The DDA Trouble Free Zone Part 3

[my3princes]

I am at my wits end & not really sure what to do, so I thought maybe some of you could give me some advice. I am having trouble with my youngest ds, he is 9. For the past month he has been getting into trouble at school along with a couple of other boys. He has been disrespectfull to his teacher & the principle. His grades are going down & he is not being honest with me. I have had meetings at the school & they are trying to work with him.

I just do not understand where this is all coming from. I have tried talking to him & explaining that this has to end. I know he is better than this, why does he keep doing things to get into trouble? I have seperated him from these others boys(I am not blaming them, I know Riley has a mind of his own & could say no), but at school they are still together. I have asked the principal if Riley could be put in another classroom & he said there is not enough room.

I have even thought of switching Riley to another school, but I am not sure this would help either. I keep asking myself what have I done wrong or what haven't I done that has let this come about. It scares me that if I do not get this under control now that he will get worse as he gets older.

This is really hard for me to put out here for everyone to read, because Riley is a wonderful boy. I love him dearly, but my heart is breaking right now. How do you make a child understand? Apperantly my talks with him are not working. Do I seek counseling with him, is this just a phase he is going through?

Sorry for the long story & thanks for listening. I just feel likeI have lost touch somewhere & I am not feeling like I have been a very good parent at the moment.

This may not be what you want to hear, but get him into therapy. I worked for a Psychiatry Department for 8 years and I typed notes for the child psychiatrists. I have seen them do amazing things to help kids through difficult times. I'm sure that there is a root to the problem which you can't see, and perhaps your son doesn't even realize. If you are doing all that you can and the school is doing all that they can, then this would be the next step.

Good luck.

Deb

 

[julia & nicks mom]

I know - I found that too!! As much as I hate to admit it...

However in MY defense - I was younger and even though I remember it - I really remember more from the coverage at the time of his death - when they all said - she was on his last show

here is another link about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tonight_Show_Starring_Johnny_Carson

 

[UP Disney]

Update on Grandpa-He had his surgery today. Well, sort of. They checked him out and decided that closing him back up right away would be the best decision. He's being admitted into hospice today. I'll be finding flights from San Diego for my aunt and uncle, I think they've decided on coming in this Saturday. I haven't been to the hospital yet (still debating on seeing him like this or remembering him sitting in his Lazy Boy chair eating his chocolate without nuts). From the family that is there now, he's ready to see his late wife and comfortable with the decisions that had to be made. Thanks for the prayers everyone! (It's odd knowing that this thread, only finding it a month ago, makes me feel better The kindness of strangers is awesome!)

I am so sorry to hear about your Grandpa. It sounds like he is at peace with his decision. It is so hard for those of us left behind. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

As for visiting him, my suggestion is to go see him. I saw my grandfather at the end. He was quite weak laying in bed. Very odd for such a strong, active man. I was also worried that I didn't want to remember him that way. However, it gave me a chance to say good-bye and tell him what he meant to me. He reached his hand up to mine and gave me one of his firm grips - he was too weak to speak but he still had that grip. It was always his way of saying "I love you and wish I could keep you with me." Seeing him laying in bed too weak to speak did not diminish all my memories of who he was. I think I would have regretted not being able to tell him one last time that I loved him.

 

[tinknme]

This has crossed my mind as well. This is in no way an excuse, but Riley has always been a follower. He sees someone doing something & it is almost like he has to do it as well to prove something. I don't know maybe I am overeacting & this is something that will pass soon. I just don't want him being labeled as a trouble maker. There really is a sweet child in there.

Could he be doing this for attention?

 

[kc10family]

Oooh! I know who Carnac the Magnificent is! But we already knew I was part of the "old" crowd.

Beth

Beth, Are you calling me old? I'm only 36! I know who Carnac the Magnificent is!

 

[tinknme]

Ok I feel silly now that I see who it is

I bet you know who he is now!!

I miss Johnny!!

 

[UP Disney]

Marti if it makes you feel better I have never eaten at Chick Fil A. I had never even heard of this place till reading about it here.

Same with me. I'm looking for the closest one just so I can say I tried it.

 

[UP Disney]

Ya know ! Don't you have some children or something to keep you busy?? How about a turtle? I heard Amy is good at those! And its those little bites in the picture that I love the most!!

What are those little bites? What kinds of things do they have for breakfast?

 

[kc10family]

I am at my wits end & not really sure what to do, so I thought maybe some of you could give me some advice. I am having trouble with my youngest ds, he is 9. For the past month he has been getting into trouble at school along with a couple of other boys. He has been disrespectfull to his teacher & the principle. His grades are going down & he is not being honest with me. I have had meetings at the school & they are trying to work with him.

I just do not understand where this is all coming from. I have tried talking to him & explaining that this has to end. I know he is better than this, why does he keep doing things to get into trouble? I have seperated him from these others boys(I am not blaming them, I know Riley has a mind of his own & could say no), but at school they are still together. I have asked the principal if Riley could be put in another classroom & he said there is not enough room.

I have even thought of switching Riley to another school, but I am not sure this would help either. I keep asking myself what have I done wrong or what haven't I done that has let this come about. It scares me that if I do not get this under control now that he will get worse as he gets older.

This is really hard for me to put out here for everyone to read, because Riley is a wonderful boy. I love him dearly, but my heart is breaking right now. How do you make a child understand? Apperantly my talks with him are not working. Do I seek counseling with him, is this just a phase he is going through?

Sorry for the long story & thanks for listening. I just feel likeI have lost touch somewhere & I am not feeling like I have been a very good parent at the moment.

I wish I had advice for you, but I don't. If your a Dr. Laura fan she might have some. I always find her interesting.

 

[tinknme]

Thanks Deb, deep down I am thinking this might be a starting point & something we need.

This may not be what you want to hear, but get him into therapy. I worked for a Psychiatry Department for 8 years and I typed notes for the child psychiatrists. I have seen them do amazing things to help kids through difficult times. I'm sure that there is a root to the problem which you can't see, and perhaps your son doesn't even realize. If you are doing all that you can and the school is doing all that they can, then this would be the next step.

Good luck.

Deb

 

[UP Disney]

This is really hard for me to put out here for everyone to read, because Riley is a wonderful boy. I love him dearly, but my heart is breaking right now. How do you make a child understand? Apperantly my talks with him are not working. Do I seek counseling with him, is this just a phase he is going through?

Sorry for the long story & thanks for listening. I just feel likeI have lost touch somewhere & I am not feeling like I have been a very good parent at the moment.

Wonderful kids have tough times as well. It has nothing to do with the parents. You are trying to find a solution so you can't be a bad parent. If you were like the bad parents, you would be saying "It's the other boys fault", "The teacher is just picking on him", "He isn't a problem at home, it must be the school", etc.

I would seek counseling for him. Obviously, there is something that he needs help with. If he won't talk to you, then you need to get him to talk with someone. Don't blame yourself! Continue to be there for him and let him know that the behavior is unacceptable but that you love him.

Once again: You are NOT a bad parent, you ARE a good parent!!!!

 

[babytrees]

This has crossed my mind as well. This is in no way an excuse, but Riley has always been a follower. He sees someone doing something & it is almost like he has to do it as well to prove something. I don't know maybe I am overeacting & this is something that will pass soon. I just don't want him being labeled as a trouble maker. There really is a sweet child in there.

My Abi is a follower too....if there is at least one other mom that is confused with the behavior and these kids have been good kids up until now, I have a suggestion.....Take a day or two and shadow him. There maybe bigger kids or adults that are provoking this behavior and shadowing him will give you an idea of what his day looks like. Don't tell him or the teacher that you are going to do it....don't give them time to put on their best behavior. You won't get all of the stuff that is happening with him but it may just shine a little light and give you something to move on from.

 

[UP Disney]

I am applying for three jobs - one as a clerk/typist so I could work in the schools and have summers off with Matt. It pays the least, but has the best time frame.

The other two are related to my major, Speech Communications. A nearby town is hiring two people in their communications department and the pay is significantly better but the hours will be longer. Should be interesting to see what happens!!

Good luck on the tests! Even better luck getting the job you want.

I see with the posting frenzy you are on that the studying is going well??!!

 

[UP Disney]

He was scheduled yesterday for the MRI, went through all of the prep, tried to get into the machine....

needless to say, today they scheduled an open MRI.

Thoughts & pixie dust for Paul. Hope they find out what is wrong.

 

[babytrees]

I wanted to post seperately that you are not overreacting!!! You are a wonderful mom...exploring all the options to help your child!! Riley is lucky!! Remember that we are here for you to vent.

 

[kc10family]

Marti- GO STUDY!!! Also, I do hope things go well for Paul.

Anyone I missed who needs a little PD. Here you go

To all who sent PD and prayers my way, I thank you so very much. Last night I got a bit of the bug Bethie had/has, but so far today I'm good.


Bethie seems fine today, I have yet to see a "fun" diaper. I keep checking her and I think she is going to hall off and hit me for it.

Yesterday was payday so I am off to pay bills. Oh what fun.

 

[tinker1bell]

Amy and I pretty close in age - I can't remember who is younger - I think it is me but I really don't want to claim to be younger to find out she is -

and can I say that is just wrong: I bet you know who he is now!!

I miss Johnny!!

I miss Johnny too. I loved his Aunt Blabby

 

[Steamboat Marti]

Hey, Kate -

Marti is right.

Here is the monologue from Johnny Carson's final "The Tonight Show" on May 22, 1992:


Sorry, Marti. Please forgive us.

See - and I nearly said his other last guest was Robin Williams... I'm just so glad that you found this Tammi - I was quite sure of myself, but as time goes on, you never know.

 

[bethbuchall]

Yep 4th grade. He did pretty good the 1st half of the year, now he is on a downslide I am trying to be a good mother, but I feel as though I am being tested right now.

First, remember that you ARE a good mother. A bad mother wouldn't be feeling what you are right now. 4th grade is one of the tougher years, and you probably are being tested. It's important to stay firm and keep letting him know that you love him. This is one of those transitition times.

I agree with you that you need to find out the underlying reasons, though he may not really know himself or at least not be able to articulate the reasons. Could he be worrying about saying good-bye to his school and beginning a new one? Are these new friends that he is hanging around with or old ones that have also changed?

Do you have any friends/relatives that are in later middle school or high school that could act as good role models as well as talk to him to find out what's going on? He may be more open with them.

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you. Just keep telling yourself that you are a good mother, keep loving your son and telling him that you love him, and don't let him get away with behavior that you don't approve of. Oh, and vent away here!

Beth

 

[Steamboat Marti]

What are those little bites? What kinds of things do they have for breakfast?

Since I have such limited Chick Fil-A knowledge- I bow to my superiors. Can anybody help out here?