The "GUYS" Rules

[TennVolTony]

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear " the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is!

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

[Froggyswife]

Like we don't know those rules.

 

[TennVolTony]

Like we don't know those rules.

 

[JoeEpcotRocks]

Funny stuff!

Thanks for posting

Another one.

1. Men don't care what Oprah thinks.

 

[goofyernmost]

Funny stuff!

Thanks for posting

Another one.

1. Men don't care what Oprah thinks.

And never will!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I hate these things, both the guys and girls' versions. I know they're meant in fun, but I find them horribly insulting all the same.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

Neither are women, but somehow men always seem to get exactly what they wanted for their birthday. The difference is, we pay attention.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Why do men like looking at dirty toliet water and encouraging their pets to engage in bad habits? Put the lids down, it's civilized.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

The moon and tides are natural phenomenon. Sunday sports consist of games played by men, commented on by men, and viewed by men for their personal entertainment. Not to mention that these male viewers could be using that time to clean up after themselves, get the yard work done, or actually pay attention to their SO's and children. I like sports too, I don't make it a religion.

1. Crying is blackmail.

Crying can be blackmail. It can also be a side effect of despair and a heartfelt request for comfort. If your woman is constantly crying for "blackmailing" reasons then maybe you shouldn't be with her.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

See 1. Oh right, they're all labeled #1...see the first answer.

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

No everything in life is a game of 20 questions. Let's look at some good examples that could easily come up in any male/female relationship:

"Honey, should I focus on my career now or go back to school for 3 years in the hope that maybe I can get a better job and contribute more to our family afterwards?"

"My car is making this funny knocking sound; any idea what it could be?"

"What should we name the baby?"

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Sorry, I don't live with my girlfriends. I didn't marry them. I never promised to stay with them through good times and bad, richer or poorer, sickness or health, etc. You did promise that to me. Thanks for the backup buddy.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Which explains why those clothes I asked you to put away last week are still there.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Will do. Now you stop asking us about the relative size of your....ahem.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Riiiiiight. Cause guys are never mean and petty. Especially guys who put out lists like this one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

We generally do. However, we're pretty busy gals and can't do everything. If you can't learn how to fold clothes properly or where the dishes go then you're just making more work for us as we have to correct your stupid mistakes. We listen to you tell us how to change a tire and fix the TV, why not extend the same courtesy?

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Me: I pay the bills and I'm cutting off your cable access.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

Which explains why CC ended up in North America, and not India. Look, we're willing to go up to the gas station attendant and ask for the directions on your behalf so that you can save face. We just don't want to miss Cousin Ethel's wedding. We know you'll find the church eventually, we just want to get there before the "I Do's".

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is!

Biologically men see significantly more colors than women do. They're just too lazy to identify them.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We don't wax, "cleanse", or change our sanitary napkins in front of you. And yet, these things must be done. Once again, common courtesy.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Once again, if this is the way you feel about a woman, why are you still with her? If she's not worth the hassle, then she's not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Why do women hold the lock on insisting their men are not wimps who don't make enough money, are still attractive even now when they've lost their hair, and do not snore or hog the bed? Because we know a little white lie goes a long way towards making someone happy. Catch a clue boys.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

I'd love to spend the rest of my days in a frumpy, two sizes too large pair of sweats. It's comfy and warm, and I don't mind getting them a little dirty when cooking your dinner. Is that how you want to see me when we go out with your friends? Don't tell me there's no competition over who's got the prettiest SO.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

We are, but we expect that eventually you'll move on to something we have an interest in. If all you're ever prepared to talk about is baseball or golf you must have a pretty boring existence.

1. You have enough clothes.

Now, I can't speak for other girls here, because I shop only very rarely, and almost exclusively for suits to wear to work. But if I had to make a response it would be: "And you have enough video games/comic books/new electronics/stupid logo t-shirts/DVD's/etc., but I don't stop you from buying what you love."

1. You have too many shoes.

See 1. Oh, now this is just getting silly. See above.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

It is. A bad one. We make the effort to look nice for you, and we're a little disturbed that you won't put out a similar effort for us. Aren't you supposed to be a member of the more athletic sex? Aren't you the one who spends all his time watching sports, instead of playing them? Do you seriously think your guy friends don't make fun of your 'shape'?

 

[Vivianne]

What are we going to do???

 

[Monte Cristo]

Funny stuff!

Thanks for posting

Another one.

1. Men don't care what Oprah thinks.

Nor do we care what Dr. Phil thinks.

I hate these things, both the guys and girls' versions. I know they're meant in fun, but I find them horribly insulting all the same.

Wow, clearly.

 

[sweetlovin']

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

This is a dumb statement.

If you know that bothers us..just put it down and you don't have to listen to us complain.

1. Crying is blackmail.

We know that's why we do it You are free to use it as well. Just don't expect us to fall for it the way you guys do.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If guys don't want it used against them. Don't say it!

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Why would we do it ourselves? Then we would have nothing to complain about to you during the ball games.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

This is never possible

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

Bascially, ask what you are thinking when we need to fall asleep. That is easy enough.

1. You have enough clothes.

This is just never the case

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

Bet you know what we think about this thread

 

[TennVolTony]

I hate these things, both the guys and girls' versions. I know they're meant in fun, but I find them horribly insulting all the same.

Then why read and reply if they insult you so much??

 

[TennVolTony]

Bet you know what we think about this thread

I can't tell...

 

[wishspirit]

Too bloody true ZephyrHawk!!!
Not all men are like that, but i sure as heck wouldn't stay with one who was!

Oh the toilet seat argument:
Boys you have to sit down as well as stand up (well at least i hope you do) isn't in nicer to know you can sit straight down without fafing with the seat especially when yuo really got to go? Thats how we EVERY TIME!

I think the CC comment is too much! Shows what an idiot the guy was who wrote this, at least read a bit about the man you are idolising!

 

[sweetlovin']

I can't tell...

 

[Vivianne]

1. Crying is blackmail.

I can't use (hiccup) my secret weapon anymore?????

 

[drag n' fly]

I hate these things, both the guys and girls' versions. I know they're meant in fun, but I find them horribly insulting all the same.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

Neither are women, but somehow men always seem to get exactly what they wanted for their birthday. The difference is, we pay attention.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Why do men like looking at dirty toliet water and encouraging their pets to engage in bad habits? Put the lids down, it's civilized.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

The moon and tides are natural phenomenon. Sunday sports consist of games played by men, commented on by men, and viewed by men for their personal entertainment. Not to mention that these male viewers could be using that time to clean up after themselves, get the yard work done, or actually pay attention to their SO's and children. I like sports too, I don't make it a religion.

1. Crying is blackmail.

Crying can be blackmail. It can also be a side effect of despair and a heartfelt request for comfort. If your woman is constantly crying for "blackmailing" reasons then maybe you shouldn't be with her.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

See 1. Oh right, they're all labeled #1...see the first answer.

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

No everything in life is a game of 20 questions. Let's look at some good examples that could easily come up in any male/female relationship:

"Honey, should I focus on my career now or go back to school for 3 years in the hope that maybe I can get a better job and contribute more to our family afterwards?"

"My car is making this funny knocking sound; any idea what it could be?"

"What should we name the baby?"

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Sorry, I don't live with my girlfriends. I didn't marry them. I never promised to stay with them through good times and bad, richer or poorer, sickness or health, etc. You did promise that to me. Thanks for the backup buddy.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Which explains why those clothes I asked you to put away last week are still there.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Will do. Now you stop asking us about the relative size of your....ahem.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Riiiiiight. Cause guys are never mean and petty. Especially guys who put out lists like this one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

We generally do. However, we're pretty busy gals and can't do everything. If you can't learn how to fold clothes properly or where the dishes go then you're just making more work for us as we have to correct your stupid mistakes. We listen to you tell us how to change a tire and fix the TV, why not extend the same courtesy?

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Me: I pay the bills and I'm cutting off your cable access.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

Which explains why CC ended up in North America, and not India. Look, we're willing to go up to the gas station attendant and ask for the directions on your behalf so that you can save face. We just don't want to miss Cousin Ethel's wedding. We know you'll find the church eventually, we just want to get there before the "I Do's".

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is!

Biologically men see significantly more colors than women do. They're just too lazy to identify them.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We don't wax, "cleanse", or change our sanitary napkins in front of you. And yet, these things must be done. Once again, common courtesy.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Once again, if this is the way you feel about a woman, why are you still with her? If she's not worth the hassle, then she's not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Why do women hold the lock on insisting their men are not wimps who don't make enough money, are still attractive even now when they've lost their hair, and do not snore or hog the bed? Because we know a little white lie goes a long way towards making someone happy. Catch a clue boys.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

I'd love to spend the rest of my days in a frumpy, two sizes too large pair of sweats. It's comfy and warm, and I don't mind getting them a little dirty when cooking your dinner. Is that how you want to see me when we go out with your friends? Don't tell me there's no competition over who's got the prettiest SO.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

We are, but we expect that eventually you'll move on to something we have an interest in. If all you're ever prepared to talk about is baseball or golf you must have a pretty boring existence.

1. You have enough clothes.

Now, I can't speak for other girls here, because I shop only very rarely, and almost exclusively for suits to wear to work. But if I had to make a response it would be: "And you have enough video games/comic books/new electronics/stupid logo t-shirts/DVD's/etc., but I don't stop you from buying what you love."

1. You have too many shoes.

See 1. Oh, now this is just getting silly. See above.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

It is. A bad one. We make the effort to look nice for you, and we're a little disturbed that you won't put out a similar effort for us. Aren't you supposed to be a member of the more athletic sex? Aren't you the one who spends all his time watching sports, instead of playing them? Do you seriously think your guy friends don't make fun of your 'shape'?

That truly was the best set of responses I have ever read.....ever! Not only did the OP give DH a great laugh but this post made me chuckle too! Thanks for brightening my day!