Their charity, for a wedding gift?

[LindsayDunn228]

I'm not looking to start a debate, but as a bride I think that a guest that wouldn't give to the chairty that I chose is a guest I wish not to attend. If they didn't have the money that's one thing, but its no different than if I had a china set on my registry that you thought was tacky. It doesn't matter what the guest likes, if it is what the bride and groom want then that's what goes and trust me I am FAR from a bridezilla, this is just courtesy.

*bold emphasis mine*

If this were the case, I would look elsewhere on the registry or get a giftcard to somewhere.

 

[tar heel]

There are plenty of charities that some guests might might offensive. You can have friends who would choose a different charity than you. For example, like a lot of people, I have friends who are pro choice and friends who are not. Someone who is not pro choice would not want to give to the National Abortion Rights League or Planned Parenthood. I also have friends and relatives who are (gasp) conservatives. I love them but that doesn't mean I would give a donation to the John Birch Society or Republican Party in their honor.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think for the bride & groom to request a donation to "a" charity would be a wonderful, selfless thing to do. To request that you make a donation to a charity that many may find questionable is most definitely rude. There's plenty of charities that most everyone would be happy to donate to. I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation, but I wouldn't financially support anything I didn't agree with. To buy someone an ugly bowl they asked for is one thing. It's not like you're encouraging the company to make more ugly bowls. Donating money to someone/ something you don't agree with is totally different. As for a gift, how about a gift basket with a bottle of sparkling wine/ champagne, chocolates, choc. dipped strawberries, etc? This is something they could enjoy on their wedding night, but is also perishable & won't add to their clutter.

ETA: If the happy couple truly don't want or need anything, why not just ask people to join them on their happy day & explain that their presence is the only gift they need.

 

[N.Bailey]

I guess I really have no opinions for you because there are quite a few charities that I would never give to regardless of the circumstance. Some are, the ACLU, NAMBLA, PETA, the KKK (or any other hate group), Democrats (LOL - had to toss that in there), and religions that I don't follow to name a few. There are many others, so this is far from an all inclusive list for me.

I think I'd try and find something for the bride and groom if I were in your position, or maybe contact them to see if there was another charity that they'd like you to support.

 

[DMRick]

No, I'm not going to say what it is, because that would become the focus..and it's not this, but if you were an animal rights activist, would you give to a hunting group, that is trying to make hunting legal in a way it isn't now? If you believed in home schooling, would you give to a group trying to abolish it? If something was against your moral belief, would you support it with your money?

It's along those lines..any of the above.

I think we will go with the home depot gift certificate. Everyone with a home can use that..and if they want to tear it up..that's up to them. Thanks to the person with that idea.

If I love and respect the bride and groom, I would donate to their charity. I have to admire newlyweds who ask for nothing for themselves, but only for others.

Can you give a hint as to what charity this couple is supporting? Even organizations I would never give to do SOME things I can agree with. I would just convice myself that the money was going to that.

 

[Cass]

This is like funerals too, sometimes the family says not to send flowers but to donate to the firends of hayfever society or whatever.

So do you send to the charity or do nothing?

 

[mickeyfan2]

If you don't agree with the charity they have decided on & would like to give something then I saw give to another charity or just don't give a gift at all.

A gift is not necessary, you choose whether you want to give one or not.

I agree

 

[Cass]

I'm not looking to start a debate, but as a bride

You don't think the rest of us are brides? I've been a bride a few times

 

[N.Bailey]

I'm not looking to start a debate, but as a bride I think that a guest that wouldn't give to the chairty that I chose is a guest I wish not to attend. If they didn't have the money that's one thing, but its no different than if I had a china set on my registry that you thought was tacky. It doesn't matter what the guest likes, if it is what the bride and groom want then that's what goes and trust me I am FAR from a bridezilla, this is just courtesy.

I respect your point of view, but would you really send a contribution to NAMBLA if that was the request of the couple to be married? Hate groups? We don't know what the particular charity is, but under NO circumstance would I donate to these groups. I think the argument would actually go to, if anyone ever asked me to donate to these charities, I would have to seriously re-evaluate if I wanted to be friends with them.

 

[mtemm]

we went to a wedding a year or so ago and I actually thought what they did was wonderful. I can't remember how it was noted, but the bride and groom donated a % of their wedding gifts (MA wedding, everyone brought cash/checks) to diabetes and ms research. (the groom has type 1 diabetes, the bride ms).

wouldn't bother me. although I'll be honest and say if it was a charity I was very much opposed to (the society to club baby seals, I don't know), I would probably give the couple something else, like a g.c. to a restaurant or the like. otherwise, no problem.

 

[Lyn5]

I agree it was tacky. I think the Home Depot gift card is a great idea

ETA: Also, when I give a wedding or baby shower gift, I have always thought of it as a way to help the young couple and/or new parents. If they don't need or want a gift for themselves, then why not just ask that their guests bring themselves as "the gift" and enjoy their special day together.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'm not looking to start a debate, but as a bride I think that a guest that wouldn't give to the chairty that I chose is a guest I wish not to attend. If they didn't have the money that's one thing, but its no different than if I had a china set on my registry that you thought was tacky. It doesn't matter what the guest likes, if it is what the bride and groom want then that's what goes and trust me I am FAR from a bridezilla, this is just courtesy.

No it is not courtesy for the guest to do this. What it is arrogant for the bride to demand it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This is like funerals too, sometimes the family says not to send flowers but to donate to the firends of hayfever society or whatever.

So do you send to the charity or do nothing?

That's different...typically when someone dies you aren't requesting donations for something controversial** and honoring the deceased is completely different than treating a gift registry of any kind as an ultimatum for a bride and groom.

And even then it is still an option and NO you don't have to donate. You can send a lovely card if you like.

(based on the obits that I have seen in my town for people that I know or who attend my church...the charities are pretty benign and well known in the community if not the state or country. The most extreme I have seen is for a Catholic member of our community requests donations sent to a scholarship fund for a catholic school. They may have a non-Catholic friend who doens't support catholic education and that is fine and dandy!).

 

[Cool-Beans]

....why not just ask people to join them on their happy day & explain that their presence is the only gift they need.

That doesn't need to be explained. When you send the invitation, you are supposed to be asking someone to join you because you want to SHARE YOUR JOY with them. That's it.

Brides aren't supposed to be thinking about gifts, only joy and love. If they get a gift, they are thrilled beyond belief and write a Thank-You note ASAP.

My guess is that many people who think brides should tell people what to do with their money are the same brides who think they have one year to thank people. So, lemme clear that up, too.

People have up to One Year to send the bride a gift and not have it be considered late. The bride is so happy and excited to receive these gifts that she cannot WAIT to say, "Thank You," to the kind person who gave it to her.

Got that, brides? The givers get One Year. You thank them immediately.

 

[sajetto]

To be honest I haven't read this thread, I've eaten dinner and been busy. I'm having a wedding, but the only people invited are family and VERY close friends. I have requested not to have gifts because I already own a home and all the crap I need. I did not want a BIG wedding because I don't want people picking apart every decision I make. I don't wish to share the biggest day of my life with people who don't like the colors I chose or the food I serve, or the people I put in the processional, etc. I've seen a lot of threads lately with people that are ticked about decisons that brides and grooms made for their weddings. That's not what I want or need when I'm enjoying the happiest day of my life with the man I love. We are just sharing this day with those who really matter.

 

[MickeyMouseGal]

While I admire the thought, I think asking to contribute to one particular charity is out of line, especially if it is a controversial one. I for one would hope that nobody would ever ask me to contribute to a group such as PETA (since this example has been used) because it uses extensive campaigning to bash my profession. By doing so, I would be actively working against my colleagues.

If they had listed several, non-controversial charities like Make-A-Wish or St. Jude's Children's Hospital and asked guests to choose one, I would have done so with no question. Since they didn't give you a good choice, I would send a nice card and not attend the wedding. JMHO.

 

[N.Bailey]

To be honest I haven't read this thread, I've eaten dinner and been busy. I'm having a wedding, but the only people invited are family and VERY close friends. I have requested not to have gifts because I already own a home and all the crap I need. I did not want a BIG wedding because I don't want people picking apart every decision I make. I don't wish to share the biggest day of my life with people who don't like the colors I chose or the food I serve, or the people I put in the processional, etc. I've seen a lot of threads lately with people that are ticked about decisons that brides and grooms made for their weddings. That's not what I want or need when I'm enjoying the happiest day of my life with the man I love. We are just sharing this day with those who really matter.

I think this is sad. If this is the type of wedding you want, that's one thing, but I do think it's sad if you're allowing others to dictate what kind of wedding you would like to have.

 

[mytwotinks]

I'm not looking to start a debate, but as a bride I think that a guest that wouldn't give to the chairty that I chose is a guest I wish not to attend. If they didn't have the money that's one thing, but its no different than if I had a china set on my registry that you thought was tacky. It doesn't matter what the guest likes, if it is what the bride and groom want then that's what goes and trust me I am FAR from a bridezilla, this is just courtesy.

Not really the same thing. Your choice of china pattern is probably not going to offend anyone's moral code. I can think of several charities that I myself would not give to and several that I would that I am sure some others would not. Some people have things that their "code of ethics" will not allow them to support.

 

[sajetto]

I think this is sad. If this is the type of wedding you want, that's one thing, but I do think it's sad if you're allowing others to dictate what kind of wedding you would like to have.

Wow, this was a very rude comment. This is exactly the wedding I want and Its Disney for Goodness sake! I've dreamt of this since I was a little girl. I'm out of this thread.

 

[Cool-Beans]

To be honest I haven't read this thread, I've eaten dinner and been busy. I'm having a wedding, but the only people invited are family and VERY close friends. I have requested not to have gifts because I already own a home and all the crap I need. I did not want a BIG wedding because I don't want people picking apart every decision I make. I don't wish to share the biggest day of my life with people who don't like the colors I chose or the food I serve, or the people I put in the processional, etc. I've seen a lot of threads lately with people that are ticked about decisons that brides and grooms made for their weddings. That's not what I want or need when I'm enjoying the happiest day of my life with the man I love. We are just sharing this day with those who really matter.

I had a rather small wedding. Couldn't stand the idea of people staring at me as I walked down the aisle. Also never went to a graduation ceremony. That's just me.

Your parents and you get to have whatever kind of wedding you want. THAT is all up to you. As host/hostess of any reception, you should OF COURSE be trying to make your guests as comfortable as possible. Everyone tries this in their own way.

What you don't get to pick is how OTHER people spend their money.

I am sure that you will speak with Dear Old Mom and she will guide you through your wedding and everything will be wonderful. I'm also sure you won't do anything rude.

And Best Wishes!