The inlaws are now univited

[disneymayz]

Her insult was mainly she was frustrated about the pool and you were the one that told her that you or DH touched it. People WILL put down other people when they have issues about themself. I do not know what your DH relationship is with his mom but you have to think about everyone that will be hurt or pleased that you univite them. You child will the not have that set of grandparents. Better to have mean grandparents then to have none. Take it from me. I think you said it was 12 years of build up, release it and you then can go 12 more.

NO WHERE in the Disney handbook does it say you have to hang out with the people that go with you 100% of the time. As a DVC member also I choose to get 2 studios instead of a 1 bedroom. This way I do not have to be with the others all the time. The points are the same or less by doing this. (depending on when going) You could even stick them at a different resort. lol

Again coming from one that just told MIL how I feel. It was nice to get off chest and now we get along as we did at the begining.

 

[Crystal824]

Good Luck with MiL. I have interesting inlaws too. We have been on vacation with them a couple of times, once to WDW. That will be the last vacation we take with the in-laws. It was not pleasant; it was stressful. As someone else noted, vacation should be about relaxing. I am never relaxed around MiL, she attracts drama, she thrives on it. There is always something wrong or a problem; something to complain about, etc. She is never just happy and content.

We still vacation with my parents occassionally, but we leave the inlaws at home. The way we justify it is my family lives about 10 hours away. Inlaws live about 30 min. away so we see them alot more often than my family.

 

[disney's daughter]

"Nip" it in the bud...now. Don't do like I did...For 35 years, I put up with my MIL's hatefulness...My husband did not take up for me... My mother in law referred to her three daughters in law as..."The Hillbilly"...(that's me) , The Polock..and The TRAMP...I vowed I would NEVER treat my daughter- in- laws that way...EVER....and I haven't...

Although I was also told that I was "stupid" by my mother-in-law several times...I have NEVER said that to my daughter's in law..

When my mother-in- law was dying, she told me she was sorry for everything she had done and said to me. She said I was a good person....What made me sad was that she didn't say it to anybody else...My sister's- in- law would have appreciated hearing it...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Her insult was mainly she was frustrated about the pool and you were the one that told her that you or DH touched it. People WILL put down other people when they have issues about themself. I do not know what your DH relationship is with his mom but you have to think about everyone that will be hurt or pleased that you univite them. You child will the not have that set of grandparents. Better to have mean grandparents then to have none. Take it from me. I think you said it was 12 years of build up, release it and you then can go 12 more.

NO WHERE in the Disney handbook does it say you have to hang out with the people that go with you 100% of the time. As a DVC member also I choose to get 2 studios instead of a 1 bedroom. This way I do not have to be with the others all the time. The points are the same or less by doing this. (depending on when going) You could even stick them at a different resort. lol

Again coming from one that just told MIL how I feel. It was nice to get off chest and now we get along as we did at the begining.

I disagree. I would rather have none. Just because they are grandparents doesn't mean they get to act like a bunch of nasty shrews. Sorry, blood or not you get what you give. I would (and have) keep my kids away from any people - family or not- that are nasty and mean. YMMV.

 

[HGD24]

I'm so sorry that you've taken those kinds of remarks for so long. It is time for you to step up and say enough is enough. I don't blame you for uninviting them, but your DH has to man-up and be the one to tell your in-laws and to tell them why.

I've had some issues with DH's family over the years and am having one right now. I have to keep reminding myself: Life's too short to allow negative people to bring you down. If those negative people are relatives, so be it. Until they can be positive influences on your life, they don't need to be a part of your life.

 

[daleswife]

I think I read your trip report, I would not go anywere with thim (borher/sister) but I'm sure if they got you arrrested they would have said "I'm sorry" so whats your problim with the dope

I seriously doubt they would mean it though!!!! They are losers. just tired of my mother defending everything they do. OH and when I told her that my DD's bday party was march 7th, she said to me: Well, if I dont have anything planned I'll come. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

 

[rodeo65]

On the ILFH side here too! I had a blissful 5 years with no contact but this past year DH felt he couldn't take the guilt if something happened and he was still not speaking to them. They are back on the scene but in a VERY limited way. I had a girlfriend who's DH would not stick up for her with her MIL and I can only say that having my DH stand for me makes all the difference. He understands my feelings on the way they talk about me and doesn't force any contact. I have said they can come here for short visits but NO overnights of any sort. He agrees. I would never vacation with them. Ever.

Having said that, DH is good enough to go along on a yearly Thanksgiving weekend to a resort with my family. They get along, though. And we don't sit with them for meals except for actual Thanksgiving dinner. They sit with friends and we sit just with our kiddies the rest of the weekend.

Hold your line, though. You have to protect yourself and your vacation time!

 

[lizet313]

I don't have in laws but I do know how you are feeling and all I can tell you is that if your DH will not defend you and he wants his parents there they can pay for their trip Forget it the trip shouldnt be to thank them for the Cabos trip it should be for them to thank you they are still alive.

You need to find a way to open your DH eyes and make him realize that if he is not there to defend you to atleast have enough guts to defend his kids.
You can take care of yourself. You should become supermom and speak out for your kids or let them speak out too.


I dont have any grandparents from my moms side they both died when she was 7yrs old. My dads parent well the only one alive is my grandpa. I dont pay much attention to him. He always put my mom down and although my dad never said anything frequently he did speak up once when I was a little girl. My grandpa lives far away and I was writing him a letter because I have always heard stories of him. He never returned my letter or any of my brothers and sister only the other grandkids and in one of those letters he wrote "Tell the other kids I had no time for them...I didnt have time to respond their letters and I dont know if I will" My dad got so angry and told him if he didnt want to be a part of our lives then he shouldnt come later through out the yrs to asking why we dont look for him.


Now that he is old he sees everthing he did was wrong and I personally dont care. The grand kids he thought where good kids ended up not graduated with kids at 18 and one of them in jail.
My brother and I graduated high school my bro is going to college and I work as an accountant my younger sister has all A's and one B about to graduate nest year with honors.

Grandpa looks for us to send him money to buy his plane ticket to come visit and my brother and I choose not to because we really dont wanna see the man that belittle my mom. She stood up for us so many times that she is hated from all the aunts on my dads side because her kids turned out good.

Sorry to write so long I have never really told anyone about this as you can see I been holding alot in. Well hope this helps.

 

[dmbrez67]

I just got back from an awful trip to Cabo San Lucas with DH family. They paid for the house we stayed in. They do this every few years so that the family can get away together. My MIL is a very sarcastic woman. For years I have brushed off her insulting comments. I must have reached my limit when she told me "You are apparently stupid". Dh didn't rush to defend me which ticks me off. They woman also showed zero interest in my son during the trip devoting all her time to my SIL's kids. I told my DH that it will be a cold day in H*LL before I go away with these people again. The problem is that we had invited the in laws to go to Disney in December as a thank you for the money they spent in Cabo. So during the vacation I told my DH that he needed to let his parents know that they were no longer invited to Disney. I won't waste my points on them and I won't have my "happy place" ruined. DH insists that I wait until May to make a decision but I'm ready to call and cancel now. Thanks for letting me vent.

I will be going with my MIL in sept. hope it works out better, my trouble was with my own mother some years ago, never again

 

[luvsJack]

I have read so many of these threads about MIL's and can't help but think how sad that there are so many women in this world that hate the woman that brought their husbands into the world.

I have had two MILs; one being the MIL from heck and the other (present mil) being wonderful. But, even with my first MIL; I did everything in my power to get along and to at least co-exist with her because she was my husband's mother and he loved her.

I am not saying the OP should take a trip with her MIL. There is a thing as too much togetherness! But, I think that some type of middle ground should be reached. Its just not fair to a man (or a woman) to expect for them to cut off all ties with their family because their spouse does not get along with them. And, we all know, if a wife tells her husband "you go and visit your family, I am not going." He won't go. Most husbands are not going to take a chance on catching heck from his wife for this.

Some of you need to remember, you will have a DIL someday. What if she doesn't like you?

Not saying you don't have reason not to like the woman, just saying that the woman's son's feeling should be considered too. This is his mother.

 

[HGD24]

I have read so many of these threads about MIL's and can't help but think how sad that there are so many women in this world that hate the woman that brought their husbands into the world.

I have had two MILs; one being the MIL from heck and the other (present mil) being wonderful. But, even with my first MIL; I did everything in my power to get along and to at least co-exist with her because she was my husband's mother and he loved her.

I am not saying the OP should take a trip with her MIL. There is a thing as too much togetherness! But, I think that some type of middle ground should be reached. Its just not fair to a man (or a woman) to expect for them to cut off all ties with their family because their spouse does not get along with them. And, we all know, if a wife tells her husband "you go and visit your family, I am not going." He won't go. Most husbands are not going to take a chance on catching heck from his wife for this.

Some of you need to remember, you will have a DIL someday. What if she doesn't like you?

Not saying you don't have reason not to like the woman, just saying that the woman's son's feeling should be considered too. This is his mother.

I think that after years of someone being nasty to her, the middle ground is gone and the OP has every right to be upset. This is the mother of her grandchildren she is disrespecting.

I would hate for my children to see anyone in the family say hurtful things to me. Kids imitate what they see and hear. If they see and hear another adult being disrepectful to their mom, they might just start doing it as well, thinking that it's ok. If dad steps in and stops it, they'll see that it's not ok.

Yes, the MIL brought the OP's DH into this world, but when he got married, his wife and kids became his 1st priority. If he doesn't defend them, who will?

 

[nessz79]

I have read so many of these threads about MIL's and can't help but think how sad that there are so many women in this world that hate the woman that brought their husbands into the world.

I have had two MILs; one being the MIL from heck and the other (present mil) being wonderful. But, even with my first MIL; I did everything in my power to get along and to at least co-exist with her because she was my husband's mother and he loved her.

I am not saying the OP should take a trip with her MIL. There is a thing as too much togetherness! But, I think that some type of middle ground should be reached. Its just not fair to a man (or a woman) to expect for them to cut off all ties with their family because their spouse does not get along with them. And, we all know, if a wife tells her husband "you go and visit your family, I am not going." He won't go. Most husbands are not going to take a chance on catching heck from his wife for this.

Some of you need to remember, you will have a DIL someday. What if she doesn't like you?

Not saying you don't have reason not to like the woman, just saying that the woman's son's feeling should be considered too. This is his mother.

See, I was thinking it's sad that there appear to be so many MIL's that refuse to embrace their sons' new wives. My MIL has her good and bad points, but overall is a wonderful woman. However, I can always sympathize with Deborah from "Everyone Loves Raymond". Marie (MIL) reminds me sooooo much of my MIL. Just a little more exaggerated than my own MIL (thank God!).

 

[mjmoon]

Wow- I feel really lucky to have married into a great family. I love my inlaws dearly and couldn't imagine Disney World without them.

I'm sorry your MIL is so disrespectful. 12 years is a long time to put up with disrespect and your H should have put an end to that a long time ago. Hopefully you guys can bury the hatchet and get along in the future. She is your DH's mom.

 

[mjmoon]

I have read so many of these threads about MIL's and can't help but think how sad that there are so many women in this world that hate the woman that brought their husbands into the world.

I have had two MILs; one being the MIL from heck and the other (present mil) being wonderful. But, even with my first MIL; I did everything in my power to get along and to at least co-exist with her because she was my husband's mother and he loved her.

I am not saying the OP should take a trip with her MIL. There is a thing as too much togetherness! But, I think that some type of middle ground should be reached. Its just not fair to a man (or a woman) to expect for them to cut off all ties with their family because their spouse does not get along with them. And, we all know, if a wife tells her husband "you go and visit your family, I am not going." He won't go. Most husbands are not going to take a chance on catching heck from his wife for this.

Some of you need to remember, you will have a DIL someday. What if she doesn't like you?

Not saying you don't have reason not to like the woman, just saying that the woman's son's feeling should be considered too. This is his mother.

I definitely agree with this!!

 

[luvsJack]

HGD24 (didn't quote, so thought I should make who I was responding to clear!


No, the OP should not continue to take verbal abuse from her MIL and I quite clearly stated I didn't think they should go on vacation together.

What I am saying is that a wife and husband (any wife and husband in a similar situation, not just the OP) should sit down with the MIL and talk about all that has happened and what is happening. They should be very clear on what is and isn't acceptable as treatment toward the dil (or sil). I am saying that everything in one's power should be done to keep family together in some shape or form. (even if "together" means pleasantly ignoring each other)

This particular situation may be one that cannot be fixed. The OP may never be able to tolerate her MIL and her MIL may never let things be so that she can tolerate her. But, I know that, if it was me, I would be able to say I had done everything humanly possible before he could ever say I stopped his relationship with his mom.

I just know how I would fight dh tooth and nail if he said we couldn't be with my family because he couldn't get along with my mom or dad.

 

[Elmo888]

I don't have in laws but I do know how you are feeling and all I can tell you is that if your DH will not defend you and he wants his parents there they can pay for their trip Forget it the trip shouldnt be to thank them for the Cabos trip it should be for them to thank you they are still alive.

You need to find a way to open your DH eyes and make him realize that if he is not there to defend you to atleast have enough guts to defend his kids.
You can take care of yourself. You should become supermom and speak out for your kids or let them speak out too.


I dont have any grandparents from my moms side they both died when she was 7yrs old. My dads parent well the only one alive is my grandpa. I dont pay much attention to him. He always put my mom down and although my dad never said anything frequently he did speak up once when I was a little girl. My grandpa lives far away and I was writing him a letter because I have always heard stories of him. He never returned my letter or any of my brothers and sister only the other grandkids and in one of those letters he wrote "Tell the other kids I had no time for them...I didnt have time to respond their letters and I dont know if I will" My dad got so angry and told him if he didnt want to be a part of our lives then he shouldnt come later through out the yrs to asking why we dont look for him.


Now that he is old he sees everthing he did was wrong and I personally dont care. The grand kids he thought where good kids ended up not graduated with kids at 18 and one of them in jail.
My brother and I graduated high school my bro is going to college and I work as an accountant my younger sister has all A's and one B about to graduate nest year with honors.

Grandpa looks for us to send him money to buy his plane ticket to come visit and my brother and I choose not to because we really dont wanna see the man that belittle my mom. She stood up for us so many times that she is hated from all the aunts on my dads side because her kids turned out good.

Sorry to write so long I have never really told anyone about this as you can see I been holding alot in. Well hope this helps.

That's heartbreaking. I'm glad that you and your siblings are doing so well.

I just don't think that these people realize at the time how they are impacting their other relationships. When the grandparent puts down the parent's spouse, it impacts the relation ship between grandparent and parent and grandparent and grandchildren. You just can't easily fix that after years and years.

 

[disneymayz]

I disagree. I would rather have none. Just because they are grandparents doesn't mean they get to act like a bunch of nasty shrews. Sorry, blood or not you get what you give. I would (and have) keep my kids away from any people - family or not- that are nasty and mean. YMMV.

Keep them inside. There are mean people everywhere you go. By saying someone is stupid is not mean enough to keep away. IMHO. You can see and hear alot worst on TV. My dad is a drunk and yells at people when he is drunk but when he is not he is nice and kind to my kids. When he starts drinking we leave. So if we go by your statement my kids would never see their grandfather. I grew up without my grandfather and would not want my kids to go through that.

If someone is extremly abusive then I will agree with you. We are missing 12 years of this. We do not know what has been said in the past. We only know that she was called stupid and her husband did not stick up for her.

 

[princess&her4princes]

I feel your pain!!!! I'm taking notes now how I do NOT/wil not treat my DIL in the future!!!!! Especially since i"m a Mom to three little boys, I definatley know what NOT to do, my MIL is a great teacher!! Good luck!

 

[cukal6]

We took our in-laws with us in 2005 and I also informed my husband that we will never vacation with them again! My mother-in-law is also a very sarcastic woman and all her time is spent doting on the other grandkids. That trip was the final straw for me. I guarantee you will have a better time without them!

 

[party-five]

I feel sorry for the OP's problem. I once had problems with my MIL and talked with my DH about it. He agreed that the things I had issues with were problems for OUR family and he has dealt with it ever since. I feel like since she is his mother, I let him deal with the problems, rather than create trouble. I am also very lucky that my DH sees the problems his mother causes and I don't have to point them out to him. I am very kind to her whenever she is a around, and make a point of making sure she has time with my children, however, she bad mouths me to my SIL every chance she gets. She hates me because I have asked her to call before she comes to visit. I don't have a problem with her coming to see the kids, but she lives and hour away and I just HATE pop-ins. I don't ask her to call so I can tell her not to come, just so that I can be ready when she does, but in her mind I am telling her she has to "make an appointment". No matter - I stick it since thy are my kids and it's my house.

A couple of weeks ago, she INVITED HERSELF to go on our annual Disney vacation - My DH politely told her we would not be going in March this year (we have since decided to go in February but have not told her). I share the OP's frustration with in-laws on the vacation. I can be nice in short doses, but I just can't have her ruin Disneyland for me. Maybe it makes me a terrible person, but WHO in their right mind INVITES THEMESELVES on someone elses vacation?????