The Dance Mom Thread

[Diamondintheruff]

My DS was happy at our old studio. The owner was lovely. Perhaps too lovely. Certain rules were enforced for some and not for others. I learnt that I could work around the rules and felt a mixture of guilty pleasure and anger that I could. I wondered what everyone else was getting away with. I began to dislike the "dance mother" persona I was taking on.

I also found that because the owner was a "pleaser" that the administration of things were unorganized or pulled together at the last minute.

One of the big rules that was broken was that all competitive dancers had to take this mandatory ballet/Jazz class. Some kids didn't want to take ballet so it morphed into a Jazz/modern class. That's when I signed my DS up to take a recreational ballet class at another studio. Again I broke the rule of taking dance anywhere else but since they didn't have Ballet-it was "okay" this time.

The other studio already has their fall schedule out. They have invited my DS to dance with them and he has made some friends there. Our old studio announced last week they were merging with another studio and I just know there will be so much negativity going on plus the "pleasing" attitude of our owner will be in high mode. I don't think I can take it.

Well I guess I made my decision.....My DD just started dancing competitively. If the new studio offers to take her too than we will switch. Thanks for letting me think this out.

So to answer your question Dancemomma I think you should dance from your heart and soul but you should choose your studio from a list of pro's and con's. You shouldn't feel guilty about switching studios. You should just thank your old one for a great year and leave it at that. If you are feeling this much guilt and angst over it-it is not the right studio for your family.

 

[missypie]

Prayers and pixie dust please. Our company director - a beautiful young woman in her late 20s - has been diagonsed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. She says she'll be at Nationals no matter what, but who knows.

I also feel for the studio owner. She'll obvously want to let the company director work as much as she feels she can, but she'll need to recruit a strong substitute so that the company won't fall apart during the director's many absences.

 

[Sleepy]

Breaking away from a studio can be terrible even when done under the right circumstances. My son went to a nice school where they were not very strict about anything. Unfortunately, while affordable and lax, the teaching was less than correct. Before they started a summer program, some of the students went away for summer intensives. When the small school began holding their own summer intensive, some of the kids still wanted to take summer classes away for the experience. One mom, a very dear sweet lady, approached the director to let her know of their plan to take summer intensive away from the home school. The director talked to her over the phone, in such a manner that this poor mom was in tears. The director made her feel guilty for her daughter wanting to go away (about 20 minute drive) to another studio.....made her feel disloyal.

I was happy that we were able to make the break easily. Had we not moved to another country, we would have made the move 30 miles away to another school with better training that they could not offer my son. People change studios for a variety of reasons.....class size, class offerings (forms of dance and number of classes a week), level of profession of the training, level of profession of the instructors, prices, internal conflict of both kids and parents, lack of professionalism in terms of the staff.....the list goes on and on.

I say don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision to move to another studio. I say don't wait until the last day before telling them you are leaving, but if you fear retaliation toward your child, give them a week or two notice (unless in the contract, for monetary payments, they stipulate you give a certain amount of notice). A dance environment should be professional. Parents should not even be involved in the drama (although they tend to be the source of it much of the time) and the staff should only be involved to keep the drama among the kids to a minimum. We were fortunate to find a very professional school that keeps the parents out of the building and expects nothing but the best behavior of the students. You want to talk in class, they tell you to go home and don't bother returning to class. You are disruptive and are not welcome. You are not happy that you did not get front and center in the recital? Keep it to yourself. Be thankful you are even on stage. I like this school. It is so stress free. If my son decides to leave, he knows he can without hate directed toward us.

 

[Diamondintheruff]

Parents should not even be involved in the drama (although they tend to be the source of it much of the time

So true!!!!!!

I still haven't made my decision. I have notified the old studio director that we were taking some time to decide where the right fit for my kids would be next year. She was gracious and wished us well. I believe the quote was "If I don't see you next fall just remember to dance from your heart and soul and you'll be great".

For missypie's company director. So sad when cancer strikes the young.

 

[missypie]

Recital was this weekend. The company director did a duet with the one graduating senior. It would have made me teary-eyed anyway, but it made me weep in light of the director's recent cancer diagnosis. So odd to think that the body of that vigorous, fit young woman contains something that could kill her.

Boy, moms of little dancers - it sure is great when they get to high school! For the first time in 9 years, I SAT through the entire first half of the recital without leaving my seat....no running up and down the stairs to help with costume and hair changes. I even left DD in charge of getting her picture taken by the professional photographer in all 5 costumes without my assistance. I still had to help the younger daughter with her costumes and hair during second half, but it was certainly the most relaxing recital I've ever had.

 

[dreamer17555]

Cat got hurt today. He little brother slammed the door and her fingers got caught. After several hours at the doctors (and running to an Imaging Center) we got the bad news- broken. I called her teacher. Cat and one other child do back handsprings. There is no way she can do that with her hand like it is... I am not sure if they are going to rework the dance or just hope she heals in time for nationals... This is very stressful.

-Becca-

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Our recital is over! Of course the girls did a good job, but it was another stressful recital because the studio owner insists on structuring the "theme" around the HORRIBLE acting class. There are only 117 dancers left at the studio and it was still 3 1/2 hours long. The first act was based on "Wizard of Oz"--then the second act after "Wicked". ONE would have been plenty! Problem was the actor kids had to keep changing costumes to do a teeny little skit and then there was so much dead time between dances, esp. in Act 2. Most of the non-parent relatives had bailed before finale. I wish the owner would listen that most of us HATE the acting class and what it does to the recital!
On top of this, I found out DD#1's company is being switched to Saturday morning, so I have no excuse to pull her out--but even though she is SO good at it, she wants to quit. If she quits, do I pull DD#2 out and put her in a closer studio, or leave her there alone? ARRRGGGHH!
Robin M.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

for Cat.

Well my day turned upside down about 9:45 this morning! My worst nightmare came true: less than 1 week before Nationals Ashlynn's duo partner quit! Another dancer learned the dance in about 90 minutes today, and tomrrow and Thurs they will be cleaning it. And it competes at Nationals on Sunday. I am amazed at the attitudes of both my daughter and the other dancer. They just did what needed to be done. Her new partner is bigger than the old one, so we are still working out the costume business. But it will work out.

The dancer who quit was also in 2 group dances: one was respaced today and in the other, one of the older dancers who is still quite small is filling in. She learned the dance in about 45 minutes! These girls never cease to amaze me!

 

[dreamer17555]

Oh Jessica that is Terrible! I can't believe a dancer (or her parents) would just let her quit like that! Especially with Nationals so close! At our Studio all the kids sign a contract (not legal but still) that they are part of a team and are expect to show for all practices, ect... There is no way I would let Cat do that to another child. Not cool.

I am glad the girls had such a good attiude about it. In an hour I am taking Cat up to the Studio, the teacher wants to see what she can do on her hand... it is not pretty but she isn't complaining at all. We will see if that last when Miss B starts seeing what she can do.

-Becca-

 

[missypie]

for Cat.

Well my day turned upside down about 9:45 this morning! My worst nightmare came true: less than 1 week before Nationals Ashlynn's duo partner quit! Another dancer learned the dance in about 90 minutes today, and tomrrow and Thurs they will be cleaning it. And it competes at Nationals on Sunday. I am amazed at the attitudes of both my daughter and the other dancer. They just did what needed to be done. Her new partner is bigger than the old one, so we are still working out the costume business. But it will work out.

The dancer who quit was also in 2 group dances: one was respaced today and in the other, one of the older dancers who is still quite small is filling in. She learned the dance in about 45 minutes! These girls never cease to amaze me!

What kind of girl-AND WHAT KIND OF PARENTS-would let a duo partner quit a duo right before a competition (ANY competition)?????!!!!!! Do you want us to all send them harrassing messages to them for you?! It's bad enough to quit a group dance, but a duet????!!!!!

Sounds like your daughter bounced back very nicely. If it were me it would be so hard to bite my tongue and not be saying ugly things about them...of course, that does your daughter no good at this point. The only bight side is that I bet this experience will make your own daughter super dependable...She'll never leave anybody high and dry on a school project or anything else, because she knows what it feels like.

 

[Sleepy]

Becca Sorry to hear about Cat. What a terrible mishap. Why do these things have to happen at such a crucial time?

Jessica I too, can't believe this was allowed to happen. Why can't parents understand the importance of committment? Dance is not just a row of ducks doing the same thing independently. My son would be freaking out of his partner quit suddenly like that.

Bad news from our end too. The ever important, life altering, end of year exam was on Sunday. In a nutshell, my son fell......fell hard. He was executing a difficult step that had been giving him problems for a while. Somehow he said his foot caught his other leg and in a split second, he was a twisted pretzel on the floor. His foot by his head. He said his whole dance future flashed before his eyes as he went down and then immediately, he thought he had broken his leg, but then he realized there was no pain. Some of the judges came to his aid and checked him out before moving him. He sat out for a while and then they asked him if he was able to participate. Although he really wasn't, he did anyway for fear of it being held against him. He hobbled through the rest of the exam.

He really does not know how this will effect his grade. He just hopes this will not be the end of his time here. We won't know for another 2 weeks. Meanwhile, I think he needs to go to the doc for a foot x-ray. I think maybe he bruised his foot or maybe messed up a bone. He told me he rolled his foot when he fell. Just thankful this happened after the recital and not before. On a lighter note, my son said while some of the judges were helping him off the floor, he thought he heard one of them say "We might need to amputate". Had him scared for a moment, but then he realized his translation might have been off. Poor kid. WHat a horrible experience. Sometimes all the ice cream in the world can't make some things better.

 

[dreamer17555]

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for your son! I would get it checked out ASAP. An untreated injury can lead to permanent damage. Get him to a doctor, if nothing else to put both of your minds at ease.

-Becca-

 

[dreamer17555]

Update on Cat-

She is my lil trooper. She went in and within twenty minutes Miss Bethany had her throwing back handsprings. She spotted her for the first few, but Cat did quiet a few on her own. She told me it hurt a little bit but that she wants to do that part (its a spotlight part after all- like she would give that up ) So we are going to keep her from doing anything with her hands until three days before Nationals and then I believe she will work through it. It might have her a little rusty but I dont want her doing any damage to herself.

-Becca-

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Hi Everyone.

Becca for Cat what a trooper. Its amazing what these kids can work through isnt it. Please keep us updated. (by the way I started reading your TR today great start )

Jessica, Wow that seems terrible they would leave right before. I just dont understand parents sometimes. LIke if you cannot commit to it then dont start in the first place.

Sleepy, to your ds too. Let us know what the DR says. hopefully they saw him work through it and that will count towards his final score. I will keep my fingers crossed for a good outcome.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

We just got back from Disneyland. Our performance there was fun of course. Next time they are doing the stage in DCA because the one in Carnation is just too small. The girls had trouble with the choreography on it. Luckily its just mostly parents so it didnt really matter!

We had a great trip and Morgan bonded with the other girls really well. Right now we are in the middle of summer intensive for the next 6 weeks. She starts her solo routine on Friday. She is THRILLED about that.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Sleepy, I agree with Becca. Get your son checked out ASAP. Let us know how he is doing.

Thanks for the support everyone. If you read back in the thread, you'll understand why I am not totally surprised at what happened. I half expected it, but I expected it a month ago, not the week before Nationals. It is a family situation. The mom's grandfather had a heart attack on Sunday night and wasn't waking up from the surgery. Mom feels like she needs to be there right now not taking her daughter on a cruise ship to dance at Nationals. I am not unsympathetic, but...

Most of my fellow moms here seem to think the grandfather would say, "Take her to Nationals." I know my family would say that. Especially since, my grandmother died 2 days before I graduated from HS, and my mom's sisters (who were local to grandma; we weren't) arranged everything so that my mom could be at my graduation.

Ashlynn and her new partner had another rehearsal this morning. You would never know this girl learned that dance yesterday! They look great together. The irony of the whole situation is that the song is called "Best Friends", and Ashlynn and her NEW partner truly are best friends (and have been for 3 years now). The dance has a totally different dynamic now, and I actually like it better (shh, don't tell her old partner ). It's going to work out in the end thanks to some incredible little girls!

 

[dreamer17555]

Hi Everyone.

Becca for Cat what a trooper. Its amazing what these kids can work through isnt it. Please keep us updated. (by the way I started reading your TR today great start )

Glad you are enjoying it! I was shocked that she even agreed to try. Her hand is all swollen and not pretty, but I guess I underestimated her.

Sorry that the stage caused issues. That sucks. But I am sure they all pulled through and she will do fantastic on her solo.

-Becca-

 

[missypie]

Glad you are enjoying it! I was shocked that she even agreed to try. Her hand is all swollen and not pretty, but I guess I underestimated her.


-Becca-

My husband and I are un-athletic, never really played sports, etc. With a dancer and a gymnast, we are always so insecure in dealing with injuries. When is it okay to work through the pain vs. when do they need to stay off it? Ice vs. heat? Doctor visit or Motrin?

I think it would be a good idea during parent orientation of all new dance company members (and sports team members) to give parents the basics on dealing with injuries.

 

[dreamer17555]

My husband and I are un-athletic, never really played sports, etc. With a dancer and a gymnast, we are always so insecure in dealing with injuries. When is it okay to work through the pain vs. when do they need to stay off it? Ice vs. heat? Doctor visit or Motrin?

I think it would be a good idea during parent orientation of all new dance company members (and sports team members) to give parents the basics on dealing with injuries.

Oh I know! I was a gymnast but I destroyed my knee with one very very nasty fall that caused multiple fractures and needed two surgeries. I was 13 and never was able to get back into it. I did do some cheerleading (all that tumbling training came in handy) but it started to hurt too much to keep it up.

My rule of thumb is if in doubt see a doctor (or at least call and talk to a nurse). I am pretty up front with the doctor, they know she dances and tumbles. I ask direct questions. The doctor didn't recommend her tumbling on her hand but said if its not bothering her and she keeps her fingers splinted she is fine. It was good to see she was able to tumble with her hand like it is. Will she be practicing daily? Heck no. She will be letting that hand rest as much as possible so that by Nationals she will hopefully be healed.

Our studio is terrible about being organized and it is driving me nuts. Getting a meeting like what you suggested would take a miracle. I am just crossing my fingers that we can arrange a parent directory this year. It would really be helpful!

-Becca-

 

[missypie]

Our studio is terrible about being organized and it is driving me nuts. Getting a meeting like what you suggested would take a miracle. I am just crossing my fingers that we can arrange a parent directory this year. It would really be helpful!

-Becca-

Our company director is an ultra-organized perfectionist control freak and I say that in the nicest possible way. This drives the girls crazy sometimes, but the parents love her! DD's first year in company there was another director-We had no parent directory, no warm-ups or other team attire, etc. I was amazed that most of the people got to the competitions on time and in the right costumes.