The Meanest Mother in the World--A L-B TR, 5/05 *DONE. p.65, with one last pic*

[kpk89]

I have realized, upon re-reading this birthday extravaganza day, that I have erred. A lot. Not in any of the events of the day, because they all happened. I’m just not sure anymore that I have presented them in the actual order that they happened. Because it seems like we’re fitting in a LOT of stuff after lunch. So I’m just going to offer a disclaimer:


The events portrayed in this trip report are true. No names have been changed to protect anybody. However, some effects such as time compression, time extension, or complete time switcherooni may be used. Some content may not be suitable for some viewers. Especially those who are morally opposed to fanny packs or singing dollies.


It is entirely possible, and even probable, that we actually enjoyed PhilharMagic and the next attraction (the controversial one) in the morning. Before we left for Whispering Canyon. Because it seems like we would have done more than just Splash Mountain and Pirates, and Cinderellabration before leaving. We might have seen Cinderellabration in the afternoon, in fact.

I am starting to remind me of my nana.

And we went to the Ponderosa for the early bird special on Wednesday. Or was it Tuesday? It was Wednesday, because that was the day I got my hair done. No, maybe Tuesday. I usually get my hair done on Wednesday but that week I had to go on Tuesday because of the church suppah.

Bless her soul. I miss my nana.

The upshot is, that it doesn’t really matter whether the early bird special at Ponderosa was enjoyed on Wednesday, or Tuesday. It doesn’t matter whether we saw PhilharMagic in the morning or the afternoon.

The point is, there was fun being had. In a magical 3D adventure. And in the case of my nana, in a salad bar the likes of which the world has never seen. And free packets of Sweet & Low. Because if they put it on the table, they WANT you to take it.

At any rate, I clearly remember the very beginning and the very end of our day, as well as the midday break that was Rodeo Ricky and his tallllllllllllll margarita.

It’s the other stuff that is a little slushy.

Bygones.

After exiting our magical 3D adventure, with Doug grumbling something about “ADA” and his “rights” (please honey, do benember that you were spared Captain EO. It’s all about balance) we headed for It’s a Small World.

At least in this version of our day.

I know this is a controversial ride. In the sense that although it’s a WDW original, and a classic, it could still render you a blithering idiot and is therefore very dangerous.

I feel the same way. My own internal controversy.

According to my mom, IASW was the very first ride our family went on, on that first trip back in 1978. Since I can’t even benember what order we rode things on May 11, 2005, I will take her word for it.

Anyway, I do benember being in absolute entrancement. I was seven years old, a little country kid from northern New England. We don’t have anything like this where we live. (It’s true. Sorry, Story Land. Sorry, Fantasy Farm.) I loved the lights, the colors, the dolls. The visual feast of all the intricate details of every culture of the globe. The children of the world singing together in harmony.

Over and over and over.

Children thrive on repetition. I’d say Disney hit this one out of the park.

Adults, not so much. We could very easily go completely loopy having to hear the same thing over and over. And so, I was torn.

Sentiment won out. I knew the kids would enjoy IASW. They even knew the song already, thanks to the pre-trip brainwashing via Disney Classics CD.

I was right. Mostly. The girls were entranced and delighted. Conor didn’t care for it.

I could’ve told you that.

In the spirit of harmony and peace that IASW evokes, I began to tease my son mercilessly.

Me: I’m sorry we took you on that, Conor. I wouldn’t have, if I’d known those dolls would scare you so much.
Conor: I wasn’t scared, I just didn’t really like it.
Me: Seriously, honey, I can see how frightened you are. I won’t make you go on it again.
Conor: I WASN’T scared!
Me: Conor! Look out! The doollllllleeeeeeees are coming! They’re on the attack!
Conor: (stifling a laugh) Oh no! The dollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!

There. Now I’ve made it fun for him, too.

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It’s a small world, after all.

Well, it’s true. So there.

 

[sheridac]

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It’s a small world, after all.

Well, it’s true. So there.

Kimmie!!!

It is. So true. Very, very!!!!

 

[kpk89]

How do you DO that????

I know you have mad skillz. Truly. But since I posted thrice yesterday, why would even remotely think I would post again today??

You are scary.

 

[Cass]

I'm never going to get to glare again

I'm almost disappointed, I might have to make it my avatar.

For the record, I enjoy it's a small world. Once per trip and no more.

 

[Grammyof2]

It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small, small world.

My DH just backhanded me, hard and knocked me off the couch.

 

[hucifer]

You are scary.

Truly.

 

[corinnak]

Woo hoo! It's a Small World! I am glad you came out unblithering. I am afraid that the same can not be said for me OR my mother. I love your meanie approach to making it a fun experience for Conor as well. Another good one! Thank you!

 

[horsegirl]

How do you DO that????

I know you have mad skillz. Truly. But since I posted thrice yesterday, why would even remotely think I would post again today??

You are scary.

I too am spooked....


Cute installment meanie....My 5 year old nephew was scared on small world. Cracks me up everytime I think about it. I have no empathy for him.

oh and great report. Thanks for sharing.

 

[karensi]

WOW, what a great TR . I started reading it a few days ago and keep coming back for more as if I'm reading a good book. I'm especially interested because we are going next April/May, I think around the same time that you were there. Anyway, just want to say its a great TR, can't wait for the next installment . Karen

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Kimmie ~
somehow I had missed from the aborted haircut forward. How did that happen? Either you didn't tell us of new episodes (unlikely) or I wasn't paying attention (probable.)

Anyway - all were wonderful. Great report. Laughed out loud, but quietly so as not to arouse the suspicion of others.

And.

I enjoy It's a Small World. Really really. Call me deranged. My kids will love it too, I expect.

At least until they become frightened by the dolls, like Conor!

 

[mrp4352]

Me: I’m sorry we took you on that, Conor. I wouldn’t have, if I’d known those dolls would scare you so much.
Conor: I wasn’t scared, I just didn’t really like it.
Me: Seriously, honey, I can see how frightened you are. I won’t make you go on it again.
Conor: I WASN’T scared!
Me: Conor! Look out! The doollllllleeeeeeees are coming! They’re on the attack!
Conor: (stifling a laugh) Oh no! The dollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!

QUOTE]

This is SOO funny! The IASW chapter is one of my favorite chapters from "Kingdom Keepers" - and now every time we ride, we watch to make sure the dolls aren't attacking!!

 

[celerystalker]

Ok. I decided to start back on your trip report. I try to put them off until there are a bunch of installments, then read it all in one sitting.
Your kids are so stinkin' adorable! The pictures of them interacting with characters are just too priceless! The hugging of the trashcan! The confetti to fairy godmother! The laugh at the waiter with the chocolate! (I know he's not technically a character, but the WCC CMs are so good, they count as a character in my book!)
I wish I liked the food more. Your description almost makes me want to change my ADRs for next week. Almost.
I laughed out loud at saladhead. Thank you so much for sharing.

 

[Turtle]

They even knew the song already, thanks to the pre-trip brainwashing via Disney Classics CD.

.

I have these cd's. I play them at work and guess what? Most of my co-workers LOVE it. The ones who don't so much are just crazy.
Great job, btw, sneaking in a few installments when I wasn't looking.

 

[Cass]

 

[HMHunters]

what she said!

 

[kpk89]

As I mentioned last time, the itinerary details of that day are sketchy, at best. In this respect I am like an emergent speller. You’ve seen, perhaps, how young children when they are first learning to spell will usually hit only the beginning and ending sounds in the word. Sometimes a middle consonant will creep in. Literacy teachers know how to break the code: “pkn” spells “pumpkin.”

Our Magic Kingdom day was like that. For the purpose of spelling out this trip report, I am certain of Splash Mountain first, Whispering Canyon in the middle, and Space Mountain at the end. For sure. These are solid in my memory. The other vowels of Cinderellabration, Buzz, Pirates, racecars – well, I know they are there, but I’m just not sure exactly where they fit in. So we’ll just pretend that we all go to one of those schools that allows kids to practice “invented spelling” on up through the eighth grade, and that I’ve spelled this day well enough to get us by.

Which brings us to the finale of this day. Space Mountain. That thrilling adventure through the stars. In the big ugly white building.

I have a little idea about that, should any Imagineers be reading. Wouldn’t it be great to have Spaceship Earth and Space Mountain trade living quarters? Put the cooler ride in the much cooler looking building (dirt spots or no). Better yet, keep them together. Let the rockets swoop and careen around the caveman audioanimatronics, and in amongst the visitors riding in their buggy vehicles with the choppy sound system.

I guess we know why I’m not an Imagineer. I can spell like crazy, though. Went to the county bee, once. I did. So there.

Of the five people in our party, only three were tall enough to ride Space Mountain. And of those three, only two were brave enough. You can guess, right?

That’s right. The Meanest Mama and her thrill-seeking birthday boy were off. Fastpasses in hand. Dad and the babygirls set about to perusing the treasures in the dump shop.

I love Space Mountain. At least I did. I rode it for the first time in 1978, on that very first trip. That was back when you didn’t get your own rocket. Two to a ship, please, and snuggle in tight! I went with my grandfather. Who I thought was seventeen years old. That’s what he always told me, and you know, that seemed REALLY old to me at the time. Also my dad, and my nana. I am guessing that my mom had to wait it out with my little sister and brother, and also guessing that she didn’t mind one bit.

I remember being excited to embark on this mission, as we wended our way through the queue. Then completely and utterly terrified during the ride. Then absolutely exhilarated upon exiting. The moving walkway, the holograms, the regaining of my senses.

This time, I can imagine that’s how Conor felt. He was certainly excited to go, and exhilarated at the end. But I think he had a pretty fine time in the middle, too.

Me, not so much. The middle this time, was a lot scarier to me than ever before. You might think I’m a weenie, but I’m not. I loved Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, benember? LOVED it! But RNR is a new, state of the art coaster. It operates very smoothly, with a safe, secure feeling as you hurtle upside down in your super stretch limo. (Thanks Saladhead!)

Space is different. Because of the way Space Mountain is designed, it’s pretty herky-jerky. Which lends to the sensation that you might jump the track at any moment.

And it’s old. Which lends to the morbid thought that it could collapse at any moment.

So my thoughts while riding went the Mother Route. The “Why Have I Put My Child in Harm’s Way Like This?” self-flagellation. And the less dramatic but yet powerful “I Can’t See His Face What if He’s Terrified?” question.

(This is why I am scared to go on Mission Sinise. I have heard, and this could just be an urban legend, that mothers are the most likely to hurl on this ride because instead of following instructions to look straight ahead, they turn to look at their babies to make sure they’re ok. And while my irrational fears of space rockets jumping the track are not likely to be realize, it’s entirely possible that I could puke. And not have a fanny pack handy. And I’m scared of public puking.)

Of course I needn’t have worried; he was fine, we were fine, the track and rockets and ride were fine fine fine. But mothers don’t necessarily worry because they NEED to. Or WANT to. They just DO. It’s not always rational.

Next up: we get our dollar's worth out of those ponchos.

 

[sheridac]

And not have a fanny pack handy.

OH!!! Thank goodness!!!! Some fashion sanity at last!!!!!

 

[kpk89]

That would be because my dear husband would be wearing it, while I'm yakking all over space.

First again. You are a wonder.

 

[Cass]

Yeah, I don't know if it's just my body getting older or if space mountain is getting rougher but it rattles my bones and I come off it in pain.

I lurve RnR coaster - but it bangs my head from side to side and the backs of my earrings impale my skull.

Looking forward to the next instalment!

 

[Turtle]

I remember being excited to embark on this mission, as we wended our way through the queue. Then completely and utterly terrified during the ride. Then absolutely exhilarated upon exiting. The moving walkway, the holograms, the regaining of my senses.

Space is different. Because of the way Space Mountain is designed, it’s pretty herky-jerky. Which lends to the sensation that you might jump the track at any moment.

.[/I]

I rode Space Mountain once. Hated it. I thought such a futuristic ride would be smoother, but nuh uh. I seriously thought I would faint before I even got on it, I was that scared. Wasn't happy when I got off either.