The Battle For My Wallet IV: Return of the ZZUBs (Addendum, p.85; 07/12)

[sammielynn]

Zzub, it's the third Saturday in October! You know what that means. Go Vols! I do love your TR.

 

[swankybeth]

Just finished reading all of the pages of this trippie and I want more! I love your writing style and witty observations. Looking forward to the next installment...(Sorry I don't have an inside joke reference or equally witty comment to add... )

 

[Lauralee131]

Wow - I've finally read a TR from the famous ZZUB!! I have read about you all over these boards and finally sat down to read...Thank you for sharing Samuel's story...I myself, like many others, mis-carried a few years ago. On Father's Day no less...but you didn't need to know that...felt I needed to say it, but don't know why...

I look forward to reading more and enjoyed seeing the pic's of the Lodge...my family stayed there in Jan/Feb - and we loved it...your pictures make me want to go back there!!

Can't wait to hear...errr....read more!! Hope Mrs. ZZUB is doing well...

 

[Crazy Kanga]

I won't look for any additions to the trip report today, but if we win, maybe tommorw(Mr. Tom Morrow).
ROLL TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[magicforever]

I have to do this!!!! Go Big Orange!!

 

[celerystalker]

So I am assuming the vols won. This might be because I was visiting a podunk town and while sitting on a porch swing, a man down the street in an orange cap started yelling, ran out on his porch, clapped three times, yelled again (and by yelled, I mean shouted "WOOOO HOOO!) then ran back in.
I am very sorry Mr. ZZUB. I do not have much of an affinity for the glorious crimson tide, but anything's better than big orange!

 

[lexmelinda]

My dad says his two favorite teams are Kentucky and whoever's playing Tennessee. Even I threw out a couple of roll tides tonight...sorry, ZZUB.

 

[sammielynn]

Big Orange fan and proudly from a podunk town.

 

[mikayla73]

He's the 3-toed sloth of trip reporting. There's mold growing on his fur and everything.

(look who's talkin')

I am off to check your TR now UM ...

 

[weeks4vols]

 

[Tiggerrn2]

ZZUB, we're back from the Lodge. Yep, got the upgrade. Wasn't as nice a view as yours though, but nontheless----BUNK BEDS!!!!!! We overlooked the villas.
Great TR as always. All caught up again, and waiting
Oh, thanks for the picture posting. Just loved those rooms. Oh, was also nice to see the start of the bubbling brook there. That part in the Lodge was "under construction for your future enjoyment" so we Pardoned Their Dust. But I was curious as to what we were missing. So, thanks for that.

 

[Kiger]

So Rev. ZZUB, I would like to respectfully request the next installment in your TR. We just had a new baby and we haven't gotten back into the church routine yet - haven't gotten back into a routine of any kind yet to be honest - but reading your trip report has been like listening to the most delightful sermon. Your story is as inspirational and faith reaffirming as it is entertaining. Here I am - both kids are down for naps at the SAME time and the bags under my eyes are bigger than Mickey's ears (and are the same color) - and what do I do with this little fragment of "me" time??? I log on to see if chapter 7 is here! I will be thrilled when it is, until then...thank you for giving this mom a dose of what she needed!

Hope all of the ZZUBS are well.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

I just popped by to say something...errrr... nice?????

I. Guess.

So here it goes: Thanks for not posting a new chapter.

I'm already pretty torn up over our team's loss this Saturday. IN THE FOURTH QUARTER!!!! AGAIN.

Alabama is the best three quarter team in the country.

It's that final quarter that kills us.

Anywho... I don't think I could deal with THAT.

AND... all this carp over here, too.

So... thanks.

What I'm tryin' to say is this: Hurry back before I go all bananaman on YOU!



Oops. Too late.

Don't make me pull out the guy with the bad dye-job:

Or the guy with his tie too tight:

Or my dinner guest:

Or My General:

Or my three kids:

So.

Consider this a threat:

And.

Remember this:

Cheers, Mel.

 

[ZZUB]

Chapter Seven: The Curse of the Disney Magic

We always eat dinner at Chef Mickey’s the first night in Disney World. It’s one of our traditions. Except for last year, or the year before that, or in 2001 when we didn't eat at Chef Mickey's the first night. So as far as traditions go, we’re not very traditional.

We have traditions, we don’t strictly adhere to them. Stop badgering me about it.

More correctly stated, we try to eat at Chef Mickey’s our first night on any trip. And we had planned to eat there the first night of this trip. It was the first ADR I made and the one I changed the most. As it turns out, my decision to move our reservation back to 7:40 was prescient. My wife needed more time to rest.

We had several hours to kill before dinner and my wife needed some rest. In other words, she needed me to stop dancing on the bed and taking pictures of light fixtures. However, I was not about to sleep and neither was my daughter, so she and I decided to check out the Lodge. I grabbed the camera and my daughter’s hand and we walked towards the inexplicably cool elevator.

And exceptionally fast.

The elevator, that is. Well, and our walking too, come to think of it.

We were in the lobby in no time. We walked across the bridge and towards Roaring Fork. But first we were mugged by the DVC Dude who was manning the desk. You know, for Disney’s Best Kept Secret®, they sure do talk a whole lot about it. These people are like the media with national security secrets. He set my daughter up with stickers and she tried to be polite about receiving them. As soon as we were out of his sight she gave them to me.

“Here Daddy. You hold these.” Translation: take this trash before I accidentally throw them down.

My daughter is not an ungrateful little snit. She’s just not all about stickers. And Disney, for whatever reason, gives out lots of stickers. Early and often. My daughter subscribes to the theory that less is more. So one or two stickers is enough for her. After our last trip she came home with scores of stickers, most of which are stuffed into some box someplace. Apparently, the experience of having an abundance of stickers wore on her because when DVC Dude handed her stickers, I could tell she was nonplused. My suspicions were confirmed when she handed me the stickers to “hold.”

Onward we walked to Roaring Fork. If you’ve stayed at the Lodge, then you’re familiar with the long ramp down to the Roaring Fork. If you’ve never stayed there, be advised, there is a long ramp you walk to get down to Roaring Fork.

Because you also pass this way to get to the boat and the pool, I became intimately acquainted with the long ramp. Which has no real relevance to anything but adds interesting local color, don’t you think?

As we neared the quick food area of the Lodge, I observed, out loud I’m afraid, that it smelled like Disney. To which my daughter mumbled something like “Oh Daddy!” She’s not old enough to roll her eyes, but she accomplished it with her voice. Which is a talent she received from her mother.

Who can slap me with her eyes.

And has done so on many, many occasions.

None of which have been deserved.

Except for that one time, but there, an actual slap would have sufficed.

Roaring Fork is small but adequate and not aesthetically unappealing. Kind of like Mary Lou Retton. We looked at the two food venues and the grab and go grub and the drink offerings. Such that they are. My daughter suggested she might be in the mood for a treat. I thought I might be as well, but I like to go to Chef Mickey’s with sufficient stomach space. I already had a belly full of post-anxiety anxiety (the feeling you have right after you’ve come through a crisis and even though everything is all right, your adrenaline is still running from the crisis). I didn’t think I had room enough for post anxiety anxiety and a cupcake. I convinced her we’d hold off just a bit.

You know what they don’t have at your immediate disposal? Mugs. They’re ubiquitous at PORiverside and ASMovies. There wasn’t a mug to be seen in Roaring Fork. I asked the nice CM behind the counter and she produced one for me.

Just one.

Deal with it.

And then we enjoyed the first of many “free” beverages. I didn’t get the “free refills for life” schpiel like I had received the year before at PORiverside. Which tells me:

1. Either the CMs at the Lodge aren’t as unacquainted with Disney’s
mug policy as the ones at PORiverside, or

2. It’s 2042.

After we enjoyed a cool beverage, we refilled our mug and headed out towards the pool area to check it out. The pool at the Lodge is amazing. And the grounds are quite breathtaking. I believe Carl Farbman designed it. There was an abundance of ducks and most of them were very friendly.

“Hewwo, Schpupins’s Dad and sister. Welcome to da Wilderness Wodge. Hope Schpupin’s Mom is feewing better soon.”

This isn’t a Lodge Duck. This is actually a Dolphin Duck. But he looked very similar to the Lodge Ducks. The Lodge Ducks, by the way, wanted $5 for each picture I took of them. When I refused to pay their “photography fee,” they insisted I delete my pictures. Which I did. Lousy union ducks. Because The Dolphin is not a Disney Resort Hotel, its ducks are non-union. So we could photograph them with abandon. Which I did.

I don’t know why people think the Dolphin and Swan lack the Disney Magic. Whatever that is.

We thanked the ducks (both Lodge and Dolphin but here, it was just the Lodge ducks) for the hospitality and walked around the pool to the water slide. As the reigning Men’s Water slide Olympic Gold Medalist, I wanted to see the track at the Lodge. From what I could see of it from the edge of the pool, it looked amazing. At this point in our trip, it was unclear whether I would have the opportunity to defend my medal. If you continue suffering through this seemingly endless trip report you’ll discover that I did not compete in the water slide Olympics (although I did get to take a few test runs). However, I did compete in the Olympic Speed Boat runs. You’ll have to keep reading to find out whether my first foray into the Speed Boat Games produced an historic and unprecedented medal for a first time competitor.

Since I’m both the author of this trip report AND the inventor of the Olympic Speed Boat Competition, you should assume I did receive a medal.

But enough foregression, back to this day when my daughter and I were exploring the Lodge. We walked over to the geyser where a family was waiting patiently for it to go off. So we joined them. I heard the mom tell the dad that the boat captain told her it was supposed to go off at the top of the hour. I looked at my watch: 5 ‘til. I figured we could wait. See it. Get it over with. Mark it off the list. Move on. Dot com.

I hate Disneyfreude: the ill-feeling you have when you’re leaving Disney and you see other people arriving. I do, however, enjoy SchadenDisneyfreude: the good feeling you have because you’ve just arrived and other people are leaving or about to leave.

I didn’t know that the family at the geyser was about to leave when I struck up a conversation. I struck up a conversation with them because I’m ZZUB and I do that sometimes. I struck up a conversation because we had just arrived at Disney World and part of the fun is making sure other people know you just arrived. Just in case they are about to leave. Call it a Disney Thing.

Thinking that the geyser family were fellow Lodge guests, I continued looking for an opening in the conversation to announce that we had just arrived. However, by striking up a conversation with the geyser family (not to be confused with the Flag Family), I inadvertently stumbled upon a whole new sensation.

Deluxenfreude.

It’s the feeling you get when you’re staying at a deluxe hotel and you run into someone who isn’t staying at a deluxe hotel but clearly wishes they were.

Turns out, the geyser family was just visiting the Lodge for dinner. They seemed duly impressed that we were staying there. Or they were duly impressed with the new, new Diet Coke. With Splenda.® Hard to say.

I’m kidding of course. I was more impressed with Alabama’s fourth quarter performance in the Tennessee game than the geyser family was with us staying at the Lodge.

They were actually staying at the Grand Floridian.

But this story would have been funnier if they were staying at the Maingate Travelodge.

After standing around for 10 minutes, without a geyser eruption, we bid the geyser family adieu and headed back into the lobby. From there, we headed over to check out the game room and the Mercantile.

I’m a total sucker for the gift shop. At any Disney resort.

Not just the one we’re staying in.

Indeed, my favorite gift shop is BVG at the Contemporary. It’s HUGE! It’s like World of Disney sprang a hotel. We go to BVG on every trip. Except for 1994, 1996 and 1999. Most of it is crap. Most of it I can’t even remember. But my daughter has Mickey head drawer pulls from our 2003 trip to the BVG. Which means at least one time out of twelve we found something we liked.

The whole Disney Resort Gift Shop hold on me is strange. I hate shopping in general. Shopping to me is like going to the bathroom. If you’ll excuse the simile. It’s a purely utilitarian function of life. I do it because I have to. Or because my wife has asked me to. Shop and go to the bathroom that is.

But at Disney (where for unexplained reasons I never say no), I love going to the gift shop at our hotel, any hotel. I love the gift shop at ASMovies. The very first Disney park souvenir I bought my daughter, I bought her at ASMovies. I bought her a Goofy. Which she still has. On a shelf. Under a thin layer of nostalgia. And dust.

The PORiverside gift shop saw a good portion of our money last year. So it only seemed right that the Mercantile had a fighting chance to wear off the magnetic strip on the back of my Key to the World. My daughter and I were drawn in by the tall Disneyized Totem Pole in front of the Merc.

Evidently my daughter isn’t the only one in our family who likes to abbreviate.

We surveyed the store and wondered why a fireplace was going in 90 degree weather. We identified all of the things we thought were really cool, things we had to have and things which were totally lame. Like the rocks. Why would you buy rocks? During the course of the week we were at the Lodge, I invested a good bit of my kids’ college education on stuff at the Merc. Indeed, I spent so much time in there that half way through the week, when I’d walk through the doors, they’d shout, “ZZUB!” But unlike Norm, there was no stool for me.

Our family protocol is that we don’t buy anything on the first day. And we don’t buy anything the first time we see it. We always allow a cooling off period to decide whether we really want the souvenir. This is especially good for my daughter who wants a lot of things the first time she sees them but eventually moves onto something else. This is especially good for my daughter’s father who has no self control when it comes to buying his little girl whatever she sets her eyes on at Disney.

Do you think the vaunted Disney smell has some sort of behavior altering agent in it? What else can explain such conduct? Maybe that’s the Disney Magic everyone keeps talking about.

Before we left our it’s-pretty-late-in-the-day-but-here’s-an-upgrade-room, my wife reminded my daughter that we weren’t buying any “prizes” that day.

But Momma wasn’t at the Merc, was she?

No. Daddy was. So after we toured the Merc for awhile, my daughter picked out an Aurora Minnie she really wanted. And I told her we’d buy it. She wrapped her still kind of chubby little arms around my neck and covered my face with kisses. Which might explain why I bought it for her in the first place.

She put the doll on the counter for the CM to ring it up. Card swipe. Sign here. “Thank you, Mr. ZZUB. Have a magical day.”

“Magical day," I repeated in my head. I'm on to their little games.

Any other place or time of the year, I’m responsible, conservative, cost-conscious and three other words that all mean the same thing. But plop me down on Walt’s property and I start scooping up Disney crap like Ted Kennedy scoops up vodka gimlets. And jelly donuts.

Once back in the room, my wife expressed only a modicum of surprise that I caved on the no-prizes-on-the-first-day rule. She knows of my weakness for spoiling my daughter. And for overpriced Disney crap. And of this frighteningly potent Disney Magic.

Once everyone was neat and pretty, I called down for our car. Yeah. I valet parked it. Best seven ducks a day I spent. I suppose it’s not just the hotel gift shops which assault my wallet. Before the trip, I’m all about saving money, booking a standard room, getting free dining and all that. I do that because I know once we pass under the arch, I’m all about vacation. I lose control of myself and commence recklessly spending on such foolhardy things as another Minnie doll and having someone else park my car.

But a man’s vacation must exceed his budget or what’s a 70 hour work week for?

The valet pulled our car up and I handed him a tip in exchange for our keys. I considered for a moment this little indulgence I was allowing myself. Valet parking. Who do we think we are? I reasoned momentarily that it was to accommodate my wife’s pregnant condition. But I knew that wasn’t it. I had succumbed, again, to that wallet draining force which emanates from Walt’s World.

Lousy Disney Magic.

No wonder people stay at the Dolphin and Swan.

Click Here for Chapter Eight

 

[sheridac]

Well, well. Well. What have we here???

Aaawww!!!! J!!! So sweet!!!!! You know Sher's a sucker for the daddy wuv!!

But. Tell me. Did this Ted Kennedy behavior of yours extend itself far enough to shell out 29 ducks for noodles???

 

[Rella Bella]

Ahhh Zzub!! There is nothing like a freshly posted chaper!!
As I've told you before your Aurora Minney loving little one
has been blessed with a great Dad!
Thanks for taking us to WL with you... it's almost like being there!

 

[debloco]

But first we were mugged by the DVC Dude who was manning the desk. You know, for Disney’s Best Kept Secret®, they sure do talk a whole lot about it. These people are like the media with national security secrets.

And then we enjoyed the first of many “free” beverages. I didn’t get the “free refills for life” schpiel like I had received the year before at PORiverside. Which tells me:

1. Either the CMs at the Lodge aren’t as unacquainted with Disney’s
mug policy as the ones at PORiverside, or

2. It’s 2042.

The Lodge Ducks, by the way, wanted $5 for each picture I took of them. When I refused to pay their “photography fee,” they insisted I delete my pictures. Which I did. Lousy union ducks.

This is especially good for my daughter’s father who has no self control when it comes to buying his little girl whatever she sets her eyes on at Disney.

Awwww...

Do you think the vaunted Disney smell has some sort of behavior altering agent in it?

Yes...yes I do!

Any other place or time of the year, I’m responsible, conservative, cost-conscious and three other words that all mean the same thing. But plop me down on Walt’s property and I start scooping up Disney crap like Ted Kennedy scoops up vodka gimlets. And jelly donuts.

another Chapter!
You're a riot! Go ZUBB!

 

[lexmelinda]

Beautifully written. Funny, crass, sweet with a hint of rosemary...in your language. The shopping/bathroom and Ted Kennedy similes.........where do you come up with this stuff? I love that your daughter already knows that a big hug and a few kisses will work their magic on daddy and I love that you're a sucker for it.....

 

[AshClan]

We were in the lobby in no time. We walked across the bridge and towards Roaring Fork. But first we were mugged by the DVC Dude who was manning the desk. You know, for Disney’s Best Kept Secret®, they sure do talk a whole lot about it. These people are like the media with national security secrets.

First, AND, wouldn't ya know it....the one time we went looking for this guy, he was nowhere to be seen!!!

To which my daughter mumbled something like “Oh Daddy!” She’s not old enough to roll her eyes, but she accomplished it with her voice. Which is a talent she received from her mother.

Who can slap me with her eyes.

And has done so on many, many occasions.

Can she teach me how to do that?!?

Roaring Fork is small but adequate and not aesthetically unappealing. Kind of like Mary Lou Retton.

Now THIS is an example of why Z is the king!! Subtle, yet hysterical....

I don’t know why people think the Dolphin and Swan lack the Disney Magic. Whatever that is.

I hope you're right. I'm a little ambivalent about our upcoming stay there. Not that I'm not looking forward to another Disney trip, but, it feels like cheating. A little.

We walked over to the geyser where a family was waiting patiently for it to go off. So we joined them. I heard the mom tell the dad that the boat captain told her it was supposed to go off at the top of the hour. I looked at my watch: 5 ‘til. I figured we could wait. See it. Get it over with. Mark it off the list. Move on. Dot com.

Hey! I caught that!!

After standing around for 10 minutes, without a geyser eruption, we bid the geyser family adieu and headed back into the lobby.

See, we didn't do this. Because SOMEONE I know, who had just stayed here, TOLD me that it didn't go off until a little later than "on the hour". I know exactly when, but, not stealing your thunder. Just in case it comes up in a future installment. But thanks for the tip. I felt very "in the know"!!

But plop me down on Walt’s property and I start scooping up Disney crap like Ted Kennedy scoops up vodka gimlets. And jelly donuts.

Okay, that's two!!!

Oh, and I forgot to quote it, but you are right about those elevators. I couldn't get over how frickin (NOF) fast they were. Commented on it every time. My DH got kinda tired of it, actually.

Another great installment, Z. Thanks for the laughs!!

 

[JKMJ441724]

So after we toured the Merc for awhile, my daughter picked out an Aurora Minnie she really wanted. And I told her we’d buy it. She wrapped her still kind of chubby little arms around my neck and covered my face with kisses. Which might explain why I bought it for her in the first place.
Lousy Disney Magic.

My daughter wanted it, too. And since it was here 5th birthday, we bought it for her.