I found HBP songs and poems for y'all. (PS Happy Harry Friday!) BTW these are all hysterical!
Crucio sung to the tune of let it snow
Oh the weather has us all cryin'
The dementors multiplyin'
Up the lane we hear screams echo:
Crucio, crucio, crucio!
Oh the Dark Lord has us all tremblin'
And the Order's reassemblin'
(Though the Weasleys sell U-No-Poo)
Crucio, crucio, crucio!
(bridge)
Well, the Ministry's in the thick
Of the fight to restore civil order --
They knew just what would do the trick:
Recall Fudge; substitute Scrimgeour!!!
These days Shunpike is still in prison
And Harry's on a mission
Bella knows just how it should go --
Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!
Why? 'Cause I'm a spy sung to the tune of Why? 'cause I'm a guy
SNAPE (spoken) Before I answer you - oh yes, Bellatrix, I am going to answer! You can carry my words back to the others who whisper behind my back, and carry false tales of my treachery to the Dark Lord! Before I answer you, I say, let me ask a question in turn
.
(music)
With Dumble I'm chumming
At Hogwarts I'm slumming
My nose I'm not thumbing
Why? 'Cause I'm a spy!
I often aid Potter
I'm too smart to slaughter
That filthy young rotter
Why? 'Cause I'm a spy!
I Quirrell resisted
The Order assisted
Allegiances twisted
Why? 'Cause I'm a spy!
The Dark Lord I'm serving
Now thinks me deserving
My neck I'm preserving
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I'll take your Vow!
BELLATRIX & NARCISSA:
Vow!
SNAPE, BELLATRIX & NARCISSA
That is Unbreakable!
SNAPE
'Cause I'm a Voldy-loving
Death-Eating
Mind-reading
Potter-hating
Half-Blood Prince-ing
ESE!-ing
Always-make-a-malediction
Spy!
(Spoken, yelled)
Yeahhhhh!
Ain't no house elf sung to the tune of ain't no sunshine
UNCLE VERNON
Ain't no house elf livin' here
Hope I make that very clear
Ain't no house elf livin' here
Petunia's all in tears
Get that thing right out of here
HARRY
Wonder where he's gonna stay
Wish I could send him away
UNCLE VERNON
Ain't no house elf livin' here
Petunia's all in tears
Get that thing right out of here
KREACHER
And I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't
HARRY
Hey, will you shut your ugly hole
UNCLE VERNON
Ain't no house elf livin' here
Ain't no house elf livin' here
HARRY
At the Black house you must stay
UNCLE VERNON
Ain't no house elf livin' here
Petunia's all in tears
Get that thing right out of here
Get that thing right out of here
Get that thing right out of here
Get that thing right out of here
Shop song sung to the tune of cop song
HARRY (spoken): If there's one thing I've learned in my many years of shopping in Diagon Alley, it's that the journey down to Diagon is no bargain. Not even for the very toughest amongst us. On that journey expect only expectorations.
(music) So that day we made our way to Malkin's
Then they saw us walk in, with DA brawn
The pure-bloods, purchasin' duds
Makin' slurs of mud front of me and Ron
RON
He's so pathologically into crud
Voldy's number one bud, DE spawn
His Mum's cold, sleazy way of talkin'
Slytherins a-squawkin' in Diagon
HARRY & RON
Narcissa Malfoy
Bought a new dress robe for her boy
Too bad our army helped destroy
HARRY
Lou's ploy
RON
What joy!
NARCISSA
But Lily Potter's son
May call himself the Chosen One
Shouldn't try a curse if I am here
Or I will guarantee he'll be undone!
DRACO
Well, there are those who socialize
With mongrels -
NARCISSA
Hang out with the wrong girls -
DRACO
A shock and shame, but as we uphold
The pride of wizards -
NARCISSA
Followers of his word -
DRACO
Who's not named!
Our task: help defeat the Order -
NARCISSA
Not to mention Potter -
DRACO
We'll crush and maim, for before long
Dumbledore won't aid you
NARCISSA
Then I am afraid you'll -
DRACO & NARCISSA
Have lost the game!
Her-me-ownee G.
Homely, gaunt and bony, she
Caught without her crony, we -
DRACO
DEs -
NARCISSA
DC'd!
HARRY & RON
But Draco Malfoy's dad
Hoosegow-held because he's bad
Needs his wife to bail him out -
She'll soon in convict clothes be clad!
HARRY (looking mockingly around the shop)
Don't see any Dumbledore here
Why not start your war here, double dare!
Despite Slytherin aggression,
Pardon the expression, we don't scare!
That's why we will keep our wands raised
As you two go on crazed, evil blondes
If a fight is what you're after
We're convulsed with laughter - so bring it on!
A few tense moments of silence, as the antagonists all raise their wands - and the tension - a bit higher
RON
Narcissa Malfoy
NARCISSA
Lily Potter's son
DRACO
Her-me-ownee G.
NARCISSA
Lily Potter's son
HARRY
Narcissa Malfoy
RON
And Draco Malfoy's dad
HERMIONE & MADAM MALKIN (to the Gryffindors and Slytherins, respectively)
Don't fight with them! Don't fight with them!, etc.
The next three stanzas are sung as a round, climaxing in the fourth and final stanza which is sung in unison
HARRY
On this day we
Made our way to Malkin's
And they saw us walk in
With DA brawn
Our purebloods
Purchasin' duds
Makin' slurs of mud
Front of me and Ron
RON
On this day we
Made our way to Malkin's
And they saw us walk in
With DA brawn
Our purebloods
Purchasin' duds
Makin' slurs of mud
DRACO & NARCISSA
On this day they
Made their way to Malkin's
And we saw them walk in
With DA brawn
We purebloods
Purchasin' duds
GRYFFINDORS/SLYTHERINS
They're so pathologically into crud
Voldy's/Dumble's number one bud, DE/DA spawn
His Mum's/Their dumb cold, sleazy way of talkin'
Slytherins/Gryffindors a-squawkin' in Diagon!
Exit, in righteous xenophobic disgust, NARCISSA & DRACO
N-V-B-L sung to the tune of Y-M-C-A
THE SCENE: The initial DADA class. SNAPE shamelessly exploits a hit tune to ingratiate himself with the student populace.
SNAPE:
Students, learning Dark Arts Defense
I said, students, you'll avoid consequence
If you're prudent and if you're not too dense
To just heed this screed from Snapey
Students, when you're facing a foe
I said, students, turn the sound way down low
If you're silent, there is no need to show
Anyone what hex you're handling
SNAPE & STUDENTS
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
When an evil thing that attacks and destroys
You can fight it without the noise.
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
When you're fighting DEs
It can give you the edge
With a split-second advantage.
SNAPE:
You've had Dark Arts Teachers before
But then all five went straight out through the door
I said, students, you've learned nothing, it seems
So you've got to follow my theme.
Dark Arts are unfixed and severe
So then, be smart, make it so they can't hear
We'll now try it, from the Sixth Book of Spells
You'll repel with N-V-B-L
SNAPE & STUDENTS
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
When some evil thing wants to murder and crush
You can conquer if you keep hush.
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
You cast a spell that is N-V-B-L
You do not say a word
You do not move your lips
You just quietly let it rip.
SNAPE
Students, split up in groups of two
It is time for a nonverbal duel
Let your partner cast an unspoken jinx
Which you'll block silent as a sphinx
HARRY
That's when Snapey came up to me
And said, "Potter, go one-on-one with me."
So I then thought, "Go ahead, make my day!"
For there's no way that I'll obey.
HARRY & RON
A class with Snape is not enviable
A class with Snape is not enviable
He loves nothing more than detentions to give
He's a misfit unfit to live.
CHORUS OF STUDENTS (slowing fading away)
Enviable
A class with Snape is not enviable
A class with Snape is not enviable
Potter, Potter, you must call Snapey "sir"
Potter, Potter, or he'll get you for sure
N-V-B-L
Cast a spell that's N-V-B-L
Potter, Potter, do not give Snapey cheek,
Potter, Potter, or detention for a week
..
More to come if you like 'em. Credit goes to
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/prince.htm#ImaSpy
Happy birthday professor!
Yours are awesome too!! 
