The Delaney Girls and Their Pet Beast Do Disney *UPDATED 8/4 w/ Pics*

[BellesBeast]

I’ve been reading the posts here for more than a year under my wife’s user name and decided to enter my little recollection of our recent foray to Disney early last March. I hope you find it entertaining even if its not especially instructive. On the other hand I suppose you could say that this report could be a manual of everything not to do when traveling.

This isn’t a typical trip report that recounts a series of fun family events at WDW although there certainly was some of that. This is the story of how my little family went to Disney, the happiest place on earth mind you, and barely survived it. It’s a story that has all the elements of a Greek tragedy, Sherlock Holmes whodunit, a travel guide to eating a lot if not well, and a good dose of National Lampoon type comedy.

First the cast of characters. I decided to describe us with the help of Disney characters. Here goes.

Main Characters:
Me - 53 - The Beast with overtones of Grumpy. On reflection this isn’t really fair to the Beast. I’m much uglier and far more bad-tempered. In fact its been said, uncharitably but nevertheless truthfully, that I’m only six inches inside the human race.

DW – 36 - Tall, slender, blond, and beautiful. Not just run of the mill beautiful I mean stunning cover of Vogue type beautiful. But then all of the Delaney sisters are super-hotties, its just good genetics. But my wife is more than just mascara and Victoria's Secret, she is both an electrical engineer and MBA. More than that she has tempered steel in her spine. On 9/11 she was in the WTC Towers when the plane hit. She organized the people in the room got them all, including a paraplegic, out of the Towers and safely away. She’s definitely Belle from the Beauty and the Beast. She’s the prettiest girl in town and loves her books. I will admit though that there is a bit of the warrior Moulan type in her. Either way she’s one in a million. You have to wonder what she was thinking when she agreed to marry me. She has so much going for her.

Princess Stinky - 3 – She’s the center to my life, the little surprise package arriving in my 50’s to become the center of my world. Since her mother works 14+ hour days and I often work out of the house much of the child rearing has fallen to me. Think of me as a cross of Mr. Mom and The Thing. Stinky is easily Tinkerbell. Although there is definitely a good dose of Stitch in there too. Full of magic wonderment and a bit of the devil for good measure.

Sister in Law - 38 – Every story has to have a villain and I’ve got a Dandy. Why is she a villain? NO short cuts! Ya gotta read this to find out! I sat here trying to decide which Disney villain to describe her but I have to admit that it just isn’t fair to compare Hades or Jafar to my SIL. I then thought about a composite villain. Too tough. So we’ll have to settle on Cruella. The character doesn’t convey the extent of the evilness in that woman but anyone that would turn puppies into a coat points you in the right direction.

Another Sister-in-Law – 35 - She’s the Delaney sister immediately younger than Belle. I named her Sleeping Beauty because she generally sleeps 15 hours or more a day and is a beauty. Following the Delaney family genetics Sleeping Beauty is another stunningly beautiful woman. In fact while you out there might not recognize her real name you would certainly know her face. She’s been appearing in magazines, ads, TV and the occasional movie whenever someone needed an astonishing beauty for almost 15 years. Think Nicole Kidman if Kidman was better looking and had a much better figure (no I’m not exaggerating). Actually Sleeping Beauty is pretty OK in her own peculiar way even though her personal life is a mess and I’m always getting drafted to straighten things out for her.

Minor Characters:
Older Daughter – 26 – OK I know all you women out there are getting all judgmental about me being 53, having a young wife and a daughter that’s 26. Hear my story first. My older daughter’s mother passed away from cancer shortly after she was born. Now if you think that raising a baby alone for a guy like me was a piece of cake – well lets just say I had absolutely no background or experience for it. As with most things though I figured it out. Lets call her Goofy. I know the sex is wrong but the name fits perfectly. She’s busy planning a wedding and a nurse studying to become a physician’s assistant. So she couldn’t make it to Disney with us.

Another Sister-in-Law – 29 – The youngest of the Delaney sisters and easily the most erratic. Let’s call her Not-So-Snow White (yes you figured out the name’s meaning).

Yet Another Sister-in Law – 39 - Wendy (for being the little mother to the bunch) next to Belle is the most stable of the Delaney sisters and the oldest. She’s very easy to deal with but talks all the time.

None of the minor Characters show up much during our little novella but they do round out the picture a bit.

As you can see there are five of the Delaney girls. They are a collection of accomplished bright women that are also spectacularly beautiful. Relations among and between them are unbelievably complicated. They make international relations appear simple and straightforward in comparison. Stir in a sometimes difficult mother-in-law and you have chaos.

Worse, three of the five are unmarried while the fourth is separated. So what you say? Let me put it this way have you ever been the only male in a family full of women? “Beast darling, my sink is stopped up. Can you please fix it?” Or how about “My car stopped. I think I’m out of gas. Can you get out of bed and drive over here and bring me a few gallons?” Also not being married they have a lot of extra time on their hands that they love to use to get into trouble for me to bail them out of or just find things for me to do.

Hey if any of you single guys out there are incredibly patient and handy with a screwdriver and want the number of a stunningly beautiful woman let me know. I’d be glad to palm off….er. .introduce you to some of my surplus sisters-in-law.

Anyway On To….

The Beginning:
On September 11th my wife (Belle from here on out) was supposed to be attending a meeting at the World Trade Center. Thankfully her train was late and she was a few hundred feet short of the Towers when the first plane hit. I was also in the NY for a meeting at the time. She called me and asked me what to do. Using my many years of experience and survival skills I told her to turn around and run away!!!! Then the cell phone system in NYC overloaded and went down.

I then began running towards the WTC site. Miraculously I found her. After I deposited Belle at her sister Sleeping Beauty’s apartment and headed back to the WTC. I used to be a Marine and I thought I might lend a hand. But as you all know there was tragically little to lend a hand too.

Later that day I gathered up Belle and Sleeping Beauty and took off for Lake George NY up in the mountains for a few days. That’s where God decided to touch us with his finger.

Our Princess is quite simply a miracle.

OK so in November of 2005 I received an invitation to speak at a convention. At Disney World. Now I do like Disney, I’m not the dedicated fan that may of the Dis boarders are, but I do like Disney. I have a dozen trips under my belt and Belle has eight or so.

We used to travel constantly before Stinky. Cruises, trips to Europe, vacations to the Caribbean and trips to Disney several times per year. But after 9/11 and the arrival of the Princess we have stayed close to home. But that hasn’t stopped me from looking forward to taking Stinky to see the wonders of WDW and I figured now was the time especially since I was being paid to go there.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m always ready to spend a buck. Unlike my hero Zzub (winner of Olympic Gold) I'm not cheap - er - sorry, frugal. In fact I’m the opposite. I feel some insane obligation to get all my money into other people’s hands. Personally I think I’ve nearly single-handedly pulled the country out of several recessions.

Anyway it took me a minute and a half to decide I wasn’t impressed with the arrangements offered by the convention organizers. The rooms were certainly nice at the Boardwalk (we’d been there on our last trip in ‘97 or ‘98) but the convention rate was applicable for only three nights and the no vacancy sign was going to be up at the Boardwalk for 3 of the 7 nights I was planning. So I began doing some research. Although I have been to Disney a dozen or more times over the years what with one thing and another it had been 8 years since our last trip.

I didn’t need to go far as luck would have it. A few days later a close friend was lamenting that he was going to have to sell his DVC membership. He and his wife had just been approved for adoption and he’d just had the nasty surprise of the extent of the expense he was facing. Something had to give and he and his wife had decided on their DVC membership.

Ten minutes later we’d stuck a bargain. I’d pay his finance and maintenance fees for two years and he’d turn over his banked points and the points for this year and next year. He could keep his DVC membership and I’d get some of those great DVC accommodations I’d heard so much about. It was a win/ win for both of us.

Happy Dance if you can visualize The Beast doing a happy dance.

Sorry to put that image in your head.

Anyway the next morning armed with my friend’s suggestions and a whole bucket-load of DVC points I sat down to my computer and decided that we’d go with a preferred view studio at the Boardwalk. There were only the three of us and I figured a studio was fine and besides we had enough points to squeeze out two more Disney vacations over the next two years. This decision, as logical as it was at the time, came back to haunt me.

Three months passed quickly. Then a seriously dark cloud entered my world.

My wife came to me and informed me that her sister (hereafter known as Cruella) wanted to go to Disney with us. Belle had said no (I told you she was a great wife) however her sister was working on her and had enlisted my MIL. Now this surprised me as my MIL doesn’t even like Cruella so I wondered what was going on there. Months later I discovered Cruella had threatened to visit her mother that week. I guess my MIL viewed it as survival and was tossing me under the bus. I didn’t and still don’t hold this against my MIL. When facing a horror of this magnitude you never can be certain what you might do.

Besides now I’ say no and that would be that.

So I said no.

However that wasn’t that.

Cruella came back with the offer that she would arrange for her own airfare. This idea, apparently designed to mollify me, actually enraged me further. The implication was that I would also pay for Cruella’s travel to WDW besides her lodging.

So I said not only no but HE** NO!!

As my wife left the room I congratulated myself on my steadfastness. After all, one of the reasons that my employer kept me around was simply to negotiate the tough deals. I had a REP. I was BAD. I was the oak of determination. I was a rock around which the storm of evil Sisters-in-Law blew helplessly. After all I had been an All-American linebacker. I’m a former US Marine. I’d even sat thorough my wife’s fixation with American Idol. I could take it!!!!

Bring it on Bubba! Grrrrrrr!

9 minutes 47 seconds later:

I’m standing in the middle of the room nodding and mumbling “Yes Dear”. To this day I’m not certain what happened. Somehow I had not only conceded on all points but I got nothing in return. My wife offered no concessions of sexual perversion, no golf weekends, not even my favorite apple pie. I simply raised the white flag and surrendered. I find I’m unable to convey the injustice of this situation without the use of profanity.

Cruella had defeated the Beast and was going to Disney.

Sorry Mickey, I let you down.

Next The Getaway:

 

[BellesBeast]

The Getaway:

It was the night before the night before Disney. Almost show time. I had reached the point where I had gotten enough used to the idea of Cruella coming that my spirits had risen from “please-kill-me-quickly” to merely total misery.

The outfit sponsoring the convention sent me a check ahead of time to cover my expenses. It paid three nights at the convention rate, a per diem meal allowance, and estimated airfare. They were actually quite generous. I decided to beat the system (BTS). What they paid for lodging almost covered the relative value of the points I had used. But I was determined to get ahead. It was this greediness that led to my downfall.

Now I travel a good bit and have roughly 47 (Vettechick’s favorite number) gazillion frequent flyer miles. So I swapped a couple billion for 3 first class seats to Orlando on Delta on Saturday at 8am. This way I could pocket what the sponsors paid for my airfare. I may be a spend thrift but I’m not stupid.
Then my luck turned.

The weather liars were threatening a massive snowstorm in the northeast that was due in hours before our planned departure to WDW. In this cloud I saw a devious silver lining. The storm was going through Washington, lair of the evil Cruella. If I could hustle my small family out maybe Cruella would get socked in a snowbound Washington Dulles Airport while we sped off to Mickey’s arms. Heh heh heh.

So I called Delta. Predictably Delta came through with their usual level of service. They couldn’t do a thing for me. Yes they had been released to rebook everyone trying to get out before the storm in the NYC area and yes there were seats however I was using FF miles and there was nothing available in that category. El Tougho beans Beastie.

I said thank you, hung up and redialed. I’ve been traveling for years and know the ropes. All I needed was one human customer service agent. No luck this time. Try again, nothing. OK try again. Nope on FF seats. Persistence I told myself. I redialed. Nope and nothing and finally nada. Delta apparently got rid of all their human beings.

But I wasn’t licked yet. There is a gamblers option when trying to travel early. I call it the Ticket Agent Two-step and played right it often works.
You just show up and be there when some poor guy stuck on the Jersey Turnpike can’t make his plane and be there when they give his seats away. Even better I checked seat availability going out of Newark the next day and found plenty of seats. The game was afoot!

We grabbed some random clothing (unlike most of you we’re not much for preparing for trips) and threw it haphazardly in bags. I once took off for a Caribbean cruise with sweaters and long sleeve shirts but no shorts or underwear. I operate on the theory that cash is lighter to carry and stores are everywhere. I told you, Zzub I ain’t.

Early Friday, a day before our original planned departure, I hopped out of bed and rousted my small intrepid band. A quick look outside told the story on the weather. The air had the smell of snow so I snuck a quick look at the weather channel and sure-nuff the storm was bigger than expected and coming quicker than predicted. Time to hustle!

Our trip to the airport was uneventful. This was our last uneventful moments. The airport was bedlam. Arriving flights were already being cancelled since they expected the snow to start around noon and no airline wanted their planes stuck in an airport for a couple of days.

I got in a line that ended on the Pennsylvania border and waited my turn. Looking around at mobs that had more of the appearance of fearful refugees I had begun to think that my luck had gone south on the ticket agent two-step. I comforted myself with the number of times that it had worked.
As I came to the front of the line I saw that we probably were going to be called by an older man at the Delta counter. I quickly decided to add a psychological front to my assault on Delta for seats. I picked up Princess Stinky and carried her to the counter and told my tale of grief to Mr-older-nice-guy. I ended up telling the agent that this was Stinky’s first trip to see Mickey. The agent looked at the Stink and she added “I want to hug Winnie the Pooh”.

The poor git was putty in my hands!

Yeah I’m shameless. So what?

He snuck glances to his sides and told me that they still weren’t seating FF’s but there were a few seats left on the next flight, a single and a pair in the back if I didn’t mind. He’d simply switch me over. I said no problem and thanked him profusely. I congratulated myself on a well played hand of Ticket Agent Two-Step.

What’s that old saying about counting chickens before hatched?

My luck turned. The counter supervisor decided to stick her nose into my business. Zzub, you’ll be pleased to know that Suzyhelpershoes isn’t at Disney any longer on her quest for the sacred register journal. No ole Sue got a job at Delta. She’s the Newark supervisor in charge of screwing over customers.

She informed me and Mr-older-nice-guy that they couldn’t seat FF passengers until 30 minutes before the flight in case a paying passenger showed up.

I took a deep breath and asked ole Sue if she had any idea how much money I had to fork over to Delta to get 47 gazillion FF miles?

Her: “No Mr. Beast, your Gold Status means crap here and now. You’ll have to wait 30 minutes before take-off to get seats.” OK maybe she used other words. I’m telling you the way I heard it.
Me: “That might be fine in some other airports but there’s no way to get boarding passes and make it through security at Newark in thirty minutes.”
Her: “That’s probably true but rules are rules.” I thought she was going to have a Disney prohibited anatomical experience as she said that.
Me: Planting my very best insincere smile on my face “Is there nothing you can do? My flight tomorrow is certain to be cancelled.”
Her: “That’s also probably true. I could rebook you after tomorrow.”
Me: “When’s the first flight with open seats?”
Her: 8,047 key taps later on her computer. “About a week. Shall I book you?”
Me: Restraining the urge to tear her neck out with my teeth. “OK what are my other options?”

Ole Sue had finally worked the conversation around where she wanted to get it from the beginning. Wearing a genuine smile she informed me that for a “mere” $634 she could upgrade my first class FF tickets to left over seats in the main cabin on the next flight. She big heartedly informed me that she would waive the change fee of $75.

I figure that Suzyhelpershoes had decided to try and pull Delta out of its self-induced financial woes all by herself and my $634 would make the difference.

I was on the edge of telling her, in excruciating detail, what she could do with Delta and her tickets when Princess Stinky looked at me with her giant blue eyes and meticulously done blond hair and piped up with “Are we going to see Winnie the Pooh Daddy?” I looked at my beautiful wife who was suffering in silence and reached for my battered VISA card.

So much for the Ticket Agent Two-step. Of course that’s why they call it gambling.

I think ole Suzyhelpershoes called ahead to gate security cause they pulled me out of line and began an examination of me that exceeded anything I ever even heard of and I travel constantly. More than that my work takes me to some seriously secure sites all over the country.

I’m patient about very few things in life but airport security is an exception. My wife and I, separately, were there when the planes hit the WTC towers. However on this occasion 20 minutes after they started the TSA was still looking for my concealed weapons. I think that they were convinced that I had a rocket launcher in my socks. Everything in my carry-on was spread out on a table. A TSA weenie was taking the batteries out of my daughter’s DVD player and examining them as if he’d never seen complicated devices like batteries before. Another inspector was rooting through my clothing on a search for nukes while they had me down to my underwear behind one of those screens. I was beginning to wonder if this was only going to end with a proctologic examination.

Now I’m a former Marine officer and have federally issued security ID for use with my work. In a friendly spirit I pointed this out to the TSA. They were not impressed.

When we hit the 30 minute mark the TSA reluctantly decided that I wasn’t an immediate threat to the Republic and let me proceed to the gate. At the time I was annoyed but in retrospect they might have had a point. I mean I look like a gargoyle on steroids. Who wouldn’t be concerned?

We were next to last to board the plane. Belle and Princess Stinky had the middle and window seats about halfway back on the plane while I was separated from them with an aisle seat near the back.

That is until a woman dragging a struggling toddler with a face covered with chocolate (remember its 7:30 am) walked up and told me I had her seat. I checked my boarding pass and yes this was my seat and yes her boarding pass said it was hers too. Typical Delta efficiency.

A harried flight attendant raced up and told the woman to take any seat. There was only one. A back row middle. The woman looked about to cry. Crying women are my Achilles heel so she and her kid on a sugar high took my comfortable aisle seat while I banished myself to the rear of the plane.

Now remember I’m 6 foot 6 and weigh in at 240 so small places and I don’t mix all that well. Naturally my last row middle seat was between two other sizable guys and being the last row the seat didn’t recline. However the seat in front of me did and the ten year old in it was fascinated by reclining, resetting the seat upright and then repeating the whole process. Each round of this process hit my battered old knees painfully.

I’m not going to recount every second of every horror of that flight to Orlando. But suffice it to say that refugees from war torn nations have had better trips. I got off that plane totally exhausted, with battered knees, cramps in my calves, and a pounding headache. Belle and Princess Stinky however were bright eyed and ready to do Disney as they had slept all the way from Newark.

But Disney wasn’t in the immediate future. We still had car rental counter, luggage and other fun events between us and Mickey. Its kinda like one of those reality shows where each step is another semi-insurmountable task with a grand prize held out glittering at the end.

We worked our way to baggage claim to discover that Delta had worked their magic yet again and our luggage was still in Newark. This was more than the usual inconvenience since they were expecting to hear any minute that Newark airport was closed due to the snow.

The Delta baggage rep wanted to know where to send our luggage when it “eventually arrived”. Those were his exact words and didn’t inspire any confidence in me. It also presented another problem. Our reservation over at Disney started the following day. Due to the snow we’d taken off for Orlando without figuring out where we were going to hang our hat for that night.

So I told him to deliver the bags to the Boardwalk at Disney when they “eventually” showed up. In the meantime we’d scramble a little. I was beginning to feel the magic of Disney even at the airport in Orlando.

On to car rental. I had a reservation with Alamo for a small SUV for $151 for the week. I thought this a great deal and was looking forward to being sensible and frugal for once. All hail Zzub!!!

Didn’t happen. The Alamo line, no kidding, had to have had 200 people in it. Worse it just was not moving. I know that Alamo engages in a blatant bait and switch game with unwary travelers. They give you really low rates then try to sell over-priced insurance for any eventuality including meteor showers on Lincoln’s birthday. If you baulk they often demand proof of insurance. I wasn’t particularly worried since I had coverage from three different sources and documentation to prove it.

But also my reservation was for tomorrow and the line------was --------very---------long and I was just getting into a Disney mood and I didn’t want to have it broken by another set of morons with their rule books.
I decided I’d had enough fun and games with morons for today. Time for some direct action.

So I walked up to the Avis counter and asked them what they had immediately available. Five minutes later I had agreed to $358 for an eight day rental of a Cavalier. Then I whipped out my cell phone and called Disney reservations. What did they have for the night? Not much apparently. Except a couple rooms at the Caribbean Beach that – I said we’d take it.

We were out of the airport in 20 minutes.

Next stop clothing. Belle had packed a Florida change for the Princess in her carry-on but she and I were still in jeans and northern clothing and it was over 80. Our luggage was in Newark buried in snow so it was time to deal with that.

We scooted over to International Dr and made not so quick stops at Van Heusen for me, a Talbots and Calvin Klein for Belle, a Young World for the Princess and a Reebok and CVS for all of us. About $947 later we no longer cared about snow bound luggage.

It was past noon and time to feed a growing boy. All I’d had since getting up at 3 am was a cup of coffee and some of those delicious Delta peanuts.
Besides we had an increasingly cranky Princess so our planning turned to chow. I was ready for a nice sit down lunch however this too presented a problem. Stinky brings new meaning to the term “picky eater”. Her diet consists of peanut butter, jelly, Keebler club crackers, pasta with parmesan cheese and chicken nuggets. Not just any chicken nuggets now. Only McDonalds or Wendy’s are acceptable.

So I voted for Raglan Roads. I wanted to try out their fish & chips with a pint or four of Guinness. The Princess voted for McDonalds. Stinky and I turned to look at Belle for her tie-breaking vote.

Twenty minutes later I was sitting in front of my Big Mac combo at the Mickey D’s in the Crossroads Mall considering all of the inadequacies of democracy. I was trying to console myself with the $50 or more that I was saving. It didn’t work, I still wanted the Guinness.

Oh well onward to Disney. Getting to CBR was no problem and incredibly getting in our room even at 2:30 was no problem either. It seemed like we drove around the CBR forever to get to our room but that’s an exaggeration. That place is huge though.

The Princess and I were exhausted by the time we got to our room. Once fed I could barely keep my eyes open. Belle however wanted to show me her newly acquired trousseau. I didn’t think I could stay awake, however Belle at 36 weighs the same and has the same measurements she had as Homecoming Queen in college 17 years ago. Looking at her is always worthwhile so my nap was delayed a bit. No complaints though.

At 5 I woke up when the Princess used my belly as a trampoline. I didn’t quite hurl. My Princess announced, repeatedly, that she was ready to see Mickey Mouse.

Belle informed me that she had discovered that in the rush to get out she’d forgotten a few things including her watch and cell phone. This was no minor thing since we’d planned on maintaining communications with the cell phones during the convention. I decided to file that problem away for later resolution.
So we took off for MGM Studios that had extra magic hours that evening. We got to the bus stop for the parks and joined the queue. About roughly forever later we pulled up to MGM Studios and I was reminded why I avoided most of the Disney transportation net.

Getting through the lines and inspections at the entrance to MGM was a breeze at that time of day. I guess that the TSA had failed to call ahead to warn them about me.

We got a double stroller for Stinky and worked our way up the Hollywood Blvd. We found the Power Rangers and Kim Possible out and since they were some of the Princesses favorites we got in line to collect autographs and pictures.

We then caught the Indiana Jones show and then Star Tours. Stinky was just tall enough to get on and enjoyed it immensely so much so that we did it again. Then again. By this time food began to be a consideration. We had no ADR’s so headed for the ABC Commissary. I got their Fish and Chips, Belle tried the Cuban Sandwich and the CM;s there found peanut butter for the Princess even though it wasn’t officially on the menu. $40 some later I was feeling better about the world and life in general.

We went over to Al’s Toy Barn and caught several characters including Buzz and Woody. Then we continued over to watch the Muppets 3D which I always have liked. The Princess agreed with me for once while Belle thought it was corny. My wife has no appreciation for true art.

We managed to catch Voyage of the Little Mermaid before heading over to Fantasmic. Now I’ve read the rave reviews of Fantasmic here but I have to say that I prefer both Illuminations and the fireworks at the Magic Kingdom. Not that there’s anything wrong with Fantasmic its just my third choice.
It’d been a very long day and by now it was getting late so we headed back to get some rest. As we walked down Hollywood Blvd on the way out I had a thought and went into one of the stores where I got Belle a Mickey Mouse watch. Predictably it took us roughly two times forever to get back to CBR on the Disney bus but within 10 minutes of getting through the door we were all passed out.

Next: An Unwelcome Surprise

 

[BellesBeast]

An Unwelcome Surprise:

Saturday

I was in no hurry to get up this morning. Belle had illusions of hitting the parks at opening but this time democracy worked for me as Stinky voted for more rest. Belle disappeared for a walk and ended up at the food court. About 9am that Darling of mine brought back coffee and bagels for me and milk and cereal for Stinky.

It was getting time to clear out so I gathered up our recently acquired wardrobe while checking on the weather back home. Sure enough NYC, and better yet Washington were buried under a mountain of snow. I congratulated myself on getting out ahead of the snow and better yet getting at least one and maybe several Cruella free days at WDW. I’m so clever!

Belle pointed out that she needed a few more things if we were going to have to wait for several days for our luggage. I was at ease with the world, and besides there might be another fashion show in it for me. So I agreed to a supplemental shopping trip. Besides I’d forgotten socks yesterday to go with my new sneakers.

We found a Super Target. While Belle and Stinky went ahead to Target I walked across the parking lot to a Radio Shack to get a prepaid cell phone for Belle. With a mere $129 investment I got Belle a prepaid phone for the week. Then I went back to Target and picked out six pairs of tube socks while my beloved girls filled up a cart with some “odds and ends”. After investing another $447 in the Florida economy we did another fine dining experience at Wendy’s then headed for the Boardwalk.

It was nearly 2pm when we pulled up to the valet parking in front of the Inn. It was while the bellmen were unloading our newly refitted expedition that I realized that going home might be a problem. The store bags when piled on the cart were more than waist high and I began to wonder how we’d ever get all this newly acquired stuff back to New York.

I didn’t care. We were at WDW fully equipped for any eventuality now and minus that well known pain in the -- sorry I forget myself once in a while. Anyway Cruella was back in DC buried in snow. Heh, heh, heh.

My luck was about to turn again though. In a big way.

Anyway we went in and just imagine my surprise and thrill to find none other than Cruella waiting in the lobby of the Boardwalk Inn.

I barely managed to conceal my jubilation at seeing Cruella.

She’d seen the snow coming too and had called United. Why yes they could see the storm coming, and yes they’d help her get out, and of course no there was no extra charge. What you have hotel problems because of the weather? Well let us help you United told her. While I was coughing up about $200 for the CBR she was paying an arranged rate through United at the Airport Hyatt of $70.

Somehow she was annoyed she’d been in the Hyatt while we were at Disney and implied that my poor planning had brought on all the inconvenience. That made me feel a little better, not much but a little anyway.

Simmering I bellied up to check-in while the cheerful little CM training for her ears wished me a “Welcome Home”. I refrained from the unwarranted comments in the back of my mind and presented my reservation info and battered VISA card.

The CM tapped her computer keyboard 8047 times and looked up at me with concern. She went back to tapping that keyboard then sighed.
Oh peachy I thought. Here it comes.

“Mr. Beast”, says the little earless CM, “it appears that we’ve got a problem.”

Me: Silence
Her: “We’re a bit overbooked and we don’t have any studios available until Wednesday. Our usual practice on the RARE occasions when this happens is to upgrade our guests to one bedroom villas but we’re overbooked on those too.”
Me: Silence
Her: “We have studios available over at the Wilderness Villas though,” she offered helpfully.
Me: Still silent and now glaring.
Her: “Ah, let me get my manager.”

Moments later the manager appears and recites the same little speech. The few minutes wait had allowed me to calm myself. Overbooking does happen and actually what they were offering was a reasonable alternative. VWL is hardly roughing it but I had picked the Boardwalk because that was where the convention was and I wanted to see my family whenever possible. Besides the Princess does not take naps well for Belle and all you parents out there can appreciate the fun of dealing with an exhausted, napless 3 yr old at WDW. It had to be Boardwalk.

I explained my position to the manager. He repeated his speech and offered to get us a one bedroom at SSR.

Ah we’re negotiating. Good. You’re mine now Sporto. I was out to make up for my rough handling by Delta. It may not be fair but then life usually isn’t.
I asked him if they had any two bedroom villas available. Sporto got a sour look and explained that 2 upgrades were not policy. I suggested that we break new ground here in customer service. He stuttered that that was beyond his authority.

I countered with suggesting that they dig up the manager in charge of the convention there and while at it dig up whoever did have the authority. Sporto stepped to the computer and hammered the keyboard senseless, mumbles an “excuse me I’ll be right back” and disappears.

The earless little CM tried to look over my shoulder at the next guest as if to bypass me but I didn’t move. As I’ve mentioned I ‘m big and had no problem staking out that end of the reception counter besides I was exuding an air of hostility. I figured I’d get what I wanted or maybe SWAT would show up. At that point it was one or the other.

No more than 5 minutes later a woman showed up. It appeared that she has something to do with handling the conventions. I repeated my story and reasoning then stood back.

The manager reappeared, looked at the convention lady and started repeating his troubles to me.

Him: “I’ve tried several things Mr. Beast and none worked. Can we set you up at SSR?”
Me: “I’m giving the keynote speech at the convention in three days.” I let that sink in. “I’ll consider any reasonable option here at the Boardwalk.”
Him: “But Mr. Beast I just told you that…”

Mr. Manager missed the implied threat in what I said but convention lady didn’t. I’d planned to make Delta the butt of my jokes during my speech but I could just as easily add Disney to the list. And while Delta obviously doesn’t care about its image Disney does. She interrupted Mr. Manager and pulled out her cell phone, stepped a few feet away and urgently chatted with some unseen god of rooms.

We all stood around in a tense silence while convention lady worked her magic. When she stepped back she was wearing a nice smile and exuding an air of friendliness. Apparently they had a one bedroom villa just finished up with refurbishment. At the moment there was no furniture in it but by 5pm they “could pull together something”.

This was fine and I told her so.

We checked in with no further hassle. I went over to the concierge desk for park tickets and got 10 day park hoppers with no expiration options for us since we had return plans over the next year and a 5 day basic for Cruella.
You’d a thought that I had just spit in Cruella’s eye from the way she demanded to know why her ticket was different. I decided to go momentarily deaf which all you guys out there know is a very effective male trick.
By now it was after two and there was no nap on the horizon for my Princess so we decided to stroll over to Epcot.

Once again we had no trouble getting through the lines at the International Gateway, picked up a stroller and made a bee-line for Soarin. But my luck was still holding with a fifty minute wait and no more Fast Passes. But I’m a big believer in alternate plans as you can see so we headed over to the The Living Seas to see Crush the Turtle. The wait was short and well worth it. When Crush started talking to the kids he called on the Princess to ask a question and she wanted to know how many fish there were in the Ocean.

Needless to say Crush’s answers and expressions were hilarious.

Cruella complained about having to stand.

I ignored her.

From there were headed over to Character Connections and collected a nice assortment of photos and autographs. We then doubled back to Journey into Imagination saw Figment, played with the gadgets at the end, sent postcards via e-mail to friends and relatives, and listened to Cruella complain how lame Epcot had become. Grrrr.

We slipped into Honey I Shrunk the Audience and all loved the show with one notable exception. Stinky insisted that I have to do something about the rats that get loose during the show. I’ll have to work on that.

It was now after six and my internal dinner bell was ringing insistently. The Princess voted for chicken nuggets (aren’t you surprised?) Cruella was demanding a trip to Fulton’s, Belle (that Sweetie) only wanted with I wanted.

This democracy thingy ain’t so bad after all huh?

Once again we didn’t have ADR’s but I thought the Biergarten in Germany might be worth a try since despite the mobs around Soarin, Epcot as a whole was relatively uncrowded. We set out for Germany and I would not be side-tracked despite efforts on the part of the Princess and Cruella to do so. I was a man with a mission and there was some sauerbraten with my name on it just over yonder.

The Biergarten was uncrowded and they were just thrilled to seat us. We were seated with a nice family from Nebraska. Normally, despite my size, I’m not a huge eater and I drink rarely. Today I was seriously hungry and I’d only had imitation fast food for two days now. The Biergarten looked like the place to fix that all up. I ordered a Dinkel Acker Dark and scouted out the buffet with the Princess. First I loaded up her plate with anything that she desired, got her settled, and headed back to the chow line to do some serious damage.

5,047 calories later I became aware that Cruella was talking to me. She was proselytizing her politics again. Now this is one of the things that annoys me about her. It’s all she talks about. Ask her if it’s raining out and she’ll go into a prepared speech about global warming. Worse she is somehow convinced that if she sells ME on her platform that’ll turn the next election her way.
Now not agreeing with me on politics is fine, after all this is America, but why does she not get it that I’m not going to agree with her. I mean you folks have been reading this endless trip report, how many of you out there think I’m going to change my opinions to suit anyone?

Can we get a show of hands please?

How about you there? The woman in the t-shirt with your hair pulled back.

Anyone?

See you guys get it and you hardly know me. Why doesn’t this dingbat have a little consideration? Her relentless sermonizing (and it’d be arguing if I’d participate) annoys me. Every time I see her she has the latest talking points, pamphlets, and articles ready to hand me, which she incidentally did in the lobby of the Boardwalk within 90 seconds of spotting me. Here we are at Disney World. We could talk about what we were going to do next, where we’d like to eat, Princess Stinky, there’s tons of stuff BUT THIS NUTCASE FANATIC HAS TO RUIN MY LUNCH WITH HER INCESSANT YAMMER ABOUT….

Sorry.

Anyway I ignored her and asked Belle what she wanted to do next. Stinky had that all figured out for us though. She had more questions for Crush and wanted to go back. Immediately Cruella tried to dissuade her pushing to do Test Track. Of course the Princess isn’t tall enough for that. I went back to ignoring Cruella while Belle explained that inconvenient fact to Cruella.
Cruella decided to complain about the food at the Biergarten, the price of it (she wasn’t paying), the lack of choices on the wine list, and the “Hokey” entertainment.

I ignored her.

We finished up and I paid the $155 tab tax and tip included. I’d have thrown in another $155 for a little duct tape for Cruella’s mouth but it wasn’t on the menu. There’s a thought to Disney marketing though.

As we left Germany I turned left with the rest of the expedition in tow and headed towards the US Pavilion stopping along the way to see the trains, listen to the singers at America, and take some pics with Aladin. We stopped at Japan to listen to the drummers and decided to wander into the shop.
Stinky was fascinated with the jewelry stand there particularly the oysters and pearls. So I let her pick out a pearl and what do you know, she came up with a 12mm blue pearl. Of course nothing would do other than to turn it into a necklace so $138.49 later we resumed our march towards Crush.

Mary Popins, Wendy and some other less unidentifiable characters were in the bookstore at the UK so we collected more essential pic’s and autographs.
Onward to Crush.

I don’t know if Crush recognized Stinky or not but he called on her right away. This time the Princess asked Crush what turtle soup tasted like. Hmmm, I’ll leave it to your imagination to figure the ending to that out but I’m still swearing to Belle at least once a week that I didn’t put the Princess up to that and I didn’t.

As we left Crush to contemplate soup Cruella brought up Test Track again. I was feeling ahead on points so I thought I could afford to be generous. I suggested that Belle and Cruella go see if they could get on while Stinky and I checked out the Mouse Gear. Belle didn’t want to go and suggested that I go instead but I wasn’t that far ahead on points so declined.

I love Belle but sharing a ride alone with Cruella is too much to expect from me even for her.

As they disappeared into the dark I decided to check out Soarin one more time. And what-cha know, the standby line was ten minutes and even that was an exaggeration. The Princess and I walked right on. Soarin is great!
Then we headed over to Mouse Gear to wait for the Delaney sisters. Some 40 minutes later they found us. Belle immediately gave me her what have you two been up to look.

And there was no hiding the evidence. The Princess had discovered the glories of Disney pins. Being me I threw in with her immediately and we went about starting a collection. Twenty eight pins and two lanyards later we were ready to begin trading in earnest.

In retrospect I can now appreciate the looks everyone in the store were giving us. Visualize a giant muscle-bound ogre being led around by a beautiful little blond, blue-eyed girl ordering said ogre to “get one of these too Daddy”.
Anyway Belle immediately launched into her “if-you-wouldn’t-buy-so-much-junk-we’d-be-multimillionaires” speech. I stood there liberally mumbling apologetic “Yes Dear’s” and “I’m sorry Dear’s”. I refrained from pointing that we’d just invested $1500 in clothing, sneakers and such (I got two pairs of shorts and a couple of tee-shirts). Isn’t it amazing how many opportunities there are in life to keep your mouth shut?

Just as Belle was taking a deep breath prior to forgiving me Cruella jumped in and observed how the money spent on the pins could have gone to feed hungry children or perform some other world saving good deed. Belle turned her wrath on Cruella then and I congratulated myself on escaping with my skin intact and seeing Belle chew a few strips off Cruella’s hide.

As we left Mouse Gear the tension between the Delaney sisters was palatable but the Princess saved the day by beginning a detail reported on our victory at Soarin. Belle announced that she’d like to try Soarin so we headed off towards the Land to see what the line situation was like.
Now I’ve neglected to mention that there were extra Magic hours at Epcot that night and it was closing in on 10:30 by now. Blessedly there was almost no one in line for Soarin and we walked right on. It was just as great the second time around.

40 Minutes or so later we were back at the Boardwalk. I had to stop at reception because of our unusual situation with the room. I had dreaded this moment half expecting that I was going to have to play another round of “Where’s my room” with a different set of Disney managers but they had followed through.

Although I’m no longer certain of the floor we were on I think it was the third near the corner of the courtyard and lake. The room was freshly painted and the bathroom had been retiled. I wondered about that but later I was told by a CM that they had been working on some persistent plumbing problems at the Boardwalk and that room had been torn up in the process.

There wasn’t much furniture in either room but we had a bed, a couple of tables, a couple of chairs, the fold out couch, but only one TV and that one in the bedroom.

Anyway bell services had delivered Belle’s plunder to the room and she began to sort it out while I washed up Stinky. Cruella complained about the shortage of furniture, the inefficiency of Disney, and the general unfairness of the world.

I ignored her.

We all showered off several pounds of Epcot dust, me last of course. When I walked out of the bathroom Belle and Cruella were passed out on the bed with some episode of Law and Order playing on TV. What’s with women and that show anyway?

The Princess was soundly sleeping on the fold out couch so I stretched out next to her. I hadn’t been in that bed a minute when I realized I was in trouble. That bed was never designed for a 6 foot 6 inch 240 pound semi-human. My legs ran out of bed just below my knees and several steel bars were digging into my back already.

It'd be a long night.

Next: The Delaney Civil War Averted

 

[BellesBeast]

Delaney Civil War Averted

Sunday:

The next morning the phone rang pulling me out of an exhausted sleep. I woke with brutal pains in my back and legs and a splitting headache. The bed explained the pains and the hot smelly room explained the headache. It seems Cruella wasn’t comfortable enough in MY bed she had decided to turn off MY air-conditioning.

Now I’m not a pleasant person to start with and this morning my sour disposition was in overdrive. However Belle produced coffee from somewhere and Stinky was busy laying out plans and that always warms my heart up a notch or two. A couple of Tylenol reinforced with a generous dose of caffeine and some fresh air beat the headache into submission.

Today we were going to open up the Magic Kingdom. I staggered into the shower to try and unkink my back and generally wake up. When I came out Belle was ready (she’s an unnatural hottie in that she can get ready in a flash) and was busy trying to negotiate the Princess into clothing. The negotiations were deadlocked.

That is until I came out of the bathroom. The Princess looked at me and I at her and she dressed. Now I’ve never swatted her but she always behaves as if it’s a normal occurrence. Anyway we were ready in rapid order to clear out but Belle was now in the bathroom on the phone in some serious conversation. She cut the other end off when she saw that the Princess and I were ready. I did notice that Cruella was still in bed. I started to say something but Belle gave me her “shut yer big yap” look and I meekly obeyed.

We drove over to the Magic Kingdom parking lot and parked in the second row an easy walk to the TTC thereby avoiding the tram. We took the Ferry over to the Magic Kingdom and arrived 20 minutes before opening and watched the morning ceremony. As soon as the gates opened we collected our stroller and marched over to Fantasyland. In rapid succession we rode Dumbo twice, Cinderella’s Carrousel, the Teacups, Peter Pan, and Small World.

By now it was well after 10 and time to find some nourishment so we went to Mrs. Pott’s Cupboard for some utterly forgettable victuals and bad coffee. The Princess did enjoy some juice though.

From there we jumped into Mickey’s Philarmagic and loved it. The Princess approved heartily so we did it again. Then again.

When we finally came out and recovered our stroller I was amazed at how light the crowds were that day and in fact that whole week. The beauty of late winter in Florida I guess.

Anyway by now we were coming up on Noon and we had ADR’s at the Liberty Tavern. I hadn’t eaten much that morning so all you can eat sounded great. We got to Liberty Tavern just a few minutes before our reservation, collected the light up UFO they give you, sat down for 47 seconds and the UFO went off calling us to chow.

About ten pounds of good dead animal protein later (I said it that way just for you Hucifer) I was feeling much better about the world. We paid our tab, I forget what it was, and went out to collect the stroller. It was no where to be found. We had a load of stuff in it, nothing all that valuable but it meant another trip to the store for Belle and I really had no desire to invest another gabillion dollars in the Florida economy.

So we reorganized ourselves and began another search. Almost immediately Belle found it. Apparently some helpful CM had reorganized the loose strollers. Wish I knew what the helpful chum’s name was it would certainly have made it much easier to send cursed thoughts in his direction.

After our recovering the Princess’s chariot we hit Splash Mountain. Now for some reason this ride terrifies Belle. Here’s a woman that faces down some of the toughest names on Wall St daily and on 9/11 showed more courage that I saw in most Marines yet is afraid of a short drop into water. I don’t get it.
Yet another excellent opportunity to keep my mouth shut. So Belle waited on the bridge outside while Stinky and I rode twice.

By then it was getting on to 2pm so we headed back to the resort for the Princess’s nap.

When we got back Cruella was nowhere to be found, thank a merciful heaven, and Stinky went down for a nap. I considered catching some beauty sleep too but didn’t have 10,000 years and besides I hadn’t worked out in days and was beginning to feel it. I slipped out to the fitness center downstairs and worked out the pains from the night before. About two hours later I returned to the room to find Belle and Cruella exchanging angry words. As I came through the door they immediately shut up. Not being completely stupid I didn’t stick my hand in that alligator’s mouth and ask what was going on.

I shrugged it off and realized that it was coming up on 5pm and time to get the show in the road. We had ADR’s at Chef Mickey’s. As we left the Boardwalk I realized that Cruella and Belle were studiously ignoring one another.

We got to the Contemporary without incident. As we walked through the doors Belle fell in love with the Contemporary. She’s got this thing for anything retro-50/60ish. She’s always on e-bay buying some sort of junk to add to her collection.

Anyway we were almost immediately seated. Mickey, Donald, and the gang were deliriously happy to see us and rewarded us with autographs and more pictures. Amazingly I wasn’t particularly hungry.

From Mickey’s we went back to the Magic Kingdom and on Stinky’s insistence did Splash Mt. again. And again Belle waited while the Princess, Cruella, and your intrepid narrator got soaked.

From there we did Big Thunder RR, the Bear Jamboree, the shooting gallery, and doubled back to the Swiss Family Robinson house that for some reason intrigued Belle. We caught the tail end of the Spectro Magic parade then headed over to Tomorrowland. Belle and Cruella did Space Mountain while the Princess and I did the Tomorrowland Transit Authority or whatever they are calling that ride this year.

We rejoined the Delaney sisters and went to help Buzz out with the alien invaders. You can all relax about alien attackers out there I got a gazillion points and ruinated them. Just as we left the ride the fireworks were starting so we perched on the bridge between Tomorrowland and the Castle and watched the show.

The Princess had never been one to sit on my shoulders but the crowds were so tight in this particular spot that I put her up there over her protests. She finally realized that sitting on my shoulders 78 inches up gave her a much better view of the world than she had at 42 inches. From that point on she rarely rode in the stroller preferring to ride her trusty steed, Daddy.

Although it was an extra magic hours night we decided to head back. Cruella was annoyed, as usual, probably because she couldn’t haul her carcass out of bed and missed the morning session. Belle sweetly suggested that she could stay as long as she liked and take the bus back.

Cruella sulked.

I ignored her.

Back at the room more furniture magically appeared from somewhere. We had lamps, dressers and more tables. The kitchen had all its gear, not that it mattered to us. We could get rid of all that pesky money so much easier in Disney’s overpriced restaurants.

My speech was the next morning and I decided to get some rest so that the paying guests to the convention would get their money’s worth. I also wanted to sleep in the bed with my wife tonight. It was a subtle race with Cruella and I was going to cheat.

To take the knots out I jumped in the shower and let the hot water unwind me. When I came out of the bathroom I was prepared to jump in bed.
However Belle and Cruella were heatedly arguing. This time they were so intent that they ignored me entirely. It was funny the way they were shouting in whispers. However the seriousness of this argument was immediately clear. Belle was clenching and unclenching her fists. Both Belle and Cruella were shouting (in whispers in consideration of Stinky sleeping in the other room) just inches from each other’s face.

Yep I knew the signs.

CHICK FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best of all this was a two-fer. Not only was I going to get to see two hot girls get into it but I was certain that Belle was going to thump the bejesus outta Cruella.

I leaned back wishing for a recliner and a beer.

Then my conscience raised its ugly head. Stinky was in the other room, there were also certain to be unwelcome repercussions from a real fight, and besides it was Cruella. She was my SIL it wasn’t as if we weren’t related.

I decide to enforce peace.

I walked into the room and sent them to opposite corners to calm down and turned the TV off. Each of the Delaney girls found a private corner and got on their phones for 30 minutes or so in a whispered conversation with some other female member of the Delaney clan I was certain. Everyone settled in shortly after that.

And I lay there staring at the ceiling. Now that I had done my selfless good deed for the day I was unable to sleep.

I’m still glad that I broke up what would have been the high point of my vacation but it was the right choice. Another observation is that the right choice is usually the last thing you want to do. However if it had been that hot new neighbor of ours or the annoying, but curvy, college sorority sister of Belle’s that was always stopping by…..

OK, you’re right Hucifer, I’m scum. All men are really. I’m just honest about it.

Next: Jitterbugging Belle & The Beast

 

[princesslibby]

I mean you folks have been reading this endless trip report, how many of you out there think I’m going to change my opinions to suit anyone?

Can we get a show of hands please?

How about you there? The woman in the t-shirt with your hair pulled back.

Anyone?

See you guys get it and you hardly know me. BUT THIS NUTCASE FANATIC HAS TO RUIN MY LUNCH WITH HER INCESSANT YAMMER ABOUT….

How did you know what I was wearing?
And no I did not think she would change your mind.
You are Funny! I've been entertained this afternoon. Thank you.

 

[haunted51]

Hey, I think we have the same SIL Can't wait to read the rest!

 

[IWantMickey]

Ahhhh! More... please! Of your story I mean. Well, more beer too! It always helps when dealing with SILs!

 

[heaven2dc]

Oh my.....this has got to be in the top rankings of trip reports! More please!

I can sympathize with you on SIL a little I think. In 1994 my husb, me & 5 kids drove from Portland, OR to Orlando on a cross country trip with Mickey Mouse as our final reward. Sadly he died of a heart attack in the hotel room the day b4 we were to visit WDW. Well, in 97 I was able to treat 12 members of my family (minus my youngest 2 kids) plus my BIL and his family to WDW at BWV for 10-days and omg all my SIL did was complain. Now mind you 6 months b4 I had treated just the two of them to a little second honeymoon to WDW but evidently that wasn't good enuf for SIL and neither was the second trip. I very closely came to pulling her hair out at the Polynesian Revue but she was saved when the hot flamethrowing Polynesian guy pulled me up on stage to learn the hula (he could see flames coming of my ears I think lol).

Can't wait to read more - you are a fantastic writer!

P.S. haven't been back to WDW again but have hopes to squeeze in a trip soon! Car problems, kids in college, always something setting it back but gosh darn I will get there again someday lol

 

[J and R's mom]

I love the way you speak about your wife. What an awesome husband you are.

You're TR is cracking me up. Can't wait to read what happens next.

 

[bushdianee]

subbing

 

[Mom2DS]

GREAT trip report! I am sitting here totally engrossed just to see if you guys finally take out Cruella! I think Delswife's rotten SIL just got a run for her money on most awful family member!

 

[BellesBeast]

Jitterbugging Belle & The Beast

Monday:

The next morning I woke at my usual 5am made another quick trip to the fitness center, and got up to check my e-mail and go over the speech one last time. I worked away for an hour or so before Belle got up, dressed, and closed the door to the other room where Cruella and Stinky were sleeping.

Belle came over and told me that she had intended to beat Cruella senseless before I interfered last night but she was glad I’d been more sensible than she. That is absolutely the first time in my life that anyone ever accused me of being sensible. I was busy regretting being sensible and vowed to never apply sense to another situation.

Oh well I can always hope for a match with the hot neighbor or the sorority sister….

Shortly the Princess woke up demanding pancakes for breakfast and it was getting time for me to head down to the convention. Belle decided to take Stinky to the Boardwalk Bakery to see what they had while I left.

I got to the convention and was met by a woman who was a dead ringer for a young Lilly Tomlin. Lilly was determined to brief me on what this organization was all about and how to handle the folks on the floor. I refrained from telling her that I was a charter member and had been speaking to groups before she was out of grade school.

Finally the opening remarks by some stuffed shirt who could have put a hyperactive kid on a caffeine high to sleep were over and it was my turn. I’d taken my standard convention speech worked it over a little to opportunely hammer Delta here and there in a not so good humored sort of way, slipped in a few newer jokes, and handed out a few hints for business security that I usually charge bunches of bucks for. Then I opened the floor to questions. Thirty seconds and one hour later the convention lady gave me the high sign and I was done.

I had to attend the obligatory lunch where I had some semi-edible chicken in a truly revolting sauce then I was free. Theoretically I was done except for a break out session I had Wednesday afternoon.

I went back up to our rooms to wait for Belle and Stinky with the intention of getting something real to eat as I had avoided eating much of the imitation food at lunch. Cruella wasn’t around so I decided to grab another shower and change. You might think I shower a lot and I do. I might have a face that looks like a troll but at least I don’t smell like one.

Shortly Belle and the Princess came back from the Magic Kingdom where they had apparently worked over Fantasyland pretty hard. We got Stinky down and to sleep in good order and were thinking about various ways that we could kill the next two hours when Cruella showed up. Among her many other short-comings Cruella has a lousy sense of timing.

She’d been down at the pool all morning and had come back to change for our planned foray out to DTD later this afternoon.

Belle and Cruella eyed one another but didn’t speak one word. It was then I noticed that Cruella was wearing one of Belle’s new bathing suits.

Huh-oh.

Cruella went into the bathroom changed and came out dressed. Belle walked over to her without speaking a word, took the bathing suit, went to the trashcan and dropped it in.

Belle was making a statement. I saw $64.99 worth of new bathing suit in the garbage but once again found an excellent opportunity to keep my mouth shut. You might think I’m a coward and you’d have a point. I am. At least when given a choice.

Cruella said nothing and went in the other room and began reading. Belle sat at my computer and was holding a conversation with someone via instant messaging. I decide to handle the tension the way any man would.

I took a nap.

At 2:30 the Princess was using me as a portable trampoline again. This is Belle’s way to subtlety remind me that we had ADR’s at Raglan Roads that evening.

Within 30 minutes we were on our way to Pleasure Island and some good Irish fare. Once again we were seated almost immediately. I was in a seafoody frame of mind after the dreadful chicken at lunch and ordered the Pint of Prawns for an appetizer and the Crock of Mussels. Belle had the Guinness Stew and Cruella had the lamb shank probably because it was the most expensive item on the menu. Somehow our server Wendy also rustled up some peanut butter for the Princess.

I was drinking water because I was driving but both Belle and Cruella were punishing the Guinness tap pretty hard. I’m not certain whether they were engaged in a drinking battle or simply using the beer as anesthetic against having to be in each other’s company. The tension was high through the meal as neither one of them would speak to the other but talked only to the Princess or me.

I ignored it all.

When the stuffing was over I paid the $231 tab tax and tip included and we walked through into the Disney marketplace. Stinky was taken with the Lego creatures and we had to take the obligatory pictures. Belle ordered me not to set one foot in the World of Disney or the toy store there. Obediently I did not enter. The Princess had however spotted Disney Pin Traders. I shushed her while Belle headed for Eurospain’s glass and Cruella walked over to the Art of Disney.

I haven’t mentioned that Stinky had become a fanatical Disney pin trader. She stopped anyone wearing a lanyard that she passed to make a trade. For her it wasn’t the pin but the trade that mattered. The first day she had completely turned over her pin collection probably more than once.

When we went in the Pin Traders she selected several pins and began trying to make trades before I had even paid for them.

Then we went back to the Lego store and we built several dramatic buildings under the awning there. Shortly both Belle and Cruella returned separately carting purchases and we walked back to the car for the drive to the Boardwalk.

The convention that I was attending was sponsoring an event that evening that I could have easily lived without but Belle had looked forward to since we got the convention agenda. The convention organizers had rented out the Atlantic Dance Hall at the end of the Boardwalk and were holding a swing/big band dance program that evening. If there is anything that Belle loves its big band music and cutting a rug.

Belle went whole hog. She had picked up a new dress (two dresses actually given that one was in our still missing luggage) and arranged for a hairdresser to come to the room. She ordered me out of the room for two hours while she, the Princess, and Cruella got done up.

I gratefully retreated from the mass confusion of our home away from home to the ESPN Zone and snuck in a nice bowl of clam chowder with a beer while quietly watching some taped game.

How pathetic, here I am at Disney World and the high point of my day is a bowl of chowder and a beer.

Eventually I went back to the room. It was bedlam in that room. Belle was chasing Stinky around the room with a dress while Cruella and the hairdresser debated if there were enough waves in her hair. I had to admit that they all looked good. Belle was in a flowing blue silk dress and sported a Veronica Lake hairdo while Cruella resembled a young Lucille Ball in a green dress that looked like it had been sprayed on. Stinky was dressed as a miniature Belle.

Belle loves to wear high heels but rarely does as a 5’ 10” woman in heels towers over most men. I think that’s one of the reasons that she picked me as when wearing even the highest heels she’s still several inches shorter than me.

Anyway we finally were ready to head for the dance and began the walk down the Boardwalk. Apparently Belle and Cruella had called a truce for the evening. They walked together gathering in the stares of everyone along the lake that evening. The men were drooling and the women were glaring. I followed along walking with Stinky carrying wraps for them all against the expected cold later, a bag of snacks for Stinky, and other assorted essentials that added up to enough plunder to support several small countries. I was reduced to a pack mule.

As we entered Atlantic Dance it was like stepping into a Bogart film. Everything is 40’s and a 20 something piece band was hammering out some very hot swing. Belle dispatched me to the bar to collect some of that disgustingly sweet slop that they drink and I collected a beer for me and a Coke for the Princess. I was promoted to servant.

I was no sooner back to the table and Belle wanted to dance. Now I’m not much of a dancer except when its Swing or Jitterbug. When Belle and I met the Swing revival was just getting started, Belle liked to dance and I was crazy about Belle. So I took lessons. Lots and lots and lots of lessons. So I can cut a nice rug including even swirls, flips, and twirls.

We danced several songs and then Belle lent me to Cruella. Two and a half hours later I’d danced with Belle, Cruella, and Stinky. My beer was still untouched and warm and I was exhausted.

So Belle insisted that I do a jitterbug with her. I had been demoted again, this time to accessory.

Finally it was time to take the Princess, and her Daddy, up to bed. Cruella wanted to stay as the crowd of admirers hadn’t diminished in the hours we had been there and despite protests to the contrary she’s been trying to earn her Mrs degree for years. It’s a testament to Cruella’s winning personality that even with her looks she can’t maintain a relationship more than a couple of weeks.

I warned Cruella that the attention she was getting were probably not eligible prospects. I mean what kind of real single guy heads to Disney World?

Anyway on the way to room we stopped at the Boardwalk Pizza Window and got a couple of pizzas and some beer and Cokes. While at the window Belle’s cell phone rang. As soon as she got on it I saw her face cloud over. Belle delivered a short speech about Cruella’s habits and behavior to someone on the other end and slammed the cover of her phone shut.

Well that truce didn’t last long.

We got back to the room, pigged out, and went to bed.

About 2 am Cruella came in and woke us when she slammed the door to the room. Then she dropped all sorts of stuff all over the place making all the noise in the world and for good measure, in case any dead people within 25 miles were still sleeping, slammed the door to the bathroom.

Eventually peace was restored when Cruella passed out someplace in the other room.

Next: Bibbiddi Bobbiddi Boutique, Luggage, and More Shopping

 

[BellesBeast]

To J & R's Mom:


I'm hardly awsome. Have you been reading the same report I wrote? I make Shrek look handsome for cripes sake.

I do love Belle though. It took full year to wear her down from total revulsion to mere tolerance and 18 months more to get her to say yes to the magic question.

Persistance pays though!

 

[BellesBeast]

To heaven2dc

Oh my.....this has got to be in the top rankings of trip reports! More please!

Thank you!

I very closely came to pulling her hair out at the Polynesian Revue

See I miss all the chick-fights!!

 

[BellesBeast]

Hey all,

I'm having all sorts of trouble getting the former Belle Delaney to agree on letting me put some pic's in the report. Make a little noise will you all if you want to see some faces to go with the antics.

 

[BellesBeast]

How did you know what I was wearing?
And no I did not think she would change your mind.
You are Funny! I've been entertained this afternoon. Thank you.

Hey, I'm in the security business. I can see what anyone is doing or wearing.

Let your hair down it'll be more flattering. And thats a much nicer shirt you're wearing today.

 

[princesslibby]

Hey, I'm in the security business. I can see what anyone is doing or wearing.

Let your hair down it'll be more flattering. And thats a much nicer shirt you're wearing today.

I'm so glad you noticed. That 2 1/2 hours at the salon yesterday payed off.



Pictures!!! We want Pictures!

Give me a:
P H O T O

Please Mrs. Beast.

 

[jeepgirl30]

Great report! I keep checking in for the next installment.

Come on Mrs Beast, we want pics!

 

[GrumpeyMom]

Beast - your trip report is absolutely awesome! You must convince Belle to let you post some pics. Pretty pretty please??!!??!! I can't wait to read more of your adventures!

 

[Nee Nee and Biddy]

Love the report so far! Yes, we need to see pictures. Please? Can't wait for more!