The Maelstromers... a FASTPASS! Part 2

[sheridac]

I am so scared! I go to church and spend the day with my family and log onto this only to discover:

1. I got substantially better looking since yesterday (thanks, LaLa)
2. Several women I've never met have untoward plans for me.
3. The white van that drove past my house after lunch three times was, in fact, Mel. Again.
4. I either smell like Don Knotts or oregano. I got confused.
5. Mel wants to kill LaLa b/c of her bread pudding recipie.
6. Lil Grumpy has me starring in yet another tv show.
7. Granny has tatoos in odd places and puts viagra in her meatloaf.
8. Momofmnm has cyberfriends.
9. Granny had a hip replacement in 1987. I laughed so hard at this water came up my nose. And I wasn't drinking water. Scary.

To address some questions asked about me today and to correct some misnomers:

1. My wife is "Zzubb's number one gal."
2. My wife is beautiful, strong, Godly, compassionate, funny, smart and my best friend. You should conclude that is Zzub's kind of woman.
3. I graduated in 1986.
4. I don't smell like Don Knotts, pesto, vomit or oregano. I also don't smell like death.
5. All of the above notwithstanding, if Mel does in fact shoot either LaLa, Horsegirl, Sher or anyone else b/c of her cyber crush on me, it wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me.
6. For those of you wondering what I actually look like, and if you're hoping I look anything like LaLa's man by the lake, I'm afraid you're going to be a little disappointed.
7. Mel: there's nothing available in my neighborhood. Sorry.

You guys need the guidance counselor. Seriously.

Yeah, and I was saying nice things. Nice. Like you smelled like honey. And knew how to use night vision goggles. Gosh!

 

[ZZUB]

LaLa: I bagged. I wasn't trying to say if Mel killed you it wouldn't be bad. I didn't even catch that meaning until I read your post. I was actually just trying to be funny, to say, someone killing someone over me wouldn't be all that bad. If something happened to one of the greatest trip writers, like you, that would be terrible!

I ask unamimous consent to revise and extend my remarks to read:

If Mel vomitted corn infested puke down her bathroom vent b/c she realized she could never have me, that wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me. And I wouldn't have to smell it either.

No one better harm LaLa. Us Olympic Waterslide competitors must stick together.

 

[LaLa]

Hiho! It's been a busy day here at Maelstrom, eh?

I got as far as Mark's class for the 80's (great idea! -- Commodore 64 ) and then I realized how many more pages I have to go.

LaLa -- have to tell you this -- I'm visiting my sister, and we're both sitting here Dis'ing (we're dorks, yep!) She's reading your trip report and keeps laughing out loud!

Yay! Tell her thanks for reading!!!

So, who can give a BRIEF synopsis of what's been going on around here?

Psst. See ZZUB's post right above you. It's a pretty good breakdown. Except for the part where he says Mel offing me wouldn't be the worst thing that ever happened to him cause I think he's just masking his feelings.

Anyway, this one year, it was Thanksgiving. The Sr. Pastor was preaching about that theme and was talking about the pilgrims. He was talking about how rough they had it when they first got to America - how many of them died, etc. He said, and I quote..."Many of them survived by eating beaver. Now, I've never eaten beaver..."

When he said this, you could hear a little squeal of laughter from the college students. The music minister's balding head turned red from laughing so hard. He ducked down behind the piano so as to not be seen. I caught the eye of a close friend my age. As we shared that glance, he immediately picked up his Bible and was shaking from laughter. After the service was over, we all realized just how bad we felt for his wife!

Marky Mark, I believe you were a fraternity boy!!!!

 

[FSUMARCHIEF]

Hey - I'm not the one who said this. I'm just repeating the story because I think it's hilarious! What makes it een better is that he really had no idea what he said!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

I am so scared! I go to church and spend the day with my family and log onto this only to discover:

1. I got substantially better looking since yesterday (thanks, LaLa)
2. Several women I've never met have untoward plans for me.
3. The white van that drove past my house after lunch three times was, in fact, Mel. Again.
4. I either smell like Don Knotts or oregano. I got confused.
5. Mel wants to kill LaLa b/c of her bread pudding recipie.
6. Lil Grumpy has me starring in yet another tv show.
7. Granny has tatoos in odd places and puts viagra in her meatloaf.
8. Momofmnm has cyberfriends.
9. Granny had a hip replacement in 1987. I laughed so hard at this water came up my nose. And I wasn't drinking water. Scary.

To address some questions asked about me today and to correct some misnomers:

1. My wife is "Zzubb's number one gal."
2. My wife is beautiful, strong, Godly, compassionate, funny, smart and my best friend. You should conclude that is Zzub's kind of woman.
3. I graduated in 1986.
4. I don't smell like Don Knotts, pesto, vomit or oregano. I also don't smell like death.
5. All of the above notwithstanding, if Mel does in fact shoot either LaLa, Horsegirl, Sher or anyone else b/c of her cyber crush on me, it wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me.
6. For those of you wondering what I actually look like, and if you're hoping I look anything like LaLa's man by the lake, I'm afraid you're going to be a little disappointed.
7. Mel: there's nothing available in my neighborhood. Sorry.

You guys need the guidance counselor. Seriously.

How can you just bust in and post once... and be the funniest thing in town?

As a comedian, by nature, I'm jealous. Envious. Just plain ~ Green.

Like this:

Except I don't smoke.

 

[horsegirl]

Ah ha ha ha haaaaaaa! Mark and Zzub, you two just cracked me up!

Got a pond with lots of those lil' swimmers Mark. Gosh you are a spunky rev!

Zzub- For corn seed. We are all married, and happily, I think, most of us. You do not have to tell us your wife is numero uno, dear. We read your tr, and all your posts. Please don't take our joking the wrong way. We are having fun. So stop being scared and feeling all stalked.

Sorry we had so much fun at your expense, but I'm not sorry.

And for the record. Guidance counselors are for school aged children. We need therapy. And this is my therapy. Excuse me while I go post on the worst president in history thread.

 

[jamal]

I am so scared! I go to church and spend the day with my family and log onto this only to discover:

1. I got substantially better looking since yesterday (thanks, LaLa)
2. Several women I've never met have untoward plans for me.
3. The white van that drove past my house after lunch three times was, in fact, Mel. Again.
4. I either smell like Don Knotts or oregano. I got confused.
5. Mel wants to kill LaLa b/c of her bread pudding recipie.
6. Lil Grumpy has me starring in yet another tv show.
7. Granny has tatoos in odd places and puts viagra in her meatloaf.
8. Momofmnm has cyberfriends.
9. Granny had a hip replacement in 1987. I laughed so hard at this water came up my nose. And I wasn't drinking water. Scary.

To address some questions asked about me today and to correct some misnomers:

1. My wife is "Zzubb's number one gal."
2. My wife is beautiful, strong, Godly, compassionate, funny, smart and my best friend. You should conclude that is Zzub's kind of woman.
3. I graduated in 1986.
4. I don't smell like Don Knotts, pesto, vomit or oregano. I also don't smell like death.
5. All of the above notwithstanding, if Mel does in fact shoot either LaLa, Horsegirl, Sher or anyone else b/c of her cyber crush on me, it wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me.
6. For those of you wondering what I actually look like, and if you're hoping I look anything like LaLa's man by the lake, I'm afraid you're going to be a little disappointed.
7. Mel: there's nothing available in my neighborhood. Sorry.

You guys need the guidance counselor. Seriously.

This is the funniest thing I have ever read. No joke. Quit tryin to be funny people. We're done.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

LaLa: I bagged. I wasn't trying to say if Mel killed you it wouldn't be bad. I didn't even catch that meaning until I read your post. I was actually just trying to be funny, to say, someone killing someone over me wouldn't be all that bad. If something happened to one of the greatest trip writers, like you, that would be terrible!

I ask unamimous consent to revise and extend my remarks to read:

If Mel vomitted corn infested puke down her bathroom vent b/c she realized she could never have me, that wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me. And I wouldn't have to smell it either.

No one better harm LaLa. Us Olympic Waterslide competitors must stick together.

You smell like POPTARTS????

Now... THAT'S freakin' GROSS.

No crap.

And you're a year OLDER than me?????

I thought you were younger.

For some reason.

 

[LaLa]

LaLa: I bagged. I wasn't trying to say if Mel killed you it wouldn't be bad. I didn't even catch that meaning until I read your post. I was actually just trying to be funny, to say, someone killing someone over me wouldn't be all that bad. If something happened to one of the greatest trip writers, like you, that would be terrible!

I ask unamimous consent to revise and extend my remarks to read:

If Mel vomitted corn infested puke down her bathroom vent b/c she realized she could never have me, that wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me. And I wouldn't have to smell it either.

No one better harm LaLa. Us Olympic Waterslide competitors must stick together.

Okay, I forgive you. I guess. Just don't let it happen again.

You were thisclose to the wifebeater picture again, Mister.

Does your green light ever even come on anymore? Seriously. How many WPM do you type, ZZUB? It's all those different keyboards, isn't it? You've got ahold of a turbo keyboard or something, haven't you? It's like you have the Phantom Green Light. You hop on, type 500 WPM and then hop off before anybody catches you. Creepy Dee.

It's because of Mel, isn't it? You're hiding from her, aren't you? Cause she drives by your house all the time.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Alright, while we're all waiting for Mel to post whatever it is she's going to post, here's the story - though it's probably not going to be what you think. I will guarantee ths though - you will laugh!

Alright, just a little bit of setup. We served in a church in downtown Savannah. It was a large church - very traditional. Many have called it stuffy. It was a hard place to serve cause the people liked it "their way." One former pastor had said that his favorite view of the church was the one in his rear view mirror! hee hee hee I was there as an Associate Pastor focusing mostly on college students. One of these days, Rhonda and I are going to write a book about the experiences we've had in church with people doing and saying interesting things, and the unbelievable weddings we've experienced. This story is however my favorite of them all.

Just picture the biggest old beautiful sanctuary or cathedral you've ever seen. This church was very much like that. it was a landmark, beautfiul stained glass, etc. It was pretty full with people of all ages. The choir had sung something from Mozart or the like. It was in many ways a normal, boring kind of church day.

Anyway, this one year, it was Thanksgiving. The Sr. Pastor was preaching about that theme and was talking about the pilgrims. He was talking about how rough they had it when they first got to America - how many of them died, etc. He said, and I quote..."Many of them survived by eating beaver. Now, I've never eaten beaver..."

When he said this, you could hear a little squeal of laughter from the college students. The music minister's balding head turned red from laughing so hard. He ducked down behind the piano so as to not be seen. I caught the eye of a close friend my age. As we shared that glance, he immediately picked up his Bible and was shaking from laughter. After the service was over, we all realized just how bad we felt for his wife!

Enjoy!

Blessings!
MarkyMark

Eat your heart out ZZUB.

 

[sheridac]

I really do need a new spleen now. I nearly fell off my chair at your succinct, well thought reponses to our meanderings.

 

[Frickles]

Marky Mark I loved your last comment about how you all felt sorry for his wife!


Ding! Ding! Ding!....I win the prize for knowing what Zzub really smells like!

 

[horsegirl]

Okay, I forgive you. I guess. Just don't let it happen again.

You were thisclose to the wifebeater picture again, Mister.

Does your green light ever even come on anymore? Seriously. How many WPM do you type, ZZUB? It's all those different keyboards, isn't it? You've got ahold of a turbo keyboard or something, haven't you? It's like you have the Phantom Green Light. You hop on, type 500 WPM and then hop off before anybody catches you. Creepy Dee.

It's because of Mel, isn't it? You're hiding from her, aren't you? Cause she drives by your house all the time.

No lala, there's a stalking function in the User CP. Let's you turn off your green light. Guess we now know who the stalker is. Mel's light is aaaaalways on....

 

[MOMOFMNM]

markymark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omgoodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I am not letting zzub come in here like zorro and steal your thunder!!

a minister posts a thread like that and you guys are going gaga over zzub??


what the heck???
even if you didn't say it Mark...the fact that you posted it...man...I gotta give you mad love...mad mad love...and props...


and fwiw...lala I would be HIGHLY offended if mel were to shoot you...and maybe a little sad too...

and zzub...just WHAT cyberfriends are you refering to??? huh???

are you googling me or something???

tell me what you know...now.....

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

LaLa: I bagged. I wasn't trying to say if Mel killed you it wouldn't be bad. I didn't even catch that meaning until I read your post. I was actually just trying to be funny, to say, someone killing someone over me wouldn't be all that bad. If something happened to one of the greatest trip writers, like you, that would be terrible!

I ask unamimous consent to revise and extend my remarks to read:

If Mel vomitted corn infested puke down her bathroom vent b/c she realized she could never have me, that wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me. And I wouldn't have to smell it either.

No one better harm LaLa. Us Olympic Waterslide competitors must stick together.

Oh yeah.

I forgot to mention...

NOW... you've hurt my feelings.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

No lala, there's a stalking function in the User CP. Let's you turn off your green light. Guess we now know who the stalker is. Mel's light is aaaaalways on....

Yeah!!!!

YEAH!!!!!

Mad props to you.

 

[Yzma and Kronk]

Hey you guys are very funny

I'm just sitting here munching on DS Laffy Taffy from Easter and I thought it was making me laugh.

MarkyMark - That story was too funny. Banana Laffy Taffy came up my nose. No water for this girl
Plus your 80's story was funny 867-530hhh9eyeyeyen.

Thanks for the recap Zzub, way over 10 pages today. I'm not getting anything done.

Horsegirl - Your kids are too cute! Just finished reading your TR. Nice to put faces to your story.

Rhonda and MOMO - I too was a bad puker while pregnant with DS. Way too many stories during that one. However, I will say that DO NOT eat Ceasar Salad when there is a good chance you will barf. Romaine coming out the nose actually hurts.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

awww mel happyhaunt...

Horsegirl get in here and therapize your twin...she needs some work done apparently...


pooor poooor mel hh...

I know markymark will be happy to take zzzubbbies place if you need new "prey"

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Hey you guys are very funny

I'm just sitting here munching on DS Laffy Taffy from Easter and I thought it was making me laugh.

MarkyMark - That story was too funny. Banana Laffy Taffy came up my nose. No water for this girl
Plus your 80's story was funny 867-530hhh9eyeyeyen.

Thanks for the recap Zzub, way over 10 pages today. I'm not getting anything done.

Horsegirl - Your kids are too cute! Just finished reading your TR. Nice to put faces to your story.

Rhonda and MOMO - I too was a bad puker while pregnant with DS. Way too many stories during that one. However, I will say that DO NOT eat Ceasar Salad when there is a good chance you will barf. Romaine coming out the nose actually hurts.

Why?

Why?

Is a grown woman eating Banana Laffy Taffy?

Trying to live up to your new nickname here?

 

[HaleyB]

I am so scared! I go to church and spend the day with my family and log onto this only to discover:

1. I got substantially better looking since yesterday (thanks, LaLa)
2. Several women I've never met have untoward plans for me.
3. The white van that drove past my house after lunch three times was, in fact, Mel. Again.
4. I either smell like Don Knotts or oregano. I got confused.
5. Mel wants to kill LaLa b/c of her bread pudding recipie.
6. Lil Grumpy has me starring in yet another tv show.
7. Granny has tatoos in odd places and puts viagra in her meatloaf.
8. Momofmnm has cyberfriends.
9. Granny had a hip replacement in 1987. I laughed so hard at this water came up my nose. And I wasn't drinking water. Scary.

To address some questions asked about me today and to correct some misnomers:

1. My wife is "Zzubb's number one gal."
2. My wife is beautiful, strong, Godly, compassionate, funny, smart and my best friend. You should conclude that is Zzub's kind of woman.
3. I graduated in 1986.
4. I don't smell like Don Knotts, pesto, vomit or oregano. I also don't smell like death.
5. All of the above notwithstanding, if Mel does in fact shoot either LaLa, Horsegirl, Sher or anyone else b/c of her cyber crush on me, it wouldn't be the worse thing that ever happened to me.
6. For those of you wondering what I actually look like, and if you're hoping I look anything like LaLa's man by the lake, I'm afraid you're going to be a little disappointed.
7. Mel: there's nothing available in my neighborhood. Sorry.

You guys need the guidance counselor. Seriously.

I knew you had to be about the same age as me. You were too good at the early 80's songs to be a youngin' like some of the people around here. Mel can't shoot anyone. She lives in Canada, remember. They don't have any guns up north. So you can rest at ease. Maybe. Unless she has connections in Buffalo.