The teacher should "just say no thank you", right?

[JerseyJanice]

This is an interesting thread to me as we were just discussing gift giving policies at work. I haven't read the entire thread (famous last words on the Dis ), so I will just address the OP.

My daughters have a friend whose father works for a pro sports team. She is very bright. She seems to be a top student, I would guess. Well, her teacher is the same teacher as one of my daughter's teachers. And the teacher has a 6 year old daughter.

I bolded one sentence above because its wording is confusing to me. I'm taking it that one or both of your DDs and their friend have the same teacher. I can't think of any other way to interpret your statement, but I'm also confused by why you mentioned that the teacher has a 6 year old DD. I don't see any relevance in that fact to the topic at hand, but maybe I'm missing something?

Personally, I like this teacher a lot, and she really likes my daughter, but this doesn't seem like it is a practice that should be accepted, do you? That's close to $800 worth of tickets just since September.

I'm not gonna rat the teacher out or anything. Nor do I think it his hurting my daughter in anyway, but IMO, it just doesn't seem fair. I would have thought that the school would have a very specific policy against this.

Is your DD's school a public or private school? If it's a public school, you can google your state's department of education and search on gift giving to see if this is a violation of administrative code. Fyi, if something isn't specifically written into admin code, then it's not a violation. In this particular case (and assuming that what these children are saying is true), depending on how your state's code is written, it may not be an ethics violation if the ticket giver didn't actually pay any money for the tickets.

If this is a private school, they may or not have policies on gift giving. If they do, you can probably find it in their parent handbook.

However, if you really like the teacher a lot and think she's doing right by your daughter, why worry about whether it seems fair? A lot of things in this world are unfair, but the only fairness you need to be concerned about is the way your daughter is being taught.

 

[legalsea]

I'd be interested to see how that would work in a case like this. If they were comp tickets and not for resale, they could be considered to have a face value of $0. In that case, even though it seems like a large gift it might be perfectly acceptable under the policy.


legalsea - Really, Jonas Brothers?! There are way better concerts at which to carry on a clandestine relationship. Honestly, I would have thought you had better taste than that!

Well, Wayne Newton was not in town, and Celine was too expensive.

 

[okeydokey]

Well, if thats so, then they will know they can't get away with anything then huh?

I'm amazed that you think that your possible negative reputation at your kids' school is a laughing matter.

 

[clovergirl5]

Yeah, I guess so. Kinda like how you are presumming that the teacher is taking a bribe from a 3rd grader and go running to the principal about it.

Excuse me, that word bribe came up WAY before I said it. Presumption is what it was called and I didn't start it!

 

[declansdad]

Just giving my honest opinion. Obviously op was concerned or he would have not started a thread about it. Do you know how many other parents in that class are aware of these gifts and how they feel? Really, thats all that matters. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of it all, what my opinion is, its not happening in my childrens school. Just relaying what I would do if I was concerned that the girl giving the gifts was receiving different treatment in the class because of it. Nothing more nothing less.

The op is very concerned about many things.

 

[dipin]

The idea that this was some kind of a bribe is silly to me. It's the third grade. A third grade report card, no matter how stellar it is, is rather meaningless. Especially for a kid that was already doing well before the so called "bribe."

And what is worse is the suggestion of some that the OP should go talk to the principal.
Really? So the op should essentially accuse a teacher and a friend (or at least parent of one of DD's friends) of corruption because there is a very small possibility that that might have an impact on a meaningless report card that does not affect the op's kids in any way?

 

[CF'er]

Thanks, but I don't want to do anything... and never did, though many here are saying otherwise. I just think that ethically a teacher should say "Thanks very much, but I can't accept those". That's it. No more, no less.

And how do you know that the teacher didn't do that? Maybe during her break she wrote a nice note thanking the parents but declining such a generous gift. The teacher then put both the note and the tickets in an envelope and sealed it and gave it to Susie after class to give to her parents.

I know that when I send in bribes... I tend to send them in sealed envelopes.

 

[clovergirl5]

That wasn't sarcasm and I did not call the OP anything.

Sorry, I don't know whos attacking and being sarcastic anymore...a wonderful trait I might add

 

[C.Ann]

I know that when I send in bribes... I tend to send them in sealed envelopes.

 

[leighe]

Yes, 4 older kids are in sports. Don't know what your great point is here My mind is about ready to explode on the computer screen because some people here are something that I can't say!

I was just wondering how you would handle not being able to talk to an authority figure about other people and their children.

 

[tzolkin]

And how do you know that the teacher didn't do that? Maybe during her break she wrote a nice note thanking the parents but declining such a generous gift. The teacher then put both the note and the tickets in an envelope and sealed it and gave it to Susie after class to give to her parents.

I think that since the OP was talking about multiple separate gifts of tickets (5, 6 times ?) that this isn't likely. I would think that after the first time the teacher declined the tickets that the parents would stop sending them in.

 

[Heidict]

You know it...and I guess my children are so lucky to have me, right everyone. Oh and teachers laugh or duck when they see me coming right?

Actually, I would say they are. It's better to have a parent that is involved, even if some feel it is too much, then to have ones that are never there and don't care.

I don't have a negative rep at school. They love me there. Its so nice when I walk in and my dc classmates say theres your mom. And I am friends with some of the teachers outside of school. So presuming to think you know that I have a bad rep....YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING SISTA Oh, and you are full of something sticky., .sniff sniff

I'm guessing maple syrup.

And how do you know that the teacher didn't do that? Maybe during her break she wrote a nice note thanking the parents but declining such a generous gift. The teacher then put both the note and the tickets in an envelope and sealed it and gave it to Susie after class to give to her parents.

I know that when I send in bribes... I tend to send them in sealed envelopes.

Maybe little Susie needs to take some lessons from you.

 

[mickeyboat]

clovergirl - I think it would be wise to walk away from this thread before you say something you regret.

I don't always agree with what every poster says on the DIS, but sometimes hearing someone else's opinion helps me reevaluate my own.

 

[clovergirl5]

I was just wondering how you would handle not being able to talk to an authority figure about other people and their children.

I have never been it that situation to tell you the truth. I guess I trust our coaches to know whats going on. And if my dc had a problem with one of the other kids, I would encourage them to talk to the coach about it. It happened to a different kid at rocket football this summer. One kid took another kids drink bottle and dumped it out. The coach was told by the kid and then he went and talked to the kid who dumped (just had to leave it at that)

For the most part, suprisingly the kids on the sports teams seem pretty well behaved.
I don't get why this matters. I don't go and complain about kids or parents to our coaches if thats what you are getting at. No need to. I am friends with alot of the parents.

 

[CF'er]

Actually now that I think about it that's how I send all of my correspondence and my kids are 11 and 13. I certainly wouldn't be sending expensive tickets without being sealed. What if Susie ripped off the stubs and they were no good?

 

[okeydokey]

I don't have a negative rep at school. They love me there. Its so nice when I walk in and my dc classmates say theres your mom. And I am friends with some of the teachers outside of school. So presuming to think you know that I have a bad rep....YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING SISTA Oh, and you are full of something sticky., sorry, I meant stiNky..sniff sniff

It concerns me that you are saying such combative things to me. I think I'll have to let someone know.

 

[Planogirl]

Clovergirl, are you OK? I only got to your screaming post and I was hoping that you hadn't gone completely off the deep end.

As for the original question - PD, I would leave it alone. MYOB seems to be the best approach here.

 

[clovergirl5]

clovergirl - I think it would be wise to walk away from this thread before you say something you regret.

I don't always agree with what every poster says on the DIS, but sometimes hearing someone else's opinion helps me reevaluate my own.

Why are people always saying this to me? I don't regret and Im not saying anything rude and attacking. I can't say that for some others here and its been happening alot on this site. I guess you fit in when you act like that, so I guess...why not. I will start personally attacking and then I will fit right in. It makes me so mad, I just laugh in disbelief sometimes. Some other people here need to reevaluate their words expressing their opininons, not me. My opinions are right for me and nobody will change that. You can suggest something to me, but not many people do that here. They rudely give their opinions and damn you if you disagree with them.

 

[just4today]

I think the OP is jealous because he didn't get the tickets himself. He was wrong to question the girl and should mind his own business.

And I feel sorry for any principal who has to take time out of his or her very busy day to deal with that kind of busybody stuff. It's wrong to take a concern like that directly to the principal without first addressing it with the teacher. Even if the teacher is 100% innocent, it still plants a seed of doubt and it wastes the time of people who do NOT have time to spare. And people complain about the state of schools these days! Maybe if the administrators didn't have to spend time dealing with this kind of stuff, they would have more time for solving real problems.

 

[C.Ann]

Actually now that I think about it that's how I send all of my correspondence and my kids are 11 and 13. I certainly wouldn't be sending expensive tickets without being sealed. What if Susie ripped off the stubs and they were no good?

All kidding aside, don't most parents send correspondence (or tickets or whatever) to a teacher in a sealed envelope? I always did - DD and her DH do so as well..