The Sillys Journey into the Heart of Dorkness (new 12/15 - p. 23 criminy crackerswog)
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Trip Report Section 6 - Wherein all that remains to be said of MGM is said.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, really quite recently, there was a trip report segment which began with these words, "Once upon a time, not so long ago, really quite recently, there was a trip report segment which began with these words, 'Once upon a time, not so long ago, really quite recently, there was a trip report segment which began with the words,' " Fortunately for us all the author was well aware of the dangers of recursive storytelling and managed to break out of the loop before the whole universe was consumed by the infinitely regressive story and then the cosmos was destroyed in a stack overflow. This should stand as a lesson to us all on the wonders and dangers of recursion in self-referential storytelling.
A brief note on why this segment is in a foreign language, eh.
In the spirit of international harmony and goodwill, we have decided to post this segment of the report translated into a foreign language. Seeing as there are a lot of Canadians on the board, that's the language we will use, eh. So a big hello to our eskimo friends to the north. We will be using the revised standard Canadian convention, such that we will use "eh" as a sentence terminator, but will follow it with a period instead of a question mark, eh. Also, there is a Canadian convention/law/whatever that on any document that contains English, there must also be French. Thus, bonjour! For our American friends, if you have difficulty reading this report, there are several free automated translation tools available on the internet, such as AltaVista's Babel Fish, and I assume there's one that can translate Canadian to American, eh.
A note on an archaic medical theory, eh.
The ancient Greeks had relatively sophisticated medical knowledge to some degree, but in some respects their views were very limited. These views, good and bad, by and large were adopted by Rome and later Medieval Europe, and things only really started to change with the Renaissance when learning from the Arabic world (which was much more medically sophisticated than contemporary Medieval Europe), and the new learning from other sources spurred on changes into views, and more inquiry into medical science. One place where the Greek views were a bit iffy is the theory of the Four Humours (Humors for our American readers).
In the past I gave a list of rules for things that were humourous. The Four Humors is not actually referring to things that are funny, but to bodily fluids. Okay, body fluids can be funny. They often are, outside of medical contexts. But in this case the word humour is just referring to the fluid and not referring to funny.
The Four Humours are bile, black bile, blood, phlegm. This was really of Greek origin, hence the Greco-Latin names were Choler, Melancholer, Sanguis, and Phlegma. When these humours were in balance you were healthy, when they are out of balance then one dominates. If one dominates supposedly certain diseases would afflict you. But they also had an effect on personality. Thus if you have too much black bile, then you are melancholic - dark and depressed. Too much blood and you are sanguine - jolly but perhaps a bit too amorous. Too much bile and you are bilious (or choleric) - prone to anger. Too much phlegm and you are phlegmatic - lazy and gluttonous.
I bring this up for two reasons. First because I just love to jibber-jabber about old ideas. Second because I plan on using the words melancholic, bilious, phlegmatic, and sanguine, and so I figured some background would be useful. Third because I already used a few of them and had an itch I needed to scratch on the topic. And also I was worried about running dry of material and having a very short segment. Not sure why I worry 'bout that though, eh. Finally, I actually had no other reasons to add here, so this last sentence doesn't make a lot of sense - please ignore it.
The Puzzle, eh.
For some reason Marketing did not find our last segment to actually be an improvement over other segments. Why they were unhappy was a bit of a puzzle for us, until they mentioned that we totally ignored everything that they said. So we are planning on dropping any historical references and killing any words with a bunch of syllables. Plain simple words of Anglo-Saxon origin. Avoid the frenchy stuff. And ultra-avoid the Latin stuff.
To Marketing, I say: Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose! (For our American friends, this is French for "go suck goats, Marketing drones!"
A long time ago, while reading an accursedly boring bedtime story to the kids about a lady spider who was a mail-delivery-agent (definitely not a mailman), who delivered mail to flies and other bugs for the hundredth time or so, I sneakily began to subtly change the story. This was a way to add some interest to a story that we would read over and over, and also a test to see it the kids were awake and listening. So when she went in to give a letter to an old housefly, I inserted the phrase, "and then baring her fangs, she punctured her exoskeleton and began to suck out her life juice." The phrase was suitably amusing that it wound up appearing in other stories. For instance, in the Velveteen Rabbit, one of the nursery toys occasionally would suck the life juice out of the Velveteen Rabbit. And at times the Velveteen Rabbit would suck the life juice out of the real rabbits (who were jerks and deserved it). Max and Sophia initially enjoyed these little insertions, and would occasionally call out "do the life juice!" And then over times they would demand "no life juice!" And then, being the way they are, they would sometimes fight over whether "doing the life juice" was appropriate.
Anywho, this goes by way of mentioning that in this trip report segment we will be playing a little game again. Which is that we will sneakily inserting somewhere in this report segment, a reference to a ride/show/product/event/something that is actually not available to people in MGM. See if you can spot it. If this seems like a déjà vu to you, well it's true. Yoo hoo. It is a déjà vu through and through. It's something we already did do. Now we do it times two. Now the rhyming is through. Thank goodness, too. Phew.
Back to our report, eh.
In our last segment we noted that we were heading off to Star Tours. So we are out and about and that's where we are walking to. (For our American readers, in Canadian it is correct to end sentences with prepositions, FBI).
A note on walking, eh.
For about two months prior to the trip I was going to the gym regularly doing a long aerobic workout and doing weight training. With my beloved iPod, which makes time in the Gym oh so very much better. H. had been doing a water aerobics class prior to that by a few months and we went to the gym together to force each other to go. We did this since it is a good in itself, but also since we wanted to be strong for the Disney World vacation. And up to this point it was working pretty well while we were out and about in Disney World. We had a spring in our steps and glide in our stride. We were jamming. We had peppiness. This was strange. We usually aren't really that peppy. But there we were. Being peppy. This energy was not to last, but at the time it was great. I carried Sophia (55 pounds) all the way across Epcot on the night we arrived just because I could and felt fine afterwards. So if you are planning on going to Disney World and are generally sedentary, doing some exercise really helps.
A note on my shoes, eh.
Since we were referring to the gym, it seems as good a time as any to bring up the shoes I am wearing on this day in MGM. Since the crocs had failed me for the last time, I shifted to my primary park walking shoes, a pair of Reebok Cross Trainers that I got at an outlet in Freeport Maine. Before Sophia was born. This was when we were living in Nova Scotia, we were driving down to Boston and hit the outlets on the way and picked them up. Oh so long ago. Yes, my shoes are actually older than Sophie. It turns out that I don't actually use them too often, just when going to the gym, and I haven't done that enough in the last nine years or so to wear out the shoes. It's almost like there is some message buried in there that on closer scrutiny would indicate a particular fact about exercise patterns that would be somewhat troubling.
A note on that last note on my shoes, eh.
Why am I talking about my old shoes in a trip report? I just realized that I was writing about reflecting on the lessons I can learn from my shoes to people on the internet. And not just one sentence. Whoa. This is one of those moments when I really ought to step back for a moment and just sort of take a look at what the heck I am doing, and deeply reflect on things. What are my priorities? Where is my life really going? Am I really doing good in the world by talking about my old shoes on the internet? What is the good? Etc.? But instead I will press on
Back to our report again, eh.
Anywho, we walked to Star Tours.
A note on a note on a really great Disney product - Disney Genuine Eye of Mara Advantage, eh
For the last few times we have gone to Disney Land we found a cool option that they had there - the Disney Genuine Eye of Mara Advantage. With this option, on entry to the park, you receive an ancient and mysterious idol representing a fearsome Indian deity. The deity had a special rare and precious jewel embedded into it's forehead which is known as the "Eye of Mara." It comes in a Naugahyde bag with various Disney related art on it. Anyone who looks on the eye will receive the gift of eternal youth, earthly riches or future knowledge. And they will also be cursed. The curse is that they will immediately leave any line that they are standing in, and beeline for the nearest souvenir stand, where they will pay full price for a very expensive souvenir. Luckily they can return it. The great thing about this option is that when you are in a long line, you strike up some kind of conversation with whoever is in front of you, and casually mention that you got a really neat souvenir. Then pull out the eye, careful not to look on it yourself. Bang. They all see the eye, jump out of line, and you are one place closer to the front. Used several times in a row this can really cut down on wait times.
This is useful in other contexts as well. If you are at a buffet and are waiting behind someone who is being annoyingly slow, just break out the eye and tap them on the shoulder. They'll be putting down their plate and running out the door.
And you don't even have to feel bad about it because they get eternal youth, earthly riches, or future knowledge. As far as I can tell they almost always get future knowledge. From what I have been able to discern, usually the future knowledge involves knowing just what it will be like to go through the return process for the souvenir. But every once in a while it has been other stuff. Like one time this guy knew who was going to win at a horse race in Tennessee that was going to happen in about ten minutes from then. Sadly he was not able to call his bookie fast enough, but that could have been quite valuable knowledge. In theory.
So this is a DisneyLand thing, but luckily for us, they were doing a test pilot of the program, so we were able to get one while we were at MGM. It was a one day thing, but we figured it would be handy. And it did turn out to be handy. It was especially funny to use on the kids since they couldn't actually buy stuff and would just be trapped standing at souvenir stands for hours... That last sentence was neither true nor funny.
A note on the Star Wars weekend we were not enjoying, eh.
The first trip to Disney World with Max and Sophia we went in the springtime. When we were there, Star Wars Weekend was going on. Since I think H. never wrote a report on that trip (could be wrong), and since this is worth noting since it coloured our experiences this time to some degree, I think we need to digress a bit, eh.
Star Wars weekend is, to use a California-ism, way totally rad, dude. As you start to walk in, you see the Storm Troopers stationed on the roofs of stuff at the front gate. And they are moving and doing Storm Trooper stuff, such as looking imposing, and failing to kill any of the good guys. We went into the Star Tours area, and they had done a really wonderful job on setting the whole thing up. The band from the cantina was playing on a stage, there were all sorts of CMs in Star Wars costumes that were cool, and they had the place tricked out. It being the first time we saw any of this, we were especially blown away by the AT-ATs and all the rest all working together. Inside Star Tours they had extra CMs in costume walking around. It was theming paradise.
They had a Jedi training class where the kids learned to battle with Light Sabers. Max and Sophia both got picked to do this, and at the end Max battled Darth Vader, while Sophie battled Darth Maul. And we got lots of pictures. The Star Tours merch. was very cool, and seemed to have been better back then (though it might just be the fact that it was our first time seeing most of it). We bought a limited edition pin and some free action figures, and stuff. When we went to eat, Max went outside for a while to stand in the moonlight and contemplate his Jedi training. And we talked to some Harry Potter fans who noted that Max looked just like H.P. (he did at the time especially - he won two sequential H.P. costume contests on the release nights of two of the books).
So there we were, and it was just brilliant, and we were all blown away by how cool it was, and were generally sanguine the whole time we were there. Note that I used the word "sanguine," which refers to blood - one of the four humors.
Back to our report yet again, eh.
So now when we walk up to Star Tours Mr. Crankypants is able to fire of a few critiques - the whole area is just so bland - it's just not living up to its potential. It is still nice, but it is nothing compared to Star Wars Weekend bliss. We go on Star Tours. It is a quiet day. We get the front row. Whoo. The guy who is doing the boarding is amusing, though I can't remember any of his jokes. I took some notes I can't read, so if anyone has any ideas what might be a funny thing to say if you are a CM boarding people onto Star Tours feel free to contribute.
Since it was a short line we loop it. The thing about Star Tours is that it is kind of nice to wander a bit slowly through the line leading up to boarding to hear a bit of the banter between R2 and 3PO, to check out the droid workshop area, to listen to the misbehaving droid. And looking up at the control tower where Admiral Akbar is and calling out, "It's a trap." And so on. They did such a nice job on all this. So the second time through we go a bit more slowly and let a few people pass us so we can ogle the awesome set design.
The cast member has Max and Sophie "use the force" to open the door. Then we board, and we get the front row again. Holy Cow. It is quiet enough that we don't even fill every available seat in the row. We just stop in the middle since there isn't anyone behind us. I feel distinctly unpatriotic, but let's not dwell on it.
We go to the Muppet Movie next. It is always fun. I grab four pairs of glasses and rub them all over my armpits for a while, stick each in my nose a bit, and then throw three back in.
We watch the pre-show cartoon, read the labels on the prop boxes, and things take a somewhat more melancholic turn as we reflect on how great Jim Henson was, and think that we need to make sure that Dark Crystal is in the Netflix queue, and maybe some Muppet Movies, especially Muppets in Space. We only saw that one in the theatres. Note that I used the term "melancholic," one of the four humors. Aren't they handy?
The doors open. There is clearly a smaller than expected crowd. Sam the Eagle chides us that stopping in the middle is distinctly unpatriotic. But the CM at the front tells us to go ahead and stop in the middle. Like it's not a violation of the Disney Social Contract to stop in the middle. While once again not feeling exactly right about this, we stop in the middle in very good seats. The first time this movie is seen it pegs the awesometer at 100%. On subsequent watchings it is still very excellent, hitting somewhere in the mid 80s to the mid 90s depending on how well ordered one's soul is.
We exit. We go to get snacks again despite the lack of Minute Maid Frozen Lemonade. Max and H. go to the snack place on the lake. Sophie and I go to a different Ice Cream cart to get strawberry bars. As we are walking there, I notice a place near the entrance to the Indiana Jones show that sells food. I check hoping that maybe somehow they sell the real Minute Maid Frozen Lemonade. No such luck. But they do sell some weird thing called Arepas. It is a fried corn cake wrapped around Mozarella cheese. I decide I must get one. We get one, then get our strawberry bars at the cart, and then go back to the place where H. and Max are. They have gotten some stuff among which is a pop and a stuffed pretzel thing that sounds good but turns out to not be good. The first time we had Strawberry bars they had a sort of waxy coating on the outside that we pretty good and also helped to keep them from melting and dripping. This time they are just plain. They are still good, though not as good. Max believes they are gross, his main complaint against them being the waxy coating. Even though we can now demonstrate that they are different and have no waxy coating, he still persists in his view that they are gross. I try to explain that they are basically sorbet on a stick, and he likes sorbet, but he will have none of it.
Having had our snack, from there we get some popcorn. We get the big bucket. We try to pay for it, but their room key/credit system is down. After a few failures they give it to us for free. Whoo.
We wander into pin-mania in the hat. There are tons of pins here. I think we traded some and got a Lion Witch and Wardrobe pin that we traded for something else later. There were many instances of pin trades.
From there we went to the Little Mermaid show. Sophia is still a bit short and has a problem with the chairs that are used in shows in Disney World. If anyone sits in front of her she can see their head. If it is an adult then we do what we can to switch seats around to have a child or a short person in front of her. She still sits on the edge of the chair folded up, or kneels on the seat so that there is no obstruction whatsoever. We have tried to explain that having someone's head blocking your view of some feet really is no big deal, but she is very obsessive about having an absolutely clear view. The show itself is really amazing. They have some very talented designers and puppeteers. It is kind of cool how sometimes enough light will be reflected that you can make out the people in black who are moving things about since it makes you appreciate what is going into the show. The lady in front of us had a video camera that she tried to hide. And she was wearing a black touque, so she looked criminal somehow. We were disturbed, bilious even, but did not go into vigilante mode on her. Hoser. Note that we used the word "bilious," one of the four humors. We mowed hard on popcorn. Disney popcorn is extra delicious so this is perhaps one reason why it all disappeared so quickly. Perhaps we were excessively phlegmatic. Note that we used the word "phlegmatic," another of the four humors. Now you can see how knowing these words can actually be handy in your day to day life. I like to think that my engaging in this sort of thing is really just a practicality.
From here we go to the Narnia display. It is clearly a temporary display, and mostly a commercial, but it is still pretty neat. The wintertime displays are really well done. The one outside has the odd psychological effect of causing one to feel cooler while standing in the 90 degree heat. Almost makes me want to put on a toque (Canadian for a beanie). The more interesting parts to us were really the the costumes and props that they had on display at the end. Most people went past without a pause, but we were nerds and loitered for a good while, and also talked to the CM and looked at his lanyard.
As we walked along we grabbed ice off some carts. I just held mine in my hands to cool down, but Sophie dropped some in my pocket (I am up on her tricks and quickly recovered this time). Max tried to get H. by dropping ice down her back. H.'s patience with ice fun is decreasing. Rapidly.
From here we go to the Back Stage Tour. We haven't done this before, so it is all new to us, eh. I like seeing the props, and seeing the drivers from the car show driving where we can see them at certain points. When we get on the tram, I check to make sure the kids have seatbelts on - after all this ride does a high speed corkscrew loop. After the ride is over, Max is upset since he hoped to get wetter, since the ride threatened that it might get you wet. I pour some water from a water bottle into my hand and make a really swell splash that got him and Sophie wet. That wasn't what he had in mind.
In the gift shop I have Kermit do a few silly things, including a great frog dance, not realizing this will trigger a series of events that culminates in us acquiring two Kermits, small for Sophie, big for Max. They actually turned out to like these quite a lot, which surprised me as I expected them to be forgotten.
Speaking of Kermit, if you know who the band the Talking Heads is, click this link. Otherwise click it anyway, but be prepared to be confused.
They go to the princess stuff shop and torture me by fiddling with princess fru-fru for a long time. Sophie explains to me that she is torturing me by taking extra time. Dear sweet Sophie. They keep taking a long time. They play with the crown thing. They test out all the fancy princess crown options. I point out that the crown is like a brazillion dollars and we are not getting it. They ignore me and play with the crown some more. Then they look at the birth stone stuff. I consider pointing out that birth stones are a holdover from the medieval era, but I am not entirely sure about it, so I hold off. I am glad that I don't, because it turns out that the idea is probably much older than that (Exodus 39:10-14), and also because the particulars that have been settled on were only decided in the 20th century. I just briefly stepped back and thought, "I am writing a report about a trip to Disney World for people on the Internet where I just explained that I had a thought about talking about birthstones that I did not express,and then gave an account of the incompleteness of my original account. Like, dude, what's the deal?" "Dude, what's the deal," indeed, eh.
So far the lines have all been short, and so I have not really had any reason to use the Eye of Mara. I briefly consider using the Eye of Mara on my own party members at this point. But I realize that they would then just walk up to the cash wrap with something expensive, and that is not an outcome I really want.
We want to make the Beauty and the Beast show so we wandered into the exit for the The Magic of Disney Animation so as to not waste time on the show. It's good, but having seen it and being on a limited schedule it got slashed. At the end of the show is when you can do the drawing lessons. This is really cool since they do a nice job of explaining how to draw a particular Disney character, but they switch to a new character each time. H. Sophie, and I think this is the best thing in the park, and Max is very positive. We do this one twice. While waiting outside we run into a guy we talked to at the bus stop at the Pop. He has several Monorail pins. I am searching for Monorail pins. I ask him where he found them, but he is vague, he is just going around trading. We do the drawing thing, and draw Donald and one other character. We would have done it more, but sadly this is not possible as we need to bail for Beauty and the Beast. In fact if we ever go to MGM again, we are going to book a big block of time for this.
I didn't go into a lot of detail about this part above, but in fact, this is one of the coolest parts of MGM. H. & I have agreed that if we ever return to Disney World, and if when we go we decide to go into MGM, that we need to put aside a block of time to be sure to be able to do this drawing thing at least four times in a row. Minimum. Ideally with the option to do it more, should we want to.
Sophia was so pleased by her experiences that we later got her a Disney sketchbook thing at MGM that included instructions on how to draw characters (though in less detail and with fewer steps than the live artists). When she got home I noticed that our mortar and pestle (in which we had been storing garlic, odd small keys, and other odd small objects) had been dumped and the mortar was missing. (In case you are wondering, the mortar is the bowl, the pestle is the stick thing). I found it in the entryway upside down on a piece of paper. Sophie was using it to make circles. That also explained why she had been asking me about compasses (the kind you use to make circles).
We charge off to the Beauty and the Beast show. It is still early for the show. We get a pretzel. It's good. Everyone wants a piece with a lot of salt on it, which is challenging. If I had a computer and some time I could probably work out a way of fairly dividing it so we each got a fair share of both pretzel and salt. But I have neither. So we just rip into it and it's gone quickly.
We get in the line for popcorn. It is an annoyingly long line. I fondle the Naugahyde wrapped idol, and think about things... I break down and pull it out. I lightly tap the person in front of me on the shoulder, "hey there, take a look at this amazing souvenir I got at the Indiana Jones souvenir booth, eh." The guy looks at it. Right in the eye. Bang. I think "Score!" He says, "I must get a souvenir refillable Popcorn bucket immediately" in a kind of zombie voice. Dang. Foiled! Eventually we get to the front, although the zombified guy in front of us is slow to pay due to his condition. We finally get to the front. "How's it going, eh?" "Fine, fine." "I'd like a refill bucket on this here, please, eh?" She takes the bucket and looks at it. She turns it upside down. She scrutinizes it. "Oh, this is a collectable bucket, not a refillable one." "Whaa?" I say internally. I briefly consider using the eye on the cast member, and then just jumping back there an refilling it, but:
1) the ethical implications of that seem bad,
2) that would be a VLM (Visit Limiting Move),
3) I think CMs are trained about the eye, and know not to look into it.
So I realize I will fail, remember that the first bucket was free, and just get another popcorn. Which was really awesome Disney popcorn. Without a doubt, eh.
The crowd is light and when they open it up, we are among the first ones in. We select a nice choice seat. A really dang fine seat. A Wicked Good seat (that is in the Maine dialect, but Mainers are practically Canadians). You know how with shows, you want to sit on the T, so you either want to be close to the front, or along the center? We were front and center. Is there a word for "front and center" at a theatre? Besides "front and center"?
There are still a few people in front of us, and since we are pretty close to the front we are more looking across to the stage rather then looking down. We then have an annoyingly long discussion with Sophie about how even if you can't see the actor's feet, that's okay, that's not where the action is. I tell her that if the show starts, and suddenly shoes become really important Sophie can sit on my lap to get some more altitude. This is yet another recurrent theme. Haley was on the phone the whole time trying to change the Tea time at the Grand Floridian to some other time since it is logistically better, but I think it doesn't work out. Then someone else calls H., a Dis-er. Not sure who. My notes say "blah blah... getting up early... blah blah... blah blah." Followed by "Learned something, mommy's a stress-basket." The show starts. Sophie wants up on Mommy's lap. In the 90 degree heat. I volunteer, but I am not good enough. Only Mommy will do. We watch the show. It is swell. Beauty, eh?
From here we head to dinner. At the Sci-Fi. Which we haven't been to. Before. Along the way there is a great street show where different comics are in character for various 20s/30s personalities and they have an improv joke contest where people are selected randomly to pick some object or word, and the actors have to come up with jokes following a certain form that uses that word. You can see that they have to struggle not to push the innuendo too far, especially when the word the randomly selected audience member offers is "hoe" (the gardening tool). But the ADR presses upon us with its powerful temporal and culinary insistence, so we take off, eh.
They have messed up our ADR and think that we are a party of 5. We correct this. This is to become a theme, eh. The people who handle reservations have hosed them for pretty much every meal. What a bunch of hosers.
We get a car and watch movies, Max talks to chef, and gets ribs, I get spinach artichoke dip for an appetizer and I think H. does to, but maybe we shared it and shared onion rings. The spinach artichoke dip is way good. H. and I get shakes which are also way good. I got the Vegetable Potato Bake which is actually quite good. H. got some Shrimp Penne thing she appeared to like. Max is okay with his food, and Sophie likes whatever she got. The desserts are good too. The best part is the free dining bit. No spending hard earned loonies on food, eh. (For our American friends, the loonie is the Canadian one dollar coin). That is sure to put you in a more sanguine mood. I like campy 50s sci-fi movies, think Ed Wood's movies are hilarious, and try to rent Mystery Science Theatre 3000 stuff from Netflix. The giant Gila Monster, and the 50 Foot Woman are great, as is the guy in the ape costume with the alien mask. Thus we are delighted. At first. But the loop is too short and it gets tiresome to watch the same campy stuff over and over. Especially because some of it is just kind of annoyingly bad but not quite bad enough to put one into full scale mock-and-scorn mode. But at the same time we mow tons of food and are rather phlegmatic. My notes say, "ugh. God. we ate way too much. ugh. man. ugh." We want to lie down on a chesterfield (a sofa for our American friends)
After we finish we waddle off to Fantasmic feeling over-stuffed. Fantasmic is another case where DisneyLand kicks DisneyWorld's posterior in many respects. Since in DLand they put the show on in the Rivers of America, they are able to integrate Captain Hook's pirate ship, and other boats that are cooler than the barge thing they use in MGM. We settle into a nice spot. It is still a bit warm out. It is starting to get darker, and the people with the flashing lights and other stuff are out in full force hawking their wares. We invent a new term to describe all the light-toy stuff they sell - "Blink-Bling." This phrase's awesomeness is so great that we repeat it repeatedly.
People in the crowd start doing "the wave." Our crowd tonight is not in top form, but eventually we get a wave that ripples back and forth from end to end a few times. There are expert crowd trainers on hand getting everyone to do the wave and their hard work eventually paid off.
We have some glow sticks in the pack, we break those out. Max sees a new thing that is a loop of string with day-glo colours on a handle where the loop gets shot out so that it kind of hovers in the air and gets hit by a black light so it looks extra cool in the dark. Max wants the new thing, so we get him one, figuring if we get it early we will enjoy it longer at the parks. Max loves it. He is down with his blink-bling. Tension builds for a while as he has a few problems getting it going just so at first, but soon he has it down. Tensions mount again as Sophie wants to play with Max' new toy. Happily the show starts soon enough that they forget about the bling and check out the spectacle.
The show is good, with its share of weird. The day-glo monkeys on the floats were definitely more weird than good.
From there we were done. We went back to Hollywood Blvd., and meandered through the shops for a long while to let the bus lines die down. We scored a few choice pin trades. Sophia found a sketchbook that explained how to draw Disney characters, and H. found a few Xmas ornaments (a Tinkerbell one and a Stitch with Ukulele one) which we acquired. Eventually we got on the bus, rode to the Pop. We get back to the Pop. My notebook is dangerously full. At the Pop store I look at notebook-type-things and find a relatively nice (though a little too girly) Eyore themed diary that I purchase to serve as a notebook. We get back to the room eventually, hastily do our bedtime prep. and collapse into sleep quickly. I took no notes on any of this, as it was mundane.
This was our only day at MGM, and we were happy that we got in all the things we wanted to do, and were fine with skipping things like "Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular," "Sounds Dangerous," "The Great Movie Ride," the car-show-thingie and so on. We had already done most of the things we skipped (except the car-show-thingie). A lot of the MGM shows are good as one-offs, and are not really worth repeating. The Beauty & the Beast and Mermaid shows were worth repeating. And we need to do the drawing thing a lot more.
Next - Day 3 - Epicot
Once upon a time, not so long ago, really quite recently, there was a trip report segment which began with these words, "Once upon a time, not so long ago, really quite recently, there was a trip report segment which began with these words, 'Once upon a time, not so long ago, really quite recently, there was a trip report segment which began with the words,' " Fortunately for us all the author was well aware of the dangers of recursive storytelling and managed to break out of the loop before the whole universe was consumed by the infinitely regressive story and then the cosmos was destroyed in a stack overflow. This should stand as a lesson to us all on the wonders and dangers of recursion in self-referential storytelling.
A brief note on why this segment is in a foreign language, eh.
In the spirit of international harmony and goodwill, we have decided to post this segment of the report translated into a foreign language. Seeing as there are a lot of Canadians on the board, that's the language we will use, eh. So a big hello to our eskimo friends to the north. We will be using the revised standard Canadian convention, such that we will use "eh" as a sentence terminator, but will follow it with a period instead of a question mark, eh. Also, there is a Canadian convention/law/whatever that on any document that contains English, there must also be French. Thus, bonjour! For our American friends, if you have difficulty reading this report, there are several free automated translation tools available on the internet, such as AltaVista's Babel Fish, and I assume there's one that can translate Canadian to American, eh.
A note on an archaic medical theory, eh.
The ancient Greeks had relatively sophisticated medical knowledge to some degree, but in some respects their views were very limited. These views, good and bad, by and large were adopted by Rome and later Medieval Europe, and things only really started to change with the Renaissance when learning from the Arabic world (which was much more medically sophisticated than contemporary Medieval Europe), and the new learning from other sources spurred on changes into views, and more inquiry into medical science. One place where the Greek views were a bit iffy is the theory of the Four Humours (Humors for our American readers).
In the past I gave a list of rules for things that were humourous. The Four Humors is not actually referring to things that are funny, but to bodily fluids. Okay, body fluids can be funny. They often are, outside of medical contexts. But in this case the word humour is just referring to the fluid and not referring to funny.
HaleyB said:
The Four Humours are bile, black bile, blood, phlegm. This was really of Greek origin, hence the Greco-Latin names were Choler, Melancholer, Sanguis, and Phlegma. When these humours were in balance you were healthy, when they are out of balance then one dominates. If one dominates supposedly certain diseases would afflict you. But they also had an effect on personality. Thus if you have too much black bile, then you are melancholic - dark and depressed. Too much blood and you are sanguine - jolly but perhaps a bit too amorous. Too much bile and you are bilious (or choleric) - prone to anger. Too much phlegm and you are phlegmatic - lazy and gluttonous.
I bring this up for two reasons. First because I just love to jibber-jabber about old ideas. Second because I plan on using the words melancholic, bilious, phlegmatic, and sanguine, and so I figured some background would be useful. Third because I already used a few of them and had an itch I needed to scratch on the topic. And also I was worried about running dry of material and having a very short segment. Not sure why I worry 'bout that though, eh. Finally, I actually had no other reasons to add here, so this last sentence doesn't make a lot of sense - please ignore it.
HaleyB said:
The Puzzle, eh.
For some reason Marketing did not find our last segment to actually be an improvement over other segments. Why they were unhappy was a bit of a puzzle for us, until they mentioned that we totally ignored everything that they said. So we are planning on dropping any historical references and killing any words with a bunch of syllables. Plain simple words of Anglo-Saxon origin. Avoid the frenchy stuff. And ultra-avoid the Latin stuff.
To Marketing, I say: Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose! (For our American friends, this is French for "go suck goats, Marketing drones!"
A long time ago, while reading an accursedly boring bedtime story to the kids about a lady spider who was a mail-delivery-agent (definitely not a mailman), who delivered mail to flies and other bugs for the hundredth time or so, I sneakily began to subtly change the story. This was a way to add some interest to a story that we would read over and over, and also a test to see it the kids were awake and listening. So when she went in to give a letter to an old housefly, I inserted the phrase, "and then baring her fangs, she punctured her exoskeleton and began to suck out her life juice." The phrase was suitably amusing that it wound up appearing in other stories. For instance, in the Velveteen Rabbit, one of the nursery toys occasionally would suck the life juice out of the Velveteen Rabbit. And at times the Velveteen Rabbit would suck the life juice out of the real rabbits (who were jerks and deserved it). Max and Sophia initially enjoyed these little insertions, and would occasionally call out "do the life juice!" And then over times they would demand "no life juice!" And then, being the way they are, they would sometimes fight over whether "doing the life juice" was appropriate.
Anywho, this goes by way of mentioning that in this trip report segment we will be playing a little game again. Which is that we will sneakily inserting somewhere in this report segment, a reference to a ride/show/product/event/something that is actually not available to people in MGM. See if you can spot it. If this seems like a déjà vu to you, well it's true. Yoo hoo. It is a déjà vu through and through. It's something we already did do. Now we do it times two. Now the rhyming is through. Thank goodness, too. Phew.
HaleyB said:
Capt. Silly said:
Back to our report, eh.
In our last segment we noted that we were heading off to Star Tours. So we are out and about and that's where we are walking to. (For our American readers, in Canadian it is correct to end sentences with prepositions, FBI).
A note on walking, eh.
For about two months prior to the trip I was going to the gym regularly doing a long aerobic workout and doing weight training. With my beloved iPod, which makes time in the Gym oh so very much better. H. had been doing a water aerobics class prior to that by a few months and we went to the gym together to force each other to go. We did this since it is a good in itself, but also since we wanted to be strong for the Disney World vacation. And up to this point it was working pretty well while we were out and about in Disney World. We had a spring in our steps and glide in our stride. We were jamming. We had peppiness. This was strange. We usually aren't really that peppy. But there we were. Being peppy. This energy was not to last, but at the time it was great. I carried Sophia (55 pounds) all the way across Epcot on the night we arrived just because I could and felt fine afterwards. So if you are planning on going to Disney World and are generally sedentary, doing some exercise really helps.
A note on my shoes, eh.
Since we were referring to the gym, it seems as good a time as any to bring up the shoes I am wearing on this day in MGM. Since the crocs had failed me for the last time, I shifted to my primary park walking shoes, a pair of Reebok Cross Trainers that I got at an outlet in Freeport Maine. Before Sophia was born. This was when we were living in Nova Scotia, we were driving down to Boston and hit the outlets on the way and picked them up. Oh so long ago. Yes, my shoes are actually older than Sophie. It turns out that I don't actually use them too often, just when going to the gym, and I haven't done that enough in the last nine years or so to wear out the shoes. It's almost like there is some message buried in there that on closer scrutiny would indicate a particular fact about exercise patterns that would be somewhat troubling.
A note on that last note on my shoes, eh.
Why am I talking about my old shoes in a trip report? I just realized that I was writing about reflecting on the lessons I can learn from my shoes to people on the internet. And not just one sentence. Whoa. This is one of those moments when I really ought to step back for a moment and just sort of take a look at what the heck I am doing, and deeply reflect on things. What are my priorities? Where is my life really going? Am I really doing good in the world by talking about my old shoes on the internet? What is the good? Etc.? But instead I will press on
HaleyB said:
Back to our report again, eh.
Anywho, we walked to Star Tours.
HaleyB said:
A note on a note on a really great Disney product - Disney Genuine Eye of Mara Advantage, eh
For the last few times we have gone to Disney Land we found a cool option that they had there - the Disney Genuine Eye of Mara Advantage. With this option, on entry to the park, you receive an ancient and mysterious idol representing a fearsome Indian deity. The deity had a special rare and precious jewel embedded into it's forehead which is known as the "Eye of Mara." It comes in a Naugahyde bag with various Disney related art on it. Anyone who looks on the eye will receive the gift of eternal youth, earthly riches or future knowledge. And they will also be cursed. The curse is that they will immediately leave any line that they are standing in, and beeline for the nearest souvenir stand, where they will pay full price for a very expensive souvenir. Luckily they can return it. The great thing about this option is that when you are in a long line, you strike up some kind of conversation with whoever is in front of you, and casually mention that you got a really neat souvenir. Then pull out the eye, careful not to look on it yourself. Bang. They all see the eye, jump out of line, and you are one place closer to the front. Used several times in a row this can really cut down on wait times.
This is useful in other contexts as well. If you are at a buffet and are waiting behind someone who is being annoyingly slow, just break out the eye and tap them on the shoulder. They'll be putting down their plate and running out the door.
And you don't even have to feel bad about it because they get eternal youth, earthly riches, or future knowledge. As far as I can tell they almost always get future knowledge. From what I have been able to discern, usually the future knowledge involves knowing just what it will be like to go through the return process for the souvenir. But every once in a while it has been other stuff. Like one time this guy knew who was going to win at a horse race in Tennessee that was going to happen in about ten minutes from then. Sadly he was not able to call his bookie fast enough, but that could have been quite valuable knowledge. In theory.
So this is a DisneyLand thing, but luckily for us, they were doing a test pilot of the program, so we were able to get one while we were at MGM. It was a one day thing, but we figured it would be handy. And it did turn out to be handy. It was especially funny to use on the kids since they couldn't actually buy stuff and would just be trapped standing at souvenir stands for hours... That last sentence was neither true nor funny.
HaleyB said:
Sir. Silly said:
A note on the Star Wars weekend we were not enjoying, eh.
The first trip to Disney World with Max and Sophia we went in the springtime. When we were there, Star Wars Weekend was going on. Since I think H. never wrote a report on that trip (could be wrong), and since this is worth noting since it coloured our experiences this time to some degree, I think we need to digress a bit, eh.
HaleyB said:
Admiral Silly said:
Star Wars weekend is, to use a California-ism, way totally rad, dude. As you start to walk in, you see the Storm Troopers stationed on the roofs of stuff at the front gate. And they are moving and doing Storm Trooper stuff, such as looking imposing, and failing to kill any of the good guys. We went into the Star Tours area, and they had done a really wonderful job on setting the whole thing up. The band from the cantina was playing on a stage, there were all sorts of CMs in Star Wars costumes that were cool, and they had the place tricked out. It being the first time we saw any of this, we were especially blown away by the AT-ATs and all the rest all working together. Inside Star Tours they had extra CMs in costume walking around. It was theming paradise.
HaleyB said:
General Silly said:
They had a Jedi training class where the kids learned to battle with Light Sabers. Max and Sophia both got picked to do this, and at the end Max battled Darth Vader, while Sophie battled Darth Maul. And we got lots of pictures. The Star Tours merch. was very cool, and seemed to have been better back then (though it might just be the fact that it was our first time seeing most of it). We bought a limited edition pin and some free action figures, and stuff. When we went to eat, Max went outside for a while to stand in the moonlight and contemplate his Jedi training. And we talked to some Harry Potter fans who noted that Max looked just like H.P. (he did at the time especially - he won two sequential H.P. costume contests on the release nights of two of the books).
HaleyB said:
So there we were, and it was just brilliant, and we were all blown away by how cool it was, and were generally sanguine the whole time we were there. Note that I used the word "sanguine," which refers to blood - one of the four humors.
Back to our report yet again, eh.
So now when we walk up to Star Tours Mr. Crankypants is able to fire of a few critiques - the whole area is just so bland - it's just not living up to its potential. It is still nice, but it is nothing compared to Star Wars Weekend bliss. We go on Star Tours. It is a quiet day. We get the front row. Whoo. The guy who is doing the boarding is amusing, though I can't remember any of his jokes. I took some notes I can't read, so if anyone has any ideas what might be a funny thing to say if you are a CM boarding people onto Star Tours feel free to contribute.
Since it was a short line we loop it. The thing about Star Tours is that it is kind of nice to wander a bit slowly through the line leading up to boarding to hear a bit of the banter between R2 and 3PO, to check out the droid workshop area, to listen to the misbehaving droid. And looking up at the control tower where Admiral Akbar is and calling out, "It's a trap." And so on. They did such a nice job on all this. So the second time through we go a bit more slowly and let a few people pass us so we can ogle the awesome set design.
The cast member has Max and Sophie "use the force" to open the door. Then we board, and we get the front row again. Holy Cow. It is quiet enough that we don't even fill every available seat in the row. We just stop in the middle since there isn't anyone behind us. I feel distinctly unpatriotic, but let's not dwell on it.
We go to the Muppet Movie next. It is always fun. I grab four pairs of glasses and rub them all over my armpits for a while, stick each in my nose a bit, and then throw three back in.
We watch the pre-show cartoon, read the labels on the prop boxes, and things take a somewhat more melancholic turn as we reflect on how great Jim Henson was, and think that we need to make sure that Dark Crystal is in the Netflix queue, and maybe some Muppet Movies, especially Muppets in Space. We only saw that one in the theatres. Note that I used the term "melancholic," one of the four humors. Aren't they handy?
The doors open. There is clearly a smaller than expected crowd. Sam the Eagle chides us that stopping in the middle is distinctly unpatriotic. But the CM at the front tells us to go ahead and stop in the middle. Like it's not a violation of the Disney Social Contract to stop in the middle. While once again not feeling exactly right about this, we stop in the middle in very good seats. The first time this movie is seen it pegs the awesometer at 100%. On subsequent watchings it is still very excellent, hitting somewhere in the mid 80s to the mid 90s depending on how well ordered one's soul is.
We exit. We go to get snacks again despite the lack of Minute Maid Frozen Lemonade. Max and H. go to the snack place on the lake. Sophie and I go to a different Ice Cream cart to get strawberry bars. As we are walking there, I notice a place near the entrance to the Indiana Jones show that sells food. I check hoping that maybe somehow they sell the real Minute Maid Frozen Lemonade. No such luck. But they do sell some weird thing called Arepas. It is a fried corn cake wrapped around Mozarella cheese. I decide I must get one. We get one, then get our strawberry bars at the cart, and then go back to the place where H. and Max are. They have gotten some stuff among which is a pop and a stuffed pretzel thing that sounds good but turns out to not be good. The first time we had Strawberry bars they had a sort of waxy coating on the outside that we pretty good and also helped to keep them from melting and dripping. This time they are just plain. They are still good, though not as good. Max believes they are gross, his main complaint against them being the waxy coating. Even though we can now demonstrate that they are different and have no waxy coating, he still persists in his view that they are gross. I try to explain that they are basically sorbet on a stick, and he likes sorbet, but he will have none of it.
Having had our snack, from there we get some popcorn. We get the big bucket. We try to pay for it, but their room key/credit system is down. After a few failures they give it to us for free. Whoo.
HaleyB said:
We wander into pin-mania in the hat. There are tons of pins here. I think we traded some and got a Lion Witch and Wardrobe pin that we traded for something else later. There were many instances of pin trades.
HaleyB said:
From there we went to the Little Mermaid show. Sophia is still a bit short and has a problem with the chairs that are used in shows in Disney World. If anyone sits in front of her she can see their head. If it is an adult then we do what we can to switch seats around to have a child or a short person in front of her. She still sits on the edge of the chair folded up, or kneels on the seat so that there is no obstruction whatsoever. We have tried to explain that having someone's head blocking your view of some feet really is no big deal, but she is very obsessive about having an absolutely clear view. The show itself is really amazing. They have some very talented designers and puppeteers. It is kind of cool how sometimes enough light will be reflected that you can make out the people in black who are moving things about since it makes you appreciate what is going into the show. The lady in front of us had a video camera that she tried to hide. And she was wearing a black touque, so she looked criminal somehow. We were disturbed, bilious even, but did not go into vigilante mode on her. Hoser. Note that we used the word "bilious," one of the four humors. We mowed hard on popcorn. Disney popcorn is extra delicious so this is perhaps one reason why it all disappeared so quickly. Perhaps we were excessively phlegmatic. Note that we used the word "phlegmatic," another of the four humors. Now you can see how knowing these words can actually be handy in your day to day life. I like to think that my engaging in this sort of thing is really just a practicality.
From here we go to the Narnia display. It is clearly a temporary display, and mostly a commercial, but it is still pretty neat. The wintertime displays are really well done. The one outside has the odd psychological effect of causing one to feel cooler while standing in the 90 degree heat. Almost makes me want to put on a toque (Canadian for a beanie). The more interesting parts to us were really the the costumes and props that they had on display at the end. Most people went past without a pause, but we were nerds and loitered for a good while, and also talked to the CM and looked at his lanyard.
HaleyB said:
As we walked along we grabbed ice off some carts. I just held mine in my hands to cool down, but Sophie dropped some in my pocket (I am up on her tricks and quickly recovered this time). Max tried to get H. by dropping ice down her back. H.'s patience with ice fun is decreasing. Rapidly.
From here we go to the Back Stage Tour. We haven't done this before, so it is all new to us, eh. I like seeing the props, and seeing the drivers from the car show driving where we can see them at certain points. When we get on the tram, I check to make sure the kids have seatbelts on - after all this ride does a high speed corkscrew loop. After the ride is over, Max is upset since he hoped to get wetter, since the ride threatened that it might get you wet. I pour some water from a water bottle into my hand and make a really swell splash that got him and Sophie wet. That wasn't what he had in mind.
HaleyB said:
In the gift shop I have Kermit do a few silly things, including a great frog dance, not realizing this will trigger a series of events that culminates in us acquiring two Kermits, small for Sophie, big for Max. They actually turned out to like these quite a lot, which surprised me as I expected them to be forgotten.
Speaking of Kermit, if you know who the band the Talking Heads is, click this link. Otherwise click it anyway, but be prepared to be confused.
They go to the princess stuff shop and torture me by fiddling with princess fru-fru for a long time. Sophie explains to me that she is torturing me by taking extra time. Dear sweet Sophie. They keep taking a long time. They play with the crown thing. They test out all the fancy princess crown options. I point out that the crown is like a brazillion dollars and we are not getting it. They ignore me and play with the crown some more. Then they look at the birth stone stuff. I consider pointing out that birth stones are a holdover from the medieval era, but I am not entirely sure about it, so I hold off. I am glad that I don't, because it turns out that the idea is probably much older than that (Exodus 39:10-14), and also because the particulars that have been settled on were only decided in the 20th century. I just briefly stepped back and thought, "I am writing a report about a trip to Disney World for people on the Internet where I just explained that I had a thought about talking about birthstones that I did not express,and then gave an account of the incompleteness of my original account. Like, dude, what's the deal?" "Dude, what's the deal," indeed, eh.
HaleyB said:
The Silly said:
So far the lines have all been short, and so I have not really had any reason to use the Eye of Mara. I briefly consider using the Eye of Mara on my own party members at this point. But I realize that they would then just walk up to the cash wrap with something expensive, and that is not an outcome I really want.
We want to make the Beauty and the Beast show so we wandered into the exit for the The Magic of Disney Animation so as to not waste time on the show. It's good, but having seen it and being on a limited schedule it got slashed. At the end of the show is when you can do the drawing lessons. This is really cool since they do a nice job of explaining how to draw a particular Disney character, but they switch to a new character each time. H. Sophie, and I think this is the best thing in the park, and Max is very positive. We do this one twice. While waiting outside we run into a guy we talked to at the bus stop at the Pop. He has several Monorail pins. I am searching for Monorail pins. I ask him where he found them, but he is vague, he is just going around trading. We do the drawing thing, and draw Donald and one other character. We would have done it more, but sadly this is not possible as we need to bail for Beauty and the Beast. In fact if we ever go to MGM again, we are going to book a big block of time for this.
HaleyB said:
Meister Silly said:
I didn't go into a lot of detail about this part above, but in fact, this is one of the coolest parts of MGM. H. & I have agreed that if we ever return to Disney World, and if when we go we decide to go into MGM, that we need to put aside a block of time to be sure to be able to do this drawing thing at least four times in a row. Minimum. Ideally with the option to do it more, should we want to.
HaleyB said:
Meister Silly said:
Sophia was so pleased by her experiences that we later got her a Disney sketchbook thing at MGM that included instructions on how to draw characters (though in less detail and with fewer steps than the live artists). When she got home I noticed that our mortar and pestle (in which we had been storing garlic, odd small keys, and other odd small objects) had been dumped and the mortar was missing. (In case you are wondering, the mortar is the bowl, the pestle is the stick thing). I found it in the entryway upside down on a piece of paper. Sophie was using it to make circles. That also explained why she had been asking me about compasses (the kind you use to make circles).
We charge off to the Beauty and the Beast show. It is still early for the show. We get a pretzel. It's good. Everyone wants a piece with a lot of salt on it, which is challenging. If I had a computer and some time I could probably work out a way of fairly dividing it so we each got a fair share of both pretzel and salt. But I have neither. So we just rip into it and it's gone quickly.
We get in the line for popcorn. It is an annoyingly long line. I fondle the Naugahyde wrapped idol, and think about things... I break down and pull it out. I lightly tap the person in front of me on the shoulder, "hey there, take a look at this amazing souvenir I got at the Indiana Jones souvenir booth, eh." The guy looks at it. Right in the eye. Bang. I think "Score!" He says, "I must get a souvenir refillable Popcorn bucket immediately" in a kind of zombie voice. Dang. Foiled! Eventually we get to the front, although the zombified guy in front of us is slow to pay due to his condition. We finally get to the front. "How's it going, eh?" "Fine, fine." "I'd like a refill bucket on this here, please, eh?" She takes the bucket and looks at it. She turns it upside down. She scrutinizes it. "Oh, this is a collectable bucket, not a refillable one." "Whaa?" I say internally. I briefly consider using the eye on the cast member, and then just jumping back there an refilling it, but:
1) the ethical implications of that seem bad,
2) that would be a VLM (Visit Limiting Move),
3) I think CMs are trained about the eye, and know not to look into it.
So I realize I will fail, remember that the first bucket was free, and just get another popcorn. Which was really awesome Disney popcorn. Without a doubt, eh.
The crowd is light and when they open it up, we are among the first ones in. We select a nice choice seat. A really dang fine seat. A Wicked Good seat (that is in the Maine dialect, but Mainers are practically Canadians). You know how with shows, you want to sit on the T, so you either want to be close to the front, or along the center? We were front and center. Is there a word for "front and center" at a theatre? Besides "front and center"?
There are still a few people in front of us, and since we are pretty close to the front we are more looking across to the stage rather then looking down. We then have an annoyingly long discussion with Sophie about how even if you can't see the actor's feet, that's okay, that's not where the action is. I tell her that if the show starts, and suddenly shoes become really important Sophie can sit on my lap to get some more altitude. This is yet another recurrent theme. Haley was on the phone the whole time trying to change the Tea time at the Grand Floridian to some other time since it is logistically better, but I think it doesn't work out. Then someone else calls H., a Dis-er. Not sure who. My notes say "blah blah... getting up early... blah blah... blah blah." Followed by "Learned something, mommy's a stress-basket." The show starts. Sophie wants up on Mommy's lap. In the 90 degree heat. I volunteer, but I am not good enough. Only Mommy will do. We watch the show. It is swell. Beauty, eh?
HaleyB said:
From here we head to dinner. At the Sci-Fi. Which we haven't been to. Before. Along the way there is a great street show where different comics are in character for various 20s/30s personalities and they have an improv joke contest where people are selected randomly to pick some object or word, and the actors have to come up with jokes following a certain form that uses that word. You can see that they have to struggle not to push the innuendo too far, especially when the word the randomly selected audience member offers is "hoe" (the gardening tool). But the ADR presses upon us with its powerful temporal and culinary insistence, so we take off, eh.
They have messed up our ADR and think that we are a party of 5. We correct this. This is to become a theme, eh. The people who handle reservations have hosed them for pretty much every meal. What a bunch of hosers.
HaleyB said:
We get a car and watch movies, Max talks to chef, and gets ribs, I get spinach artichoke dip for an appetizer and I think H. does to, but maybe we shared it and shared onion rings. The spinach artichoke dip is way good. H. and I get shakes which are also way good. I got the Vegetable Potato Bake which is actually quite good. H. got some Shrimp Penne thing she appeared to like. Max is okay with his food, and Sophie likes whatever she got. The desserts are good too. The best part is the free dining bit. No spending hard earned loonies on food, eh. (For our American friends, the loonie is the Canadian one dollar coin). That is sure to put you in a more sanguine mood. I like campy 50s sci-fi movies, think Ed Wood's movies are hilarious, and try to rent Mystery Science Theatre 3000 stuff from Netflix. The giant Gila Monster, and the 50 Foot Woman are great, as is the guy in the ape costume with the alien mask. Thus we are delighted. At first. But the loop is too short and it gets tiresome to watch the same campy stuff over and over. Especially because some of it is just kind of annoyingly bad but not quite bad enough to put one into full scale mock-and-scorn mode. But at the same time we mow tons of food and are rather phlegmatic. My notes say, "ugh. God. we ate way too much. ugh. man. ugh." We want to lie down on a chesterfield (a sofa for our American friends)
HaleyB said:
After we finish we waddle off to Fantasmic feeling over-stuffed. Fantasmic is another case where DisneyLand kicks DisneyWorld's posterior in many respects. Since in DLand they put the show on in the Rivers of America, they are able to integrate Captain Hook's pirate ship, and other boats that are cooler than the barge thing they use in MGM. We settle into a nice spot. It is still a bit warm out. It is starting to get darker, and the people with the flashing lights and other stuff are out in full force hawking their wares. We invent a new term to describe all the light-toy stuff they sell - "Blink-Bling." This phrase's awesomeness is so great that we repeat it repeatedly.
HaleyB said:
People in the crowd start doing "the wave." Our crowd tonight is not in top form, but eventually we get a wave that ripples back and forth from end to end a few times. There are expert crowd trainers on hand getting everyone to do the wave and their hard work eventually paid off.
HaleyB said:
We have some glow sticks in the pack, we break those out. Max sees a new thing that is a loop of string with day-glo colours on a handle where the loop gets shot out so that it kind of hovers in the air and gets hit by a black light so it looks extra cool in the dark. Max wants the new thing, so we get him one, figuring if we get it early we will enjoy it longer at the parks. Max loves it. He is down with his blink-bling. Tension builds for a while as he has a few problems getting it going just so at first, but soon he has it down. Tensions mount again as Sophie wants to play with Max' new toy. Happily the show starts soon enough that they forget about the bling and check out the spectacle.
The show is good, with its share of weird. The day-glo monkeys on the floats were definitely more weird than good.
HaleyB said:
From there we were done. We went back to Hollywood Blvd., and meandered through the shops for a long while to let the bus lines die down. We scored a few choice pin trades. Sophia found a sketchbook that explained how to draw Disney characters, and H. found a few Xmas ornaments (a Tinkerbell one and a Stitch with Ukulele one) which we acquired. Eventually we got on the bus, rode to the Pop. We get back to the Pop. My notebook is dangerously full. At the Pop store I look at notebook-type-things and find a relatively nice (though a little too girly) Eyore themed diary that I purchase to serve as a notebook. We get back to the room eventually, hastily do our bedtime prep. and collapse into sleep quickly. I took no notes on any of this, as it was mundane.
HaleyB said:
Mr. S. said:
This was our only day at MGM, and we were happy that we got in all the things we wanted to do, and were fine with skipping things like "Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular," "Sounds Dangerous," "The Great Movie Ride," the car-show-thingie and so on. We had already done most of the things we skipped (except the car-show-thingie). A lot of the MGM shows are good as one-offs, and are not really worth repeating. The Beauty & the Beast and Mermaid shows were worth repeating. And we need to do the drawing thing a lot more.
HaleyB said:
Mr. S. said:
Next - Day 3 - Epicot
celerystalker
<font color=green>Look! I'm yankeepenny!<br><font
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2006
- Messages
- 5,539
I just got done with the first two paragraphs.
YOU ARE SUCH A DORK! I love it!
Ok. Now I have to go back and finish reading, eh.
YOU ARE SUCH A DORK! I love it!
Ok. Now I have to go back and finish reading, eh.
kpk89
<font color=green>I know that you know that I kn..
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2004
- Messages
- 2,320
Hey Sillys, good to see you're not listening to Marketing. Their way would have you all cookie-cuttered and ordinary. Your way has Mr. Silly getting promoted each time he edits!
Let me know if you have a yard sale, maybe I can pop over and get the String Thing at a rock bottom price. Is Max bored with it yet?
Let me know if you have a yard sale, maybe I can pop over and get the String Thing at a rock bottom price. Is Max bored with it yet?
cabanafrau
DIS Legend
- Joined
- May 10, 2006
- Messages
- 15,764
Thank You!! I finally have the bait to lure DH firmly into the world of the DIS, which we all know equates to minimizing the time between visits to the world itself!!!
Aside from the liberal smattering of psychological, greco-asian art & Mac-biased references, you are his techno, hawaiian shirt, rule of 42 doppelganger! Seriously, the rule of 42 alone is enough to pique his curiosity to finally sit down & read this. Now, would you be adverse to throwing in a few asides referencing your speculation regarding theories and properties of gravity & the fascination/preservation of truly superior yeast strains in the interest of yielding consistent & spectacular beers to gild the lily for me just a little?
Aside from the liberal smattering of psychological, greco-asian art & Mac-biased references, you are his techno, hawaiian shirt, rule of 42 doppelganger! Seriously, the rule of 42 alone is enough to pique his curiosity to finally sit down & read this. Now, would you be adverse to throwing in a few asides referencing your speculation regarding theories and properties of gravity & the fascination/preservation of truly superior yeast strains in the interest of yielding consistent & spectacular beers to gild the lily for me just a little?
/
blue_river
<font color=coral>I do believe in fairies!<br><fon
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2006
- Messages
- 8,233
Mr. Silly said:
Well thank you for that, eh?
Another INTERESTING installment
Backstage_Gal
<font color=darkorchid>Let me rephrase the dog ste
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2005
- Messages
- 11,536
OMG, you guys are too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Thank you for keeping it up! Wating for the next part now
Thank you for keeping it up! Wating for the next part now
UtahMama
Wakey, wakey, Eggs and Bakey<br><img src=http://ww
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2006
- Messages
- 9,743
OK, now you are just showing off! THAT was FOF!!!!!
I read every word. Loved it all!
I toad-ally agree aboot Disneyland being amazingly better in many respects. The Fantasmic there is worth the trip alone.
I cant believe you boughtthose blink-blings! Money-Bags!
Homie-Haley, you did alright for yourself, girl!
You out-did yourselves. THIS will be on the all-time top 10 TR's guaranteed!
I read every word. Loved it all!
I toad-ally agree aboot Disneyland being amazingly better in many respects. The Fantasmic there is worth the trip alone.
I cant believe you boughtthose blink-blings! Money-Bags!
Homie-Haley, you did alright for yourself, girl!
You out-did yourselves. THIS will be on the all-time top 10 TR's guaranteed!
jamal
<font color=blue>Nutwing #4<br><font color=deeppin
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2003
- Messages
- 1,552
Did you read The Physician by Noah Gordon? It's my favorite medical historical fiction, tfi. I learned all about humours there, and they were pretty nasty.
Haley, hide the sharp knives.
Where do you think you are? Seussical???????
Don't quit your day job. Do you HAVE a day job?
Apparently we're also going to adopt the Dutch habit of putting periods at the end of sentence fragments, too.
You been holding this gem out on us???
Geez! Yu've been home almost a month!!!!!!LOVE 'bilious.' I must work that one into conversation soon. Oh, I'd have to get off the computer to do that.
Shoot. The school bus just sqeaked up.
I'll finish later.
I love this thing.
Mr. Silly
I am a robot
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2006
- Messages
- 260
Chapter 7 - a new notebook.
My new notebook has one phrase written prominently on the top page in fairly clear handwriting:
Crème-Brûlée-Rama
It even has the funny accent marks. I like to use funny accent marks. They somehow make things seem so much more correct. And maybe I have a latent fear of disappointing my French teacher. Don't call me an approval-seeker because of this. I am more of a latent inaccurophobe.
Anyhow the new notebook was started, but with it no new leaves about neat printing or focusing on interesting non-bus stop related details were turned. I have had it with new leaves. At this point I am a withered old leaf and that is that. I am more like a soggy brown melted lettuce that was really old and looking very bad before you went on that month long vacation and then you came back, and you saw it and it was bad enough that you just didn't do anything about it hoping someone else would take care of it, which just made it even older. And soggier. And browner. And eventually it was just a sticky brown blob of goop in the bottom of the produce drawer. I am like that with respect to turning over new leaves. This was due to a disappointing string of past leaf turnings, in which I kept turning out like myself. So there you are. Or more accurately, so there I am. A sticky brown blob of goop. Metaphorically speaking.
Just because it is important to bring up, the notebook really isn't a notebook. I'll post a picture of it soon when I am less lazy. It's more of a chick diary thing. Or one of those books females get and then write in for non-diary purposes. But it's definitely got a chick vibe. Now being a very old man (at least spiritually), I don't entirely give a crap what anyone thinks of me. If they are critical of me, screw 'em. At least screw 'em after very carefully and critically analyzing any critical thing that was said and worrying about it and then verifying absolutely that it must, in fact, be necessarily false. So screw 'em. That's my motto. Well, that's not really my motto. I don't have a motto. If I did have a motto it would be something else. Something that was nicer than that. Like "rad salads." "Baring her fangs she sucked out his life juice." Or "might look like a weird hippie, but is actually not a hippie, but something predominantly non-hippie. And not into that 60s music at all. And doesn't own a tie-dye. And doesn't have a bong. So why do you keep bringing up hippies?" I think that last motto, while not catchy, and not actually reflective of any recent conversations, really is not a good motto. And doesn't express anything relevant. At all. So why are you bringing it up? Anyway, moving on...
So I just read the first lines of the diary/notebook/chick-book-thing. The ones after that great Crème-Brûlée-Rama line. And they were really dull. Tedious really. But since you insist. Or, well, you can't insist, since writing this is really one directional, but pretending that you had insisted, thinking that I wasn't serious about them being dull, but was just being modest, here they are: "Got up. Very tired. Took shower. Haley and kids took off to go get coffee & meet up in line while I took care of (something unintelligible) business." Now that part in parentheses that said "something unintelligible" actually said a word different than "something unintelligible," but I can't read it. It's a shame, because knowing me, that was probably the only amusing part of that whole section. And now I can't tell what it says. It looks like "aocitional," but that's not a word. But words ending in -tional in that context seem like they have to be funny. So let's all imagine the most amusing word that can in that context and fill it in. Mine is "ratiocinational." What's yours? Heh, got you - this is one-dimensional writing - I couldn't actually hear you. Heh heh.
Marketing complains about this kind of stuff, BTW. They want this whole thing to be bi-directional, so that as I am writing, you are actually able to respond back in real time. I pointed out that this would suck. As I write I make spelling error that I go back and correct. But if you were reading it in real time you would point those out. And I would be annoyed because I was just about to go back and correct that, thankyouverymuch. And sometimes I pause at unexpected points. For instance even in writing this paragraph I paused twice. Once for kind of a while. Well, not very long, really. More like a second or two. Okay, it was really just to prove the point. But sometimes I pause for much longer. For hours at a time, even. They then want to figure out a way to force me to write it all out once, and then every time a person read it, make me type it all out again, so that readers could pop in and say things. I pointed out that I had a day job, and that was not going to really work out. They came up with another plan at that point, but it is too depressing to even point out, but it involve real time video conferencing with every reader simultaneously at an agreed upon time and all of us sharing in some words I couldn't quite make out as I was already walking off.
So now six paragraphs into this trip report section (and with a few initial abortive attempts at paragraphs that look more like sentences or sentence fragments) we have woken up, showered, and planned to meet people in some kind of line. Still not sure what kind of line exactly, but given the context, we can probably assume a bus line. Because that's always where we met when we did the separation thing. And it was always a source of deep anxiety to H. Because inevitably I somehow didn't make it to the bus line quite as quickly as she expected, so instead of getting on the very first bus and getting to the park before opening and standing around somewhere near the front waiting to get in, we kept winding up on the next bus, and getting there early and standing around waiting slightly less time but still getting to do everything we wanted. Except at Epcot. But that wasn't my fault. It was H.'s fault. No. Kidding. Nothing is H.'s fault. Ever. She is faultless. This is drifting into sort of uncomfortable territory here. The kind of territory where you are standing a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. And no matter which way you go, you are likely to get eaten by a grue. So we will change topics.
At this point I would like to just cite the first page, as it kind of sums up my life. As well as that morning:
You'll note that the style is much more terse. Since I hate printing I tend to write a lot less. Whereas, while I don't like typing, I also don't hate it. So I do it more. And more. And keep typing. And type long passages in which I make bad metaphors involving lettuce in a refrigerator turning into a sticky brown blob of goop. Oh, I think I figured out "highplure." I think it said nightmare. You can see how similar those words are.
So if you read the last part of Section 7, you might have noticed that it said, "Next - Day 3 - Epicot," and yet here we are at the end with no Epcot. Sorry. It turns out that we leave off this segment having left our room and almost gotten onto a bus. Next up - actually entering a park, I swear.
My new notebook has one phrase written prominently on the top page in fairly clear handwriting:
Crème-Brûlée-Rama
It even has the funny accent marks. I like to use funny accent marks. They somehow make things seem so much more correct. And maybe I have a latent fear of disappointing my French teacher. Don't call me an approval-seeker because of this. I am more of a latent inaccurophobe.
Anyhow the new notebook was started, but with it no new leaves about neat printing or focusing on interesting non-bus stop related details were turned. I have had it with new leaves. At this point I am a withered old leaf and that is that. I am more like a soggy brown melted lettuce that was really old and looking very bad before you went on that month long vacation and then you came back, and you saw it and it was bad enough that you just didn't do anything about it hoping someone else would take care of it, which just made it even older. And soggier. And browner. And eventually it was just a sticky brown blob of goop in the bottom of the produce drawer. I am like that with respect to turning over new leaves. This was due to a disappointing string of past leaf turnings, in which I kept turning out like myself. So there you are. Or more accurately, so there I am. A sticky brown blob of goop. Metaphorically speaking.
Just because it is important to bring up, the notebook really isn't a notebook. I'll post a picture of it soon when I am less lazy. It's more of a chick diary thing. Or one of those books females get and then write in for non-diary purposes. But it's definitely got a chick vibe. Now being a very old man (at least spiritually), I don't entirely give a crap what anyone thinks of me. If they are critical of me, screw 'em. At least screw 'em after very carefully and critically analyzing any critical thing that was said and worrying about it and then verifying absolutely that it must, in fact, be necessarily false. So screw 'em. That's my motto. Well, that's not really my motto. I don't have a motto. If I did have a motto it would be something else. Something that was nicer than that. Like "rad salads." "Baring her fangs she sucked out his life juice." Or "might look like a weird hippie, but is actually not a hippie, but something predominantly non-hippie. And not into that 60s music at all. And doesn't own a tie-dye. And doesn't have a bong. So why do you keep bringing up hippies?" I think that last motto, while not catchy, and not actually reflective of any recent conversations, really is not a good motto. And doesn't express anything relevant. At all. So why are you bringing it up? Anyway, moving on...
So I just read the first lines of the diary/notebook/chick-book-thing. The ones after that great Crème-Brûlée-Rama line. And they were really dull. Tedious really. But since you insist. Or, well, you can't insist, since writing this is really one directional, but pretending that you had insisted, thinking that I wasn't serious about them being dull, but was just being modest, here they are: "Got up. Very tired. Took shower. Haley and kids took off to go get coffee & meet up in line while I took care of (something unintelligible) business." Now that part in parentheses that said "something unintelligible" actually said a word different than "something unintelligible," but I can't read it. It's a shame, because knowing me, that was probably the only amusing part of that whole section. And now I can't tell what it says. It looks like "aocitional," but that's not a word. But words ending in -tional in that context seem like they have to be funny. So let's all imagine the most amusing word that can in that context and fill it in. Mine is "ratiocinational." What's yours? Heh, got you - this is one-dimensional writing - I couldn't actually hear you. Heh heh.
HaleyB said:
Mr. S. said:
Marketing complains about this kind of stuff, BTW. They want this whole thing to be bi-directional, so that as I am writing, you are actually able to respond back in real time. I pointed out that this would suck. As I write I make spelling error that I go back and correct. But if you were reading it in real time you would point those out. And I would be annoyed because I was just about to go back and correct that, thankyouverymuch. And sometimes I pause at unexpected points. For instance even in writing this paragraph I paused twice. Once for kind of a while. Well, not very long, really. More like a second or two. Okay, it was really just to prove the point. But sometimes I pause for much longer. For hours at a time, even. They then want to figure out a way to force me to write it all out once, and then every time a person read it, make me type it all out again, so that readers could pop in and say things. I pointed out that I had a day job, and that was not going to really work out. They came up with another plan at that point, but it is too depressing to even point out, but it involve real time video conferencing with every reader simultaneously at an agreed upon time and all of us sharing in some words I couldn't quite make out as I was already walking off.
So now six paragraphs into this trip report section (and with a few initial abortive attempts at paragraphs that look more like sentences or sentence fragments) we have woken up, showered, and planned to meet people in some kind of line. Still not sure what kind of line exactly, but given the context, we can probably assume a bus line. Because that's always where we met when we did the separation thing. And it was always a source of deep anxiety to H. Because inevitably I somehow didn't make it to the bus line quite as quickly as she expected, so instead of getting on the very first bus and getting to the park before opening and standing around somewhere near the front waiting to get in, we kept winding up on the next bus, and getting there early and standing around waiting slightly less time but still getting to do everything we wanted. Except at Epcot. But that wasn't my fault. It was H.'s fault. No. Kidding. Nothing is H.'s fault. Ever. She is faultless. This is drifting into sort of uncomfortable territory here. The kind of territory where you are standing a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. And no matter which way you go, you are likely to get eaten by a grue. So we will change topics.
HaleyB said:
At this point I would like to just cite the first page, as it kind of sums up my life. As well as that morning:
Mr. Silly's diary/notebook/chick-book-thing said:
You'll note that the style is much more terse. Since I hate printing I tend to write a lot less. Whereas, while I don't like typing, I also don't hate it. So I do it more. And more. And keep typing. And type long passages in which I make bad metaphors involving lettuce in a refrigerator turning into a sticky brown blob of goop. Oh, I think I figured out "highplure." I think it said nightmare. You can see how similar those words are.
So if you read the last part of Section 7, you might have noticed that it said, "Next - Day 3 - Epicot," and yet here we are at the end with no Epcot. Sorry. It turns out that we leave off this segment having left our room and almost gotten onto a bus. Next up - actually entering a park, I swear.
HaleyB said:
TwinkieMama
<font color=green>Ummmm.... can I phone a friend?
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2005
- Messages
- 5,379
BINGO!!!!!
I would have won much earlier if you had used "paradigm shift" or "synergy" or "target validation"............
but an excellent interactive feature nonetheless.
Mr. Silly
I am a robot
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2006
- Messages
- 260
Hi everyone, sorry to take an aeon to respond to stuff.
Hey! I resemble that remark.celerystalker said:
I listen to marketing, it's just that I then do whatever I want afterwards.kpk89 said:
Well, I am not a home brewer. I use yeast & sugar water to make CO2 for my aquarium to help the plants grow, but I throw away the liquid. But perhaps I can fake itcabanafrau said:
Always happy to oblige, eh?blue_river said:
So H. has the next segment, so we are waiting for comments. I am working on the one after that off & on. I probably will run out of material, and will wind up being all serious and dignified eventually.Backstage_Gal said:
DisneyLand is so great. It's so different there in some ways. So much less spread out.UtahMama said:
Thanks!UtahMama said:
No, but I looked it up on Amazon. It looks cool.jamal said:
I have a day job, thank goodness, which doesn't involve rapping.jamal said:
We have one manager at work in CA who is *always* slinging the buzzwords. We have printed out buzzword bingo sheets a few times. And also played the game of trying to casually throw as many meaningless buzzwords as possible into phone meetings to see if he would notice. Stuff like instead of saying "yes," saying "I'm glad we're on the same page. We need to be dynamically proactive at applying best practices to validate our paradigm of a customer-focused target." He never has noticed.TwinkieMama said:
Grammyof2
<font color=deeppink>Best Woo Hootier that ever wo
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2005
- Messages
- 2,934
Ok somehow I got behind 
I just spent four lifetimes reading and realized you still had another installment up.
But - can I just move into your house, for the rap alone.
And the references to other thingys - well full on freaking funny
And I think I did pick a bad day to quit drinking
You both crack me up. The next little chapter will have to wait. I gotta eat after all of that. I have a hankering for lemonade. And someone really needs to go to the Say No to Drugs program
I just spent four lifetimes reading and realized you still had another installment up.But - can I just move into your house, for the rap alone.
And the references to other thingys - well full on freaking funny
And I think I did pick a bad day to quit drinking
You both crack me up. The next little chapter will have to wait. I gotta eat after all of that. I have a hankering for lemonade. And someone really needs to go to the Say No to Drugs program
UtahMama
Wakey, wakey, Eggs and Bakey<br><img src=http://ww
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2006
- Messages
- 9,743
Hey Sillys!
Loved your short sentence forgotten hat & Bagallini montage. Not-so-much the ignored slimy brown lettuce in the bottom of your crisper-drawer metaphor. But loved everything else.
Looking forward to some park time an whatever else your girlie-diary has to say.
(Very funny as usual, Homey!)
Loved your short sentence forgotten hat & Bagallini montage. Not-so-much the ignored slimy brown lettuce in the bottom of your crisper-drawer metaphor. But loved everything else.
Looking forward to some park time an whatever else your girlie-diary has to say.
(Very funny as usual, Homey!)
Grammyof2
<font color=deeppink>Best Woo Hootier that ever wo
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2005
- Messages
- 2,934
Me again. Caught up now. Haley waiting at the bus stop. Seems I might have witnessed this once or thirty times. Nice to know what was going on behind the scenes.
Luckily I love creme brulee, but refuse to use the fancy typing carp
Luckily I love creme brulee, but refuse to use the fancy typing carp
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