The Myth of the Perfect Mother

[chrissyk]

And then they send them to college where they can barely tie their own shoelaces. I have collegues who have had college students call their moms during class to complain about a grade and then try to hand their cell phone to the professor so that the parent can intervene. I have had many parents calling to find out why "Johnny" isn't passing the class. (At most colleges, if the student is over 18 the teacher isn't allowed to discuss grades with a parent) I always say that "Johnny" knows very well why he isn't passing.

Oh my goodness...there was an actual article about this in either the Dec. or Jan. issue of "Smart Money" magazine. DH and I were busting a gut laughing while we read it. The parents were actually calling the professors to argue for their kids, just like you said! It got worse, too...I won't spoil it for anyone who might want to read the article. Let's just say that my DH said "that's just SAD!" about 10 times while we read the article.

 

[mom2rb]

I totally agree. The problem I have is with the judgmental moms who try to tell me what to do with my own kids. It seems like there's this push to have cookie cutter kids who all behave and develop exactly the same. I've had moms giving me advice on sleeping, potty training, giving up the pacifier, discipline, etc. Every kid and every mom is different. I think we live in a society where everything is follow these 6 steps to perfection. Life just isn't that simple.[/QUOTE

My life got so much better when I decided to figure it out myself. No more parenting books, no more listening to all the advice, ect.. Now if I have a problem DH and I talk about it and come up with our own answers. If that doesn't work we call our moms.

 

[Teejay32]

Last year I met a former Sahm-turned-professional who began her new career at age 42 or so. She told me that when her daughter went away to college, she called mom because she didn't have any way to open cans of soup. Mom said, "I was always there to do everything, now she's learning how to be self-sufficient." I just stay really quiet sometimes, afraid that if people know what my 9-year-old is up to in the kitchen, I might get picked up for child endangerment or neglect or something. Every so often you meet someone like that, okay, but having it confirmed in national magazines is scary.

 

[Pete's Mom]

As a single mom who works full time, I couldn't find anything to identify with in the article. Even though it has always been just me and Pete, and I am pretty much a one-man show, and things do get hectic from time to time, I have never had a "woe is me" attitude.

 

[snoopy]

Last year I met a former Sahm-turned-professional who began her new career at age 42 or so. She told me that when her daughter went away to college, she called mom because she didn't have any way to open cans of soup. Mom said, "I was always there to do everything, now she's learning how to be self-sufficient." I just stay really quiet sometimes, afraid that if people know what my 9-year-old is up to in the kitchen, I might get picked up for child endangerment or neglect or something. Every so often you meet someone like that, okay, but having it confirmed in national magazines is scary.

LOL! My mother has a picture of me when I was about 4, standing on a chair with a spatula in my hand, frying an egg. She definately believed in teaching self sufficiency, and while I didn't get mine started quite as young, I do too. Kids are just miniature adults, they aren't meant to be coddled and fussed over to the point they can't think for themselves. Yet I see that happening more and more, and have known people over the years who were a product of never being taught to do for themselves. I had a roommate in college, oy........ She went to mop the floor, something she had never done in her life up until that point, and somehow ended up flooding the entire apartment as well as the one below. Something to be said for letting kids run amock for a bit, they usually don't forget when they learn it that way.

 

[missypie]

A couple of points:

1. Type A's will always be Type A's, whether in the business world, or as SAHMs. They can't turn it off. There used to be a lawyer here at work who talked about leaving the law practice and going to an island and opening a dive shop...I always told him that it would do him no good, because he was a Type A and he would work himself into the ground whether he had a law practice or a dive shop. Same with some moms. Let them deal with their own compulsions.

2. Think about the great successes in the generation of folks in their 70s and 80s. Did their moms argue with their teachers about their grades or hand paint paper plates? Jimmy Carter grew up on a farm, working alongside the hired laborers, roasting peanuts himself to sell for spending money, while his mamma worked as a nurse and kept everyone fed. I read Arthur Miller's wonderful autobiography. The first elementary school he attended in NYC was so rough that as a 1st grader, when he would be called up to the board he would schlep his books and paper with him, let they be stolen by his classmates.

 

[Cindy B]

I read the articles and the commentary by Anna Quindlen a few days ago when it was posted on MSN.

It was a great look, and it definetely showed the "alpha mom" status that has been so prevelent in my community for many years.

I can't tell you how many students do the blameshift game with their parents. I see many parents blameshift with others.