~ The Man Report ~ ~ People Creeps & Bug Carnage ~
Lying by the Cypress pool, day 1 of my precious vacation and Im totally annoyed.
What are all these freaky little two-headed bugs?
Theyre everywhere! Ive killed a hundred of them yet still they come.
Its 88 degrees outside, no wind, and pure blue skies. Absolutely gorgeous!
The kids are working over the pool slide, LtP is floating around watching them, and Im feverishly killing these funky little pests while trying to nurse a frosty bottle of Bud.
The sign says no glass allowed poolside.
Yeah, whatever I mumble back to LtP.
Its always about the rules with that woman.
Ok, so what? Ive got a bottle of beer and Im poolside. Actually, Ive got a six-pack of bottles poolside. Who am I hurting?
I absolutely cannot enjoy any of them though because I spend all my time swatting away the two-headed little monsters with one of LtPs
Crocs.
We were in Epcot this morning and I didnt see a single one! Why is this off-site crapola hotel infested with them?
Easy answer: It aint Disney.
Its times like this I wish I smoked. Bugs hate smoke.
If only dad hadnt made me smoke that pack of cigarettes back in 6th grade to teach me a lesson. Maybe if Id just been able to smoke at my own pace, Id have appreciated it more and be a three pack per day chain smoker. If only
Without those blessed cigarettes, the two-headed bugs would continue to torment my afternoon.
I glance around for some Europeans. They all smoke. Maybe I could cozy up to them?
Sadly, most of the people had left for the day. The pool was basically ours. We have that effect.
Come in the water. The bugs dont like it over here.
Yeah, whatever I mumble.
Im having a hard enough time disguising my bottles of beer amongst the ton of crap we always think we need poolside. How on earth am I going to drink my beer if Im
in the pool?
Sometimes, that woman just doesnt think.
If I were at a Disney resort right now thered be no bugs. I *swat* another one with a towel.
What are these God forsaken critters?
Love Bugs.
Huh? I glance around. Some lady with too much makeup on, a large gap between her front teeth, and not near enough bathing suit is smiling at me. Theyre Love Bugs, she repeats, head bobbing, as if Im a dim-witted third grader.
Hmmm
LtP said something about Love Bugs also. Someone from the DIS had mentioned em.
Whod a thunk theyre actually real?!?!? Never in my life had I ever imagined that there was such a critter as a Love Bug.
*swat* I get me another one.
Dead Love Bug carcasses litter the ground and chairs around me. I nod with approval at the carnage.
I am man.
But still they come! Its like a locust swarm.
Finally, I succumb to the bug barrage and enter the pool.
See, no bugs, LtP proudly states.
Yeah, whatever, I mumble.
The pool is cool. Not cool, refreshingly cold. Its hot & humid outside for our first full day in Orlando and the nice cold water of the pool really feels good.
Theres even a giant 30 tall water volcano that has a sign reading
No Climbing!
Hmmmmm
Must climb volcano
Must climb volcano
As I eyeball the sign, scratching my bearded chin, LtP protests,
Dont even think about it buster.
Sheesh
Am I ever going to have fun on this trip?
I decide to get a little exercise so off I go for a swim around the oddly shaped pool and see whats on the other side of the volcano.
Three people, a dysfunctional hot tub littered with hapless Love Bugs, and a cement structure thats sure to be the commode. Boring!
I get out of the pool on the far side to wander around the edge, hoping the bugs will leave me in peace.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spy
Mrs. Know-It-All-Bug-Lady, lying on a beach chair, gap toothed & smiling. Love Bugs she proclaims, nodding once again.
What the frig!
I look the other way, ignoring her, and beeline it for our territory.
Im in full purposeful shuffle as I get within shouting distance of the clan.
Lin! Im ready to go to the room!
Creeps had driven me away.
People Creeps & Bug Creeps.
I had planned to sit there all afternoon guzzling beer and becoming beet red. Maybe glance at the Palm Treo. Maybe a phone call to an associate. Maybe simply pass out.
Denied!
Oh well. Its vacation, Ive got 11 days left and were headed to Fultons Crap House that evening for our first
Disney-like meal. DM says she got the runs there so Im really looking forward to this place!
Next Up: Fired by the circus, I become a Chiropractor.
At Clan Mills, you cannot simply proceed down the slide normally. Loud Girl demonstrates this to the small crowd.
Moan Boy contemplates the volcano also.
Stylin poolside.
:
My mom's b-day is March 6th and we always do DL for her birthday, so I may see you all there. 
It's gud to be admired by our daughters 
