That seems like a good strategy.
Also, are there any people in your family, her age or older, who could give your mother a tongue lashing?
Not that I'm really close to and who I would feel comfortable asking. I have a feeling that my mom and grandmother didn't exactly have the greatest relationship (but they get along fine now), so she's out. Plus, it seems that my mother is big on "appearances", so no one outside our immediate family has any idea that things are anything but perfect...
I feel your pain, my mother is very passive aggressive. She acts like a 4 year old when she doesnt get her way or when things dont go exactly as she had planned...
Ooooooohhh, you SO hit the nail on the head with my mother! She gets VERY insulted if one of us (father, me or 2 brothers) doesn't listen to her "advice", whether it be about what pimple cream to use, what clothes to wear to a job interview ("I told you to wear the skirt; that's why you didn't get the job")...whatever! It's SO irritating; I asked my father how he deals with it (they will have been married for 33 years this summer), and he said he nods and smiles and then ignores her. Great advice, and yet so simple!
I'm sorry your mother makes such mean comments to you. I have a daughter in her 20s and have never commented about her weight. She has some
health issues that make staying in shape a struggle, but she tries the best she can.
I wish all of the people who make comments to other people about their weight would realize they are not helping the situation.
You don't have any control over the things she says, but you do have control over listening to them. You can hang up the phone, walk out of the room, or end the conversation. The minute she starts in, I think you should tell her flat out that you will not listen to such negative comments and if the topic doesn't change, you don't want to continue having the conversation.
Thank you so much...I wish I had someone like you in my life. My mother doesn't understand how my depression makes me not want to get out of bed some days, and it magnifies stress, which makes your body not want to get rid of weight very quickly. Maybe I need to try and educate her...
All I'll say is, if you complain about my weight which I already feel bad enough about, you shouldn't be surprised if it makes me less than enthusiastic about getting undressed. All it did was make me feel even more self-conscious and ugly.I"m 53 years old-- I will never be at my wedding weight of 102-lbs
because I was anorexic, you moron~!
Geez, I'm doing the best I can.
And for the record, I have lost 46-lbs in the last 9 months.
That's awesome! Congrats on the weight loss. I think part of our problem is that 6 years ago, I lost about 35 pounds and was in the greatest shape of my life. I gained it all back and more in the past couple years, due to various personal reasons and health, and I just don't feel like sharing my personal problems with my mother. I've told her that there were reasons for me gaining the weight, but it's like she HAS to know why. Aren't some things, especially health issues, private???
Confront her! My mom is naturally thin and I have always struggled with my weight. She constantly harped on me about it and it made me resent her to the point of severe dislike. I finally broke down and confronted her. I told her how I felt and I told her I never wanted to discuss my weight with her again. She cried and tried to make me feel guilty but I stood my ground.
To this day (I confronted her 10 years ago in my 20s) if she brings up a diet or anything related I immediately shut her down and remind her not to bring it up.
I hope it works out for your OP. Weight is such a sensitive issue and the last thing anyone needs is a constant reminder.
Thanks for your kind words. My mother was a size 3/5 when she was my age, but the years and having had 3 kids over a 10-year span have caused her not to have that slim figure any more. I'll give her credit; she goes to the gym 5 times a week and skiis, and she looks REALLY good. She's definitely worked really hard to get where she is now. I know that she wants the same for me, and is confused as to why I could have gotten in shape a few years ago and then suddenly gained all the weight back. I just wish she'd listen to me when I tell her that I'll lose the weight when I can...
Ronda's 'too late' response service, at your service:
"I don't 'think' anything. I
know he got me the subscription because I enjoy the magazine - but thank you for asking" the latter with as much masked irony as you can muster
"You're
not helping. You're simply taking another opportunity to hurt me, under the guise of 'helping'. See ya later".
PERFECT!!! I have no doubt that there will be more comments, so I will keep your responses in the back of my brain
.
I have a mom like that too. My mom's comments are always the type of comment that
you don't know that she insulted you until later. FUN! It doesn't help that I'm fluffy, and she's borderline anorexic.
I feel your pain.
YES!!! Half the time I'm so stunned by her words, I don't realize until a couple of hours later that I've been insulted, not helped! Thanks for sympathizing...it feels good to know I'm not the only one
.
My mom wasn't like that but I have had plenty of people around me do that
