julia & nicks mom said:
Okay moms - I could use some advice
there is a girl in Julia's class who is mean and it really hurts Julia's feelings - we have talked with the teacher and she tells us the problem is universal with this little girl and not a problem with Julia - I have told Julia that she needs to play with the other kids and to not let the other little girl bother her and to avoid her when she can
well today Julia came home very upset about the other little girl - and I couldn't figure out why- she finally told me that she and this little girl spent the day fighting over who was friends with girl #3 - I asked why Julia didn't just go play with the 4th little girl in their class - turns out - she is out of town - thus making Julia the third wheel
why is it ingrained in us as little girls that we can't all be friends - why are we always competing to be the best friend and get jealous when others come into the mix - I know this is something that will always be an issue b/c girls will always be like this but I wish I knew how to make this easier for her or how to help her deal with this
any advice?
It is so sad that we treat each other so poorly. Just keep telling Julia that she is great and to not listen to the other girl, that she doesn't know better. I know it is hard to have others make fun of you. Just keep showing and telling her how much you love her. It is a hard thing to deal with as you can't alter the other girls behavior and don't know what that girls parents are telling her.
Perhaps you could have the teacher do this with the students. Doing it with Julia won't help the problem. It might be a little bit too old for them, but it might get that girl thinking about how her behavior effects the other students. Or perhaps it can be adapted for use by the teacher. I used this with my Brownie troop and gave each girl a piece of paper with a doll picture on it and they each decorated their own doll which they cut out and ripped apart. They glued it back together on another piece of paper.
For dealing with cliques and the one girl that no one wants to spend time with. This exercise will "sensitize" them to the problem. First, make a paper doll about 2 feet tall and color her. Then, as you tell the story, wherever it says RIP, you will rip off a piece of the doll, starting with one elbow, then the next, then the knees, etc. In the second half of the story you tape her back together again.
Let me introduce you to a girl named Susie. Susie is an ordinary girl, just like you. There are things she likes and doesn't like, just like you. There are things that she is good at doing and things that she's not so good at.
She has friends and a family, just like you.
When people are nice to Susie, she's happy, and when they're not, it hurts her feelings. There is one very special thing about Susie though - when you hurt her feelings, you can actually see that she's hurt.
Let's listen to a story about one day in Susie's life:
Our story starts on a school day, when Susie's mother wakes her up for school. Well, Susie was kind of slow to get up that morning, and her mother said "Quit being lazy and get up. I wish you were more like your sister, she's never lazy in the morning." And that hurt Susie's feelings. RIP.
Well, Susie got up and got dressed, and went downstairs for breakfast. Her older sister was already eating breakfast, and she looked up when Susie came in. She made a face and said "Are you really going to wear that shirt with those pants? You look dorky in that." And that hurt Susie's feelings. RIP.
After Susie ate her breakfast, she went outside to wait for the school bus. When it came, she got on and started to sit down next to her friend Jane. But Jane said, "You can't sit here. I'm saving this seat for Polly." And that hurt Susie's feelings. RIP.
At school that morning, Susie couldn't find her homework to turn in. She looked in her bookbag and her desk, but she couldn't find it. Her teacher was standing by her desk, waiting for her to find it, and in front of the whole class, her teacher said, "You are so disorganized. I think you'd lose
your head if it wasn't attached." RIP.
Finally, it was time for recess. Susie loved recess. On the playground, some of her friends were organizing a game of kickball. Susie wanted to play, but the captain of the first team said "I don't
want you on my team. You run too slow." RIP. The captain of the other team said, "I don't want her either. She can't even kick." RIP. And another kid said, "Why don't you go play with somebody else?" RIP. And the other kids laughed. RIP.
Well, Susie had had a rough day, so she just sat on the playground and cried After a minute, the other kids noticed how hurt she was, and they said, "Oh, no! Look what we've done!"
So they tried to make Susie feel better.
"It's OK, Susie, you can be on my team," said the captain of the first team. And that made Susie feel a little bit better. TAPE.
"You can be on my team if you want," said the captain of the second team. TAPE.
"We want you to play with us," said another kid. TAPE.
"I'm sorry I laughed at you," said another. TAPE.
Back in the classroom that afternoon, Susie's teacher complimented her on her artwork for a project the class was working on. "You're so creative," she said. TAPE.
On the bus that afternoon, Jane and Polly asked Susie to sit with them. So she sat with both of her friends, and they talked and laughed all the way home. TAPE.
Later that afternoon, Susie's sister asked if Susie wanted to go to the mall with her. Of course, she said yes, and they had a great time trying on clothes and giggling with each other. TAPE.
And that night, when Susie went to bed, her mother gave her a hug and a kiss and said, "I'm sorry I was grouchy with you this morning. I really do love you!" TAPE.
And so Susie went to bed.
My question for you is this:
Does Susie look the same as this morning?
These lines are scars, they will fade over time, just like physical scars, but they may never go away.
Remember, once you've said something, you can never take it back!
for you and Julia. Please tell her that she is a very special young lady, and I think that anyone would be mean to her is just plain nuts!
