The Misadventures of our Family Circus

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Settling Into The Villa
They say getting here is half the fun. It can also be half the expense! Well, not really. But it did cost us $490 to take three days driving from upstate New York to Florida ($215 in gas, $178 in hotel, and $97 in food). We could have shaved $90 off by doing the trip in two days instead of three, but the would have been more difficult.

We spent most of today figuring out how we would like to set up the house to obtain the greatest domestic efficiency. There are workflows concerning getting ready every morning and shutting things down in the evening that work best under discipline and military-like precision. I stand in the kitchen with the task list on my clipboard making sure no one slacks on their responsibilities! The reward when done? The kids can have their electronics.

I am convinced that summers in Florida must mean rain. It rained yesterday. It rained this afternoon. And as I look at the 10 day forecast, it is unlikely we will get a day without rain! This is very similar to what we experienced last summer: the sunshine state is a thunderstorm capital! There was a tropical storm last summer that dumped rain on us. As luck would have it, Tropical Storm Arthur is building off the Atlantic coast this year! The guy from the maintenance company blamed us, saying we brought our New York Weather to Florida, but, I believe Florida is always like this.

We were gluttons for punishment because we returned to the social experiment called Walmart on Rt 27. Because the Walmart was so crazy yesterday we hit the eject button with only half our groceries. That made breakfast difficult this morning because we had no milk for our cereal. We are eating more at home this trip so our grocery list is crazy large. Now we needed to battle the crowds to obtain our remaining items. The crowd was lighter but the people were just as crazy. In one isle, a 17 year old boy was chasing his 14 year old sister, she was running while pushing a cart and slamming into everyone in attempt to get away. Also, everywhere we found opened and half eaten products. Nevertheless, we made it out of he store with all the groceries we could find and fight for. All the food, soaps, and paper products (some of which will last the entire month) for two days shopping was $500. This had better last a while!

I set my office up in the front bedroom today. One of the established goals of the trip was to give me an office with a view of the Florida neighborhood. That limited the kinds of villas we could rent, but we found the perfect villa! And all day a truck sat parked in front of the house blocking the neighborhood view. Just my luck! I hope the truck is gone tomorrow.

Linda has been hitting her head. No, not some Tourette's fit of slapping herself. She hit her head getting into the van hard enough to make the bells ring. Tonight she hit herself in the face when closing a cupboard door. She hit herself hard enough to nearly knock herself out. They say these things happen in threes so I'm waiting for the next big hit.

After dinner I decided to test my injured ankle with a walk around the neighborhood while everyone else went for a swim. My plan was be jogging around the neighborhood but the Father's Day Ankle injury has sidelined those plans. Maybe later in the trip it'll feel good enough to try a light jog. For now, I keep the ankle in a brace and try not to stay in shoes very long. I walked 3.2 miles on the ankle tonight and it held up well.

We finished the night drinking wine in the living room while watching the Magic Kingdom fireworks overtop the trees in the back yard. So far this has been an expensive trip and we have yet to step food on Disney World. Perhaps tomorrow after work.

 

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The Discipline Of A Well Run Schedule

Yesterday I wrote about running the house with military like discipline. I have determined this is a foreign concept because when I am not Around? It all falls apart.

At home I do most of the cooking. But on this trip the only way we will have time to do anything is if Linda has dinner ready when I finish work so we can eat quick and head out the door to Disney. To make this possible I assembled an assortment of easy to make dinners: canned ravioli, bologna sandwiches, hotdogs, etc.

At 4:42 today, I came out of my office and found the family still in the pool. I suggested dinner get started, let me know when it is ready. The next time I looked at my clock it was 5:34! Dinner should have been finished 34 minutes ago. By now we should be in the car approaching the intersection on Rt 192, center lane, 32mph to get perfect traffic light timing. I checked on the family and... They were still in the pool!

See what I mean? Absolutely no discipline to the schedule. The 38 page itinary is King, the schedule is the master and what I saw was complete anarchy! My family, believing they were on vacation, traded work list for reckless abandonment such that nothing was done!

I whipped up some Tacos, burritos, nachos and Taco Salad while everyone came in from the pool and changed. I packed the bags and at 7:48, with more than two hours of our precious Disney experience lost, we boarded the mini-van and headed out.

First stop? We needed to go to a pharmacy to fill prescriptions. Not the Walgreens that sat a quarter mile from our house. No. A pharmacy all the way out in Celebration! There are funny rules with the prescriptions. Linda spent hours coordinating the timing of the prescriptions and making sure we would be able to get everything we needed. Of the many challenges, prescriptions can only be filled within 3 days of running out, which makes traveling very difficult. Something new: in Florida the prescription must be signed by an MD, not a nurse practitioner. Therefore the pharmacy refused to fill the prescriptions. All the planning and coordinating is out the window. We don't know what we will do now, but we will figure it out tomorrow.

Frustrated, we decided to salvage the night with miniature golf. There wasn't time to do Winterland so we decided to golf at a place on Rt 192. But when we walked up to the counter the cashier explained their credit card machine was broken. Who carried cash anymore? Not I! So we left and continued down 192 to find miniature golf that accepted plastic. It wasn't the place we wanted to go, not even the second place we wanted, but we were trying to salvage a bad night that kept getting worse.

The golf was fun, except for the boys continually arguing who would go first. But I got my payback. Linda recorded them dancing with me on hole 17.

We had to hit a grocery store before returning to the house because, believe it or not, Walmart doesn't have everything. I was surprised to find neither store carried manwhich. Manwhich! I thought that was a staple. We loaded up with more wine and headed home around 11pm.

Three days in Florida and we have yet to set foot in Disney World. Maybe tomorrow.

 

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In my journeys walking around Floridian neighborhoods I have noticed an odd occurrence: people tend to leave their trunks open. Trunks, hatches, side doors, whatever. I don't think they are airing out the cars. My theory is that someone in the house sat on their car keys and remotely opened the door.

Our inability to fill prescriptions yesterday is turning into a medical calamity today. We need a doctor with a certain federal classification, not a nurse practitioner, to fill out the prescription on a federally approved prescription pad. However, doctors tend to go on vacation around the Fourth of July holiday. Even if a doctor could put pen to paper, that piece of paper would be over 1000 miles away, and the original federally approved piece of paper must be produced at the pharmacy - nothing else will do. The answer seems simple. Just spend a kazillion dollars to overnight the piece of paper. However, the post office tends to close on holidays, and weekend deliveries are unlikely. Our hospital only does priority mail, which is 2-4 weekdays. So, if a doctor can be found, the earliest we can get the medicine would be four days after we run out. Thank you to the overbearing federal government for "protecting us".

The next four days posts are likely to be "unmedicated disabled children attempting to navigate the new Disney guest assistance procedures." Buckle up - this is going to be a fun ride!

Today we had greater schedule discipline and was able to leave the house only 90 minutes late. At 7pm we drove to Port Orleans to see Yeeha Bob do his show.

Yeeha is a favorite of ours. Every October he comes to Upstate New York to do a benefit for Give Kids The World and we always catch him there. Bob is a piano player that sings songs everyone knows as he encourages crowd participation. The boys really get into it, so much so that my oldest accidentally knocked his full soda into my lap. That was cold. Unexpected. Icy. Did I mention it was cold? Yep. That sure put some excitement in the show!

After the show we decided to head back to the villa using the secret road that dumps us practically at the entrance to our subdivision. This secret road gets us from driveway to parking lot toll booths for Animal kingdom in about 7 minutes. But the road is so secret that we couldn't find it! We spent twenty minutes just going around in circles. Finally I pulled into Disney's McDonalds and set my GPS to get us home. Our first venture into Disney World was a good one. I am looking forward to possibly doing Epcot tomorrow night!

 

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2014 July 3
The kids got out of the pool this afternoon only to find a dinosaur sized turtle munching on weeds just outside the pool enclosure.

On the way to Florida, Linda inhaled chemicals at a Burger King that made her ill. Now, she is suffering cold symptoms that I relate to what happened at Burger King. Who goes to Florida in the summer and catches a cold? Her journey though the greatest place on earth is accompanied with a sinus headache and cough.

I have heard that Epcot does an incredible July 4 fireworks show, and I heard they do the show on July 3 too. Since we plan to see the SciFi Fireworks in Celebration on the 4th, we decided to go to Epcot today. One of the best places to watch the fireworks is France. So we parked at Boardwalk so we could enter through the back gate.

There was a storm so we decided to catch the boat. As we waited for the boat my youngest said "It is thunder and lightening out and we are standing on a metal dock!" OK, not the smartest thing. But that didn't prevent us from waiting 20 minutes on that metal dock for a boat that never came.

We gave up waiting for the boat and hiked into Epcot. After passing through the gate the skies opened and it really down poured. We jumped into a shop and paid $34 four four ponchos that would have cost $8 anywhere else.

I find it funny that Disney puts out signs on the sidewalks when it rains that says "Warning, the floor may be wet". You think? Maybe? When we are outside in the rain I don't think we need to be told it is wet!

As soon as we put the ponchos on it stopped raining. That is just how it always goes with us. Our wet ponchos got folded up and put into our backpack.

We headed over to France to grab wet table and chairs and to settle in for the long wait for illuminations.

The show started and was spectacular. There is a giant tree on an island blocking our view of the globe, but I have been told the tree is purposefully placed there to deal with the lasers. I watched to see if that were true and I couldn't tell. If that is the reason for growing these trees, couldn't they have used smaller trees? The tree completely blocked our view of the globe - not that you can really see what is on the globe anyway. I think the globe needs some reimaginaring refurbishment. If they can animate Cinderella's castle, they should be able to have a bigger globe that isn't blocked by trees.

During Illuminations we were entertained by a drunk guest yelling out for more beer. I don't know what was funny about it, but we all got a good laugh at his expense.

The fireworks ended and we got ready for the Fourth of July add-on. Instead, the lights rose and the "Thank you for coming... Take small children by the hand" message came on. Dumbfounded, Linda and I looked at each other. "That is it?" as if being in the most magical place in the world wasn't enough, we wanted the extra bonus July 3 magic, for which there was none.

Somehow disappointed, we headed back to the boardwalk. As we were leaving we were entertained by a magician who juggled, rolled balls around the brim of his hat, and squeaked as he performed. He was very good.

We loaded into the van and were home in 14 minutes. That marks our first trip into a Disney Park for 2014.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 4
After sleeping in (badly needed) we headed to Epcot with one goal: spend the afternoon doing pavilions.

When I started going to Disney in the 90's the pavilions were horrible so I developed an aversion to them. Pavilions today are much better. They are filled with computerized interactive learning games (that are light on the learning and heavy on the game). One pavilion has a ride simulator on the end of a robotic arm that flips and turns the rider upside down and all around. We had a blast!

We did the Cool blast and tried various sodas from around the world. This was an experience I had read and seen youtube videos and really wanted to try. All the drinks were very sugary and strongly flavored. We decided to just stick with our Anerican favorites.

To cut costs we are eating at home and off property as much as possible. We passed by the Electric Umbrella and the smell of French Fries came waffling out of the restaurant and we decided we were all very hungry.

We left Epcot and ate dinner at the Wild Side BBQ on Rt. 192. We were smart this year: Linda and I split a meal and we still had to bring food home because we were stuffed. Everything was incredible except the garlic mashed potatoes had too much garlic. We were really excited because our youngest (who is a very picky eater) ate beef brisket!

Next stop was to Celebration for the SciFi Fireworks. We want to understand life as a local and one way to do that is to attend local fireworks shows.

Floridians are unique individuals in many ways. For example, it is highly discouraged to use turn signals in Florida. I suspect in Driver's Education classes students lose points if they signal for a lane change. Instead it is expected that the only person who needs to know where you are going is you, and everyone else is optional.

Another way Floridians are unique is that they have been conditioned for long lines. When you hear that there is a five hour long line to see the Frozen Princesses, or two hour wait for Toy Story Mania, you think nothing of a 90 minute wait for a bus. And that is exactly how long we waited to board the bus that took us to Celebration, and how long we waited for one of the only three busses to pick us up and take us to our car. Most of our Fourth of July experience was spent standing in lines.

A third way Floridians are unique is that they enjoy cramming themselves onto Main Street to watch fireworks. Celebration was so packed that people had to stand on top of other people 's feet. All of Market street and Front street were packed with people and nearly impassable. The Magic Kingdom gets packed but caste members keep the sidewalks open for emergencies. If there had been an emergency at the Sci Fi Fourth of July, emergency crews would not have been able to respond.

The fireworks were excellent, except for a tree we were standing under blocked the view. Otherwise they were excellent.

When we saw the return bus line was so long, I suggested we simply walk the 1.5 miles back to the car. I walk or jog 3-5 miles every morning, 1.5 miles would be nothing. But Linda was concerned about going through unknown neighborhoods in the dark. This is Celebration, the town Disney built! Their HOA doesn't permit rift raff. We had nothing to worry about! But Linda wanted to trade a 30 minute walk for a 90 wait.

Would I do Celebration's Sci Fi Fourth of July again? Not if I had to wait that long for a bus again. I would want assurances they employed more busses, or, I would want to be able to walk back to the car.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 5
Magic Kingdom

We arrived home from Fourth of July fireworks to a broken air conditioner and a house that was 85 degrees. It was very difficult to sleep, and the next morning when the house temperature climbed, we could not stop sweating! We called the property manager and he responded immediately and had a repair guy at the house within an hour. When renting a villa it is important to be patient - this is a house, not a hotel, and it will have normal house maintenance needs. It is all part of the experience of learning what it would be like to live here.

We have had a calamity getting medicine prescriptions filled . As a result we needed prescriptions (written on federally approved prescription pads, and signed by a federally approved doctor)to be shipped to us overnight. The doctor's office couldn't do overnight but did priority mail during a holiday. To make matters worse, our villa has no mail box, and we didn't know if the owner had all the mail forwarded. But luckily the prescriptions that were needed on July 3 arrived on July 5 and on July 6 we can get them filled. This entire mess has been an unnecessary head-ache!

We start each trip with the Magic Kingdom, and since this was our first full day in a park, that is where we went. It was also our first chance to try the new Fast Pass Plus system and the new Guest Assistance policies.

For Guest Assistance (the line merge card) you are given a paper card with your picture printed on it. When you see a ride you want, you give the card to a cast member and they write on the card a return time that is equal to the time you would have spent in line. You then go about your day and return anytime after the time they placed on the card and you can go in.

We are fortunate where short lines (15-20 minutes) don't bother the boys and we only need the card for rides that have really long waits yet are on our "must do" list.

The fast pass plus system worked perfectly. We went on our three rides. Inbetween we rode rides with short (15 minute) lines. After the first three passes are done you can more... But not with the cell phone ap. It must be done at a kiosk. Each kiosk has a dedicated caste member who unnecessarily presses all the buttons for you. The fast pass system worked so well that we never used the guest assistance card!

A note about the kiosks. The cast members we encountered really looked worn out. One guy appeared to be suffering PTSD. It is worse than a help desk operator job because these cast members are dealing with hot angry computer illiterate guests all day.

In the Magic Kingdom we road Small World. People throw coins into the water all the time. I knew the Lobby for the ride had coins in the water but I didn't realize (until this trip) all the coins all thought the entire ride. The entire bottom is littered with thousands of coins!

We road the Carousel of Progress. On the third stage of the ride the animatronics that plays the lead character didn't work the eyes, which made him look like he was oddly staring off to the right.

This year the Pirates of the Caribbean has new ride vehicles. The vehicles are heavier on the front to cause a bigger splash when going over the falls. We got wet, but nothing too bad.

It came time for fireworks. Disney is performing construction at the hub so they can cram more people into the fireworks viewing area. As a result of the construction the available viewing areas are limited. Before the Electric Parade started we walked down the crowded Main Street looking for a place but it was packed. We were concerned we would keep walking down main street all the way out the train station and end up exiting to the transpiration areas. Instead, the entry hub was fairly empty. And we got an awesome spot looking down Main Street at the castle.

Our first day at the Magic Kingdom was good. Hollywood studios tomorrow!

 

[cnetbuild]

2014 July 6
Today's theme is all about "What would it be like to live at Disney" because we woke up determined to go to Hollywood Studios. And then... Life happened.

I woke this morning to find one of the GFI electrical circuits in the house wasn't working. After unsuccessfully playing with the GFI reset button, I headed to the garage looking for the electric box. Sure enough, the breaker was thrown. I wanted to know more about living in Florida and this is about as real as it gets! Or... Does it get even better?

An overloaded shelf in the refrigerator broke sending a wine bottle crashing to the floor. The bottle exploded and sprayed the house with wine and glass. We found glass in parts of the house that we can't explain how it got there! It took us an hour to clean up this gigantic mess.

We finally have our prescription script so we needed to go to the pharmacy. Between all the morning problems and the pharmacy it was going to be late afternoon by the time we headed to the parks so we decided to trade Hollywood Studios and go to Animal Kingdom (our least favorite park). When we went to Animal Kingdom in 2011 and 2013 we couldn't ride anything due to massive thunderstorms that hit both years. What is the chance that would happen in 2014 too?

The storm came before we even left the house. At 2pm a large thunderstorm dumped rain for 90 minutes, temporarily flooding the neighborhood roads.

When the storm let up we ventured out to get the prescription filled. We have been waiting since July 2 to get this medicine. The first pharmacy didn't have the medication so we had to go a pharmacy out in Celebration. Forty minutes later the we finally had the prized medication!

On the way back to the house we stopped at a grocery store named The Marketplace near the Outback restaurant on rt 192. Be warned: things in this grocery store are twice the normal price! We should have went a mile further up the road to the Publix. It was scary how expensive this store was.

We returned home in time for dinner and since we had done nothing all day we decided to grab dinner off property. When we got ready to leave the restaurant I noticed a giant five inch spider! My kids freaked out and started yelling. This caused everyone on that side of the restaurant to scream and start running. Now, big spiders are a fact of life if you want to live at Disney. I walked over, took a picture, and ten stomped it into the carpet. That's the end of the spider story.

We left the restaurant near 8pm and didn't know what to do. Would it even be worth it to go to a park? And which one? We decided to go to MGM (aka Hollywood Studios) to knock a couple rides off our "must do" list.

We parked our car near a couple with five small children. I didn't see it but my family said the husband punched the wife in the face. Of course Linda is thinking "Do you really want to move someplace where that happens at Disney?" I didn't see it and by the time my family explained it to me, the guy had left for the tram with several of his kids and the lady was calling for him, following, "Do you want to wait for the rest of your family?"

I don't know anything about this family and I don't know much about domestic violence but I believe that if this guy hit his wife once he has hit her many times. We hurried to the tram. When we got there, the guy was leaving the tram area with several of the kids and heading back to the truck. About twenty feet behind him the lady was following with the rest of the children and yelling at her husband. I was concerned so I reported it to the tram operator who radioed security.

When we arrived at Hollywood Studios, we knew they were doing something related to the frozen movie but we were completely unprepared for what Disney treated us for. The entire Main Street of the park (from the hat to the gate) was stuffed with people listening to a DJ remix the Frozen songs. Large screen TV's appeared along the road and a huge screen on stage. When the DJ ended, a band came out and the entire place was hopping. After that came... Well... I am not going to ruin the surprise. I will just say that it involved Frozen princesses, fireworks, and snow. Real snow! In July! This was the second night of the Frozen Summer Party and it was incredible. It made the entire day worth it.

And, oh yea. We saw Fantasia too.

That describes our day, filed under the topic: what would it be like to live at Disney?

 

[cnetbuild]

July 7
We have been in Florida for a week and it feels as comfortable as if we have been here for years. I have built enough ankle strength to be able to jog around the neighborhood every day. I am doing a daily 5K and taking it slow (13mm) so I don't injure the ankle. Also, it is very difficult to breath while running in the heat and humidity. The sun is so intense that it makes me feel like an ant under a magnify glass. But this was the dream and I am living it.

The villa we stayed at last year had cockroaches. We complained and the property management company said "This is Florida. You need to get used to bugs." This year, we made the villa produce evidence that they regularly pay for professional extermination. And we thought all was good. Until today when we were invaded by ants all over the house! In ten minutes we killed 70 ants and they kept coming! I called the management company and complained but by the end of the day we have had no response.

On Mondays and Fridays I work half days with the understanding that when I get out if work we will go to a park. My family hasn't completely caught onto this idea. Today, I got out of work at noon (keep in mind that work is in a home office) and the family wasn't ready to leave until after 3!

We headed to Animal Kingdom and arrived in just minutes. The Animal Kingdom is the hottest of all the parks because the dense trees block any breeze. Each year the trees get more and more dense and the park gets hotter and hotter.

I remember when the park opened we could see the waterfalls outside Rainforest Cafe - not today! It is overgrown with trees. I have a memory of Animal Kingdom having a boat ride around the river. It was like a serious version of the jungle cruise. No one believes me, but I remember it.

We only have a handful of favorite rides and we were able to do them all in about four hours. We even got to see the new Lion King Theater (which looks a lot like the old theater except in a new locations).

A great aspect of a long stay (including living at Disney)is the freedom to go to Disney for a few hours in the evening. There isn't any need to do full day marathon trips to the park. A few comfortable hours is perfect. Animal Kingdom closes early so we left and ate dinner off property.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 8
I am really getting the feeling of what it must be like to be local. When I get done with work everyday I am exhausted and would be happy to stay home and relax at the incredible pool house. But... We are in Disney and we need to make sure we see it all. The dream would be to move to Disney and spend as many evenings as possible enjoying the attractions. But the reality is that often you just want to stay home!

There is no maid service. While I am at work, Linda is cleaning, doing laundry, and taking care of the boys. There is downtime for her, however, if she were working too, all the things she is doing would take away evenings and some of the weekend. And this is summer break, which means we aren't spending hours helping the boys with homework right now.

The reality, I suspect, is that living at Disney would not be anything like a vacation and would not mean daily trips into Disney.

After work we went to Disney's Winterland to play miniature golf. With our annual pass we received a 50 percent discount.

After golf we grabbed some ice cream off property and called it a night.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 9
I set my home office in the front bedroom to give me a great view of the palm tree in the front yard and the surrounding neighborhood. One of our goals is to see what life might be like to live at Disney.

As I work I can't help but notice the home owner, in his thirties, across the street. Every day for several hours he works in his yard. While most houses use a lawn service, he does the work himself and then meticulously cleans his equipment. He adjusts the sprinklers to make sure they are perfect and always finds weeds to pull. As I watch it is obvious to me that he loves doing this. While this isn't uncommon (many people find joy in yard work) it is a reflection of life at Disney. It isn't all fairy princesses and castles. Life as you know it will continue even if you are transplanted to the most magical place on earth.

Two days ago we were invaded by ants! And the outside of the house was swarmed by hundreds gnats. The bug exterminator arrived today. He explained the ants were releasing some queens and all the gnats were flying ants. He also explained that the 175 ants we killed inside the house wouldn't have lasted very long because he had recently sprayed the house and the ants would have died. Regardless, he sprayed the house again, assuring us the poison was bad for bugs but safe for humans. I'll let you know if I start growing a third arm.

We went to Hollywood studios after work to knock a few more things off our list. Our first fast pass was for The Great Movie Ride. We were arriving a little late for our fast pass so we needed to hurry. Linda was the front of our family train, charging through the crowd, while the rest of us followed. At one point she cut through the crowd so fast that it caused two strollers to turn to avoid hitting her and they collided causing an accident. She cut through the middle of families, and left others to stop mid-stride. The wreck and destruction left in our wake was unfortunate. We finally made it and was able to see the show before our fast pass expired.

We went through the Little Mermaid show and saw the worse lip sync performance in all the years we have seen. At one point the mermaid was combing her hair with a fork and the fork got caught in her hair! Eric was about 40 years old. And when the little mermaid transformed and got her legs? We could see her legs before the fin disappeared. Yep, the B Team was playing tonight. Junior Varsity. But it made the show interesting! It was a little creepy to see a middle aged guy pick up, swing around, and plant a kiss on a 90-pound mermaid that was easily half his age. But hay, to each his own. Good for Eric. I guess even a middle-aged prince deserves a trophy wife. I just did not imagine it that way when I watched the cartoon.

My wife and youngest went on Star Tours, or as I call it, the vomit commit. My oldest and I decided to wait in a nearby food area. The food area was dark and it was late and it was abandoned except for a lady who was breastfeeding. I'm all for natural... whatever. I just do need my fifteen year old boy starring at a breastfeeding lady. So I picked a table and chair arrangement so our backs were to her.

We went to Sci Fi Drive-In with plans to only order desert (so we could enjoy the restaurant without paying for a full meal). The guy at the check-in desk told us his deserts weren't very good. We would be happier going to the writer's nook for a carrot cake cookie, or go to Fifties for real ice cream. Our goal was to just see the drive-in, so, we did neither of the suggestions. Instead, we went to an ice cream place off property called Twisty on Rt 192 and got a gallon more ice cream for half the price than we would have paid in Disney.

We have five more things crossed off our "Must Do" list while having a great time.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 10
There are some great snack options at the park, and many of them are reasonably priced. But buying too many snacks is a quick way to blow the vacation budget. So, we take a snack pack with us. It includes graham crackers, walnuts, raisins, goldfish, granola bar, pretzels, assortment of cookies, candy, and flavor packs that can be added to water to take away that horrible Disney water taste. We try to pack a large enough variety to anticipate whatever anyone might want.

The neighborhood we are staying in is filled with vacation villas. When you rent your house out, you never know what you might get. I saw twenty-five people come out of one six bedroom house. They all loaded into an extended van, sitting atop each other. The back of this van was so low that is almost touched the ground! When considering the cost of a villa divided by twenty-five people, it is under $4 per person per day, a great deal. However, you would really need to like all the people you are living with!

Florida in July means rain. The humidity starts building in the morning. The blue skies start building clouds. Once the humidity reaches its peak, the skies open and it pours, often accompanied with lightening. It might rain in the early afternoon or late evening, but regardless of the time, it has rained every day we have been here! And it always seems to start raining when we are ready to head out the door.

When we renewed our Disney yearly passes we bought the expanded pass that allows for water parks and Disney Quest. Our new passes go into effect today so after work we headed to Disney Quest at Downtown Disney. Disney Quest is a giant unlimited use arcade with some 3D adventures, simulators, bumper cars, and other things mixed in.

It is surprising how physically and mentally exhausting video games can be.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 11
I worked half a day and then headed to the Magic Kingdom. We were there from 2pm-11pm, which was a very long day. It was hot (felt like 95 degrees) and we melted. Hydration was difficult as the four of us went through an amazing 14 water bottles that we brought in addition to getting cups of ice water.

To help with the heat we have towels made out of a special material that when wet feel cool. We place them around the back of our necks and we look like dorks. It was so hot that it was difficult to keep the towels wet. We went to Gaston's to get out of the heat and sit in air conditioning. It provided us an excuse to share a giant cinnamon roll. These cinnamon rolls and the size of a half loaf of bread! I am not ashamed to admit that I licked the plate clean when we were done.

I am a father of three and I can remember times when the kids were young thinking it would be nice to be able to put my kid of a leash and walk them like a dog. Ok. I never really thought that. But imagine if someone did. Not just think it, but actually do it! Walk their kid on a leash and Disney World. Sadly, this actually happens and I have seen it several times. To make it look humane, the child wears a monkey back pack and the leash is attached to the backpack. I suppose the next thing I will see is a parent tie the leash to a tree. And maybe let their children crap in the lawn.

There are times I think I would prefer if kids crapped in the lawn. We went to Bells's Castle and through the entire encounter we were entertained by the foul smell of a poopy diaper. How can the parents not smell that? Seriously?

The day was hot which meant we needed extra suntan lotion. The lotion is kept in my oldest son's backpack. Unfortunately he must have sat on it causing the suntan lotion to explode. We have been down this path before and learned terrible lessons. Luckily everything in our backpacks are placed into individual plastic bags. That is the only thing that saved us from having suntan lotion cover everything in the backpack!

We decided to go from the Hall of Presidents to the Buzz Lightyear rise by passing behind the castle. As we did, some random fireworks shot off related to a show in the front of the castle. A fog of smoke and firework debre settled on us - someone didn't plan that very well!

I scored 850,000 points on buzz lightyear. I got tired of always getting low scores so I googled for some ideas and learned which targets are worth more. The trick is to do this and then don't tell your kids so they just think you are awesome.

We ate dinner at Cosmic Ray's because the attendant at the Dumbo Ride said a storm was arriving and we wanted to get a good seat to watch everyone get soaked. I am on a salad kick and was disappointed that the only option was a Greek salad with more peppers than lettuce. So, I went with pulled pork and fries - if going bad? Go all the way. Cosmic Ray's has a toppings bar, so, I made my own salad. It was a toppings bar salad!

No storm came. I was really looking forward to seeing people get drenched, but it didn't happen. Other than a light rain in the early morning, I think this was our first rain free day! It only took 12 days living in Florida to get a rain free day.

We didn't watch the parades or fireworks but instead took advantage of the low crowd levels to ride some rides. My youngest loves the speedway which the rest of us are... Well .. Over it. Linda let him keep riding it over and over. There is a funny thing when you get to your third child. First child would never be out of our sight at that age - never! Second child, maybe. Third child? We sat in the stands and just let him run around and keep getting back in line. Occasionally Linda would day "Do you see him? Oh, there he is."

At the end of the day we took the ferry back to the ticket and transportation hub so we could catch a parking lot tram. When the tram arrived it stopped three feet too far ahead so that the tram doors didn't align to the queue. What a chaos this caused! Instead of people shifting to accommodate for the mistake, many headed straight ahead toward someone else's door. A little girl was about to take our door and Linda scolded her and pushed her aside (Linda said she did no such thing, but that it what it looked like from my perspective). Chaos erupted all up and down the side of the tram and it looked like the fight scene from Blazing Saddles. People yelling and shoving, folded strollers in the air, it was crazy. Luckily no one was too injured and we were able to move along.

I think the Magic Kingdom would be great if not for all the people. Pushing double wide strollers down paths made for single wide. Stop walking in the middle of a flow of people. Gather a large group to stand in the middle of a walk way. Texting while walking. Sneezing without covering. Or sneezing on their hand, looking at it, then wiping it somewhere. The giant puddle of puke at future land that everyone walked through. We carry hand sanitizer and there are times I feel like taking a bath in hand sanitizer.

Nevertheless, it was a good day and we had a lot of fun.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 12
Today was a Hollywood Studios day, our second favorite park. We arrived at 2pm and stayed until close, which was a long hot day. The frozen Summer fireworks start at 10pm but most of the park is shut down by 830, leaving a huge gap with little to do. But I wanted to see the fireworks show again so we stayed.

For today's trip I placed water bottles in the freezer the night before and then distributed them to the backpacks so we could have cold on our back, and later have a cold drink. Last year I tried frozen grapes and that didn't work because the grapes just turned mushy.

We did the walking backlot tour, otherwise known as Lights Motor Action. It is a walking tour because the grand stand is so far away. They warned that the show only happens weather permitting. And after we finally made it to the grand stand, we could see lightening off in the distance. But we were able to watch the show before the storm hit. I was surprised this show was still playing because I had heard it was being replaced by Cars Land. I don't really like the show because I have been on a real movie set and it goes nothing like this show portrays.

We often joke: Have you heard about the new Disney ride? It so called The Line. You get to go and stand in line. Sometimes you have to stand in line so you can then stand in line. Although this year hasn't been as bad as most years. The Fast Pass Plus system, for all its quirks and inconveniences, is pretty good. The stand-by lines for the average attraction hasn't been bad. And in the very rare cases where the standby is long we have a guest assistance card. But usually we don't need it.

We went through many of our favorite rides. I even road the vomit commit, known as Star Wars Star Tours. I used to always get sick from that ride but since the refurbishment several years ago, I just get a little queasy.

Lunch/Dinner was at Pizza Planet while it rained outside. That is where we split a Frozen Snowman cupcake - carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. It was so good that we got a second one.

Disney is making a killing on these cupcakes. Everywhere I turned in the park I saw someone with a cupcake. At Pizza Planet they were selling half a dozen cupcakes at a time! These cupcakes probably cost Disney $.25 to produce. But let's say that with storage, transportation, and spoilage they cost Disney $1 each. Disney sells the cupcakes for $5.60! The margin must be huge. And people are buying tons of them. I can't believe I spent $5.60 for a single cupcake... Twice. I can get twenty cupcakes at Costco for $19, and there I am paying $11 for two cupcakes.

The reason people pay $5.60 for a cupcake is because it is a human nature flaw to compare the cost of something relative to something else. If you pay $3.50 for a tiny box of popcorn, $10 for a small personal pizza, or $2.50 for a bottle of water (that you can get at a store for under $.20), $3 for a tiny cup of french fries, then this is what you accidentally start using to determine value. And suddenly you are willing to pay $5.60 for a cupcake. And Disney is very happy to take your money.

Speaking of frozen cupcakes, we went to the frozen cupcake eat-a-thon. No, not the pre-fireworks desert party (which must be crazy!) We went to the Frozen Funland where there is ice skating and snowman building. The snack bar had trouble keeping up with the cupcake demand!

We stayed for the fireworks because the Frozen Fireworks are incredible. Most of the rides shut at 8:30pm which makes people gravitate to the Dance Party where a DJ mixes the Frozen songs. That is followed by a band. Then there is fifteen minutes... Of nothing? People standing shoulder to shoulder in the hot streets, kids crying, legs aching, and we wait. Just when I thought fifteen minutes had passed I looked at my watch and it had only been five minutes. "Just another minute" I heard a Mom tell her crying and exhausted daughter. Disney needs to fill these fifteen minutes with something. I suggest something animated on the video screens - even if advertisements for future Disney movies. We need something because that fifteen minutes in painful.

The fireworks and the snow storm that follows (yep, Elsa creates a snow storm in Florida) ended a wonderful frozen and cupcake filled day at Hollywood Studios.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 13
We were abducted by aliens today. I know that doesn't sound rational. It doesn't sound plausible. I am not sure I believe it myself. My only guess is that little grey aliens are entertained by my family circus and decided it worthy of further investigation. I only hope the aliens share their findings with me because half the time I don't understand what is going on either. For example, while waiting for the tram at Hollywood studios last night, a gentleman said to me "Excuse me sir, does this tram go to The Film parking lot?" To which I replied "No sir, this is the villains tram." (Anyone who isn't a die hard Disney fan is now saying "Hugh?" While the rest if the readers are laughing at my blunder.)

Most of the time, I don't even know what day of the week it is. I call this phenomenon the Disney Zone (instead of the twilight zone) because Disney magic has a way of making one forget about the real world: is today Wednesday? Did I make my car payment? Do I care? Where are the turkey legs stands?

It is with this surrounding that I conclude a celestial encounter with the Martian. I am not sure how he snatched me from my vacation villa but I conclude it must have happened due to the missing time. Four hours of missing time to be exact that none of us can account for.

Let me recount the day so you can see the evidence. I slept in, posted to The Disboards, and ate breakfast. At 10:30 the temperature was 97 and felt like 102 so I decided it was perfect weather for a 3.5 mile run. It was so hot and muggy that at one point toward the end I had to stop running or else I would have vomited in someone's front yard. Which would have been OK. But I didn't have any doggy clean up bags.

When it comes to getting ready for the parks, I have instilled military-like discipline into my family. I don't know which military - some comical, backwood military that rides horses backward and shoots themselves I the foot. Because when I returned home I found the biggest group of lazy individuals lounging about playing video games, with nothing done at all. I understand this entire vacation thing and wanting a lazy Sunday, but we had places to go and things to do!

I threw together lunch and made sure the bags were packed while Linda left to get ready. And that is where we encounter the missing time. Four hours pass by. I got the boys ready and covered in sun tan lotion, Linda went through several of her swim suits to figure out which she wanted to wear and then left to finish getting ready, and then...

When I regained rememberable consciousness, it was near 4pm, we were loading into the van and heading to Blizzard beach. I refuse to believe it took Linda four hours to get ready for Blizzard Beach. Yet I can't explain the missing time if it wasn't alien abduction. As bizarre as it sounds? An alien ship must have flown right over the villa and sucked us into its ship with a laser. Only regressive hyperthermic hypnosis will tell the truth. Regardless if what actually happened, it was 4 PM by the time we left the house for Blizzard Beach,

We rarely have success with a disney water parks in the summer. We always arrive late and it always rains in the afternoon causing the park to close. This year, we arrived and stepped out of the van and then saw a huge lightening bolt drop from the sky and hit somewhere nearby. The ground shook from the rumble. Our luck is improving! Usually the lightening strike happens after we entered the park and rent a locker.

We contemplated our next move. Go do something else? Or wait it out? We decided to wait it out and at 4:30 we finally entered our destination for the day.

Most people, not plagued by aliens, were leaving and giving us freakish stares. "Who are these special people arriving after the park closed?" We knew the secret: the park reopens 30 minutes after the last lightening strike.

With the park mostly empty we did three laps on the lazy river. Then we headed to the tidal pool. Two steps into the tidal pool and another lightening strike lit up the sky and thunder rumbled. "Everyone out" the life guard called, but we were already ashore.

Our trip to Disney today involved an hour in the lazy river. Not out most productive day. And yet I can't account for the four hours of lost time.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

Really enjoying your writing style!! You're very funny. looking forward to a write up on the 14th!

 

[cnetbuild]

July 15
I am beginning to understand what Noah felt like. For Noah it rained for 40 days. For me, it has rained 15 of the past 16 days that I have been in Florida. Twenty-five more days of rain and we can write another chapter for the bible.

I live in Upstate New York where the weather is crappy 8 months out of the year causing us to hibernate indoors like some burring animals. We cover our windows and bundle up under heavy blankets and sleep a lot. While in hibernation we dream of going to a florida and the sunshine. Laying in the sun, eating oranges, and drinking margaritas. It is the life that the great sage Jimmy Buffet promised.

Most of the florida day has warm blue skies. But as the humidity rises in the afternoon the clouds and storms move in. The rain is usually patient and waits for us to head to the parks, and then greets us with a down pour. Our park visits have been mostly dark skies, thunder, and soaking rains.

Our ponchos are so well used that we've had to replace one already. The ponchos are not made for someone my size and looks more like I am wearing a ridiculously long shirt than a poncho. It doesn't little to protect the bottom half of my body.

We have become expert at slipping our ponchos on when we step outside. And slipping them off when we step inside, shake them dry, and quickly fold. Others are not as expert as we. We were eating at a quick service when a lady remove her poncho and shook is dry, and by doing so drenched us and our meals with shower of water. "Hay! Hay! Hay!" was answered with "Oh, sorry". We purposefully attempted to stay dry and ended wet anyways.

When it rains it pours and the water puddles up. People don't care - they charge right through the deep puddles thus kicking water on everyone else. One mother's little angle was jumping in every puddle sending a spray of dirty mud into the crowd. Our shoes fill with water. Attractions shutdown when it thunders. Water parks close. Most of animal kingdom becomes useless. Rides like Test Track are unavailable. And monorails stop working. Yesterday, a lightening strike hit the monorail system causing hundreds of passengers to be stranded twenty feet in the air in a baking oven until the fire department could rescue them.

We get thunderstorms in New York. Just not every single day!

We arrived at Epcot and headed to our first fast pass: test tack. The building was in sight just steps away when a bolt of lightening dropped from the sky and destroyed our plans. Test track closed. As we stood there is disbelief with the cast member blocking our path forward, they sky opened and an ocean of rain fell on our misery.

God has a funny sense of humor. Perhaps we was paying us back for missing the water park yesterday by turning Epcot into his own water park. By the time we grabbed for the ponchos we were already soaked - what was the point?

As ridiculous as I looked, I put mine on and we continued with our Epcot adventure - dodging rain drops by jumping into as many little shops and bakeries as we could.

I could smell the delicious goodness of the Germany bakery from far away and let my nose guide me to it. They were taking the caramel and cream candy known as Werthers and melting it overtop popcorn, brownies, apples, and every imaginable sweet. The temptation was too great so so bought a bag of Werthers. It was Werthers for the weather. As I ate one, the world suddenly became a brighter place. The clouds parted. The sun came out. And through the Magic of Disney, a perfect double rainbow appeared over my head!

Maybe all this rain isn't so bad after all.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 16
Today we crossed a bridge into the Twilight Zone.

Someday we want to move to Florida. We like to visit area towns to understand what it might be like to live there. I have a coworker that lives in a new housing development in Celebration so after work we decided to check out the town.

In upstate New York you can find houses twice as large for half the price (or even cheaper). Nevertheless it is fun to see all the oddly shaped and squished houses.

We finished our tour and headed into town for dinner. Unfortunately, I took a wrong turn. We crossed over a bridge and through a haze of fog that was too thick to see through. When we emerged, we were in a different universe. The scene was straight out if the early fifties. Houses from the turn of the century. People riding old style bicycles, and neighbors doing yardwork stopped to wave hello, people walking dogs, and couples taking evening strolls. The houses were perfectly maintained and not a blade of grass was out of place. It was a scene straight out of The Truman Show.

We continued down the road, mesmerized by what we were seeing. It was a strong contrast to the new housing development just over the bridge. The scenery was amazing, but I was hungry. "How do we get to the diner?" I asked my navigator.

She pulled out her GPS and studied it for a moment. Then asked "Where are you going?"

To which I replied, "You are the navigator, don't you know?"

"I think we are in trouble, you need to slow down because I can't figure out what is going on." This sounded bad. It was then I noticed that street after street I was passing was one way streets. The one way streets headed off in every possible direction making an incredible maze. "I can't find a way out of here." Linda admitted.

"Can't we just turn back for the bridge?" I asked.

"I can't find the bridge on the map. It is like it doesn't exist anymore."

I slowed the car to a crawl so Linda could figure out where we were in relation to where we needed to go. We crept past perfectly manicured house after house. The one way streets were a necessity because the developer wanted to maximize the valuable land so he built narrow roads that dodged around everywhere. Occasionally we would find a wide two-way road that would unexpectedly shrink to a one-way road.

I was tempted to pull over and ask one of the peculiar smiling and waving neighbors for help, but I noticed they seemed a little too happy. And acted a little too consistent. Did we stumble upon pod people? If I pulled over, would mindless children poor out of the houses and start climbing on our cars in attempt to eat our brains? "We need to find a way out of here!" This was crazy, I mean, how can the fire department respond to anything? The house would be burnt to the ground by the time the fire department made it through the maze.

"I think I found it," Linda said. "There is only one way out of here. You need to take a right at this next intersection." I complied and turned right. Linda became very excited. "Wait! What just happened? You needed to take a left, not a right!" She had read the map wrong.

This was bad news because I had just turned deeper into the maze. And the road shrunk in on us forming a one way path with no way back! I was concerned the evening was slipping away and soon it would be dark. Fifteen minutes later, navigating the one way streets and nonstop stop signs, we made it back to the bridge and found our escape! We almost become permanent residents of celebration, doomed to a hell of driving through never ending one way streets.

We did make it downtown for dinner. And concluded Celebration just wasn't our kind of town.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 17
The assumption is that if you are going to live at Disney, it is going to be nonstop castles and princesses. Our exploration of living at Disney has had several discoveries today.

First, another encounter with swarming ants. This time they are coming through a crack in a window. There are thousands of ants covering the window. We put out an ant trap, but it was ignored. So, another call to the exterminator. Keeping bugs out of the house is a continual battle.

Second, I have been having problems with the house's Internet connection. It randomly restarts all throughout the day. I complained to the management company who promised to have the cable company fix it. Then, in the middle of a meeting the Internet stopped completely! I called the cable company and spent an hour troubleshooting. Then, a knock on the door, and there was the manager with a new Internet modem. Apparently he went across town to pick up a modem at which point the cable company immediately yanked our modem offline. So, real life problems continue even though you live at Disney.

Next, I left a couple of days with nothing to do. And with so many options of how to spend today, we couldn't find anything that interested us! 500 TV channels and nothing is on? 500 Disney options and nothing to do. We settled on dinner at Port Orleans, boat ride to downtown Disney, and then tour downtown Disney.

Next, living at Disney means getting used to people who work at a slower pace. There is a saying in the south: it will get done eventually. Whether checking out at the grocery store or going to the drive thru, everything takes five times longer. We were in a drive thru for twenty minutes to get an order of French fries.

Finally, living at Disney means getting used to crowds. There are crowds at the store, at the restaurants, in the parks, and downtown Disney. I don't just mean a lot of people. I am talking about elbow to elbow, running into each other, no way through, why are you touching me, stop blocking the way, crowds. Downtown Disney is under major construction and it is causing problems with the flow of people.

Castles and princesses aren't the reality of living at Disney.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 18
I Waited 20 minutes for a hamburger. It was nothing special, just a standard 1/3 pound hamburger, plain, no fries, at Pecos Bills. $7.75 and a twenty minute wait in line. If I went off property, I could have went to the Texas Road House for a 1/2 pound burger with fries for $8.50. The last time we went we had it in 15 minutes, table service. Peco Bills is quick counter service. And it wasn't like we arrived during a dinner rush, it was 8:30pm.

McDonalds has set the standard for quick service. I place my order at the drive thru and by the time I drive around the building, my hot and ready meal is handed to me out the window. And the hamburger doesn't cost nearly $8.

Providing poor service at Disney seems acceptable because attendance doesn't suffer. Disney feels it is acceptable to make people wait through unreasonable delays. For example, when we left the Magic Kingdom it took 45 minutes to get to our car. Some of it was the delays in walking through the crowds, but most of it was due to waiting in line at an transportation system that is under capacity. The transportation system was designed when crowds were half their current levels and there have only been minor improvements since then.

So, rather than make investments in the necessary improvements, it is acceptable for it to take 45 minutes to get to your car. We arrived early at Ohana for our reservation and sat waiting until 45 minutes past our reservation before we were seated. Disney is crowded and overloaded and rather than deal with it appropriately, Disney takes the huge profits at the expense of the customer experience.

Why do we put up with it? Why would Disney change? The line is out the door and with increased park attendance, isn't getting any shorter. Raise the prices, cut the staff, make more money, and the customer suffers!

All right... I need to confess something. When I read Disney blogs and Disboards, it is mostly ponies and rainbows. Everyone is so in love with Disney that is clouds rational judgement. I set out to be different - to write about some good things but mostly write glass-half-full encounters so that my articles stand out from the rest.

While the waiting annoys me and shouldn't be, it honestly isn't so bad as to ruin the Disney experience. For example, we waited 45 minutes for Ohana, but then had one of the greatest Disney experiences ever with a fantastic meal, stellar waiter, and outstanding characters. The great encounter helped us to forget about the wait.

I hope that reading my posts does not discourage anyone from their Disney Dreams but instead, perhaps, open your eyes a little and allow you to see this magical place from a unique perspective.

 

[cnetbuild]

July 19
The parks beat us today. Disney won. Defeated. Dejected. Lost. The best planning, preparing, training, and strategy and we got out but kicked. Yesterday we were at Magic Kingdom for ten hours with temperatures in the 90's and humidity that made it feel over 100. we arrived home after 1am. With under six hours sleep, we got up and headed to Ohana for breakfast today, then over to Epcot.

We were tired. My oldest fell asleep on the monorail ride, but we tried to push on. It was hot, 95 degrees and felt over 100 with the humidity. The sun was relentless and burned with a sting. It was difficult to stay hydrated and with that Ohana breakfast, we felt like slugs. We couldn't stop sweating and were drenched.

I think our bodies were digesting the giant meal we just ate and this added to our misery. I went through five water bottles by continually refilling it, and all that water had little effect to improve my hydration.

I was tired. Every time I sat down I didn't want to get back up. It felt like my shoes were covered in cement as each step was painful. The boys had no interest in being active and just wanted to go sit somewhere in air conditioning, or ride the monorail for an hour.

After four hours at Epcot and only a few things finished, we surrendered and headed home. Defeated. The park beat us. We couldn't keep up.

We went back to the house and enjoyed the air conditioning and everyone napped for hours.