Me? Oh, no. I'm just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.
PETER FACINELLI
Kristen's been bitten! She'll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can't do it for some reason or another.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?
PETER FACINELLI
Look, all I know is that even though it's going to be REALLY HARD, you're just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.
He DOES. It's very DISSATISFYING.
ROBERT PATTINSON
So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.
KRISTEN STEWART
I love you. Put a baby in me.
ROBERT PATTINSON
At least the other three books can't possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.
They ARE.
END