Raulandpinboy
<font color=blue>Table-dancing auctioneer<br><font
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2001
- Messages
- 1,705
The story of the mysterious key, or what do mean its my fault!!
But first the mans prayer
I am a man, but I can change. If I have too, I guess. Amen.
I need the help of every man on the planet on this one; I want to prove once and for all that all women are crazy. Listen to this story and you tell me how in the name of God almighty it ended up being my fault.
Okay as a perfect engineer male type I am so anal about backups, and thats why Im covered for just about anything. Example I have an extra emergency roll of toilet paper hidden behind the potty just in case, I carry TP to the construction sites I visit because tech manual paper no matter how you crumple it will hurt your butt I have two sets of keys made for every car or door we own, and I carry an extra valet key for my truck in my wallet just in case. (Disney taught me that one)
Now the rest of the story Dark and hungry Ed arrived at his house working a full 29 hours all he wanted to do was crash and enjoy the sounds of his computer quietly humming away. Then the wife announces it granddaughter #28th (* see side note #1) birthday and we have to go to the party.
So were off to the daughters house, a few happy birthday songs here and there then we all sit to relax while presents are opened then it began, a simple little command that would cause pressure ripples so strong men in the Soviet Union felt them. The Wife (* see side note #2) comes up to me and says let me borrow your keys to my van????
I as a mere man, must ask the simple little question of (hold on to your hats folks) where are your keys? To which I get the standard woman response of I dont know Now to most men on the planet the fact of losing your keys is to the most part A BIG THING am I right? Of coarse Im right why is that I wonder (* see side note #3) cause Im a man thats why. Now the wife as any woman would just smiles says I dont know, like its your job to find her missing keys. So reluctantly I submit my keys and check my watch because in 2 minutes I go tracking down my keys. (I got them back)
The next morning she asks me if I have her keys??? Why do women do this? For the same reason they start to watch a movie, get on the phone talk for 1 hour to Tink, then get off the phone look at the TV screen and ask you whos she? Why are they on that building? Where is the other guy?
Needless to say I pick up my keys to go to work, but something is different, as a man I immediately notice key #3 and #4 are missing, in a panic I yell out SHARON (oh sorry wrong show) DONNA dial 911 keys are gone Im informed that she borrowed my keys to her van because she still has not found her keys, and once again Im asked do you know where theyre at? I say no for the 4th time and go to work my mind at ease for a bit because the two keys are safe right?
Three days later her keys were found at the daughters house, massive rejoicing all around the world. If baffles me that a man will loose a set of keys, but will panic, loose sleep, not eat, take a bath, or shower, until they are found. A woman on the other hand will just say oh well, and then just ask you over and over if you have them.
At this point the keys she borrowed were in fact returned to me #3 and #4 are placed back where they belong, all is well in the world until that night when we get ready to go to dinner. Her van was free my truck was blocked so we take her van, but there is a problem the door key will not work!!! The ignition key (* see side note #4) works just fine. I look at the key closely and come to realize its not my old key, my old key said GM (general motors) this key say 8 thats it just an 8. I look to Donna who gives me that look as I ask her this is not my key, what did you do with my GM key?
Here it is the world just stands so still as she looks at me with that woman look and says and I quote I dont know what your talking about, thats the key I was using, so what did you do to it? No NO NO this could not be the key you were using it does not work, this is not my key I want my %^$(@# GM Key back again I dont have it what did you do with it? and to make it worse for the next two weeks every stinking time she looses her keys and takes mine she comes back and yells at me because the number 8 key does not work ITS NOW MY FAULT. Will somebody tell me how this can be?
But wait theeeeeeers more, a week later I come home and she greets me at the door holding a key in her hand and behold its a GM key, she sneers at me, holding her hand at her hip in an inquisitive fashion, and says I found this under the seat of my van I look at her and say and? she looks back and says well its your key how did it get there?
The score, and story so far .
Donna looses her keys, and its my fault.
Donna borrows my keys, finds her keys, and returns my keys but one key is not the same key, it does not work on any vehicle we own, and its my fault.
Donna finds the correct key in her van, and wants to know how it got there because its my fault.
We go to war with Iraq and its my fault.
So no matter what we do as men in or on this planet, its our fault. Every time a woman does anything wrong its the man fault? Am I right because if I am then its my fault, which means its a double negative so they cancel, and its not my fault right?
Here is my theory Donna is having an affair with a guy that drives an 8 car, she lost her key at his place, borrowed his keys because it was his fault, switched keys gave mine to him, and his to me, then switched them back Aha you see I win cause I kept the 8 key so now hes stuck without a key and its . Yes my fault!!!!!
At least my lock box with the videos (* see side note #5) is safe.
Side note pertaining to those little * everywhere
Side note #1 (Grandchildren) * I have some 30 or so grandkids, when we learned in bible class that the lord said go now be fruitful and multiply my children thought he was speaking directly to them. Although this is great at pin events the chances of you getting any type of rest is nil next to none.
Side note #2 (Wife) * significant other placed on the planet to cause men who were bad in a previous life much pain and suffering in this life to pay for previous sins. (To date I can only assume that I must have been Rasputin, Ganges Kahn, or a renegade Nazi U-boat commander)
Side note #3 (losing keys) * written in the Ed Otero why oh why do we get married book of words, in chapter 5 sub-section 3 paragraph 2 titled Why men panic when keys are missing he breaks it down into to following reasons
#1 the key to the safety deposit, closet, or lock box where we keep oh say Videos of midgets, magazines, pictures of the ex wife, girlfriend, that crazy girlfriend in the 11th grade, you know things we swore we got rid of when we got married, is on that key ring.
#2 the keys to the car man, we can lose our wheels if not careful, and to most our car is the place where we can escape drive around listen to head-banger music as loud as we want, without that nagging sound of Will you please stop listening to that loud junk and act you age for crying out loud.
#3 the house we installed the $3500.00 security system, the $450.00 nuclear deadbolt, but if the key is missing We men get this image of a group of terrorist finding the lost keys, going to the house, walking in and drinking all our beer, eating all of our stuff, watching the TV and hiding the remote. The only good thought here is after they drink all that beer on the way out theyll pee on those evil little pink flamingos she has on the front lawn.
#4 who wants to tell the boss that we lost the keys to the hollow mountain doors, all 20 of them keyed alike at a very large cost to replace 100 some odd keys for all the employees.
#5 now we will never know what that little brown key was that has been on the key ring forever goes too.
Side note #4 (Ignition key *) For the ladies ignition that little hole thingy on the steering wheel thingy that you put your key into to make the car go vroom vroom.
Side note #5 (videos *) All videos are Disney type videos even the dirty parts in Who framed roger rabbit were edited for taste and values.
Disclaimer:
Its my fault. I was born, and Im being punished for the people I made suffer in another life. Ricky Ricardo said in song Thats right the woman is un smart girl This is a true I swear story. The names were not changed to protect the innocent hey &^&$#@ them. I feel like I live in a Monty Pythons flying circus show.
But first the mans prayer
I am a man, but I can change. If I have too, I guess. Amen.
I need the help of every man on the planet on this one; I want to prove once and for all that all women are crazy. Listen to this story and you tell me how in the name of God almighty it ended up being my fault.
Okay as a perfect engineer male type I am so anal about backups, and thats why Im covered for just about anything. Example I have an extra emergency roll of toilet paper hidden behind the potty just in case, I carry TP to the construction sites I visit because tech manual paper no matter how you crumple it will hurt your butt I have two sets of keys made for every car or door we own, and I carry an extra valet key for my truck in my wallet just in case. (Disney taught me that one)
Now the rest of the story Dark and hungry Ed arrived at his house working a full 29 hours all he wanted to do was crash and enjoy the sounds of his computer quietly humming away. Then the wife announces it granddaughter #28th (* see side note #1) birthday and we have to go to the party.
So were off to the daughters house, a few happy birthday songs here and there then we all sit to relax while presents are opened then it began, a simple little command that would cause pressure ripples so strong men in the Soviet Union felt them. The Wife (* see side note #2) comes up to me and says let me borrow your keys to my van????
I as a mere man, must ask the simple little question of (hold on to your hats folks) where are your keys? To which I get the standard woman response of I dont know Now to most men on the planet the fact of losing your keys is to the most part A BIG THING am I right? Of coarse Im right why is that I wonder (* see side note #3) cause Im a man thats why. Now the wife as any woman would just smiles says I dont know, like its your job to find her missing keys. So reluctantly I submit my keys and check my watch because in 2 minutes I go tracking down my keys. (I got them back)
The next morning she asks me if I have her keys??? Why do women do this? For the same reason they start to watch a movie, get on the phone talk for 1 hour to Tink, then get off the phone look at the TV screen and ask you whos she? Why are they on that building? Where is the other guy?
Needless to say I pick up my keys to go to work, but something is different, as a man I immediately notice key #3 and #4 are missing, in a panic I yell out SHARON (oh sorry wrong show) DONNA dial 911 keys are gone Im informed that she borrowed my keys to her van because she still has not found her keys, and once again Im asked do you know where theyre at? I say no for the 4th time and go to work my mind at ease for a bit because the two keys are safe right?
Three days later her keys were found at the daughters house, massive rejoicing all around the world. If baffles me that a man will loose a set of keys, but will panic, loose sleep, not eat, take a bath, or shower, until they are found. A woman on the other hand will just say oh well, and then just ask you over and over if you have them.
At this point the keys she borrowed were in fact returned to me #3 and #4 are placed back where they belong, all is well in the world until that night when we get ready to go to dinner. Her van was free my truck was blocked so we take her van, but there is a problem the door key will not work!!! The ignition key (* see side note #4) works just fine. I look at the key closely and come to realize its not my old key, my old key said GM (general motors) this key say 8 thats it just an 8. I look to Donna who gives me that look as I ask her this is not my key, what did you do with my GM key?
Here it is the world just stands so still as she looks at me with that woman look and says and I quote I dont know what your talking about, thats the key I was using, so what did you do to it? No NO NO this could not be the key you were using it does not work, this is not my key I want my %^$(@# GM Key back again I dont have it what did you do with it? and to make it worse for the next two weeks every stinking time she looses her keys and takes mine she comes back and yells at me because the number 8 key does not work ITS NOW MY FAULT. Will somebody tell me how this can be?
But wait theeeeeeers more, a week later I come home and she greets me at the door holding a key in her hand and behold its a GM key, she sneers at me, holding her hand at her hip in an inquisitive fashion, and says I found this under the seat of my van I look at her and say and? she looks back and says well its your key how did it get there?
The score, and story so far .
Donna looses her keys, and its my fault.
Donna borrows my keys, finds her keys, and returns my keys but one key is not the same key, it does not work on any vehicle we own, and its my fault.
Donna finds the correct key in her van, and wants to know how it got there because its my fault.
We go to war with Iraq and its my fault.
So no matter what we do as men in or on this planet, its our fault. Every time a woman does anything wrong its the man fault? Am I right because if I am then its my fault, which means its a double negative so they cancel, and its not my fault right?
Here is my theory Donna is having an affair with a guy that drives an 8 car, she lost her key at his place, borrowed his keys because it was his fault, switched keys gave mine to him, and his to me, then switched them back Aha you see I win cause I kept the 8 key so now hes stuck without a key and its . Yes my fault!!!!!
At least my lock box with the videos (* see side note #5) is safe.
Side note pertaining to those little * everywhere
Side note #1 (Grandchildren) * I have some 30 or so grandkids, when we learned in bible class that the lord said go now be fruitful and multiply my children thought he was speaking directly to them. Although this is great at pin events the chances of you getting any type of rest is nil next to none.
Side note #2 (Wife) * significant other placed on the planet to cause men who were bad in a previous life much pain and suffering in this life to pay for previous sins. (To date I can only assume that I must have been Rasputin, Ganges Kahn, or a renegade Nazi U-boat commander)
Side note #3 (losing keys) * written in the Ed Otero why oh why do we get married book of words, in chapter 5 sub-section 3 paragraph 2 titled Why men panic when keys are missing he breaks it down into to following reasons
#1 the key to the safety deposit, closet, or lock box where we keep oh say Videos of midgets, magazines, pictures of the ex wife, girlfriend, that crazy girlfriend in the 11th grade, you know things we swore we got rid of when we got married, is on that key ring.
#2 the keys to the car man, we can lose our wheels if not careful, and to most our car is the place where we can escape drive around listen to head-banger music as loud as we want, without that nagging sound of Will you please stop listening to that loud junk and act you age for crying out loud.
#3 the house we installed the $3500.00 security system, the $450.00 nuclear deadbolt, but if the key is missing We men get this image of a group of terrorist finding the lost keys, going to the house, walking in and drinking all our beer, eating all of our stuff, watching the TV and hiding the remote. The only good thought here is after they drink all that beer on the way out theyll pee on those evil little pink flamingos she has on the front lawn.
#4 who wants to tell the boss that we lost the keys to the hollow mountain doors, all 20 of them keyed alike at a very large cost to replace 100 some odd keys for all the employees.
#5 now we will never know what that little brown key was that has been on the key ring forever goes too.
Side note #4 (Ignition key *) For the ladies ignition that little hole thingy on the steering wheel thingy that you put your key into to make the car go vroom vroom.
Side note #5 (videos *) All videos are Disney type videos even the dirty parts in Who framed roger rabbit were edited for taste and values.
Disclaimer:
Its my fault. I was born, and Im being punished for the people I made suffer in another life. Ricky Ricardo said in song Thats right the woman is un smart girl This is a true I swear story. The names were not changed to protect the innocent hey &^&$#@ them. I feel like I live in a Monty Pythons flying circus show.
!!
! This is the price he must pay so I can get my giggles which are actually the fuel I use to make his dinner, so therefore, very important! He has even lost all of the keys to his truck door--I repeatedly reminded him to get extras made--he works all day near a key-maker--but that never happened. So how does he lock the truck--he doesn't--he relies on "The Force"!!!!
