The new "New Moms" thread!

[beckmrk04]

Bethany- Thank you. And you are SOOO right- the "golden triangle" is so hard to come by. I know there is a good daycare in the next town, BUT- they don't take part-time kids. If they did it would be affordable. But, it's silly and too expensive for me to pay for a full week when we only need 1 or 2 days.

Here is the link I found about starting your own child-care center. They help find grants and financial resources for the costs.

I don't know. It's definitely something I would have to think about. A lot. But, I just keep thinking- what happens when we have the next baby? Childcare will be even more expensive and the literally- my paycheck would go directly to daycare. So what's the point?

And I'd love to think that I'll have some better-paying job, but it's unlikely in the field I have chosen (non-profit work and the like) which is why I'm now working at a bank. I make the same amount per hour being a bank teller that I made when I was a Volunteer Coordinator/Educator for a Sexual Assualt Response Team (SART). And that job was over an hour away! And it had waaaay more responsibility attached to it: volunteer selection and scheduling, doing educational presentations with colleges and police academies, being on-call to go to the hospital for rape victims, grant writing, etc. And now, I take people's money and put it in their account. Then, I go home, and no cell phones ring at 1 am saying I have to go to Lake St. Louis.

I liked that job better than the one I have now, but the reality is that I didn't go into that field thinking I would get rich. But it didn't make financial sense to stay there and get paid virtually nothing for SO much responsibility and the commute- !

So, I am thinking- what if I could stay home and provide quality child care for people- which in this area is severely lacking. I would only want to do it until My kids were in school- at which point my plan is to go back to school.

I don't know. Why can't they make this stuff easy?

 

[7beasley]

Bec - I totally hear you!! Childcare is hard -- I think its one of the hardest parts of having the baby!!

What is going on with your mom? Why can't she watch V anymore - especially since its only 1 day and she wants to?

We had a great daycare from Jan-July -- great great great!! And then, after being in business for 10 years -- in July she decided to close so she could go back to school and be a dental hygenist. It was total shock. We scrambled to find a replacement daycare and very few places take infants or have an infant opening...we finally found someone (further away) and have now been there for 2 months.

And we are not happy. The girl has her own daughter there (3 yrs old) and the daughter is a maniac - screams, crys, hits, won't listen to her mother - runs all around the house - has knocked over Izzy "accidentally" several times and now Izzy is starting to hit and scream.

We are done.

We just started looking for a new daycare and have about 5 leads right now. I found that our State maintains a list of every licensed day care by city. So we printed off the list - narrowed it down to our section of the city - and started to call people. We are going for some interviews over the next few weeks.

I guess my point is a hear you completely!! And I think childcare in your house might not be a bad idea for you. It is obvious that you are a caring, loving, fun mom to V and I think you would do great as a day care provider. I would do it in a second if the money was the same for us.

The $ is one of the only good things about my job as an attorney (but there are SO many bad things - -the stress, pressure, headaches, long hours, crabby clients, annoying bossess...)

Anyway -- if there is a need for child care in your area - I would look into pursuing that route. BUT if it was me, I would put out some feelers first and make sure you are going to have some kids for the daycare BEFORE quitting the bank job.

Daycare where I am runs about $40 a day - some places charge $35 and some charge $50 -- we pay $40. And here, a licensed day care can only have 6 kids max a day (unless you have a helper) and only 2 of those 6 can be less than 15 months old. So - you have to figure out how many kids you need to make the same money as the bank and then go about seeing if you can secure some clients and then quit.

GOOD LUCK!! I think its a great idea!!

-Nicole

 

[beckmrk04]

OT- kpm67: your comment on the "why I don't like palin" was awesome.

(Now back to my 7 step program for avoiding political threads).

 

[kpm76]

OT- kpm67: your comment on the "why I don't like palin" was awesome.

(Now back to my 7 step program for avoiding political threads).

Thanks!! I fell off the wagon.....again Can't wait for tomorrow night!

I am so sorry you are having a tough time with work and childcare. I read about what you did before working for a bank and I admire your work with SA victims. Before I had Abby, I was the grant administrator for the VAWA funds in RI. It was rewarding, but it's really the front line people, life yourself, that deserve all the credit. I met Biden last week and told him about my work with VAWA and thanked him for his work on behalf or women and children. He said that the passage of VAWA is his proudest achievement

Anyway, have you thought about doing grant writing on a contract basis? You mentioned that was part of your former job. PM if you want but this is what I do. It affords me the chance to stay home with Abby but it also allows me to hold onto my professional life. Something to consider....

 

[beckmrk04]

Bec - I totally hear you!! Childcare is hard -- I think its one of the hardest parts of having the baby!!

What is going on with your mom? Why can't she watch V anymore - especially since its only 1 day and she wants to?

My mom and I don't get along much anymore (not that we ever got along great). And honestly, it's just getting to be too much- she is all about the drama. I don't want V around it anymore... Not that I don't want my mom to see her- I do. I don't know. That whole situation stresses me out. I seriously believe that my mom has Borderline Personality disorder. She hasn't been diagnosed, but if you know anyone with BTD, you know that getting them to admit they have problem (No, mom- it's NOT everyone else) is like trying to win a fist fight with a brick wall.

And so, even though my mom loves Vaylie, it just isn't working. Plus, DH would have to get up earlier and have V up by 5:45 am to leave. SO, that will disrupt her schedule.

And we are not happy. The girl has her own daughter there (3 yrs old) and the daughter is a maniac - screams, crys, hits, won't listen to her mother - runs all around the house - has knocked over Izzy "accidentally" several times and now Izzy is starting to hit and scream.

This is what I am afraid of...

I guess my point is a hear you completely!! And I think childcare in your house might not be a bad idea for you. It is obvious that you are a caring, loving, fun mom to V and I think you would do great as a day care provider. I would do it in a second if the money was the same for us.

The $ is one of the only good things about my job as an attorney (but there are SO many bad things - -the stress, pressure, headaches, long hours, crabby clients, annoying bossess...)

Good child care- where the people know CPR and are clued in about developmentally appropriate activities and proper nutrition- is hard to find here within a 20 mile radius.

See- the money thing is not a huge deal, because I don't make a ton at the bank, that's for sure. I would probably break even if I had 3 or 4 full time kids.

PLus, I'm thinking of going back to school once my kids are in school. DH is back in school now and we don't want to be doing it at the same time

But, do I want to do it? I'm not sure. I am definitely going to think about this for weeks before I make a decision.

Daycare where I am runs about $40 a day - some places charge $35 and some charge $50 -- we pay $40. And here, a licensed day care can only have 6 kids max a day (unless you have a helper) and only 2 of those 6 can be less than 15 months old. So - you have to figure out how many kids you need to make the same money as the bank and then go about seeing if you can secure some clients and then quit.

Around here it just depends on where you go. One place in a nearby town charges 250/week for one kid. That is expensive here. About $25/day is more normal. I'll be paying about $20/day.

I don't know... I'm thinking about it. If I had 3 full time kids at $25/day, that would be about what I make at the bank- pathetic, I know... And I would definitely not take on more than I could handle!!! I don't want to be all "Becky & DH Plus 8" up in here.

My husband and I are going to sit down this weekend and talk about it. And maybe I'll love this new lady and scrap the plan all together. Somehow, I doubt it.

 

[Pollito916]

WHY is it so hard to find quality day care around here? And if you can find quality day care, the hours are hard to work around and it would take over half of my paycheck each week!

I want a nurturing environment with planned activities and nutritious meals. I want my kids to be able to go outside, stretch and play and run.

I'm considering some possibilities... What if I did stay home? And watched other people's kids? Hmmmm.

Finding quality day care shouldn't be as hard as it is - it's so frustrating! I know exactly what you mean about New Lady not feeling quite right.

Our last day care in IL was a former co-worker of mine & DH who had a little boy 1.5 months before Alex, and has 2 older children in school. Seemed perfect. DH usually did the pick-ups and drop-offs since her house was closer to his work, but I went to pick him up one day and I was so disappointed. Alex was standing in a playpen with food on his face while the sitter was feeding her son, and 2 other kids were sitting on the floor watching a very loud tv. And the place was NOT clean. I thought Alex was going to be the only kid there besides her son, but she took in a few more, and there were NO activities at all. It was just not what I thought, not ideal.

But like you and Bethany said, the "golden triangle" of childcare is impossible to find. And we are often most limited by affordable. If your entire paycheck was going to paying someone else to watch your child, why not do it yourself?

Good luck with your idea to stay home - I wish there was someone like you in my area!

OT- kpm67: your comment on the "why I don't like palin" was awesome.

Need to go find this. Dang, and I had resisted most political threads til now.

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

Becky, if you get a chance, try doing a "test run" of what it would feel like to do childcare in your home sometime. Borrow some of your friends' kids one Saturday (and send your DH off by himself! ), and just spend the day with them. It won't be a perfectly accurate picture, but it will give you an idea if you really would enjoy doing childcare full time. I was lucky that I got to work as a sub for local daycares and preschools while I was in grad school, so that gave me an idea of what it would be like to do this full time.

I quickly figured out that I didn't like working in a center because it really bothered me when they didn't do things to code - like when I subbed for 3 months teaching 2 yr. olds and they had me working ALONE with 8 kids in a room with no windows! Oh, and they regularly sent over the 18-23m old kids from the nursery because they thought they were bored. Drove me nuts and I was so worn out every day that I came home, ate, and went straight to bed. Working from home has been a whole different ball game. I've had to work harder at cleaning my house, I have to find a way to have older kid toys out and still keep Owen safe, I need to keep nosy kids out of our stuff, and countless other little details...but I get to work in my sweats if I want, and I set the rules, and I can choose my hours.

It's a good fit. I just wish I could earn a little more. Although hearing childcare rates around you makes me realize how pricey it is out here!! I'm not the cheapest option, but I'm by no means the most expensive, either, and I charge $10/hr for the 1st child in a family, and $2.50/hr for each additional kid in the same family. Late parents get two 15min grace periods a month, and then I charge double for all other late pick-ups. (My current clients are have been 30-45min late picking up the kids 4 of the 6 days I've been watching them so far! ) Most people around here pay ~$15-20/hr for licenced in home care, and $5/min for being late! Although a lot of the big tech companies also have good childcare onsite with subsidies for employees, so many of my friends go that route and don't have to pay quite so much. Private nannys are really expensive out here. I looked into doing that before Owen was born, and I could have earned $50,000+/yr AND benefits! The problem is that I don't drive, so that eliminated me off the lists pretty quickly.

Anyway, I hope childcare stuff gets worked out for Vaylie and Izzy! I wish I could watch your kids...I love the toddler/early preschool age years best. So much drama, but they're learning so much all the time! It's great to be part of helping kids discover the world - that's why I like doing childcare, and why I'll keep doing it.

 

[exwdwcm]

Becky- hang in there- it's just been a short time, give it more time and you will get used to it. It might not be the same, but like you said, you do what you can for your family. just give it time and hopefully things will get better!! HUGS to you!!! too funny on the missing bottle under the chair.....gross!!!

on the childcare issue- it's a tough one. We struggled with it. I knew staying home wasn't an option - unless we wanted to totally overhaul our standard of living and sell our house. I make half the income and actually do really well. It's funny, i wanted to be successful and love my career, but now it isn't an option to ever quit unless DH somehow really starts raking it in and I don't see that happening soon. But in the meantime- we did find great childcare finally at a montessori. I grew up working in a day care. it was the largest in dallas at the time- over 350 kids. It was ran through our catholic church. My mom worked there for almost 30 years and was the director for the last 10 years or so before she retired. So i was around day care my whole life, and was never opposed to it. I know lots of people are. So finding childcare was easier for me i think since i was more open to 'day care' vs. homecare. I did look into some homecare, but couldn't find anyone licensed close by. I would definitely want someone licensed- that's just me. My old boss went through 3 different home care ladies before finally hiring an in home nanny instead. The first lady had CPS called on her for having too many kids over the state ratio. She was hiding it from the parents too. another just plopped them in front of the tv all day- no interaction, learning, playing or anything. You definitely want a place with a schedule of activities all day- our montesorri has one even for the little ones- Will is going to get to finger paint soon!

We were lucky to find a montesorri a few blocks from home. I did surprise visits many times and was always welcomed and never found issues. I checked out their records online with the state too- you can view any issues or times they were written up. they had a great record. And i felt at home when i walked in. compared to other places, i knew this was the one. at another place, i immediately felt chaos and there were bright lights on and noise while babies were trying to sleep. i immediately walked out of that one. Plus the director looked like she 16. It was hard. But we found one we love. with the montesorri, they also really work with the kids on educational stuff- and offer music, karate, dance etc. he loves it there- when i pick him up, he is so busy playing he doesn't want to leave. THAT makes me feel better about leaving him all day. we drop him off at 8am and i pick him up by about 5:30, so it's a long day, almost 10 hours at day care. I have a lot of guilt (as most working moms probably do), but i know he is in good hands. Their program lines up with what I try and instill and teach him. i know he isn't just plopped in front of a tv (they don't even have one!) and he gets to go out and play and i love the social skills he is learning. It runs us $215 per week (for mon-fri). they are open like 6:30am-6:30pm i think. So we pay about $11k a year for it.

a friend of mine just did what you are considering- she gave up her job as a secretary to stay at home when her second son was born over a year ago. She found friends at her church that needed child care and lined up 2 other kids to watch in addition to her own 2. She makes just enough, so that they aren't losing out much on what she was making in her old job. And she loves it. If you are going to do it- maybe you can try and 'line up' some kids to watch beforehand? family friends, school, church or something else- talk to those folks and see if someone needs childcare, then you know if you have a market to build around before going out and trying to enroll strangers. I know keeping kids of people you know is always easier.

I hope it works out- i know it is a tough issue for all of us. I love my work and especially my new job. I am not sure i would even WANT to stay home full time. I know being a SAHM is a LOT of work. I would probably want to do somethign part time or contract work from home. That would be my ideal situation. So far, I haven't managed to make that happen. til then.....


Pollito- too cute on Alex and asking for Mickey! let the brainwashing start early! My sister has my nephew already asking about Di-ney world!

DMickey- glad the tick thing and stomach flu are gone now and you guys are getting better. That is awful that your MIL is still struggling with it. it knocked me down for a good three days. i hope she gets better soon

Jen- so glad Christopher is walking! i can't wait for that stage!!! it must be so cute

Nicole- welcome back- how time flies- just over 20 months ago, you and I were encouraging each through our embryo transfers and doing the 2ww together.....crazy huh? here we are with our miracles!

 

[exwdwcm]

oh and i went to watch 2 procedures *laser resurfacing on the face* yesterday for work. a doc at a medpsa was using our new laser. i watched two ladies get done. pretty cool stuff- took about 20 minutes for full face and neck. they recover completely in about a week with new skin. it's like a bad sunburn. Besides the smell of burning skin, it was pretty neat. I am hoping i get to volunteer for a workshop demo and get a free treatment ($2500 normally). nothing like the smell of burnt skin! lol

 

[DVCsince02]

The other thing that sucks about daycare is the turnover rate which is very high. It seems like once you have a teacher you are comfortable with, they leave for another center.
Check with your state or county government for a list of centers and private caretakers in your area and good luck!

 

[beckmrk04]

Bethany- the cost of daycare is so high out there, but then again- the cost of living there is higher. If I had to pay $10 an hour, well- I only make $11/hour anyway!! And, I gotta ask- why don't you drive? I'm being totally nosy, and if you'd rather not say then tell me to shut my yap.

I don't know how much I'd charge. IF I even decide to go through with this.

Michelle- I would LOVE for Vaylie to go to a Montessori school!!! THAT would be my ideal situation. But since we live in the sticks, it's not likely to happen. I am looking into a place called The Goddard School - it isn't even built yet, but I saw the sign. They take kids on a part-time basis, and the website was very informative and sounded like something I would like for her.

Part of the thing is that I took this bank job because it had things that my previous job did not: 1) flexibility- I work for a small company and it's nice- they really help you work around your kid being sick, etc. 2) The hours are great- I never work on Sundays of holidays! And no traveling! 3) It's close to home. But, while I am waiting to go back to school, it means I have to settle for a mediocre income. Hopefully that won't matter as much after DH gets his new degree. Then, when our kid(s) is/are in school, I feel like THAT will be the time for me to concentrate on my career.

I don't think I could be a SAHM long-term, it's just not me. What I'd like is someone like, ahem, Bethany, to come watch my kid. But not for $10/hour, because I can't afford you.

 

[beckmrk04]

oh and i went to watch 2 procedures *laser resurfacing on the face* yesterday for work. a doc at a medpsa was using our new laser. i watched two ladies get done. pretty cool stuff- took about 20 minutes for full face and neck. they recover completely in about a week with new skin. it's like a bad sunburn. Besides the smell of burning skin, it was pretty neat. I am hoping i get to volunteer for a workshop demo and get a free treatment ($2500 normally). nothing like the smell of burnt skin! lol

I want to have my face lasered and resurfaced and all that jazz! Everytime I watch "10 Years Younger" I get so jealous. I have terrible skin and I want them to just sand/burn it all off so I can have new pretty skin!

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

Hi ladies...I need help! I just posted this thread:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1970901

ANY remedies at this point would be much appreciated!!

 

[beckmrk04]

Ok, I am looking on www.care.com to see if anyone here in the sticks may have a profile up... I knew it was a long shot, but hey.

Anywho, I keep finding all these girls on here who are between 17-22 with pictures that look like they belong on a Myspace page, NOT ON THE PAGE THAT YOU ARE USING TO TELL ME WHAT A RESPONSIBLE CARE-GIVER YOU ARE. Seriously, these girls have posted pictures of themselves that have obviously been taken while they were out partying with their sororities (the closest town near me with any significant population is a college town).

***?

 

[beckmrk04]

Hi ladies...I need help! I just posted this thread:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1970901

ANY remedies at this point would be much appreciated!!

tight bras- double up on a sports bra if you have to. This is what I've heard. Cool compresses might make them feel better.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

I'm sorry ladies about your daycare concerns. I am SO blessed to have two babysitters who don't charge hubby and I one penny for taking care of Mo. With the lifestyle hubby and I live, we don't trust our son to just anyone and with the way we eat, kosher, it's a MUST that the sitters have the same lifestyle. Both are Jewish so no worries there! I have gotten each of them something for taking care of Mo. Headcoverings for one of them, a $25 giftcard to Barnes & Noble for the other and this month I'll be picking up our tickets to see OLIVER at our local college! The show is in December and I haven't told the sitters I'm purchasing them. I just let them pick the show and I went from there. I owe it to them and told hubby the tickets are $40 each, so that would be $120 for the 3 of us. He has no problems with me purchasing them. I'm excited about going! It'll be a nice ladies night out. We'll have dinner at one of their houses since she is just minutes from the college and then off to the show we go!

Mo has quickly learned that NO is NOT his favorite word! DH said it to him a few times the other day and he just cried. Only for a moment, but I was like oh oh...there we go. However, we want to work on NO instead of popping his hand so much when he touches something he's not supposed to. I don't want that to be the first thing he always expects...mommy or daddy to pop his little hand when he does something wrong. Such a good boy and hard to believe in 3 days he'll be 10 MONTHS! What the heck happened??

Well off to put little man to sleep. He's fussy. Hope all of you are well!

Denise

 

[Jen_in_NH]

I hear you all on the daycare stuff. We're just starting to have to look at daycare for Christopher. Up til now, my parents have watched him when our schedules overlap (we both work 2 24 hour shifts a week, but not the same 2, usually). I just went back to work PT 2 days a week too. My parents are heading to FL for the winter, so we need to find someone to watch him.

Right now, DH's cousin has offered. And I know she loves him, and would take good care of him, but some of the things she does with her daughter, I don't want Christopher to do. I have a feeling that talking to her about what he eats, when he sleeps, and that he doesn't watch a ton of TV will be taken as a criticism of how she is raising her daughter. It's not, but it isn't the same as we're doing.

I don't know what to do yet. More thinking to do.....

As for being a SAHM, it wouldn't be me. DH would be a SAHD. Right now, we both make about the same. However, if I got a full time PA job, I could make a lot more. So, I'd be working FT, and he would stay home.

 

[7beasley]

Ok ladies - I am having a problem with Izzy's right front tooth...

We noticed that her tooth was coming down kind of narrow and crooked -- almost like it was sawed in half or cracked in half.

At first we thought it was her right eye tooth -- now we are sure it is her right side front tooth. It is basically 1/2 a tooth because now at the top of her gum, I think connected to this 1/2 tooth is a ridge of the rest of the tooth and where the ridge and the 1/2 tooth meets her gum is black. Just a little black spec but black...

A dead tooth?

1/2 a tooth?

What the heck could this be?

I tried to take a picture and will try to post it once I download it -- if the pix came out I am going to send it to my dentist to see if she knows...

Izzy is not in any pain and I know these are not her permanent teeth...but 1/2 a tooth - weird!! Plus - the space between this 1/2 tooth and her left front tooth is HUGE!!

Have you ever heard of this before?

Thanks!
Nicole

 

[beckmrk04]

Nicole- that is actually something I have never heard of. ?? Maybe it just loos black because it's bruised from her tooth trying to come all the way through. I have heard that kids can have bruising. ? You stumped me.

Jen- I can totally empathize- every time I have tried to talk to my mom about not letting V have juice, or not watching tv all day, or not giving her sweets every day, it has become a huge fight because she takes it personally- like I am attacking her parenting skills and she gets SOOO defensive.

And really, we're just all trying to do what we think is best for our kids. There's no "One size fits all" parenting technique- you have to pick and choose and use common sense, your gut, and your heart. And it is hard to find someone who will be in sync with you when they watch your child. And who won't take it personally if you do things one way and they do them another.

I'm already anxious about V going for the first time next week. I think she'll be fine, but I'm still freaking out a little. Chances are, she'll get there and play all day, but I feel like I'm dropping her off some place strange with people she doesn't know, and it's breaking my heart.

There are many, many things that make me want to stop taking V to my mom's house, but, I can't help feeling like at least when she's there she is with someone who loves her so much.

I need a vacation.

 

[jennyL]

Hi ladies sorry I've been MIA this week but we leave for WDW next week and of course Noah and I are now both sick. We took him to the doctor on Monday and they said it was just a cold. We'll Tuesday we got the call from daycare and he had a fever so we picked him up. Yesterday we went back to the doctors and saw the one we like at the practice and she looked him over and said he has the beginnings of a double ear infection. Just lovely so now he's on antibiotics. I've got some kindof cold so DH ended up taking yesterday off too since I felt really bad and he stayed with Noah so I could rest. I had to come to work today since I have a project to issue and with me leaving it has to be done today.

As for daycare Noah goes to a Kids-R-Kids. He started at the Goddard School but then we moved him since the K-r-K is literally right next to my neighborhood and I couldn't pass that up. We really liked the Goddard school but it was more expensive and when he gets to earing real food they don't provide it. We would have had to pack a balanced meal everyday. He loved his teacher there though so it was hard to leave. At K-r-K he now has two great teachers. When he started I really liked one but the other was just ok but she left so now we like both his regular teachers and his third helper teacher. My DH compared the two as Goddard being more like a private school and K-r-K being more like a public one. Its a little more hectic feeling but he's getting great care and they ahve the in-room cameras so I can see what he's doing. He also loves his teachers and has no problems staying there however he is ready to go home when I pick him up. I'm not sure what we'll do when we have another one. I actually make more then DH but not by a whole lot so me staying home isn't really an option and for either of us to stay home it would require a lifestyle adjustment that I'm not sure we are ready to make. Daycare prices with two in there would be crazy though so we'll have to think about that. Its something we've kindof discussed but more in the sense of when we want to have the next one then the what are we going to do with them while we work.