Telling your Bridesmaids about your Disney Wedding

[LittleKittyMarie]

Hi everyone, just want to start by saying I love the Weddings forum here on DISboards, and have been quietly lurking since 2008 in preparation of future events. Anyway on to the question!

I'm not yet engaged, but I know when it happens I will be calling Disney the next day to arrange a Disney wedding at WDW. My BF and I have both discussed this in great detail and love the idea. I've mentioned it to my parents and, while it's not their first choice, I know they will come to love the idea too. Now my best friend... We've been friends for 16 years, we agreed we would be MOH at each other's weddings a long time ago and all that fun stuff. In the past couple weeks I've started to subtly drop hints that it is my intention to get married at WDW. The first time I told her it totally went over her head and didn't sink in. Okay, that's fine. The second time I told her more outright: "well, you know, I want to have my wedding at WDW..." And the first thing out of her mouth? "Are you going to pay for me?"

So, I am still completely floored at her response to me, but it's not really totally unexpected. While it's one thing for me to acknowledge to myself, my BF and my parents I may need to pay for her if I want her there, it's another thing entirely for her to say that outright. (To add insult to injury we were also having the conversation on my birthday.) I am dreading the moment when I am actually engaged and have to say... remember all those times when I was trying to warn you about my WDW wedding, yeah I wasn't joking around.

I guess what I am finally trying to ask is if anyone else has had similar experiences talking to people (bridesmaids, groomsmen or close family) that you want to be at your wedding and how that went down.

 

[LuvLuvLuv]

Well after I got engaged, I knew we still had 2 years before the wedding. I planned on asking 3 or 4 girls as my bridesmaids. As we were talking casually to 3 of them (I wasn't going to ask for a while), one said she wouldn't come because she doesn't like Disney, one will be in grad school and will be broke, and the other was pretty much a go since her aunt owns DVC and can probably get points. This threw a clink in my plans. I talked to DF about who would be on his side... his friends were doing the same. We decided to not have a bridal party and have the attention be on us. Less dramatics, no BM/GM gifts, no one backing out at the last minute... etc. Also no worrying if they'll fidget or act dumb at the alter during the wedding--I've seen that happen I hope she'll come around and be able to stand with you... but there's always other options We also plan on the mothers signing the marriage certificate.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

Well after I got engaged, I knew we still had 2 years before the wedding. I planned on asking 3 or 4 girls as my bridesmaids. As we were talking casually to 3 of them (I wasn't going to ask for a while), one said she wouldn't come because she doesn't like Disney, one will be in grad school and will be broke, and the other was pretty much a go since her aunt owns DVC and can probably get points. This threw a clink in my plans. I talked to DF about who would be on his side... his friends were doing the same. We decided to not have a bridal party and have the attention be on us. Less dramatics, no BM/GM gifts, no one backing out at the last minute... etc. Also no worrying if they'll fidget or act dumb at the alter during the wedding--I've seen that happen I hope she'll come around and be able to stand with you... but there's always other options We also plan on the mothers signing the marriage certificate.

Thank you for responding! I really like the idea of having your mothers sign the marriage certificate, I know my mom would really like that idea. Hmm...

I guess an advantage of the Disney wedding timeline is that there is plenty of time to figure out what will work for everyone involved. The more PJs I read and research I do into the Disney wedding the more I think I would prefer to have no bridal party, but thanks to promises made in childhood innocence, LOL, I'm stuck worrying about it for the time being. Also, because I know she will automatically assume that she will be MOH as soon as I tell her I'm engaged, so I guess that's why I'm trying to think this all out before that day. It also helps pass the time while waiting

 

[librarygeek]

I'm not having a Disney wedding, but as a somewhat frugal person maybe I can give you some input (though hopefully I'm not rude about it!). I'm in grad school and have very little $$, so I'm trying to think about what i would do if I was your friend. I think the best thing that you can do is give her a lot of advance warning (which you are obviously doing!). But once things become official you just need to have a talk with her so that she understands exactly what costs are involved. And try to keep any other costs down - dress, jewelry, shoes, etc. If I had time to plan and save it would be a big plus. Also, try and convince her how awesome Disney is - get her a guidebook, show her some of the restaurants and the menus, and some of the "lesser known" Disney stuff. Maybe that way she'll see it not only as expenses for going to your wedding, but as a vacation for herself too.

I think you may have this problem no matter where your wedding is. I mean, my DF's brother is already complaining about coming to the wedding because he has to pay to rent his tux and for a hotel room (the cost of which he is splitting with other people). I can't imagine what it would be like if I was asking him to travel to Disney!

 

[Princess SarahK]

One of my good friends asked shortly after we had decided on a DFTW how we were going to afford it? I said, well its expensive but totally worth it! Then she said, "Well how many people are coming, I mean thats a lot of plane tickets and hotel rooms to pay for!" I told her were not paying for anyones trips or accomodations. If you can make it, we'd love to have you but if not we completely understand! Only our immediate families live nearby, everyone else would have to travel to our wedding if we had it at home, so either way its a "destination of sorts"..our friends are the ones with the short end of the stick..but still, if they want to make it they will. No hard feelings either way.

Personally, I was floored that she would even expect or ask that! And she is one of my BM's..thank God I set her straight! I love the girl, but seriously?? We gave EVERYONE 2 years notice and they all know its coming. If you cant stash away some $$ for it, thats fine, I get it. But dont say you werent prepared or whatever...2 years is plenty of time in my book!

Hope this all works out for you.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

I'm not having a Disney wedding, but as a somewhat frugal person maybe I can give you some input (though hopefully I'm not rude about it!). I'm in grad school and have very little $$, so I'm trying to think about what i would do if I was your friend. I think the best thing that you can do is give her a lot of advance warning (which you are obviously doing!). But once things become official you just need to have a talk with her so that she understands exactly what costs are involved. And try to keep any other costs down - dress, jewelry, shoes, etc. If I had time to plan and save it would be a big plus. Also, try and convince her how awesome Disney is - get her a guidebook, show her some of the restaurants and the menus, and some of the "lesser known" Disney stuff. Maybe that way she'll see it not only as expenses for going to your wedding, but as a vacation for herself too.

I think you may have this problem no matter where your wedding is. I mean, my DF's brother is already complaining about coming to the wedding because he has to pay to rent his tux and for a hotel room (the cost of which he is splitting with other people). I can't imagine what it would be like if I was asking him to travel to Disney!

Hi, thank you for your input! Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the situation from her point of view. And I'm in no way underestimating the amount money implied in asking someone to be a bridesmaid at a Disney wedding. To be honest, my situation is quite similar to yours - I'm in still in school with a student loan. My BF is a lot more financially stable which is the only reason we can even consider this kind of wedding.

I think I probably will need to come up with a plan way before I talk to her - if I pay for her hotel and she pays for transportation, or vice versa - and have that ready before announcing an engagement or my wedding plans. At the end of the day, I think I know I'm going to have to pay for her to be there if I want her to be there. But I hope that isn't opening a Pandora's box. I can't pay for an entire vacation for her and all her bridal stuff... how does one decide what should be reasonably added to the wedding budget and then where you have to draw the line?

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

One of my good friends asked shortly after we had decided on a DFTW how we were going to afford it? I said, well its expensive but totally worth it! Then she said, "Well how many people are coming, I mean thats a lot of plane tickets and hotel rooms to pay for!" I told her were not paying for anyones trips or accomodations. If you can make it, we'd love to have you but if not we completely understand! Only our immediate families live nearby, everyone else would have to travel to our wedding if we had it at home, so either way its a "destination of sorts"..our friends are the ones with the short end of the stick..but still, if they want to make it they will. No hard feelings either way.

Personally, I was floored that she would even expect or ask that! And she is one of my BM's..thank God I set her straight! I love the girl, but seriously?? We gave EVERYONE 2 years notice and they all know its coming. If you cant stash away some $$ for it, thats fine, I get it. But dont say you werent prepared or whatever...2 years is plenty of time in my book!

Hope this all works out for you.

Thank you! Glad to know it's not only my friend who has unrealistic expectations about wedding costs. I wonder if she would pay for me if the situation were reversed....

I agree, two years is plenty of time and it will be that way for all the rest of the guests that I would invite. This friend, is actually the only friend who isn't family I will be inviting, so I feel like it's a special case. But maybe I really should realistically consider telling her, I want you there but the wedding will expensive enough without taking on your expenses as well and see what happens before making any offers.

 

[Princess SarahK]

I feel like it's a special case. But maybe I really should realistically consider telling her, I want you there but the wedding will expensive enough without taking on your expenses as well and see what happens before making any offers.

I think thats a great idea! I would wait and see how your budget works out and then make a decision ALOT closer to your wedding. I was thinking about paying for my grandparents trips (right after i got engaged) it sounded brilliant and I really wanted to. But now that Im paying for everything since its getting close and my budget is near 20k over what I originally wanted it to be..things have changed. Obviously im going to scale back but I still cant afford to pay for anyones accomodations, almost including my own!


As far as money goes, it will be expensive not matter what. My BFF got married 2 weeks ago, I was her MOH and threw her bridal shower, bachelorette party, and got her numerous gifts on top of the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, etc...I spent almost 2k on her wedding, and it was an "at home" wedding...no matter what you do and where you go, weddings are expensive! Hopefully she regards it as the most important day of your life that you will take with you forever, and maybe make it extra special and not stress you about the $$ she's spending. That would be bratty!

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

 

[DznyGal]

It looks like you got a lot of good replies, I will add my story for you to read.

DF’s friends all had excuses, so he had no groom’s men, I think I was and am more upset about this than he is. Personally in my opinion it was uncalled for they had the worst excises. So all that being said, I just had my little sister, best friend, best friend’s Daughter and my niece as my bridal party.

When he would ask his 3 friends to be in the wedding and they all changed the subject when he talked to them about it and then when he finally got them to answer him NONE of them decided to come. I felt and still do feel horrible for him, I had an easier time convincing my sister and best friend to come, they are Disney lovers like me. None of DF's friends and/or family have ever been to Disney so all they were looking at was the cost as a bottom line.

I also had a scare that DF's mom might not go, she would go from saying she IS the all of a sudden talk about how afraid she was to fly... She did end up coming and brought his aunt with her so it worked out in the end.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

I think thats a great idea! I would wait and see how your budget works out and then make a decision ALOT closer to your wedding. I was thinking about paying for my grandparents trips (right after i got engaged) it sounded brilliant and I really wanted to. But now that Im paying for everything since its getting close and my budget is near 20k over what I originally wanted it to be..things have changed. Obviously im going to scale back but I still cant afford to pay for anyones accomodations, almost including my own!


As far as money goes, it will be expensive not matter what. My BFF got married 2 weeks ago, I was her MOH and threw her bridal shower, bachelorette party, and got her numerous gifts on top of the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, etc...I spent almost 2k on her wedding, and it was an "at home" wedding...no matter what you do and where you go, weddings are expensive! Hopefully she regards it as the most important day of your life that you will take with you forever, and maybe make it extra special and not stress you about the $$ she's spending. That would be bratty!

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

The more I think about it, the more I like this idea. Plus it will give me a lot more time to figure out if it's in the budget, at the very least after I get a chance to talk to Disney and hear all the prices mount up!

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

It looks like you got a lot of good replies, I will add my story for you to read.

DF’s friends all had excuses, so he had no groom’s men, I think I was and am more upset about this than he is. Personally in my opinion it was uncalled for they had the worst excises. So all that being said, I just had my little sister, best friend, best friend’s Daughter and my niece as my bridal party.

When he would ask his 3 friends to be in the wedding and they all changed the subject when he talked to them about it and then when he finally got them to answer him NONE of them decided to come. I felt and still do feel horrible for him, I had an easier time convincing my sister and best friend to come, they are Disney lovers like me. None of DF's friends and/or family have ever been to Disney so all they were looking at was the cost as a bottom line.

I also had a scare that DF's mom might not go, she would go from saying she IS the all of a sudden talk about how afraid she was to fly... She did end up coming and brought his aunt with her so it worked out in the end.

Thank you for sharing your story! That's really too bad about your DF's friends and family. I think a lot of people on my side of the family will have similar reactions, they think Disney is just a really expensive kid's playground or something. Siigh.

I am concerned that none of the people I want in my bridal party will want to come as well. Aside from this friend, I also want to ask my cousin to be a bridesmaid. I think it will be easier to convince her though, she's also a pretty big Disney fan, works at the Disney Store, etc. But I guess I'll have to wait and see.

 

[librarygeek]

Hi, thank you for your input! Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the situation from her point of view. And I'm in no way underestimating the amount money implied in asking someone to be a bridesmaid at a Disney wedding. To be honest, my situation is quite similar to yours - I'm in still in school with a student loan. My BF is a lot more financially stable which is the only reason we can even consider this kind of wedding.

My friend on the other hand is out of school and after almost two years of hanging out at home all day, has finally started working. The thing is, she's so obsessed with money (and in a very odd way I might add - she wants to plan a cruise vacation for her and her BF, but if you try and suggest she buys something she might actually need, like a new toaster, she suddenly has no money) that it becomes difficult to have a conversation with her about anything that might involve spending. I think I probably will need to come up with a plan way before I talk to her - if I pay for her hotel and she pays for transportation, or vice versa - and have that ready before announcing an engagement or my wedding plans. Along with as you say guidebooks and other WDW stuff to show her, to hopefully momentarily distract her away from the money thing long enough to be at least a little excited for me.

At the end of the day, I think I know I'm going to have to pay for her to be there if I want her to be there. But I hope that isn't opening a Pandora's box. I can't pay for an entire vacation for her and all her bridal stuff... how does one decide what should be reasonably added to the wedding budget and then where you have to draw the line?

Oh yeah, I definitely get where you're coming from too I was just trying to think about what would be the best way for someone to break the news to me, to try and help you! Of course, since I'm already a big Disney freak it wouldn't be too difficult

But I have to agree with some others that you shouldn't offer to pay for anything at first, for two major reasons: 1, almost everyone goes over budget so you probably won't have extra funds, and 2, you don't want a case of other people finding out and saying, "Well, you paid for her travel, why don't you pay for mine?" (Yes, I think that adults can act just like little kids sometimes! )

Good luck with whatever happens! At least you'll have plenty of time to figure it out, and that's definitely a good thing.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

Oh yeah, I definitely get where you're coming from too I was just trying to think about what would be the best way for someone to break the news to me, to try and help you! Of course, since I'm already a big Disney freak it wouldn't be too difficult

But I have to agree with some others that you shouldn't offer to pay for anything at first, for two major reasons: 1, almost everyone goes over budget so you probably won't have extra funds, and 2, you don't want a case of other people finding out and saying, "Well, you paid for her travel, why don't you pay for mine?" (Yes, I think that adults can act just like little kids sometimes! )

Good luck with whatever happens! At least you'll have plenty of time to figure it out, and that's definitely a good thing.

You make a very good point about the problems that might arise if others find out... some of my extended family can be quite immature. I'll have to consider this too.

Thank you once again for your help and ideas!

 

[Jilian]

I don't know if I'm reading into it too much from what you wrote I am picking up a sense of entitlement from your friend and that alone would make me not want to pay for her accomodations. I'd be worried that if you paid she'd still find things wrong and your feelings would get hurt. When we started telling people we were doing a Disney VR we were very honest and said we knew we were asking a lot by inviting them and we fully understand if they cannot make it due to costs. That is just par for the course when it comes to a destination wedding. I don't think you should be expected to pick up the tab for anyone, if you end up with extra money and do pick up the tab then that is really nice of you but it should never be expected.

 

[DisneyBrittany]

I was actually really worried about this so here's what I did. All of my bridesmaids live in different cities across the US so I found a cute card to send to them asking them to be my bridesmaid. Inside, I wrote out that I wanted them to think about it first and they were under no obligation to say yes. I explained that the wedding was most likely going to be at Disney World ( we hadn't signed our LOA yet) and that it was going to be costly to get there (to make sure they knew I couldn't pay for their accomadations or trip) and that I was going to try to keep the cost of the bridesmaid's dress down as much as I could.

I fully expected some of them to say no, but every single one called me and were super excited about saying yes AND about getting an excuse to go to Disney. It turned out better than I could have hoped for!

 

[pinkfairy1684]

I was actually really worried about this so here's what I did. All of my bridesmaids live in different cities across the US so I found a cute card to send to them asking them to be my bridesmaid. Inside, I wrote out that I wanted them to think about it first and they were under no obligation to say yes. I explained that the wedding was most likely going to be at Disney World ( we hadn't signed our LOA yet) and that it was going to be costly to get there (to make sure they knew I couldn't pay for their accomadations or trip) and that I was going to try to keep the cost of the bridesmaid's dress down as much as I could.

I fully expected some of them to say no, but every single one called me and were super excited about saying yes AND about getting an excuse to go to Disney. It turned out better than I could have hoped for!

My experience was very similar! I am very fortunate that most of our attendants are Disney fans, and the ones who aren't (yet) were still excited to go on a little vacation with us! It's sad to think that some friends/family aren't as easy-going!

 

[PrincessAriel09]

Thanks for posting this! I loved hearing how different people handled that! So helpful to know in advance! lol

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

I don't know if I'm reading into it too much from what you wrote I am picking up a sense of entitlement from your friend and that alone would make me not want to pay for her accomodations. I'd be worried that if you paid she'd still find things wrong and your feelings would get hurt. When we started telling people we were doing a Disney VR we were very honest and said we knew we were asking a lot by inviting them and we fully understand if they cannot make it due to costs. That is just par for the course when it comes to a destination wedding. I don't think you should be expected to pick up the tab for anyone, if you end up with extra money and do pick up the tab then that is really nice of you but it should never be expected.

I do have to wonder why out of all the things you could possibly think of to say when your friend says, I want my wedding to be at Disney, you think to say, "Are you going to pay for me?" It's a bit off-putting, to say the least.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

I was actually really worried about this so here's what I did. All of my bridesmaids live in different cities across the US so I found a cute card to send to them asking them to be my bridesmaid. Inside, I wrote out that I wanted them to think about it first and they were under no obligation to say yes. I explained that the wedding was most likely going to be at Disney World ( we hadn't signed our LOA yet) and that it was going to be costly to get there (to make sure they knew I couldn't pay for their accomadations or trip) and that I was going to try to keep the cost of the bridesmaid's dress down as much as I could.

I fully expected some of them to say no, but every single one called me and were super excited about saying yes AND about getting an excuse to go to Disney. It turned out better than I could have hoped for!

My experience was very similar! I am very fortunate that most of our attendants are Disney fans, and the ones who aren't (yet) were still excited to go on a little vacation with us! It's sad to think that some friends/family aren't as easy-going!

I'm so glad to hear it both worked out for you two! I hope it will work out like this for me too and I'm just over-worrying about everything.

 

[LittleKittyMarie]

Thanks for posting this! I loved hearing how different people handled that! So helpful to know in advance! lol

I'm really happy so many are willing to share their stories too! Thanks everyone!