Thank you for all the advice...

[ThreeMusketeers]

THanks everyone for all the advice I appreciate it!

 

[Miss Jessr!ca]

your a good parent, its just an annoying age.
it just souds like she wants attention.
and she knows that if she whines enough you'll
A.) get her what she wants
or
B.) she'll whine just to bug you, and to make you regret it, so the next time you'll do what she wants.

tip on getting her to clean her room: (my mom did it when i was younger)

ask her nicely to go clean her room once or twice.
if she doesnt tell her that every 20 min. your going to take a toy away.
if she still doesnt...start takin toys.
sounds mean. but it'll work...its what my mom did to me .

p.s
i love your sig.
im a strong believer in stopping global warning also.
go Nanci Pelosi!

 

[caribbound]

Sounds a bit like you got delayed in the terrible two's. I always thought they didn't start until closer to three, mostly because three was when whining went full force. I wish I could say it stops! When at home have a serious discussion, short, about her listening and obeying when you say something to her. If you say NO, the answer won't change with whining and just makes everyone upset. You did great in not giving in at the stores. YOu compromised in the end, which might have been a bit better telling her she could buy it the next time you're at the store or in the area rather than driving back right away, but that's more for your hassle (though it helps teach patience later in years). It's mostly a stage where she is testing her authority. You're doing great in keeping it in check that YOU are the ultimate authority.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Hey neighbor! I too was running errands today in the arctic temperatures and wanted to cry everytime I had to stand outside!

As far as your DD. It is possible that she is going through a growth spurt. I know it sounds crazy but I have noticed with my kids that they have a really whiney, complainy (is that a word?) month and then all of a sudden they are fine. It sounds like you are on the right track. I personally am pretty strict. If you act up in the stores you can be sure there will be a punishment when we get home. It could be no tv, nap time, taking away toys, etc. I always follow through and truthfully they know when I mean business. That's not to say that they always smile and listen, we have our rough days too. I am a counter. I count to 3 and then thats it. There is no chance after that. If my kids were standing outside today I would have started the countdown and then they run! I know how frustrating it can be. Homestly though if it were me I wouldn't have taken her back to the store and I would have made her clean her room as punishment for being fresh and if she refused I would have cleaned it "my way" and gotten a big garbage bag. Then I would make her earn everything back. That seems to be pretty effective for us. Our kids are 4.5, 3, 15 months- so I completely understand how you feel! Good luck and keep up the good work.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Hey neighbor! I too was running errands today in the arctic temperatures and wanted to cry everytime I had to stand outside!

As far as your DD. It is possible that she is going through a growth spurt. I know it sounds crazy but I have noticed with my kids that they have a really whiney, complainy (is that a word?) month and then all of a sudden they are fine. It sounds like you are on the right track. I personally am pretty strict. If you act up in the stores you can be sure there will be a punishment when we get home. It could be no tv, nap time, taking away toys, etc. I always follow through and truthfully they know when I mean business. That's not to say that they always smile and listen, we have our rough days too. I am a counter. I count to 3 and then thats it. There is no chance after that. If my kids were standing outside today I would have started the countdown and then they run! I know how frustrating it can be. Homestly though if it were me I wouldn't have taken her back to the store and I would have made her clean her room as punishment for being fresh and if she refused I would have cleaned it "my way" and gotten a big garbage bag. Then I would make her earn everything back. That seems to be pretty effective for us. Our kids are 4.5, 3, 15 months- so I completely understand how you feel! Good luck and keep up the good work.

God Bless ya!

I wish I were more strict. I think I need to be. I really don't want her to be acting even more like one of those kids on supernanny!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Four can be a tough age - even tougher than 2 or 3 for a couple of reasons. She's maturing and knows what she wants. She's developed enough language to ask for what she wants. But, she's 4 which is still very young so she tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants.

My son has been seeing a psychologist to deal with his behavior. He's 11 and has Asperger's and is still learning how to control his outbursts. I learned some techniques from the doctor that can be applied to any child - no matter what age.

We call the behavior the "I want its." It's when a kid wants something and whines or yells incessantly in hopes of getting it. The #1 rule in dealing with the "I wants its" is that they will never, ever win. The minute the "I want its" start in, the child is reminded that "I want its" are not acceptable. If the "I want its" continue, you remind the child that the "I want its" will not win. You then have to ignore the melt-down as much as possible. I know it's hard to do in a store or other public place. It may mean leaving your cart in the middle of the store and walking out. It helps if another adult is along so one can take the kid out and the other can finish the shopping.

After the melt-down has subsided, you reinforce your position. Say something like, "I know you wanted that doggy, but you know that having a tantrum will never get you anything. You may ask nicely for something, but you know that as soon as you start screaming you will not get it." She will start to learn through your words and actions that you mean business.

The doctor told us that when you start a technique like this, the 'I wants its' will escalate! The child will start testing you to see if you're really going to follow through. But, you'll find that gradually the behavior will start to decrease. Tantruming is tough business for a kid. It's a lot of work. But, kids are persistant and will tantrum for as long as they need to if they think there will be a pay-off in the end. When their tantrums never pay-off, they'll finally give up.

I am trying to get my son to negotiate instead of immediately yelling when he doesn't get what he wants. He's older (11) but I'm not sure if this will work with a 4 year old. But, it's something you can eventually work toward. And "I wants its" aren't just about getting material things. My son never wants to stop his video game and do what I want him to do. He'll start yelling, "I don't want to go to the store," or take a shower or whatever I requested. He's learning that he can negotiate a little. He can say, "I'm almost done with this level. Can I have 5 more minutes before my shower?" If he asks nicely and appropriately, he can absolutely have 5 more minutes. But the minute he screams, I remind him that the "I want its" have reared up and he absolutely cannot get his way now. It appears to be working!

The key point is to stick with whatever you decide to do. Good luck!

 

[vernfonzndrian]

Homestly though if it were me I wouldn't have taken her back to the store and I would have made her clean her room as punishment for being fresh and if she refused I would have cleaned it "my way" and gotten a big garbage bag......

I'd do this also! Im also a counter!! I feel if they act up when were out n about, then theyre gonna get punished when we get home, I dont tend to forget it that easy. Im just strict like that though.

 

[NATALIEBELLESmom]

I have to agree with being a counter. My daughter is now almost 10 and it has worked wonders. She had a very small amount of time when she tried to go through that stage. We never gave in and she always had to give up her favorites toys for aleast the rest of the day if not 2 days. Now we just take away the computer when she gets in the I want to be tween mode and it seems to work. Stay strong and you will do just fine. Good luck and you did the best thing by asking for advice. Sometimes thats all anyone ever needs.

 

[graygables]

My oldest is 21, youngest is 8, all girls, BTDT. If they told me "no", they had to sit with their fingers on their lips in the "shhh" sign for as long as their age. No talking, no squirming, those would add minutes. "You don't tell your mama 'no'".

They also learned very early on that my "no" meant NO. In the Bible, Matthew 5:37, it says (and I love this! ), "Simply let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no', 'no'" and that has been my rule. If I said no, even if it was on a tired, I don't really want to answer you, unreasonable mood, it was still no. I would not have allowed the book, even bought with her own money TODAY. It would have been something she could buy with her own money on the next trip. Cleaning a room at my house just goes with the privilege of living there, it does NOT earn you anything, but a clean room and a happy mom.

As far as room cleaning goes, I think that's still a little young to do it alone. My 8yo still has moments where she just needs some guidance. Once mine were old enough, if they didn't do it, I did, but with a box or garbage bag. A time or two of that was enough.

Getting in the car? She's not too big to pick up. Mine had ONE chance to get in the car when told, then they were firmly picked up and placed in their seats. Whine, cry, moan, and groan all you like, but parking lots are dangerous places and you're going to OBEY the first time around when I tell you to get in the car.

She will outgrow it, but I can guarantee that the next stage is just around the corner and this one is just preparing you (and her) for the teenage years. The groundwork you lay now in your discipline will be what keeps you (and her, but she'll never admit it) sane in another 10 years or so.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

My oldest is 21, youngest is 8, all girls, BTDT. If they told me "no", they had to sit with their fingers on their lips in the "shhh" sign for as long as their age. No talking, no squirming, those would add minutes. "You don't tell your mama 'no'".

They also learned very early on that my "no" meant NO. In the Bible, Matthew 5:37, it says (and I love this! ), "Simply let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no', 'no'" and that has been my rule. If I said no, even if it was on a tired, I don't really want to answer you, unreasonable mood, it was still no. I would not have allowed the book, even bought with her own money TODAY. It would have been something she could buy with her own money on the next trip. Cleaning a room at my house just goes with the privilege of living there, it does NOT earn you anything, but a clean room and a happy mom.

As far as room cleaning goes, I think that's still a little young to do it alone. My 8yo still has moments where she just needs some guidance. Once mine were old enough, if they didn't do it, I did, but with a box or garbage bag. A time or two of that was enough.

Getting in the car? She's not too big to pick up. Mine had ONE chance to get in the car when told, then they were firmly picked up and placed in their seats. Whine, cry, moan, and groan all you like, but parking lots are dangerous places and you're going to OBEY the first time around when I tell you to get in the car.

She will outgrow it, but I can guarantee that the next stage is just around the corner and this one is just preparing you (and her) for the teenage years. The groundwork you lay now in your discipline will be what keeps you (and her, but she'll never admit it) sane in another 10 years or so.

Thanks for the positive advice!