Telling your Bridesmaids about your Disney Wedding

[sambycat]

It's tough. my own personal opinions are that we kept tge wedding party very small, I let my MOH pick her outfit, we told those we knew wecould invite very early on and tried to arrange any events as simply as we could. Also, for us, our family and friends were all far flung so people would be traveling regardless. We attempted to supply people with early planning info to aid in their budgeting. Some listened many did not. We did assist some family/wedding party members but that's also why we had to stay off property and make other choices. I think once you are engaged and set a date think about who and how many and give lots of info early!

It sounds like you are doing this. May I gently add that by the time it is wedding time, perhaps you might find that a long term childhood friend whose first response was as you related might not be the best person to stand up for you and perhaps traveling will give you an out to make a different selection? Or do the wedding/home reception thing?

Anyways good luck!

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

It's tough. my own personal opinions are that we kept tge wedding party very small, I let my MOH pick her outfit, we told those we knew wecould invite very early on and tried to arrange any events as simply as we could. Also, for us, our family and friends were all far flung so people would be traveling regardless. We attempted to supply people with early planning info to aid in their budgeting. Some listened many did not. We did assist some family/wedding party members but that's also why we had to stay off property and make other choices. I think once you are engaged and set a date think about who and how many and give lots of info early!

It sounds like you are doing this. May I gently add that by the time it is wedding time, perhaps you might find that a long term childhood friend whose first response was as you related might not be the best person to stand up for you and perhaps traveling will give you an out to make a different selection? Or do the wedding/home reception thing?

Anyways good luck!

Thank you very much for your thoughts on this! It's an extremely difficult question that requires an equally difficult answer. I'm trying to give it as much thought as possible. I know I can't really cut her off, because she is not only the friend I've had the longest but also my closest friend. I feel bad that I've only described her less than perfect qualities in this thread due to the nature of the question, but she is indeed a friend I care for and am close with. I will continue to think on the situation, and hope as the time approaches will have decided on what to do.

Perhaps as you suggest, it might be good to also consider having no bridal party at Disney and then having them with me only at the home reception. Either way I thankfully have some more time to think about it and discuss it with my DBF and parents.

 

[Disney-Chick]

I was proposed to in Disney (Dec. 2008). After returning we were all eating Christmas Dinner when everyone asked when we would be married. I told them Jan 2011 at Disney. We chose the date for my BIL who at the time was a teacher and he would be off at that time and would not have to miss a lot of time. My older sister continually made comments about why not have it at home, she doesn't like Disney (she & her family went back in 2006 and we joined her and became Disney Fanatics and went every year after). Even my father asked if we could have it in Florida, just not Disney. My response was "this is our wedding, DH, DD, and I will be there. If you can join us that would be great, if not we will have video and lots of pics".

On top of all that in 2010 my sister and BIL went to Cuba with 2 of their friends (my sister also has 2 kids who love disney) and after returning from their trip kept making comments about money and if they would have enough. They did end up coming and I had my 2 sisters, and my DD stand for me while DH only had his brother. I also had my 2 best friends (one almost didn't make it because of money).

At the end of the day, it's your wedding. It's not your best friend or your parents or sisters. If this is where you want your wedding you go for it. If they are to cheap and can't save in 2 years then you don't need them there. Everyone loses site of the fact that this is YOUR day and not theirs. Stop stressing about whether she can pay or not. If she really wants to be there then she will.

Sorry another little info. I had 2 friends at work that I wanted to go and for the 2 years I kept telling them and they seemed like they would go. When I sent out the invites only one really responded by person asking "can't you change the date?" while laughing since she couldn't get the time off even though she probably could have and the other just didn't answer. So they did not go. That till this day still bothers me. I see them at work but we are not as close as we use to be.

I hope all works out for you. My day turned out GREAT and I wouldn't change it for the world.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

I was proposed to in Disney (Dec. 2008). After returning we were all eating Christmas Dinner when everyone asked when we would be married. I told them Jan 2011 at Disney. We chose the date for my BIL who at the time was a teacher and he would be off at that time and would not have to miss a lot of time. My older sister continually made comments about why not have it at home, she doesn't like Disney (she & her family went back in 2006 and we joined her and became Disney Fanatics and went every year after). Even my father asked if we could have it in Florida, just not Disney. My response was "this is our wedding, DH, DD, and I will be there. If you can join us that would be great, if not we will have video and lots of pics".

On top of all that in 2010 my sister and BIL went to Cuba with 2 of their friends (my sister also has 2 kids who love disney) and after returning from their trip kept making comments about money and if they would have enough. They did end up coming and I had my 2 sisters, and my DD stand for me while DH only had his brother. I also had my 2 best friends (one almost didn't make it because of money).

At the end of the day, it's your wedding. It's not your best friend or your parents or sisters. If this is where you want your wedding you go for it. If they are to cheap and can't save in 2 years then you don't need them there. Everyone loses site of the fact that this is YOUR day and not theirs. Stop stressing about whether she can pay or not. If she really wants to be there then she will.

Sorry another little info. I had 2 friends at work that I wanted to go and for the 2 years I kept telling them and they seemed like they would go. When I sent out the invites only one really responded by person asking "can't you change the date?" while laughing since she couldn't get the time off even though she probably could have and the other just didn't answer. So they did not go. That till this day still bothers me. I see them at work but we are not as close as we use to be.

I hope all works out for you. My day turned out GREAT and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Aww, I'm sorry to hear you had so many difficulties with your family and friends. But I'm glad that you were able to separate yourself away from their problems and have an awesome day! I think right now, without much of an idea of how any of this will turn out (both my mom and I agree it would be very bad to let any of my other family know about the Disney idea until we have a solid plan and engagement to announce) I'm just a little eager to make a plan to ensure at least one person is happy and excited and as eager as I, i.e. my friend/potential MOH. Of course, because that isn't exactly going as planned rotfl I started asking for the advice of all the wonderful brides on the DISboards! I probably won't stop worrying about this until I actually tell everyone my plans and sort of gauge the general reaction for real.

Thank you again for sharing your story and advice!

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

Hey there! Congratulations (soon!!!)!

Just wanted to chime in and share my experiences. One piece of advice that my mom and stepdad gave me were that, when it comes to big life changes like weddings, and (sadly) funerals, and other such life altering events, you really find out who is really there for you, and who your real friends are. This happened to my mom and stepdad at their wedding, they lost a couple of friends because of some sticky issues.

In my case, I lost a bridesmaid and a friend because of money issues, but also because she was just mean. I had known this girl for 10 years and asked her to be a bridesmaid, and that turned out to be a big mistake. At first she was very excited and seemed to be "honored" that I asked her. I even sent her flowers and a card asking her. Then after that she started to give me a lot of problems, some of which had nothing to do with the wedding. She ditched me on my birthday at the last minute saying she was "busy" and that's all the excuse she could give me, she told my mom she would be having dinner with us and then yet again bailing at the last minute, and then when it became time to go bridesmaid dress shopping, her true colors started showing: First I just want to point out that she only had to travel about 1 1/2 hours to Disney, so there are no travel arrangements necessary for her. No hotels, flights, anything. I talked to her and the other bridesmaids about what she was comfortable spending on her dress, shoes, etc. I set a limit and told her we would not go over $200 for everything including dress, shoes, etc. and that if it did I would help with the cost. She told me she was fine with that. Well then she started getting a little "psycho" and demanded that I get the bridesmaid dresses from David's Bridal because it was more convenient for her, and started asking me how much dresses cost and I told her I thought between the $130-150 range was about average, and she did not like that. She then started accusing me of withholding information from her, saying that I already picked out a dress well before we went shopping that she thought was somewhere near $400. Um, what? No, I did not go bridesmaid dress shopping yet, and I would not expect anyone to pay that much for a dress! She also actually said to me "well it is your DUTY to get us bridesmaids gifts." I could NOT believe she actually said that to me, I was completely shocked. Yes, I was already planning on getting them gifts as a thank you for being there for me, but, really? That would be like me saying "well I'm the bride and I demand a gift." Who says things like that? Well a little while later I get a TEXT from her taking herself out of the wedding, saying the cost was too much. And we hadn't even picked out dresses yet. Yeah, thanks for the text. So I was like, good riddance. After her bailing on me more than once, I was worried she wouldn't show up to the wedding. About a week after that we picked out the dresses and she wanted to know how much they cost, and I told her it was none of her business anymore. Well, she did not like that and started saying some really, really nasty things to me. All I then told her was that she was no longer invited to the wedding and I did not want to speak to her anymore. I should point out that she wasn't the greatest friend even from the time I met her, so I was kind of thinking to myself "why did I even ask her in the first place?"

Sorry this is so long, just wanted to share my experience with a bridesmaid who said something totally off-the-wall. Unfortunately, these things do happen, I think they happen more often than not. I'm not by any means trying to say that your friend will be awful to you like mine was to me, just saying that sometimes when there's a big event, people can surprise you. Maybe, now that she knows that you want your wedding at Disney, she'll have had some time to think things through to see if it would be possible for her to be there, and it won't be a problem for you at all.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

Hey there! Congratulations (soon!!!)!

Just wanted to chime in and share my experiences. One piece of advice that my mom and stepdad gave me were that, when it comes to big life changes like weddings, and (sadly) funerals, and other such life altering events, you really find out who is really there for you, and who your real friends are. This happened to my mom and stepdad at their wedding, they lost a couple of friends because of some sticky issues.

In my case, I lost a bridesmaid and a friend because of money issues, but also because she was just mean. I had known this girl for 10 years and asked her to be a bridesmaid, and that turned out to be a big mistake. At first she was very excited and seemed to be "honored" that I asked her. I even sent her flowers and a card asking her. Then after that she started to give me a lot of problems, some of which had nothing to do with the wedding. She ditched me on my birthday at the last minute saying she was "busy" and that's all the excuse she could give me, she told my mom she would be having dinner with us and then yet again bailing at the last minute, and then when it became time to go bridesmaid dress shopping, her true colors started showing: First I just want to point out that she only had to travel about 1 1/2 hours to Disney, so there are no travel arrangements necessary for her. No hotels, flights, anything. I talked to her and the other bridesmaids about what she was comfortable spending on her dress, shoes, etc. I set a limit and told her we would not go over $200 for everything including dress, shoes, etc. and that if it did I would help with the cost. She told me she was fine with that. Well then she started getting a little "psycho" and demanded that I get the bridesmaid dresses from David's Bridal because it was more convenient for her, and started asking me how much dresses cost and I told her I thought between the $130-150 range was about average, and she did not like that. She then started accusing me of withholding information from her, saying that I already picked out a dress well before we went shopping that she thought was somewhere near $400. Um, what? No, I did not go bridesmaid dress shopping yet, and I would not expect anyone to pay that much for a dress! She also actually said to me "well it is your DUTY to get us bridesmaids gifts." I could NOT believe she actually said that to me, I was completely shocked. Yes, I was already planning on getting them gifts as a thank you for being there for me, but, really? That would be like me saying "well I'm the bride and I demand a gift." Who says things like that? Well a little while later I get a TEXT from her taking herself out of the wedding, saying the cost was too much. And we hadn't even picked out dresses yet. Yeah, thanks for the text. So I was like, good riddance. After her bailing on me more than once, I was worried she wouldn't show up to the wedding. About a week after that we picked out the dresses and she wanted to know how much they cost, and I told her it was none of her business anymore. Well, she did not like that and started saying some really, really nasty things to me. All I then told her was that she was no longer invited to the wedding and I did not want to speak to her anymore. I should point out that she wasn't the greatest friend even from the time I met her, so I was kind of thinking to myself "why did I even ask her in the first place?"

Sorry this is so long, just wanted to share my experience with a bridesmaid who said something totally off-the-wall. Unfortunately, these things do happen, I think they happen more often than not. I'm not by any means trying to say that your friend will be awful to you like mine was to me, just saying that sometimes when there's a big event, people can surprise you. Maybe, now that she knows that you want your wedding at Disney, she'll have had some time to think things through to see if it would be possible for her to be there, and it won't be a problem for you at all.

Thank you for sharing this story. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with a person like that. I can't believe there are people that react like this when a friend wants them to share their wedding day happiness. That's just crazy! You definitely did the right thing to cut her off. I hope if something this bad happens to me I will be strong enough to say: this is my wedding, enough is enough!

 

[PrincessTinker11]

Oh this topic hits SO close to home! I have had nothing but issues with my two best friends and even my own sister about my destination wedding (We are doing the DCL on the Dream with a Castaway Cay wedding)...when I first told them they were not thrilled and basically was like "Oh well that will be a lot of money" I was so upset as many others have said, I was in their wedding, spent over 2K on a wedding and then probably at least another 500 on baby shower stuff very shortly after! I so agree with many at least on our wedding they would also be getting a vacation out of all the money they spend....I sure did not get that with my girlfriends wedding...My bridesmaids have both said to me that they have too much going on in their own lives to come to our wedding and that is what we get for having a destination wedding. I believe this is happening more so because I am older (30) and my girlfriends are in the thick of raising children, etc. I am so happy to be sharing my special day with friends/family that REALLY want to be there and are making every attempt to go. I am so over excuses too! I am happy with our choice to get married where WE want to be married and just wish others could be happy for me and my DF. My mother always told me when I spent money on friends/others for bridal showers, birthdays, babys, etc. don't expect anything in return b/c others forget when it is your turn, she was SO right!

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

Oh this topic hits SO close to home! I have had nothing but issues with my two best friends and even my own sister about my destination wedding (We are doing the DCL on the Dream with a Castaway Cay wedding)...when I first told them they were not thrilled and basically was like "Oh well that will be a lot of money" I was so upset as many others have said, I was in their wedding, spent over 2K on a wedding and then probably at least another 500 on baby shower stuff very shortly after! I so agree with many at least on our wedding they would also be getting a vacation out of all the money they spend....I sure did not get that with my girlfriends wedding...My bridesmaids have both said to me that they have too much going on in their own lives to come to our wedding and that is what we get for having a destination wedding. I believe this is happening more so because I am older (30) and my girlfriends are in the thick of raising children, etc. I am so happy to be sharing my special day with friends/family that REALLY want to be there and are making every attempt to go. I am so over excuses too! I am happy with our choice to get married where WE want to be married and just wish others could be happy for me and my DF. My mother always told me when I spent money on friends/others for bridal showers, birthdays, babys, etc. don't expect anything in return b/c others forget when it is your turn, she was SO right!

I suppose not even having experience with many weddings I would have to agree with your mom's assessment. I'm sorry your bridesmaids decided they could not/did not want to attend your wedding. But the important part is - and my DBF keeps reminding me of this - is that you should have your wedding the way you want it, regardless of anyone else's issues. Hard to remember sometimes, especially when you want everyone to feel the same way about your wedding as you do... sigh.