Thanks, I Hate It - Disney by non-Disney Fans (DUN)

[Pmccarthy]

Hello folks. This trip has been... horrible. So I figured I'd start recapping the experience so that you can all laugh at my expense.

ABOUT ME
You can call me Mac. It's a family nickname, if my username is any indication.

I've been following The Dis for about 4-5 years now, ever since my daughter had a bad cold and I had to stay up all night drying tears and sucking boogers. The podcast made that evening a little more tolerable, and I've been listening ever since. I've wanted to take a trip to WDW with the family after that night, but every time we'd save up enough money some emergency would crop up that required the funds instead. Because life happens.

In terms of Disney trips, I've been here a couple of times. A big family trip with my aunts and uncles when I was 5, although all that I remember of that trip was desperately trying to get King Louie's autograph and a cup from Chef Mickey's that is indestructible. We came here again in 2008 with just my family, and since my parents forgot it was the same week as my birthday (please don't ask), I had my first (legal) beer at the ESPN Zone bar.

In 2014 I came here on my honeymoon, which was my wife's first time at the park. Honestly, we had no plans and still managed to have a fantastic time. Like, "managed to eat lunch at Be Our Guest without a reservation" no plans. I knew things at WDW had changed (for the worse) since then, but how bad could it be? [FORESHADOWING INTENSIFIES]

We live in northern Ohio, so Cedar Point is an easy day trip. We've been season pass holders for CP since 2018, so we're at least familiar with amusement parks. Maybe not on the scale of Disney, but we know how to handle crowds and lines. Or at least we thought we did.

That said, even with Cedar Point practically in our backyard we don't really travel otherwise. Our idea of a vacation is a long weekend at Kalahari waterpark. Something fun, relaxing, and nearby enough that if things go awry we can always head home. Me taking a week off work is unprecedented, so I don't think my boss believes I'm actually halfway across the country.

THE GROUP
The Parents (60s) - Last visit 2008 (don't worry, the cast will shrink momentarily)

Me (30s) - Last visit 2014, Honeymoon
Wife (30s) - First visit 2014, see above
Daughter, hereafter referred to as "The Child" (7) - first time

Brother (30s) - Last visit 2008
Sister-in-Law (30s) - first time
Brother's kids, hereafter referred to as "The Gaggle" (4,4,2) - first time

THIS THREAD
I'll be posting each day as its own post, because it makes life easier on my end. Still trying to figure out how to get everything linked together.
- THE TRIP
- DAY 0: TRAVEL
- DAY 1: ANIMAL KINGDOM
- DAY 2: MAGIC KINGOM
- BONUS DAY 2: EPCOT
- DAY 3: UNIVERSAL
- DAY 4: DISNEY SPRINGS/TRAVEL #2
- FINAL THOUGHTS

 

[MaleficentMe]

ooh! I'm first! Curious to see what comes next!

 

[Boopuff]

Oh boy! This should be great!

 

[RogueX]

Yikes!

 

[LeeLee'sMom]

This sounds like it will be interesting, I am along for the ride.

 

[nw6675]

"The gaggle"

 

[Her Dotness]

Hooboyee! We got ourselves a goodie coming up here, I'm betting.

Popcorn, anyone else?

 

[dez1978]

You got me with the "Tammy-you suck so hard" Its been a min since I've heard taht

 

[Unity]

Yikes yet I can't help but wonder about the trainwreck

 

[MickeyMice]

go on...

 

[WAstateDVCDaddy]

Personally, I’m dreading this story. I have the benefit of being able to travel quite often, so if one trip goes awry, I know I’ll make up for it soon. If you don’t travel much, and haven’t been to Disney in a long time, a bad trip is so sad.

I know the OP is willing to share the story, but it still doesn’t sound good.

I’ve lately been reading all the negative comments / experiences, and it’s honestly making me wonder if we’ll be changing our “Disney Magic” vacation plans / expectations in the future. It’s getting to be less magical, and more arduous all the time.

we’ll still be enjoying our Aulani DVC, but not so sure that 1-2 trips per year is worth it any more.

 

[notatallmagic]

Can't wait to hear the rest - btw, we're nw OHio neighbors with Cedar Point passes too...

 

[PCFriar80]

I believe Disney Security has been called.........

 

[Pmccarthy]

THE TRIP
This past Christmas (2021), my parents surprised us with a trip to Disney World for the whole family. Us, my folks, and my brother's family. "Once in a lifetime" is how they justified it. Everything that I've seen so far makes it feel like it was a last-minute decision, but whatever.

Honestly, we were 50/50 about coming. Wrangling that many bodies isn't my idea of fun. Also, my sister-in-law can be... intense if everything isn't perfect, and Disney is very much one of those places where things don't always go as planned. She started pushing us not a week later to make a decision, because they'd known about the trip for months even though we'd just found out. She had assumed we weren't going and was planning her perfect vacation, and pitched a fit when we relented and decided to go. Already off to a great start.

Because we had such a large group (as previously detailed), we decided to rent a house off-property. Given some of the prices at the All-Stars, it was the right choice. Yes, we'd need to rent cars and pay parking, but we'd still come out ahead. I still think that was the right idea, all things considered.

THE PLANNING
Since we were a late commitment/notice, we weren't involved with any planning. Not that I expect my mother to have wanted any help anyways. In fact, it wasn't until a random conversation late January they even realized that I had a wealth of knowledge about Disney. Probably could have helped, but again, my input wasn't seeked.

My mother was working with a (non-Dreams) Disney agent. Friend-of-a-friend type thing. So far I think all this agent did was make park reservations and complain about her commission. She was unable/unwilling to make any dining reservations for our stay, so my mother was left to her own devices to try and navigate the hellscape that Disney World has become. The agent didn't even warn about trying to make dining reservations, which meant my mother was trying to book table-service for a group of 10 three weeks ahead of time. It didn't happen.

Tammy, if you're reading this, you suck so hard.

DAY 0: TRAVEL

 

[Pmccarthy]

DAY 0: TRAVEL
"But wait, that has nothing to do with Disney?!"

No, but it certainly set the stage for this trip. And as I said previously, we don't travel much, so the flight is as much a part of the experience for us.

The rest of our group arrived a couple days earlier, and we had coordinated rides with them to get my family to the house from the airport. Mostly because we needed a booster seat for the child.

So, let's go through our day chronologically:

- Arrive at the airport and check in. No problems.
- Arrive at the concourse early.
- Listen to a 45 minute diatribe from a woman ON SPEAKERPHONE. Compared to her multiple racial slurs, the ten minute monologue about the "tyranny of wearing a mask" was the least offensive thing she said. We told her repeatedly to shut up. She did not take a hint
- In the middle of this woman's speech, I receive a text from my father. He has to cut his trip short because something came up at work. The parents will hereafter be referred to as "The parent."
- Right before boarding, I receive a text from my brother. My mother is sick, so he's going to pick us up.
- Uneventful flight to ATL. I finish all but ten minutes of Ghostbusters: Afterlife
- Turn off airplane mode to a flood of texts from family
- According to SIL, my brother is too busy with "his family" to pick us up. We no longer have a ride.
- My mother lets slip that EVERYBODY in the house has had the stomach flu at some point on this trip. We are marching towards the lion's den, unable to turn back.
- My poor father is probably stuck in the airplane bathroom all flight, isn't he?
- We have a 1.5 hour layover, which I spend on my phone trying to find a rental car
- Manage to book something by cashing in my credit card points. The rental can provide a car seat. I breathe an unwarranted sigh of relief.
- Bumpiest flight of my life. The child thought it was fun. I get motion sick. I NEVER get motion sick. But at least I finished Ghostbusters?
- Arrive at MCO. Everyone from our flight looks unwell.
- Grab our checked bag
- Walk to the Hertz rental counter with confirmation from bank. Wait in line for 30 minutes.
- Find out the rental is with another company that Hertz owns.
- Wait in line for another hour to finish the rental process
- Grab the car
- Get stuck on I-4
- Take two hours to get from the airport to the house 20 miles away.
- Seriously, Florida, sort out your roads.
- No really, your roads are terrible.
- We arrive at the gated community for the house. We're denied entry because we're not on the reservation.
- As I frantically try to get a hold of somebody in the group to help sort this out, my phone dies. We are less than half a mile from our destination, unable to advance.
- Thirty minutes later, my mother walks over and hands us a pass for the gate.

Nearly four hours after landing in Orlando, we finally arrive at the house. We are all dead inside.

My SIL has booked us fast passes for Epcot. She is upset when we politely decline.

The only thing in the fridge is Bud Light Lime. I chug three of the foul things and go to bed early.

DAY 1: ANIMAL KINGDOM

 

[Pmccarthy]

I've managed to borrow my brother's laptop, so I have a little more freedom to type now.

DAY 1: ANIMAL KINGDOM
Honestly, it wasn't until the DIS' latest podcast episode that I even realized that this is Spring Break and that's always a terrible time to visit, but how bad can it... okay, it sucks.

We manage to get the entire crew together and out the door by 9:30am. My SIL had booked fast passes for her family, and my daughter which was news to us. Not my wife and I, just my daughter. Huh.

Like I said, we're used to amusement parks, so we pre-sunscreened in the parking lot and passed right through security. My brother gets stuck with two strollers. Then they have to stop to douse The Gaggle with sunscreen. We don't have our passes yet (well, The Child has hers already. Again, family making decisions about our daughter without our input), so we head to the ticket booth. The tickets are under my mother's name, so they can't help us. Off to Guest Relations. They can't help us because surprise, the tickets are under my mother's name. It isn't until I explain that my mother is lost somewhere in the parking lot that they relent and let us get our passes.

It's also at this point that we find out that we have no dining reservations, even though we were told we'd managed to get lunch at Tusker House. Thanks Tammy!

Since we didn't have Genie+ because no passes (well, The Child had Genie+...), we were going to just walk around and do whatever. My SIL has the entire day planned out to the minute, and that is absolutely not our speed, so we I force a grin for some photos in front of the Tree of Life and break off.

First stop is Pandora. It's... fine? I dunno, I guess I was expecting something... bigger. Yeah, the floating islands is cool, but the engineer in me can't help but judge the overly thick vines that are required to keep them aloft. We figure Na'vi River Journey is probably not going to be popular but NOPE, 105 minute wait. Cool. Maybe I'll order some Hamburger Pods to tied me over. My Disney app isn't cooperating. Coooool. Wife and The Child head into the gift shop, and The Child now has her heart set on getting a Banshee. Coooooooooooool.

Dejected, we head to Africa. The stand-by line for the safari stretches nearly to Adventure Island. But hey, the rest of our crew is loading up at that moment thanks to Genie+. Coooo.... okay, I can't keep that up. I drop the six bucks a piece on Mickey Bars to cool down the family and finally accomplish something. We do the Gorilla tour, and I stand with the stroller while the wife and kid can run off and get up close with the animals. They get to see the baby gorilla. Seeing the child enjoy herself is starting to make the day somewhat worth it.

Since The Child has a Fast Pass for It's Tough to Be a Bug, brother's family (tempted to start calling them bro-fam) volunteer to take her off our hands. We buy some pins, and the stand-by wait for the safari only says 55 minutes. We can sneak that in, right?

60 minutes of switch-backs under the hot Florida sun and we can finally smell the diesel from the trucks. UNFORTUNATELY, the kids were too scared by the show (that were seated next to the grasshopper, so I was told), and since there's no exits once you've committed to a line, we hop the rope for Fast Pass and walk out the entrance. A cast member confusedly tells us to have a Jambo day. I silently wish death upon him.

We pick up a child that has finally stopped crying, and decide that we need food. Twenty minute line to buy a hot dog. My wife's blood sugar is so low that she drops her hot dog on the ground. Thirty minute line to buy a hot dog. Frankly, by this point we've hit our limit, and we've only been in the park for a couple of hours. Brother's family says they're right behind us to put The Gaggle down for a nap. Spoiler: They weren't behind us.

We buy a Banshee, take the oath, snap a picture in front of the Lion King photo op, and leave. We realize that we're parked in the very last row of cars in the lot.

A couple of disgusting Bud Light Limes back at the house and my murderous rage has subsided. My wife and I payed extra for Park Hoppers for us (not the child) so that we might be able to get some adult time, so we wait for the rest of the family to join us at the house. They ignore our texts and stay until the park closes.

Exhausted, defeated, and starving, we pick up some pizzas. We finally kill the last of the Bud Light Lime.

The Banshee is kinda cool though, albeit prone to failure. My engineering side finds that unacceptable. We hurriedly put it away until we get home, because we don't trust The Gaggle around an overpriced puppet.

The rest of the family finally gets back. Apparently the only text they read was us getting pizza and decided to follow suit. My SIL screams at us because we killed off the last of her beer.

Like the Beast's rose, another part of my soul withers away and dies as I drive to Publix to buy more Bud Light Lime.

DAY 2: MAGIC KINGDOM

 

[DaviVascaino]

Come on, where is the rest???

 

[Ensusieasm]

Hello......anybody there?

 

[tigerlilly]

Oh My Goodness!!!! OH MY ... I am so sorry. Family. This is why .... just no. Maybe when all is said and done you can write a script? This is probably a movie I would go see. I hope it gets better.

Glad you were able to finish Ghostbusters.

 

[Pmccarthy]

UPDATE: Elaborated on Intro/Planning, Posted Days 0 and 1