The Dilleys vs. The Duggars

[graygables]

Watched shows on these two families back to back, so some comparisons arose:

Dilleys: 6 kids
Duggars: 16

Dilley's 6 were born all at once, so they actually had to rear them themselves. Duggars' staggered theirs, so as soon as one is weaned, the mother can hand off all responsibility to an older child.

Dilleys: homeschool
Duggars: homeschool

They both homeschool, so why do the Dilley kids seem so much more well-adjusted and normal? Duggars give homeschooling a bad name, Dilleys seem to have it under control.

Dilleys: regular house
Duggars: compound

nuff said.

Dilleys: Mom and Dad rear the children, no preschool, no nannies
Duggars: Mom and Dad let the other children rear the children and even let them clean Mom and Dad's room. Children cook, children do laundry.

It all came down to this for me: The Dilley's love their children and actively parent and show lots of affection, both physically and verbally. The Duggars treat their children as a commodity (publicity stunt) and use their services with no affection, either physically or verbally. Not once, did I hear the parents call the children by name nor describe any of their attributes, while the Dilleys talk about each child as an individual.

Ding, ding, ding...the winner is...The Dilleys! Kudos to them for doing a great job as parents in a very difficult situation.

And shame on the Duggars for the way they treat those children. It's a disgrace to homeschoolers, Christians, and families who genuinely love their children.

 

[melk]

I agree, the Dilley's seem to have their feet on the ground. I also saw that show on the other family and to say the least it was ...kind of disturbing. I just didn't see how any of those kids could have any individual attention given to them. I felt bad for them.

 

[RitaZ.]

Who are the Duggars? Is it that family that has 10+ children?

I've always liked the Dilleys, from what I've seen on tv, they just have a good vibe about them.

 

[pixiemomma]

Who are the Dilleys?

 

[DVCLiz]

I think the Duggars are creepy, but I'll have to say, every time I read a description of the way the younger children are "handed off" so Mom can have the next one, I take it with a large grain of salt. I've watched two specials about the Duggars, and I just don't see the situation as that drastic. Yes, the older children have some responsibilities for their younger siblings, but I don't think Mom and Dad are that checked out. And really, my older daughter does a tremendous number of things for her younger sister - if you saw me sitting on my rear DISing while she made dinner for her sister, you'd probably accuse me of the same thing.!!! But that's what happened last night, because I was tired, and she wanted something she liked to cook herself. As I said, the Duggars creep me out in other ways, but it's not the way the kids take care of each other that bothers me so much.

The Dilleys are a cute family, too!!

 

[barkley]

the dilleys opted to homeschool because some of the kids were not doing well in their school setting, but the recent special said that all of the kids would be given the choice of home or public school next year-some want to stay with homeschooling and some want to return to public school. they also have their kids in lots of outside activities that allow them interaction with other kids. the duggars homeschool and limit outside social interaction to those who share their same child rearing/lifestyle choices. i think the dilleys are focused on the best needs of their children, the duggars on the best needs of the parents.

the oldest duggar is nearing college age-i wonder if he will be encouraged to remain home and do it via correspondance or will actualy attend a college that offers a different/wider world view on things. if the duggars truly believe their lifestyle is best they should'nt be afraid to expose their children to information that may cause them to question it or evaluation weather it is the right choice for themselves once they reach adulthood.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Well, if you want my honest opinion I'm not terribly fond of any family that sells their kid's story to media sources in order to pay for the family bills.

But given what I know of the two families, I agree that the Compound-Family is just skin crawling and in the Dilly's defense --- they need the money.

 

[debaudrn]

The Duggar family has a website. http://www.jimbob.info/
Check it out.

 

[Aneille]

Is the Dilley family the one with 4 boys and 2 girls?

I think I saw the same show but can't remember the family's name.

 

[robinb]

Personally, I think they're both more than a little nutty.

 

[graygables]

Is the Dilley family the one with 4 boys and 2 girls?

I think I saw the same show but can't remember the family's name.

Yes, the Dilley's are the sextuplets.

 

[Twinkles6892]

The Duggars are freaky people! Check out their links. The modest swimwear, I'm so glad I'm not one of their daughters. Somehow I'm thinking my Victoria Secret Swimwear wouldn't fly. It really reminds me of the original Cheaper by the Dozen.

 

[MinnieMe2]

I've watched the Duggars on t.v., and I just visited their web site. I think they're sick and pathetic. It'll be interesting to see how their kids turn out.

The Dilleys seem to be nice, down-to-earth people, but the Duggars are something else all together!

 

[PlaneJoy1]

Dilleys: Mom and Dad rear the children, no preschool, no nannies

Mom and Dad have had lots of help raising those kids, including around the clock "nannies" (volunteers - several of them) for a couple of years. They received FREE diapers, formula and other stuff (I think the was the couple that got the new van as well).

I really think the media has skewed the Dugger household and people attached themselves to certain phrases that may not be meant the way they sound.

I don't see anything wrong with either family. Their standards may be different than others but their children are well manored and will be a benefit to society more than likely. I'll take them any day over a parent whose children are spoiled and unruly.

Just my opinion of course.

 

[mom2grace]

But there is a huge difference in how these families got started!!

The Dilley's are the first surviving set of 6 babies, that's part of the reason some companies gave them "free" stuff. I'm not sure how "free" it really was when you consider the publicity trade off. (I used to go to the same OB practice, that's a different story).

It's one thing to be at the beginnings of in-vitro (their kids will be 13 in May) and give birth to 6 children, and to not have any more children. It's something entirely different to have 15 children intentionally.

The Dilleys lived in Indianapolis when the children were born, then a few years later moved to be near their family in rural Indiana, where expenses are lower and more help is available.

I think the McCaughey's got the free van.

 

[barkley]

i watch the dilleys and they are so attuned to every nuance in each child's personality, their likes/dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. they encourage the kids to be individuals, but they have expectations of how they will support/interact with their sibs within the family and community.

the duggars (mom in particular) is only "buddy" to the youngest until it is weaned, and then it is passed on for care to one of it's "buddy" siblings. i question the individual nurturing and attention the kids get. they seem to manage and supervise more than parent their kids and the focus seems to be group vs. individual.

the dilleys do a tv special/update once every year or two (and generaly the info and pictures in the special and in women's magazines appears to be done all at the same time) probably for some financial consideration. it does'nt appear to be a driving force in their lives (i got the impression that they shy'd away from publicity beyond this). the kids seem natural, relaxed, kind of embarrassed by the attention (like "o.k. we gotta answer the questions, stand still for the pictures-they'll be gone soon and we can finish playing").

the duggars operate a web site and take every opportunity to publicize their family-they did an interview for the "national enquirer" recently with all the kids lined up for staged photos. the kids (older at least) seem "camera ready" and answer questions in a very rote manner (seem very rehearsed).

i think there will always be interest in the dilleys due to the circumstances of the kids birth and they have handled it well and do it under thier own terms. as far as the duggars go-there are plenty of people who opt to have large families, the duggars have chosen to turn on and keep the spotlight shining on theirs.

it's one thing if you are subject to attention due to circumstance-it's another when it's due to calling it to yourself/personal choice.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

First off, anybody that goes by the name of "Jim Bob" makes me suspicious.

Did anybody read the "message to fathers" and "message to mothers" they posted on their site? It seemed a little creepy. In the message to fathers, Jim Bob states they were in debt and because God helped them get OUT of debt (well, God and the financial counselor),they decided to have more. Or at least that's what I got out of it.


I, also,checked out the link for the 'modest' swimwear. What is this, the 1900s? Who really wears bathing suits like that anymore?

TOV

 

[graygables]

I consider myself to be a conservative Christian and we homeschool our kids, too. My DDs dress modestly (but not THAT modestly, I guess!) She said something about their clothing drawing attention to their "countenance", but it does nothing of the sort, people are staring at the homemade tablecloths that have been fashioned into frumpy jumpers. My kids do chores. My older one does things for the younger one to help me out. She sometimes runs a bath or makes soup. That's fine. I would NEVER ask my kids to clean my room or wash my clothes.

I guess my big hang up is that the children are being used as propaganda, they are programmed, even seeming brain-washed at times, and there doesn't seem to be a whit of parental loving care or concern for the children. They are going to be living in "dormitories", once the compound is finished. At one point, she said, "I love children", not I love MY children. Not once did I see her or Jim Bob (eek) hug any of the children. And, I don't see them becoming productive members of society. How on earth can they when they are receiving such a narrow interpretation of the real world? They will inter-marry with others in the same belief system and keep propogating it. BTW, I have a SIL/BIL who think similarly and it scares me to think what think what their kids will turn out like.

As far as the swim suits go, yes I know of people who swim in similar things, no it's not my style, but I do get tired of seeing bum-floss at the swimming pool.

 

[ladycollector]

Amen to the that OP!

We homeschool and the Duggars give homeschooling a bad name.

 

[SueM in MN]

i watch the dilleys and they are so attuned to every nuance in each child's personality, their likes/dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. they encourage the kids to be individuals, but they have expectations of how they will support/interact with their sibs within the family and community.

the duggars (mom in particular) is only "buddy" to the youngest until it is weaned, and then it is passed on for care to one of it's "buddy" siblings. i question the individual nurturing and attention the kids get. they seem to manage and supervise more than parent their kids and the focus seems to be group vs. individual.

the dilleys do a tv special/update once every year or two (and generaly the info and pictures in the special and in women's magazines appears to be done all at the same time) probably for some financial consideration. it does'nt appear to be a driving force in their lives (i got the impression that they shy'd away from publicity beyond this). the kids seem natural, relaxed, kind of embarrassed by the attention (like "o.k. we gotta answer the questions, stand still for the pictures-they'll be gone soon and we can finish playing").

the duggars operate a web site and take every opportunity to publicize their family-they did an interview for the "national enquirer" recently with all the kids lined up for staged photos. the kids (older at least) seem "camera ready" and answer questions in a very rote manner (seem very rehearsed).

i think there will always be interest in the dilleys due to the circumstances of the kids birth and they have handled it well and do it under thier own terms. as far as the duggars go-there are plenty of people who opt to have large families, the duggars have chosen to turn on and keep the spotlight shining on theirs.

it's one thing if you are subject to attention due to circumstance-it's another when it's due to calling it to yourself/personal choice.

I agree entirely.
One of the interviews I saw of the duggars, I got the distict impression that the mom really only cares about babies. Once they are starting to get a little independent, she sounded like she is not interested any more, so she hands that toddler to one of the "buddies" and pops out another baby.
I also got the impression that the DH was not really all that interested in the kids (babies or older). He just was interested in continuing to have them.