Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by SouthFayetteFan, Dec 10, 2018.
I'm in the Actually Zero interest rate
Heritage bank na. People on the credit card thread told me about them
I'm feeling behind in my personal financial life - wanted to do some analysis of our 2018 financial activities (maybe not full-blown financial statements like @SouthFayetteFan) but a at least come up with a better analysis of our savings rate. I still need to chase down details of our retirement accounts. I need to start pulling together stuff for our tax return (think I over withheld on my stock option exercise, so we may get some $ back). And of course, its a super busy time at work, so I'm working long hours and have zero time to do any of those things... Sigh.
Does anyone really split the finance stuff equally with their spouse, or is everyone on this thread the CFO of their household? DH and I have traded off who made more money our entire marriage, and we always make big financial decisions together, but the planning, investing, and day to day money management have always been my responsibility.
Hi, I am mainly lurking here,it’s all really interesting to read. Wanted to chime in, I do the day-to-day bill-paying etc. in my house and DH does the long-range planning. We do consult each other about major decisions and expenditures though.
Do you have a method in mind for how you could split it equally? I think it would automatically fall more to one person unless you both sat down together (then it would be equal because you’re both spending the same amount of time).
I do most of it, but we do have regular meetings to go over things. Sometimes DH is more involved (if we are doing calculations and planning while we are meeting together) and sometimes I’ve done everything myself and am just giving him an update of where we are at.
I'm pretty much CFO. DH is the type to never want to call anyone or check up on prices or haggle or anything like that. He would pay sticker price on a car at a dealership if I wasn't there with him lol. I will say I've never read over his retirement plans or stock options myself or anything, but I did tell him the other day he needs to up his contributions this year. His work is currently in open enrollment and he was texting me yesterday about what to buy as far as short term and long term disability and life insurance.
It's funny you bring that up actually. We were watching CBS this past weekend and they were discussing the rise in multi-generational households. I made a comment about how that would be us one day as DH's parents would need to move in with us. He seemed floored by this information. I'm not really sure why given that his parents are mid-50s with almost no retirement, his dad is on full disability and can't work, and they currently live two hours from us... I don't want to say "men... " but I couldn't help but remember the phrase "A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter all her life."
No offense meant to any of the men on this board, I know some of you are absolutely phenomenal people and I only intend this as a slight on my husband's own lack of foresight
I didn't really have a method in mind, was more wondering about the mental investment from both parties - sounds like you and your DH are working in tandem, with my DH its more that I plan/calculate/recommend and then he provides his input and we come to a final decision together. Our method has evolved because I like figuring it all out (I am a CPA, after all) and he really doesn't like numbers. When we both made plenty of $$, he pretty much ignored our finances (and he worked like 70 hours a week, so he didn't have a lot of time to think about anything but work - boooo). Since he has taken a job that pays much less, he is both more available and more interested in being budget conscious (so that he can keep doing the job he likes!)
Until I started using YNAB I just went ahead with our financial plans, only talking to DH about the big stuff (ok, we're saving for a house. OK, now we're paying off all our student loans etc.) But I realized that I needed to be more proactive about making sure he was paying attention. As I said, it didn't really click until he wanted to change careers (and our teen got closer to college), but he is more interested now (although we still only talk about money when I sit him down and fill him in). He does ask which credit card to use for big expenses, though
DH has had some (super awkward) conversations with his parents about money (they are convinced that since he changed jobs we must be on the edge of poverty) and so its hard to get them to be honest with us about their financial situation. So, fingers crossed they are in ok shape? They live far away from us, so they worry about us and we worry about them...
DH's parents were doing okay, not great, but well enough until his dad had his heart attack. Going from him being the self-employed breadwinner to no income for him for a year until he could get on disability was really tough. Which is why DH now has a short-term disability and a long-term disability policy and a boatload of life insurance. Quite frankly I don't even understand how they're still in their current home. It's certainly not extravagant by any means, but I really wish they would downsize.
Granted I always acknowledge that I'm crazy...but I couldn't even begin to explain to my wife how I actually track the finances. No sane human would go to the lengths I go to if it wasn't a fun hobby to them though. If something ever happened to me, it wouldn't be a requirement to track things the way I do so it's not like I'm setting her up for failure. I basically just handle all of this. In our house, the roles are that I make the money, she spends the money, I track the money. It works very well!
*when I say she spends the money I mean that most of the out of the household purchases (groceries, clothes, etc. fall to her). I do handle paying ALL of the bills that can be paid online or via check.
I'm the CFO in our house! Dh wants no part of any of it. In fact I have a journal in our safe that lists all our accounts, life insurance, long term care insurance, etc and detailed instructions should anything happen to me.
DH is the main breadwinner, I work part time, and right now I've been getting informed on his retiree benefits and pension as there are rumors a buy out is coming in a few years and he thinks it would be advantageous for him to take it. BUT being the spouse and trying to call the pension administrator and get answers to just general questions is a no go. It's so annoying they can only talk to him or he has to call and give permission for them to talk to me. And it's just GENERAL questions I don't ask specifics. Totally annoying!!
I'm also the CFO of our house. It came about for several reasons--first off, I have money anxiety, I freely admit it. Even if we're doing okay, I worry. So, I'm more comfortable if I handle the bills/checkbook. Also, DH is much more cavalier about little things like writing down an ATM withdrawal. When he had his own checking account, he'd overdraw all the time. So, it's better for our fiscal health for me to handle everything.
Obviously, we make big decisions together. He has access to the bills, etc. at any time. He has his own credit cards, ATM card, and free access to the cash in my wallet (good luck finding any!).
Things went a little sideways when his mom died (7/17). The estate isn't quite settled yet, but most of the heavy lifting has been done. He and his brother had to handle everything--I could only offer ideas and encouragement. They did hire an estate attorney and estate accountant, which helped a great deal, but there was a ton of paperwork and a whole lot of accounts, trusts, life insurance policies, etc. And this was for a woman who was very fiscally savvy herself, so her records were excellent. It was a challenge, to be sure.
I tracked every dime we spent in 2018. Then I sat down with DH the other night to go over it and discuss. I’m talking and glance over, and DH had fallen asleep. I give up . . .
We split it pretty evenly. DH pays and tracks all the bills and money, I keep the budget updated. It's working really well for us right now. I do the leg work with Credit Card Rewards and trying to read and learn here, but he usually takes the information I give him and researches to understand it better. At one point I did all of it, at one point he did and we have now settled on this happy medium. We have different spending styles so it's best if he actually controls the money. But I am a much better long range planner/ideas person.
We are like that too. Dh does a lot of the budgeting and also taxes. I do most all of the credit cards and researching which cards to get next.
My DH is not good with money, budgeting, planning etc, so I do all of it. We decide jointly where we want the money to go in terms of big purchases, vacations, investments, fun stuff, etc, but I do all of the budgeting, paying bills, etc. I keep him up to date on our budget and he finds it interesting to know what is going on with our bills/debt/money in general and why I make decisions the way I do, but otherwise he is more than happy to let me handle our money and I enjoy it so I don't mind doing it all either.
My trick last year was we drove back to my home state over New Year's, so I went through our YNAB reports and broke all the categories out by month, and also if something was abnormally high I made a note of why (car registration, tires, etc). Then he couldn't escape me
I used to keep $10k amd thought that was an insane amount! I just FIREd and right now we have overstuffed it by quite a bit.
This is us
He does the daily bill paying and monitors or credit card bill. I do the budget and the long range planning and number crunching. And all the CC hacking research.
Yeah, I think that my DH is kind of in this camp. He is appreciative of what I do to keep us on track financially, and is invested in our well being as a family, but he really doesn't want to have to think about money. He humors me and pays attention when I ask him to, but he really doesn't get any satisfaction out of a nice clear budget or a chart breaking out our spending (although he's getting on board with the perks of churning - he likes the lounge in our home airport!)
I think in general DH and I are more likely to take a divide and conquer approach instead of a collaborative approach to most tasks. I grocery shop and meal plan, he does laundry. We tend to approach things differently, so by dividing responsibilities we are less likely to criticize how the other person is doing a task . It is interesting to hear how other people approach this as a team.
Mine too - we have a PP restaurant that makes him so happy. And I'm happy not only with a $10 meal (tip), but that I don't hate showing up early now. DH is one of those people who likes to be super early, while I am not. In college I had flights home down to an art - I would get through security, hit the restroom, grab a coffee and snack from a coffee place, and walk up as boarding began. DH wanted to go about 3 hours early and sit at the gate Now we have yummy food and drinks for less than a QS place - perfect balance.
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