The saga of Baby M....update in post 80

[mickeysaver]

I just did my good night call with Gabby and found out in the process of our conversation that there is a good reason why B hasn't been to the rehab center to see the baby, she's been banned. B won't tell anyone why she has been banned, but being that they have forbid F from moving in with her when she gets out of rehab and B was labeled an enabler....oh, I think that we all can fill in the blanks given our suspicions that B is dealing drugs.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Well, at least someone has put it together and is making an attempt to keep them separate. Does seem pretty dismal though, doesn't it? I can only imagine how strong F will have to be to get through this and put drugs out of her life once and for all.

That's a lot of hope to put in a rehab facility. I sure hope the one she is in is up to the challenge and has talented staff.

 

[Mathfailure]

Is there any hope the rehab will report to the police? I know privacy is supreme in these situations, but as a patient was put at risk, maybe?

Would any family members be willing to make a report? I know I sound cold hearted but my concern would be the baby and a new mother trying to stay clean and sober.

What a miserable situation.

Kathleen

 

[mickeysaver]

Thank you for the update. I have been wondering how things were going but didnt' want to seem nosey. Hope things continue to go as well as they can...

Well, at least someone has put it together and is making an attempt to keep them separate. Does seem pretty dismal though, doesn't it? I can only imagine how strong F will have to be to get through this and put drugs out of her life once and for all.

That's a lot of hope to put in a rehab facility. I sure hope the one she is in is up to the challenge and has talented staff.

I don't take your interest in this a being nosey at all. It's really a heartbreaking situation all around. It's also quite frustrating for me because while Gabby and I are accepted with open arms by her family, I don't feel that I can say much about all of this to anyone other than Gabby, and even then I worry that I am pushing too hard or stepping on toes.

This rehab facility has a great success rate. Being that F's stay there is court ordered and she could be there up to 2 years, I know that there is time for her to get her head on straight and salvage her life. I hate for Baby M to be stuck in a facility like that for so long, but in the end, it's what will be safest for her.

F can trace her relatives back to Abe Lincoln and further back to Ireland, Germany, and from her Dad's side, Africa. She comes from a long line of strong and stubborn people that when pushed could do anything that they put their minds towards doing. She was a bright girl and hopefully will find it somewhere inside of that mix of genetic goo to persevere.

Is there any hope the rehab will report to the police? I know privacy is supreme in these situations, but as a patient was put at risk, maybe?

Would any family members be willing to make a report? I know I sound cold hearted but my concern would be the baby and a new mother trying to stay clean and sober.

What a miserable situation.

Kathleen

You are correct, this is a miserable situation. As for anyone turning B in, I am not sure what is going to happen. I know what I would like to see happen.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Sending more hugs to you and Gabby! Somehow this will all turn out OK!

 

[hematite153]

Thanks for the updates...I've been thinking of them.

I'm glad to hear that the rehab facility has a good track record and the fact that they've already banned B seems like they are really paying attention to things. I hope that F takes it all in. I understand worrying about M having to spend so much time in a facility, but, at the same time, it sounds like it's a facility that really cares about her safety and that could mean good things for her in the long-term.

I look forward to hearing about the visit.

 

[pixidustmom]

Just came across this and wanted to say I am glad she is getting help and they are keeping him away. Enabler yes that is most likely true. Baby will be fine as this is better that how it could have been.
Blessings to all.

 

[mickeysaver]

Gabby texted me with a photo and OMG, she is just precious. She's getting so big. They were only able to visit for about 15 minutes. They did see F too in the process. I am waiting for more details. Gabby is spending time with her mom today, so she is a little too busy to give me the full scoop, but she told me that she now knows why B was banned and will share all the details with me later tonight.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Here's hoping and praying everything works out.

 

[mickeysaver]

So, the reason why B has been banned is because she showed up at the hospital when F gave birth and at one of the visitation days at the rehab center while she was high. F was going to give up custody temporarily to B, but when the center found out they had to act and that is when they put a ban on F moving back in with her mom afterwards, which also forbid F giving up custody to B, even temporarily.

F has to get recertified as a massage therapist and as soon as she can be trusted to leave the facility for day trips out, she is going to do that. She seems to think that is going to happen next month, but MIL says that it won't be for at least another 4-5 months. F says that Baby Daddy doesn't want anything to do with the baby. F has been diagnosed with Cervical Cancer, but has decided to do nothing about it until she gets out of the facility, because she thinks it's just going to be a few months.

MIL's health continues to decline. She has diabetes, CHF, and COPD. Gabby says she looks so much worse than she did even back in December. It's totally breaking her heart to see her mom like this. Back in December, she looked really bad to me, it was really a shocker as to how much worse she looked from when we saw her just 4 months earlier.

I am seriously considering cancelling our August trip on the basis of "just in case" because of all of the balls that are up in the air at the moment. It's money that we don't have to be spending and time off that we might need to keep for emergency use. I am going to have to discuss this further with Gabby when she comes home. It's hard to have some conversations without being able to look the other person in the eye.

This whole thing just makes me so glad that I am an only child.

 

[cm8]

So, the reason why B has been banned is because she showed up at the hospital when F gave birth and at one of the visitation days at the rehab center while she was high. F was going to give up custody temporarily to B, but when the center found out they had to act and that is when they put a ban on F moving back in with her mom afterwards, which also forbid F giving up custody to B, even temporarily.

F has to get recertified as a massage therapist and as soon as she can be trusted to leave the facility for day trips out, she is going to do that. She seems to think that is going to happen next month, but MIL says that it won't be for at least another 4-5 months. F says that Baby Daddy doesn't want anything to do with the baby. F has been diagnosed with Cervical Cancer, but has decided to do nothing about it until she gets out of the facility, because she thinks it's just going to be a few months.

MIL's health continues to decline. She has diabetes, CHF, and COPD. Gabby says she looks so much worse than she did even back in December. It's totally breaking her heart to see her mom like this. Back in December, she looked really bad to me, it was really a shocker as to how much worse she looked from when we saw her just 4 months earlier.

I am seriously considering cancelling our August trip on the basis of "just in case" because of all of the balls that are up in the air at the moment. It's money that we don't have to be spending and time off that we might need to keep for emergency use. I am going to have to discuss this further with Gabby when she comes home. It's hard to have some conversations without being able to look the other person in the eye.

This whole thing just makes me so glad that I am an only child.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

You have so much going on right now. Only you and Gabby can determine what the best decision is going to be. WDW will be there. :yes:

 

[mickeysaver]

So, I had this really crappy night's sleep. I kept tossing and turning with the "what if's" keeping my gut tied up in knots. I had trouble looking myself in the mirror this morning, because I know that we need to do more than we have done in respect to this baby up until now. I feel so ashamed of myself for not pushing the issue more before now, but again, while I am a part of the family, in many ways, it's not my family, so there is that lovely land of limbo that have felt stuck in for too long in regards to this issue. I know that Gabby hasn't been on the maternal bandwagon much either, but I had to say something, it was a moral imperative.

So, I sat down and put all of my thoughts on the matter into words and told Gabby exactly where I stand on it. I told her that I feel that we really need to give F a heartfelt message that, if she wanted to give up permanent custody of Baby M that we would like to take her. In doing so, even if she says "No." then at least we did extend the offer, which hasn't been done yet. With so many things working out as they have, I really feel that we need to do the right thing and at the very least, put our offer out there. I really don't want this child to end up in the foster care system. If we have extended the offer to her, then if things don't go well, then she hopefully, will see us as a good option. I cried alot as I poured my heart out as I typed all of my feelings and reasonings out to hopefully get through to Gabby that waiting is really not the way to go anymore, it's time to act. With Gabby down in Florida still, I had no other choice but to email it to her, because not saying all of those things for even another day just felt horribly wrong. Gabby is out with her family today, but she did text me back after a couple of hours and basically let me know that she was in agreement.

Thank God!

We can't directly contact F. We will have to try to go through her attorney, because he can talk to her. I would imagine that we will get a bill for this, but who cares, it's the right thing to do. So, we are about to take a step. Where this step takes us, I have no idea, but it's a step in the right direction, or at least it sure feels that way. I am thinking that we are both going to need to write to F and let her know where our heads are at on this. More will be decided once Gabby gets home tomorrow, but at least for now, I can look in the mirror again, my stomach isn't tied up in knots, and hopefully, I will sleep better tonight too.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Oh geez.

 

[hematite153]

So, I had this really crappy night's sleep
...
So, I sat down and put all of my thoughts on the matter into words
...
I really feel that we need to do the right thing and at the very least, put our offer out there.
...
Gabby is out with her family today, but she did text me back after a couple of hours and basically let me know that she was in agreement.
...
We can't directly contact F. We will have to try to go through her attorney, because he can talk to her. I would imagine that we will get a bill for this, but who cares, it's the right thing to do.
...
it's a step in the right direction, or at least it sure feels that way.

Given that F was reportedly considering relinquishing custody to B and that she is ill, but, not dealing with it, I was wondering if you'd come back here.

Regardless of all the other drama, it is clear to me that Baby M is loved (by you) and I hope that she is able to grow up in a loving environment whether that is with you or others.

Making the offer sounds like a good step. F may not take it, but, she'll at least have an option.

I know that the politics around adoption in Florida are tricky and that the costs of needing to be away from home for extended periods of time sound prohibitive, but, it will all be worth it if you are able to provide a loving home for a little one who deserves more than she is currently being offered. (ItsMuggsie just adopted through a designated family adoption in FL, right? Maybe she can give you advice or direct you to a good lawyer.)

I've been thinking about your concern with regards to the costs of having your dogs looked after while out of town should you need to spend a lot of time in FL and wondering if you could find a volunteer. I.e. I love my pets and we pet-sit for the pets of our church family in times of stress. If you were anywhere nearby I'd extend that offer to your loved ones. (I know, I'm about 10 steps ahead of where you are now, but, it's been floating in my mind.)

Whatever happens, the love you feel for a child you've never met is obvious and inspiring.

 

[SandrA9810]

Didn't the courts finally approve a gay adoption here in florida to two women??

There was a small blurb in the paper before the final court hearing. From the sound of it, they were on the verge of winning the case.

If F does give the baby up, will she still be able to continue in this program? It sounds like one designed for moms and it would be hard to imagine what she'd do if she was let out because she gave baby M up.

 

[mickeysaver]

I am looking at extending this offer as a chance, a choice, an option that F doesn't currently have on the table. According to MIL, F wants to keep Baby M, but that she has a lot of uncertainty about her future due to her health and her addiction issues. With F's inability to move back in with her mother, it makes this an even harder path to go down with a baby in tow, especially when Baby Daddy doesn't want to participate in any way. F is still very young and has a lot of living to do and more chances to create a family in her future, if she can get her head on straight.

I would quite honestly be shocked if F immediately said yes to this offer. I just know that we need to make it and Gabby agreed with me 100%. We are going to write to F, but we know that her mail is censored, so we will approach her lawyer too. This will help document that Gabby wants to be considered as an adoptive parent, if for some reason in the future, Baby M's situation changes and she needs a new home.

As for the issue of Florida adoption, honestly, courts tend to like to keep families together, if at all possible. It would be most important for Gabby to adopt first, which will potentially have it's challenges since the law isn't quite sorted out yet and, at last look, still banned gays and lesbians from adopting. If she does adopt Baby M, then once we have the baby settled in with her legally, I will second parent adopt here in Georgia. Then, we would be a total legal family.

Yes, the facility that F is in is for addicted mothers. However, if she gives up the baby, even temporarily, she has to transfer to another recovery facility or report to jail. The terms of her sentence still stand, baby or not. I am concerned about F and her recovery as well as her newly diagnosed and untreated cervical cancer. The fact that she can't depend on her mother is very sad. I worry that if F gives up Baby M that it could take away a source of motivation for her recovery. I also worry that if F doesn't really recover that Baby M is going to be left in harms way at some point and there could be a tragedy. I worry that Baby M is still going to have developmental issues from the drugs and that F won't really be there to be her advocate and that the potential that she could have will be lost.

We both love and worry about F. Gabby is still extremely disappointed and angry with F, which is understandable. We both love Baby M, but then again, it's hard to not love a baby. Ideally, we both want F to get her life together and for Baby M to be 100% healthy and raised by her mother. However, we know are very realistic about the reality of this sad situation.

Prayers are still welcome because this is far from settled.

 

[hematite153]

I am looking at extending this offer as a chance, a choice, an option that F doesn't currently have on the table.
...
We both love and worry about F. Gabby is still extremely disappointed and angry with F, which is understandable. We both love Baby M, but then again, it's hard to not love a baby. Ideally, we both want F to get her life together and for Baby M to be 100% healthy and raised by her mother.

I get this, believe me, I get this.

The wording of my prior response may not have been the best. My prayers really are with everyone in this saga.

 

[mickeysaver]

Sorry I'm really tired and need to go to bed, but I just remembered that I forgot to address the dog issue. If Gabby were to adopt, then she would need to spend time in Florida more than I would. The good part about Gabby's new position is that she can do it anywhere that she has an internet connection and cell phone reception, so she wouldn't miss much work. If she needed to, she could take FMLA time through her workplace, because it does cover time spent in the adoption process. I would most likely stay home and keep things going here. Gabby would go to Florida and stay with "the good sister" and take care of the legal stuff and get the baby. For the time that I might need to go down there to help, I would board the dogs and we could afford to do it, it just won't be cheap.

If we were to need to adopt Baby M this year, the August trip to WDW is not happening. I doubt that we would get back to WDW until she turned 4 when we promised F that we would take her to WDW and spoil her rotten for her 4th birthday. No matter what happens, Baby M is going to WDW with us eventually, I guess by then she will be Lil Princess M.

Gabby's mom totally is on board with us taking Baby M, if F wants us to take her or if there is a need for someone to take her in the future and that helps. "The good sister" is ok with this too, especially since she is the one that has taken on the task of looking after their grandmother and their mother. F's brother doesn't want any part in the drama that his sister has created and he loves us as much as we love him, so I think that if this were to happen, Uncle M would be ok with it too.

Ok, I really need to go to bed. Work comes early and I really need some sleep. Tune in later for another thrilling installment of "As the Drama Churns". Yeah, it's bedtime alright, the corny jokes are sounding funny instead of groan worthy. Sweet dreams y'all.

 

[mickeysaver]

F is adjusting to the rehab life, but not without some issues, like she has lost weekend phone call privileges for some weekends and has done something, that she hasn't elaborated on, that has added yet another month to her time in the facility, which now brings us to a 13 month total. F is determined to keep Baby M with her for now. She is also planning to move back in with her mother, B, once she leaves the facility, even though she has been barred from doing so and it would violate her probation and could get her thrown into jail.

My MIL writes to F regularly and F writes back. We have reached out to F via Gabby's mom, which I wasn't too thrilled about not being the ones to write to her directly, but this is the way that it happened. F has agreed that if she messes up again that she has put Gabby at the top of her list of people to take the baby. Thank God! We still are hoping and praying that F really can pull it together and that Baby M will be with her mother forever, but in the back of our minds, we are both living with the thoughts of "what if".

Gabby is now for the most part working from home with only a handful of days/weeks left in the year where she will be out of town. We are slowly putting our home back together to be a home that is not geared toward her always on the go travel lifestyle, but is one that is made to be lived in and worked in. In the process, we are both taking the time to ask, "if" we had a baby in the house, what should we do with the room, the stuff in the room, the pet's stuff, etc. We are planning a HUGE yard sale at the end of May or early in June.

For now, we are just going on with our lives and waiting.