The opposite of TMI--NEI!

[lovetoscrap]

Not Enough Information.

My husband's family is the type to tell you everything health related. I swear if someone has a hangnail they call to let everyone know. Everything requires a visit to the ER and the entire family to be called and told to come quick.

Then there is MY family. No information. Some years ago I got this phone call:

Mom: I am just calling to let you know that Grandpa is doing just fine.
Me: ??? What do you mean?
Mom: Oh he had heart surgery 2 days ago but he is doing well.
Me:

No one had even told me he was having heart problems!

Then there is the time that my stepgrandmother passed away. She may have been my stepgrandma but to me she was "Grandma". I found out a week after her death that she has passed. It was an "Oh, by the way" thing.

Just got off the phone with my mother. "By the way, I was in the ER this weekend. I was having a lot of pain in my chest and arm and jaw so after I did some errands and went to a meeting I thought I should go."

Everything is fine, but I swear sometimes I want to strangle them! I don't need details, but you know, I would like to be informed when the people I love are having surgery, have passed away or are having health problems!!

Is that too much to ask?

 

[laurie31]

Our families are like this, only opposite, and not quite to such extremes, but it's normal for me to tell my parents things like I'm having a mole biopsied or whatever. No one freaks out, but it's good to know. His family...nada.

Once when we were over at their house, one of the girls got a minor scrape and wanted a bandaid. DH's mom told him where the bandaids were and he went to get one. In the same cabinet was...her diabetes medication. We had NO IDEA she was diabetic! She has still never actually told us. And DH never tells his parents ANYTHING about what's going on with him. Different strokes, I guess. But a happy medium would be nice...

 

[IDoDis]

NEI is a pet peeve of mine with facebook users. I get really annoyed with status updates that say things like:

"(insert name) is tired of being lied to."
"Wow, that was awesome!"
"Today was the worst day ever."
"Ouch! I'm in so much pain!"

Argggh! These are public status messages that people are sharing with often hundreds of "friends" many of which they don't see or speak to on a regular basis. If someone has something to post, be clear and explain what the heck they are talking about. I don't like having to play 20 questions. Also, when people have some kind of private thing going on with another "friend" they should post wall-to-wall or IM, but don't post it as a status. Others have no idea what you are talking about.

 

[Becky2005]

I feel for you! I'm STILL trying to adjust to this difference between DH & my family.

Although, I'm convinced he will never fully forgive his family for not only NOT telling him that his grandmother died, they actually buried her without telling him while he was away at school. He found out because he called and it was a "oh by the way, grandma died..." I think it was something like "a couple weeks ago". I wasn't in the picture then but he mentions it enough that I know it really bothered him (he's not one to dwell on such things, so the fact that he has brought it up throughout the years it was a biggie!). He was close to his grandmother.

His mother had been in the ER for something and we had no clue. It was after she passed, one of his aunts was asking us about a hospital stay she had and basically I had this look : deer in headlight type of look. I'm sure the aunts probably thought we were hiding something but really, we were clueless as to what she was talking about.

My family on the other hand....somewhat tells you if there is an emergency...now they may not call you at 2 AM unless it's a REAL dire emergency but they will call you ASAP in the morning. My aunt/uncle were in a car accident several years ago, my uncle died at the scene, aunt was in really bad shape. My 2nd was only a month old at the time. My mom didn't call me when it happened. My aunts knew who don't live close by & they drove here ASAP but I did find out early the next day. My mom figured there was nothing I could do & they were still trying to figure out what was what. She knew with the baby I wasn't getting full night's sleep anyway & didn't want to wake me if I happen to be sleeping.

My DH can't understand why people call us when they end up in the hospital & I can't understand how they can completely go to the ER, get admitted & not bother to tell you.

I'm convinced if I'm incapacitated in some way, none of my relatives will know...although I'm thinking DH would call my parents just for help with the kids, otherwise...it probably wouldn't even cross his mind. Basically, I will fall off the face of the earth & no one will have a clue unless my DD takes over that job of telling people because I highly doubt it would even cross DH's mind to do so.

 

[dismom2]

NEI is a pet peeve of mine with facebook users. I get really annoyed with status updates that say things like:

"(insert name) is tired of being lied to."
"Wow, that was awesome!"
"Today was the worst day ever."
"Ouch! I'm in so much pain!"

Argggh! These are public status messages that people are sharing with often hundreds of "friends" many of which they don't see or speak to on a regular basis. If someone has something to post, be clear and explain what the heck they are talking about. I don't like having to play 20 questions. Also, when people have some kind of private thing going on with another "friend" they should post wall-to-wall or IM, but don't post it as a status. Others have no idea what you are talking about.

I have a friend who does this, and I am convinced she does it so people will reply and ask her a lot of questions. I think it's annoying.

OP: my DH's family doesn't give much info, either. Every time I hear that something is or was wrong with someone, there no details, or barely any. But, the biggie was when a certain someone basically told everyone she had a mastectomy (sp) and incinuated she had breast cancer, when the truth was (I was told later in strict confidence) that her breast implant leaked and had to be removed and she didn't want anyone to know the truth, so she fudged up a 'better' story instead of telling the truth because she was too embarressed to be honest.

I also have a family member and friend who make everything sound 10 times worse than they really are, and claim to have had cancer, multiple broken bones, surgeries, etc... that nobody has any recollection of.....

 

[PatsGirl]

My extended family is pretty good about finding a balance of TMI and NEI but with my kids it's like pulling teeth I expect it a bit with any of their personal stuff and especially with DD given that she's a tween but DS19 called a week after having all four wisdom teeth removed to tell me about how awful it was Oh duh~had I known, I might have helped a little I think!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I feel your pain OP. My parents have gotten better after I flipped out one time. I knew my great uncle had been ill but was assured he was fine. I really loved this guy. So here's my conversation with my dad.

Me: How's Uncle Fred doing?
Dad: Better.
Me: Is he leaving the hospital soon?
Dad: Don't know but he's out of the coma now.
Me: What coma?
Dad: Oh, did I forget to tell you?

A week later we were at his funeral.

 

[mill4023]

NEI is a pet peeve of mine with facebook users. I get really annoyed with status updates that say things like:

"(insert name) is tired of being lied to."
"Wow, that was awesome!"
"Today was the worst day ever."
"Ouch! I'm in so much pain!"

Argggh! These are public status messages that people are sharing with often hundreds of "friends" many of which they don't see or speak to on a regular basis. If someone has something to post, be clear and explain what the heck they are talking about. I don't like having to play 20 questions. Also, when people have some kind of private thing going on with another "friend" they should post wall-to-wall or IM, but don't post it as a status. Others have no idea what you are talking about.

Yep. These kind of posts strike me as rather pathetic attempts to get attention. It's like they are begging for people to ask them about what they mean. I never respond to these kind of status updates.

 

[Micca]

DW's family is pretty good with NEI. I'll hear that "Uncle Clyde has taken a turn for the worse". I didn't know Uncle Clyde was having any issues, then I find out he was diagnosed with something horrible 6 months ago.

 

[princess momma]

Not Enough Information. Yep, that's my family.

About a month ago I called my mom to chat and she mentioned about 20 minutes into the conversation that my aunt was back in the hospital again. What?!? Yeah, my aunt had a really bad stroke a month earlier and had been in a nursing home, where she developed pneumonia. Didn't know any of that. Thanks for sharing Mom.

 

[Disney Doll]

You know, I think it's something about health issues that makes people go into NEI mode...kind of like "If I don't say it, it's not happening".

My mother is a great one for complaining how no one tells her anything, but the first words out of her mouth are always "Don't say anything to anyone but...." and she goes on to tell some big bombshell thing. She fell off her cellar stairs (she's 83) a few months ago and I didn't find out for 3 days (I'm a nurse). Then every conversation I had with her after that started out with "I talked to So-and-So today. I didn't tell them I fell". But yet she gets angry when no one tells her anything.

As far as me personally, I think that telling someone about health issues really depends on the issue. Years ago when we were going through infertility we didn't tell too many people...basically we told 3 good friends because I needed their help at times when I was on bedrest after procedures and so forth. I also didn't want everyone feeling sorry for me. I also didn't want my friends who were able to have children to feel badly and feel like they couldn't share their happines with me. Never told DH's family because my late DMIL would have driven me crazy trying to tell me what to do and how to handle and what MD to go to and why was I doing it that way and so forth. My late DMIL was an Ob/Gyn nurse by profession. Basically, because I didn't want to have to deal with DMIL, I couldn't tell my favorite DSIL because she would have told DMIL. Never told my family because my mother is such an insanely inappropriate worrier that it would have driven her crazy and consequently, she would have driven me crazy!

More recently, I had a TIA and had a big neuro and cardiac work-up. I didn't tell my parents I was going through the local (local meaning going to MDs in my area) work-up, again because of my mother's insane amount of worry. I eventually had to go to Mt.Sinai in NYC and see a specialist there, so I told them then. Thankfully it turned out to be nothing major when all was said and done.

Shortly after my DFIL died my DH was in the ER with chest pain, which turned out to be gall bladder. We never told my DMIL that...neither of us thought that she needed to hear that her 43 year old son was having chest pain 2 weeks after her husband died. Had he needed to have further procedures we would have told her, of course, but he had gall stones which basically he has kept under control since then by watching his diet, not too much greasy food etc.

I am not one to alarm people. I don't think people need a blow-by-blow description of a medical work-up. I generally tell people something medical when I actually have information to impart, such as "I have had A, B and C tests and from these tests they have found out I have X, and to treat this I am going to need to do Y".

Obviously, if someone ended up hospitalized or died, I would call all pertinent people immediately.

 

[james'mommy]

One side of my family is the same way. I found out from my sister just by chance that my step mother has breast cancer.

 

[perdidobay]

Not Enough Information.

My husband's family is the type to tell you everything health related. I swear if someone has a hangnail they call to let everyone know. Everything requires a visit to the ER and the entire family to be called and told to come quick.

Then there is MY family. No information. Some years ago I got this phone call:

Mom: I am just calling to let you know that Grandpa is doing just fine.
Me: ??? What do you mean?
Mom: Oh he had heart surgery 2 days ago but he is doing well.
Me:

No one had even told me he was having heart problems!

Then there is the time that my stepgrandmother passed away. She may have been my stepgrandma but to me she was "Grandma". I found out a week after her death that she has passed. It was an "Oh, by the way" thing.

Just got off the phone with my mother. "By the way, I was in the ER this weekend. I was having a lot of pain in my chest and arm and jaw so after I did some errands and went to a meeting I thought I should go."

Everything is fine, but I swear sometimes I want to strangle them! I don't need details, but you know, I would like to be informed when the people I love are having surgery, have passed away or are having health problems!!

Is that too much to ask?

Are we related?

This is just like my family. Dh's family has an illness of the day (real or imagined) and my parents who live 1000 miles away never tell us anything..... most recent, my mother was in the hospital for gallbladder surgery 4 weeks ago, I found out one week ago, from my DD who will call them and pry for info. They are both 80 and in poor health. I'd almost think they don't tell us because they are afraid we'll want them to go into a retirement home, but this was something they have been doing for the last 25 years.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

My family is a huge fan of NEI.

Let's see:

First - my GM was put in hospice and died. No one told me until after she passed. I am only 9 hours drive time from where she was and would've gone to see her before she passed if I had known.

2nd - Twice my Dad has had big surgeries for hip replacement. No one called to tell me until after he was home.

3rd - Mom was put in hospital 2 weeks ago. No one told me until after she was home and that was just because I asked my sister how it was going with them staying at their RV resort. Then sis told me.

4th - one of my younger Sisters had breast cancer 4 years ago. No one told me until after she had had several rounds of chemo. I'm sure I was told only because she needed help at home and I am the closest relative miles wise.

And there's more than just those 4 examples. My family just doesn't understand the whole support system thing.

 

[mrsbert]

I'm convinced if I'm incapacitated in some way, none of my relatives will know...although I'm thinking DH would call my parents just for help with the kids, otherwise...it probably wouldn't even cross his mind. Basically, I will fall off the face of the earth & no one will have a clue unless my DD takes over that job of telling people because I highly doubt it would even cross DH's mind to do so.

I found this quite sarcastically funny!! I hope you were being sarcastically funny.

 

[Becky2005]

I found this quite sarcastically funny!! I hope you were being sarcastically funny.

Ummm..well...hmm...actually, I really doubt he would call. Maybe he would surprise me, occassionally that happens (but since I wouldn't be able to function normally, I guess I'd never find out. ).

I think it's because he was raised with the NEI version, I really don't think it would cross his mind that hey, you know, my parents might like to know if their daughter has somehow ended up in the hospital in serious shape.

Then again, I guess I'm a guilty party now that I think about it. DH was in the hospital with a facial infection (we thought he was having an allergic reaction) & it never crossed my mind to call his sister. I called MY parents though once he got admitted. It was basically under control, if things hadn't gone good then I would have called her. I was too busy cancelling appointments he had set-up for some clients and trying to figure out what was what. I'm pretty sure his sister would have been "so what" though & thouht I was crazy for calling her since that is not how his family works.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I guess it makes me feel better that others are the same way. I just can't fathom how you don't tell someone a beloved relative has died?? Or is having heart surgery?? And really, when I fill out medical paperwork I have almost no health history. I didn't know my father's side well, and they were all hypocondriacs so there is really no way to seperate fact from fiction. And my mother's side "just doesn't want to talk about it".


But on the flip side, no, I really don't need to hear every detail of how your colonoscopy went, or exactly all the tests they ran on you because of some fleeting pain in your pinky toe, or how big the needle was for some other procedure. "HONEY! Your grandma is on the phone for you. . . ."

 

[Silent1CB]

Not Enough Information.

My husband's family is the type to tell you everything health related. I swear if someone has a hangnail they call to let everyone know. Everything requires a visit to the ER and the entire family to be called and told to come quick.

Then there is MY family. No information. Some years ago I got this phone call:

Mom: I am just calling to let you know that Grandpa is doing just fine.
Me: ??? What do you mean?
Mom: Oh he had heart surgery 2 days ago but he is doing well.
Me:

No one had even told me he was having heart problems!

Then there is the time that my stepgrandmother passed away. She may have been my stepgrandma but to me she was "Grandma". I found out a week after her death that she has passed. It was an "Oh, by the way" thing.

Just got off the phone with my mother. "By the way, I was in the ER this weekend. I was having a lot of pain in my chest and arm and jaw so after I did some errands and went to a meeting I thought I should go."

Everything is fine, but I swear sometimes I want to strangle them! I don't need details, but you know, I would like to be informed when the people I love are having surgery, have passed away or are having health problems!!

Is that too much to ask?

HA. NEI is my family too.

 

[Deb Quen of Colorado]

I guess I fall in teh NEI catagory... but really I just don't think it's anyone elses business what is going on with my health. If I am asked, I'll answer but would rather not broadcast to the world.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

Oh my, this is our families! My DH's family will call just to tell us about a cold. My family calls after the surgery. My grandma once called Red Cross to drive her to the hospital. Unfortunately, she also hid Alzheimers for awhile which probably sped up the disease since she wasn't on the medicine.

My DH and I fall on my side of the family. I actually have never had anything wrong, but my DH doesn't want to tell his family anything because he is sure they will overreact.