."

I can't believe people are seriously accepting the idea that it is OK for a bride to tell her guests what to do! Eek!

The bride isn't telling anyone what to do anymore than having a registry. It is merely a suggestion. In case you didn't notice, I told the OP to donate to a different charity or do something else. I don't think it's a big deal for anyone to give to another charity that they believe in rather than give a gift that isn't needed. Seriously the bride and groom are trying to do a good, selfless thing. They may not have gone about it the best way but it's not like they're requiring this as admission to the wedding.

 

[DMRick]

Another thing that struck me was why would I have to show proof of my donation? When did this become mandatory?

Did I miss something? I know when you make a donation, if you give someone's name, they send a card without the amount to the person you are sending it in for.

I never even thought about being put on this organizations junk mail list. Oh yuck!

 

[Southern4sure]

Did I miss something? I know when you make a donation, if you give someone's name, they send a card without the amount to the person you are sending it in for.

I never even thought about being put on this organizations junk mail list. Oh yuck!

DmRick, I do not remember who posted the comment about providing proof of the donation, but I was questioning that. I agree with your description of how a donation is handled.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Seriously the bride and groom are trying to do a good, selfless thing.

No, they are trying to get OTHER PEOPLE to do what THEY consider a good thing. They ought to do it themselves.

 

[sajetto]

DmRick, I do not remember who posted the comment about providing proof of the donation, but I was questioning that. I agree with your description of how a donation is handled.

That was me and it was only a suggestion. I've seen it done before, but its not to be taken in to context of "Oh, DMRick you have to provide some sort of document or the couple will think you didn't donate." That is just something I would do as an alternative to donating to the couples choice.

 

[Southern4sure]

That was me and it was only a suggestion. I've seen it done before, but its not to be taken in to context of "Oh, DMRick you have to provide some sort of document or the couple will think you didn't donate." That is just something I would do as an alternative to donating to the couples choice.

Usually a card is sent to the happy couple acknowledging a donation was made in their honor. It would not matter which organization because they all do this. So therefore you wouldn't have to send anything yourself unless you want them to receive it twice...

 

[goodeats]

Just out of curiousity, why did NAMBLA come up in this thread?

Someone (I believe Sajetto) said that you should support the couple's choice of charity because it would be like buying a different china pattern. Then somebody pointed out that they certainly wouldn't give to NAMBLA. It was just an 'out there' example of a controversial charity.

Nobody can make you donate to something you don't believe in (including political parties).

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The bride isn't telling anyone what to do anymore than having a registry. It is merely a suggestion.

Etiquette dictates you never include "suggestions" with your Bridal invitation.
To do so is to make known that you expect gifts. Tacky.