The Neighbors!!!!

[stashbin]

We moved into a new house in October and have made friends with the neighbors. Our kids play together in the court and we have an "open door" thing going on...it has been nice in some ways and not so nice in others...we are getting used to it.
So the neighbor wives and I agreed to give each other a Christmas "Happy"...that is, a gift that costs no more than 15 bucks right? Well I go strolling over to the neighbors' houses with their "happy" and one of them whips out a gift card for 50 bucks to a nice restaurant and the other whips out one of those under-the-counter kitchen radios with a c.d. player!!!!!
I was mortified!!! I felt like a complete dork! Here I was with my little 15 dollar "happy" and they go and buy me these expensive gifts!!! Now I feel sooo stupid! I am grateful for the presents but I thought we agreed not to do that! I tried to give them back and say "thank you but this is too much" but they insisted. So I walked back to my house feeling like crap!

 

[Pop Daddy]

We moved into a new house in October and have made friends with the neighbors. Our kids play together in the court and we have an "open door" thing going on...it has been nice in some ways and not so nice in others...we are getting used to it.
So the neighbor wives and I agreed to give each other a Christmas "Happy"...that is, a gift that costs no more than 15 bucks right? Well I go strolling over to the neighbors' houses with their "happy" and one of them whips out a gift card for 50 bucks to a nice restaurant and the other whips out one of those under-the-counter kitchen radios with a c.d. player!!!!!
I was mortified!!! I felt like a complete dork! Here I was with my little 15 dollar "happy" and they go and buy me these expensive gifts!!! Now I feel sooo stupid! I am grateful for the presents but I thought we agreed not to do that! I tried to give them back and say "thank you but this is too much" but they insisted. So I walked back to my house feeling like crap!

long post

 

[aprilgail2]

We moved into a new house in October and have made friends with the neighbors. Our kids play together in the court and we have an "open door" thing going on...it has been nice in some ways and not so nice in others...we are getting used to it.
So the neighbor wives and I agreed to give each other a Christmas "Happy"...that is, a gift that costs no more than 15 bucks right? Well I go strolling over to the neighbors' houses with their "happy" and one of them whips out a gift card for 50 bucks to a nice restaurant and the other whips out one of those under-the-counter kitchen radios with a c.d. player!!!!!
I was mortified!!! I felt like a complete dork! Here I was with my little 15 dollar "happy" and they go and buy me these expensive gifts!!! Now I feel sooo stupid! I am grateful for the presents but I thought we agreed not to do that! I tried to give them back and say "thank you but this is too much" but they insisted. So I walked back to my house feeling like crap!

If you all agreed to spend 15 dollars then that is their problem that they spent more- though I have never heard of this thing called a "happy"- are you sure they understood 15 and not 50- they can sound similar.

 

[Chicago526]

Maybe they re-gifted things they just got this morning and didn't like, so they really didn't spend anything!

Seriously, that's a bit weird, to agree to spend $15 but go over by such a huge amount. $20 I could see, $50 is over the top!

 

[pppiglet]

We moved into a new house in October and have made friends with the neighbors. Our kids play together in the court and we have an "open door" thing going on...it has been nice in some ways and not so nice in others...we are getting used to it.
So the neighbor wives and I agreed to give each other a Christmas "Happy"...that is, a gift that costs no more than 15 bucks right? Well I go strolling over to the neighbors' houses with their "happy" and one of them whips out a gift card for 50 bucks to a nice restaurant and the other whips out one of those under-the-counter kitchen radios with a c.d. player!!!!!
I was mortified!!! I felt like a complete dork! Here I was with my little 15 dollar "happy" and they go and buy me these expensive gifts!!! Now I feel sooo stupid! I am grateful for the presents but I thought we agreed not to do that! I tried to give them back and say "thank you but this is too much" but they insisted. So I walked back to my house feeling like crap!

Yep.....you're right.....your neighbor is my co-worker!

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Hrm...I'm wondering if maybe there was a misunderstanding? I don't know what a "happy" is but maybe it means something different to you than to them? Did you all specifically set a spending limit?

 

[luvsJack]

Could they have chosen to go a bit overboard since this is your first Christmas as their neighbor?

For those that say they have never heard of a happy: Its a small gift that is just intended to make the recipient smile or make them happy for the day. We do it all the time at work and usually spend less than $15. For instance I come in to find all kinds of little things on my desk with Johnny Depp or Jack Sparrow on it--coaster, mouse pad, key chains etc. For one of my co-workers, she collects flip flop stuff; so she receives all kind of little things with flip flops on them. Its just something that a friends saw in a store and made them think of a friend.

If they said a "happy", I can't see how the OP could have thought "15" and they said "50". A $50 gift is quite a bit more extravagant than a happy.

 

[mhsjax]

Well, I really don't have any advice, but I do know what a "happy" is, it is a just a LITTLE something to make you happy, I guess the neighbors just went a little too happy. lol

 

[akhenaten]

We moved into a new house in October and have made friends with the neighbors. Our kids play together in the court and we have an "open door" thing going on...it has been nice in some ways and not so nice in others...we are getting used to it.
So the neighbor wives and I agreed to give each other a Christmas "Happy"...that is, a gift that costs no more than 15 bucks right? Well I go strolling over to the neighbors' houses with their "happy" and one of them whips out a gift card for 50 bucks to a nice restaurant and the other whips out one of those under-the-counter kitchen radios with a c.d. player!!!!!
I was mortified!!! I felt like a complete dork! Here I was with my little 15 dollar "happy" and they go and buy me these expensive gifts!!! Now I feel sooo stupid! I am grateful for the presents but I thought we agreed not to do that! I tried to give them back and say "thank you but this is too much" but they insisted. So I walked back to my house feeling like crap!

LOL makes me think of the best line I heard on TV this year...
when a neighbor brings an unexpected gift...
"You have not given me a gift, you have given me an obligation!"

(Big Bang Theory...sheldon)

 

[Tigger&Belle]

So I walked back to my house feeling like crap!

Maybe you thought they said "happy" and they really said "crappy".

Seriously, if the limit was $15 and they spent a lot more, that's their choice. You did what was agreed upon.

Will the one lady babysit your kids while you and your husband use that restaurant giftcard?

 

[aprilgail2]

If they said a "happy", I can't see how the OP could have thought "15" and they said "50". A $50 gift is quite a bit more extravagant than a happy.

Perhaps because many people have never heard of this thing they call "happy" (clearly must be a regional thing) if someone said that to me I would just figure they wanted to exchange gifts and buy them what I think they would like-not specifically in the 15.00 range.

 

[DancingBear]

Do I understand that you didn't explicitly spell out the gift limit in advance? You just assumed that they knew that a "happy" was $15 max?

 

[MushyMushy]

I've never heard of a happy before. I, too, am curious whether the price limit was spelled out in advance. If not, I think you got regifted and count yourself lucky!

It is embarrassing to under or over give. I'd rather be on the over giving end though.

 

[stashbin]

It is understood that when ladies in my neck of the woods say "happy" that it is a 10 to 15 dollar gift. And that is what I did.
These are nice people. I mean we hang out with them on the weekends, our kids are always playing out in the court (cul-de-sac) together, etc. But when you have tons of family and your own kids to buy for, a "happy" seems more appropriate for the neighbors. That is why we all agreed on that to begin with. Maybe a previous poster was right...maybe I was re-gifted. That would certainly make me feel a little better in an odd sort of way.

 

[momz]

I completely know how you feel. We have a neighbor that insists on a gift exchange as well. (well, she doesn't insist that we buy something, I just feel that I should because she always buys us something). She came to me 2 weeks ago in tears saying she thought she was going to be laid off (didn't happen...yet). Anyway, Chrismas eve, she shows up at the door (uninvited) with her gifts. Luckily I had bought something for her kids, however, I had not bought anything for her. Well, not only did she have a gift for each of our kids, but for my husband and me as well. She got us something we are not likely to use (a re-gift perhaps?). I feel just awful because I didn't buy anything for her. Over the years, she has never approached us with a suggestion that we exchange gifts. She has never let us know if she is buying for just the kids, or for us too. Also, with the threat of a lay-off, I couldn't believe she would buy us something. In fact, she is usually hinting at how tough finances are (a constant theme over the years, but she always seems to make it somehow). Bottom line, I think that a gift exchange is fine, but when it is unexpected like that, the receiver can feel "guilty" about not reciprocating. I guess I would just appreciate if we could have an open/honest conversation about this gift exchange. I'm thinking that I will just wait until the "layoff" happens and get her some gift cards (grocery/walmart, whatever) so she will have that to help her through. I'm absolutely certain she doesn't have an emergency fund to fall back on. So, I guess I'll save it for when it happens. (I'm also certain it's a matter of "when" and not "if").

 

[mickeysgal]

It is understood that when ladies in my neck of the woods say "happy" that it is a 10 to 15 dollar gift. And that is what I did.
These are nice people.

Maybe in your neck of the woods a "happy" is $15 and in their region, it's $50.

Personally, I've never heard of a "happy".

From now on, ask for a definition/guideline so that you're all on the same page and no one ends up embarassed.

 

[stashbin]

That's a good idea...I may do the same thing. My neighbors, my husband, and I are all going to see an 80's tribute band at the Hard Rock Casino this weekend so maybe I will buy them a couple of rounds of drinks to make up for the difference in gifts.
(I know it isn't exactly the same as your situation, but I got the concept from your idea)

 

[stashbin]

Maybe in your neck of the woods a "happy" is $15 and in their region, it's $50.

Personally, I've never heard of a "happy".

From now on, ask for a definition/guideline so that you're all on the same page and no one ends up embarassed.

umm...they live next door and across the street...not in another region. They are also natives of my town.
These gals definitely know what a "happy" is...and now so do you.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

It is understood that when ladies in my neck of the woods say "happy" that it is a 10 to 15 dollar gift. And that is what I did.
These are nice people. I mean we hang out with them on the weekends, our kids are always playing out in the court (cul-de-sac) together, etc. But when you have tons of family and your own kids to buy for, a "happy" seems more appropriate for the neighbors. That is why we all agreed on that to begin with.

But when you agreed on a "happy" was the spending limit clear? It's quite possible that they understand it to be something different than you did, even if you do live in the same neighbourhood.

As far as the larger conversation goes of guilt & gift-giving: Don't feel guilty when someone spends more on you than you did on them. That's not really the point of gift-giving - to be even. Some years I spend more on some people than I did in previous years. I shop for things I think people would like, not by the dollar amount. I buy a couple of presents for people who don't give us something and we get a ton of presents from parishioners and one neighbour that we don't buy for at all. (All the parishioners get the same Christmas letter from me at the church and we give our neighbours a nice card.) Although I can see how you might feel guilty, don't.

 

[stashbin]

But when you agreed on a "happy" was the spending limit clear?

Yes the spending limit was clear.