The great Santa debate...

[DawnM]

Ok, question.

My kids do Angel Tree every year and Toys for Tots and some other cubscout and inner-city ministry type toy drives. We even deliver them to the families. My kids have done this since age 2 or so.

Every year my kids want to try to bless even more kids who "wouldn't otherwise have a Christmas." How in the world could I explain to them why Santa doesn't go to those homes, but he comes to ours.

Dawn

 

[december]

We always do shoe boxes (Franklin Graham ministry) and give toys to needy families as well. I'm over student council at my school, and we are in charge of most of the donations. My kids help me pick out things and deliver them. We are "Santa's Helpers". They've never questioned this. I think too many people are thinking about this as adults-how many young kids really ask these kinds of questions.

ds10 "probably" knows, or at least goes back and forth (dd8 truly believes in EVERYTHING), but a 3 or 4 yr old is very unlikely to ask questions about why Santa comes to them but you are buying for needy kids. Besides, since Santa only brings 3 things (at our house), these kids can always use more!

 

[kpm76]

Ok, question.

My kids do Angel Tree every year and Toys for Tots and some other cubscout and inner-city ministry type toy drives. We even deliver them to the families. My kids have done this since age 2 or so.

Every year my kids want to try to bless even more kids who "wouldn't otherwise have a Christmas." How in the world could I explain to them why Santa doesn't go to those homes, but he comes to ours.

Dawn

What a nice thing to do My parents always told us they had to "pay" Santa for the toys he delivered so I guess if I were in your shoes, I would tell them that there are needy families that can't afford to give Santa the money for presents so we are helping out.

 

[DawnM]

Actually, I am not trying to debate (sorry if I seemed to)....this is just how we do it in our family. My oldest asked around age 3 or 4.

I grew up in Africa (my parents are missionaries) so it was never really even a question for me. I saw that kids didn't get gifts at Christmas or any other time. BTW: Franklin Graham is very active with the mission my parents are with.

Dawn

We always do shoe boxes (Franklin Graham ministry) and give toys to needy families as well. I'm over student council at my school, and we are in charge of most of the donations. My kids help me pick out things and deliver them. We are "Santa's Helpers". They've never questioned this. I think too many people are thinking about this as adults-how many young kids really ask these kinds of questions.

ds10 "probably" knows, or at least goes back and forth (dd8 truly believes in EVERYTHING), but a 3 or 4 yr old is very unlikely to ask questions about why Santa comes to them but you are buying for needy kids. Besides, since Santa only brings 3 things (at our house), these kids can always use more!

 

[MSSANDRA]

We always did shoe boxes when Ds was little. I told him, and today still tell children in my preschool and church groups, that these toys go to children in parts of the world where it is not always safe for Santa to fly. There may be wars or floods or fires or whatever and these children really need our help. The people that deliver the boxes have special planes and trucks that make it safe to go there. We also did projects that did not involve toys because at our hose Santa only brought toys and mom and dad never bought toys. We would do projects that asked for PJ's or mittens or what ever. One year we did gifts for a children's hospital because they had strict visting rules and Santa might not be able to visit there.
You are giving your children a great gift by helping them to help others.

 

[lori123]

What you asked is fine. Everyone has to decide what works best for your household. What continues to upset me is the word LIE that is constantly used. It is not a LIE. I believe with all my heart in the magic and wonderfullness of Santa, even though I'm the one trying to figure out how to pay for it! No one told my daughter that the Cinderella she was meeting last year (or this year) was the REAL one, but that is what she chooses to believe. I'm not LYING by letting her experience that magic either.

Again, do what is best for you, but do it in a way that won't interfere with any other children's beliefs.

Whether the other posters meant it to be or not, using the word lie is judging other families and saying that your way is the only right way. That gets us into trouble in so many ways, and not just with Santa!

My kids (again-10 and 8) brought me their Santa letters last night. It is magical to me, and I don't even want to think of a time when that part of our lives is over. I hope they do it until college!

I just wanted to say no one is judging at least not me - and you may not even be directing that to me but I just wanted to make sure. I only stated it was a lie if they asked you point blank if he was real (and I don't mean St. Nick) and you say yes. Would I run up to my kids and kill the magic - no - but I won't lie to them if they ask me. I, like you, hope they play along for a very long time! And as I stated before:
"I have Christian friends that have taken the no santa stand, the all santa stand and some fell somewhere in the middle - all those decisions were the best for their family - as will be for yours for your family."

Please don't feel "judged" if you are comfortable with your feelings on the issue - feel secure you made the right decision for your family - I'm sure you did!

 

[december]

First off - no one is judging - she asked our opinions - we are all giving them - yourself included. I only stated it was a lie if they asked you point blank if he was real (and I don't mean St. Nick) and you say yes. Would I run up to my kids and kill the magic - no - but I won't lie to them if they ask me. My opinion - my right. As I stated before:
"I have Christian friends that have taken the no santa stand, the all santa stand and some fell somewhere in the middle - all those decisions were the best for their family - as will be for yours for your family."

I don't understand why people always feel "judged" if you are comfortable with your feelings on the issue - feel secure you made the right decision for your family.

My comment had nothing to do with your post, and the original comment about being judgemental came before your post. I really don't know why you singled me out with this post?

I am very secure in my decisions for my family. I don't want an argument here. Christmas is a magical, giving time in my family. I hope this discussion can end peacefully, but too many disers show up looking for controversy.

Again, good luck with your decision OP!


***I see that you edited your post. I understand that too many times on these boards things get misunderstood, and then blown out of proportion. Merry Christmas everyone!

 

[lori123]

My comment had nothing to do with your post, and the original comment about being judgemental came before your post. I really don't know why you singled me out with this post?

I am very secure in my decisions for my family. I don't want an argument here. Christmas is a magical, giving time in my family. I hope this discussion can end peacefully, but too many disers show up looking for controversy.

Again, good luck with your decision OP!


***I see that you edited your post. I understand that too many times on these boards things get misunderstood, and then blown out of proportion. Merry Christmas everyone!

Thanks - I re-read my post and realized it wasn't at all the message I was trying to convey - and almost cringed at how it sounded! I tried to edit - but you were quicker than I! Merry Christmas to you too!

 

[Momvic5]

Tonilea~

Don't feel like the mean kid. It is very hard when a husband and wife disagree on things especially when it involves raising your children and creating traditions for them.

My opinion is if it is that important to your husband for your children to believe in Santa then maybe I would consider it. Maybe the two of you can agree that Santa will be part of your Christmas but not the main focus. He can be part of the tradition but not the celebration.

I can understand your feelings on not wanting to make up stories to keep Santa alive because this is partly why my family has chosen not to "believe in Santa". When my oldest was very little, we did do Santa. But boy did it take a lot of covering up as he got older (5yrs old). My husband and I started running out of simple answers to his questions and we finally said enough. With that said, we do however have fun with Santa. We hang stockings, leave cookies and milk out for him on Christmas Eve, and watch all the movies. We write letters to him and look forward to Christmas morning with excitement. The only difference is our Santa is someone we know and love dearly and knows without a doubt who has been naughty or nice in our home. He is our dad. We celebrate the birth of Jesus but love our Santa too! When my children are asked if they believe in Santa, they always say yes with a smile and a wink from mom.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you and your husband can agree together on the depth of the Santa issue. While your children are little and accepting, I would do the "fictional Santa" for your husband, but when your children start asking questions or show signs of wonder, I would talk to them about the truth. The joy of Christmas is in your family and your faith.

 

[dairyqueenmom]

but ultimately a fictional character like Mickey Mouse.



I hate the idea of DS being crushed by some kid who spills the beans.

What do you do?

What!?!?!?!? Mickey isn't real?????? I think my day is ruined!!!

 

[SplashMountainMama]

mandymommy4 - What a wonderful story of the true meaning of Christmas! Thanks for sharing your story with us.

As for our family, we are Christians and do believe in Santa. I'm pretty sure my oldest has figured it out, but doesn't dare say it out loud which makes me a little sad that he's growing up. I have fond memories of Santa as a child and remember being absolutely sure that I saw Rudolph's nose one Christmas Eve. I hope my own kids have similar memories when they are grown. Our Santa tradition is that each year Santa brings each child 3 gifts because Jesus received 3 gifts from the Wise Men. They also receive 1 present from Mom and Dad. That's what we've always done. Some years the gifts are more expensive then others, depending on financial circumstances, but the number of gifts doesn't change.

 

[graygables]

We are Christians and our DDs (11 & 9) still believe in Santa (he's THAT good! ) Not only do they believe in Santa, but they believe in his other incarnation: St. Nicholas, who has his own day and delivers goodies to their shoes on December 6th.

We believe that Christmas is a *season* and not just a day. We celebrate Advent as a family. Each Sunday of Advent, we gather at our table, light candles, read stories, share pictures DDs have drawn, and sing Christmas carols. I've got a "Christmas Box" that we pull out each week with song books, scriptures to read, and artwork from years past that we smile over. We share cocoa and cookies and just spiritually regroup for the next week.

We have a Fontanini nativity set which is virtually indestructible, so my DDs have been allowed to play with it since they were babies. Arranging and re-arranging it play a huge part in our preparations, too. The girls love making up the stories of how the various extraneous characters heard about and came to worship at the manger. We also have the piece that shows Santa kneeling at the manger and have read that book many times for Advent.

We try to find the balance between worshipful and magical and think we've done OK. My older 2 (now 21 & 19) never had a problem with the "mean kids who don't believe". They just felt very sorry for them (and still do today!) To us, Santa is the embodiment of the spirit of giving and we all believe in that at our house.

 

[Manda]

We're not a Christian family and we don't do the Santa thing. First of all, I just didn't want to lie to my kid. And, yes, some kids are upset when they found out - my DH was crushed when he found out as a kid. On the flip side, my parents were way into and I don't remember ever actually believing. I always thought I was playing along with my parents for my brother's sake. When my Mom broke the news to me at 8, I couldn't believe she really thought I was buying it all.

We talk about Santa in our house (DS is 4). But we talk about how he's just a fun guy to read about in books and watch on TV, but he's really just a guy in a costume or in a drawing - just like Mickey Mouse. DS knows that some parents like to pretend that gifts come from Santa Claus and it would hurt his friend's feelings if he told them the truth. It helps though, that we live in a pretty diverse area so there are many kids at his school who don't do Christmas or Santa for a variety of reasons.

Although, I'm getting kind of weary of teaching him to respect the fact that other people's families might believe something different and not to mention that Santa is pretend, when nobody seems to respect the fact that some people might NOT believe in Santa. My son gets asked constantly if he's being good so Santa will come to his house. There's no good answer to that - especially to a stranger.

 

[DawnM]

My kids get this and they get, "Was Santa good to you this year?" or, "What did Santa bring you this year?"

My MIL made a big deal about it over Thanksgiving and told my kids, "Wow, I feel sorry for you that Santa doesn't come to your house. He still comes to mine and brings me things."

It is all just is too much. The focus is Santa and materialism. It makes me weary just looking at it all. I love the lights and the activities and the music and the feeling in the air, but I hate adding stress of shopping and what to get whom this year.

Dawn

Although, I'm getting kind of weary of teaching him to respect the fact that other people's families might believe something different and not to mention that Santa is pretend, when nobody seems to respect the fact that some people might NOT believe in Santa. My son gets asked constantly if he's being good so Santa will come to his house. There's no good answer to that - especially to a stranger.

 

[rt2dz]

I have not read all the replies. I wanted to respond uninfluenced.

I believe in Santa. I believe Santa is real. I believe that Santa isn't an actual "magical" person, but a spirit and a way of living based on on a REAL person (Saint Nicholas) who followed the teachings of Christ. And you bet my kids believe in the whole red suit, reindeer, etc of it all!!

I have to admit, I did feel like my parents lied to me about Santa and really still am not happy about it--don't need therapy though. But the thing wasn't having Santa, it was being told the whole Santa Clause is Coming To Town thing was true without any doubt when I asked. When my kids ask, I will tell them what I believe and why. We will research St. Nicholas and legend/culture celebrations. They are already aware of differences, so they know that nobody "knows" who and what Santa really looks like. I will then let them make their own decisions and make sure they keep it to themselves if it is no.

We temper the fun and games with books such as The Legend of the Candy Cane, The Legend of the Christmas Tree, The Legend of the Stocking--all of which were bought in a Christian book store--and stories/books about Jesus's birth. We also do Happy Birthday Jesus parties. My kids know Christmas isn't about getting, but about giving. They help purchase for a needy child, same age and gender as themselves, every year off the Angel Tree. They know it is about "playing" Santa. My kids participate in a toy drive for needy kids at school and various functions. They do food drives at school, at church, at cub scouts, through the Y, we participate in all these things because we want to share our blessings. We donate year round though--we're not just holiday givers--so they may get it a little bit more.

Put it this way, I never told my kids that the characters at WDW were people in costumes. They figure it out around 5 years old on their own. I approach Santa the same way, except the spirit/thought/feeling/idea of Santa is very real.

 

[cinjam]

HOLD THE PHONE>>>>> MICKEY IS FICTIONAL??????!!!!

Thank you for a great laugh. I spontaneously belly-laughed when I read this & had someone who was standing in the hallway outside my office poke their head in & ask if I was ok.

Funny, funny, funny.

 

[TLSnell1981]

I have not read all the replies. I wanted to respond uninfluenced.

I believe in Santa. I believe Santa is real. I believe that Santa isn't an actual "magical" person, but a spirit and a way of living based on on a REAL person (Saint Nicholas) who followed the teachings of Christ. And you bet my kids believe in the whole red suit, reindeer, etc of it all!!

Put it this way, I never told my kids that the characters at WDW were people in costumes. They figure it out around 5 years old on their own. I approach Santa the same way, except the spirit/thought/feeling/idea of Santa is very real.

My children are grown and Santa still leaves a stocking for each of them. For us, it is still fun to carry on the tradition and magic of Santa.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

i have always felt a bit guilty about "lying" to my dd about santa. We don't even pretend with the "easter bunny", that just seems to cheapen the whole "mystical creature thing" (for lake of a better term) She is only 5 and is starting to aske ?'s and we aren't sure how to awnser them. While, I was not damaged by beliveing in Santa, (in fact REALLY enjoyed those years and regretted finding out) It still feels a bit like lying for some reason.
THAT SAID...
We are not particularly religious in my family, very spiritual. But we don't pick one religion. So Christmas is "Santa and Presents, being extra kind and giving" It is a magical time of the year.
Not sure where i was going with this. Just wanted to write my thoughts.