Telling friends you love them? Do you do it?

[KatelynnsAuntie]

I have a couple friends I'll say "I love you" to. Because I really do love them. But in return one friend just always says "you too." "You too"? What does that mean, "you too"? I don't know if I'm making her uncomfortable or what...? She'll write it to me, like in an email, but won't say it back.

I don't throw the words around lightly but if I love someone I want them to know it. I don't have to have the return I love you but it would be nice once in a while I guess...

What about you? Do you tell your friends you love them? Do they say it back?

 

[MariDisney]

I have a couple friends I'll say "I love you" to. Because I really do love them. But in return one friend just always says "you too." "You too"? What does that mean, "you too"? I don't know if I'm making her uncomfortable or what...? She'll write it to me, like in an email, but won't say it back.

I don't throw the words around lightly but if I love someone I want them to know it. I don't have to have the return I love you but it would be nice once in a while I guess...

What about you? Do you tell your friends you love them? Do they say it back?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI9Q0zv1wyc

 

[usnuzuloose]

Yes I have a good friend and we say it to each other every time with no problems. Jo

 

[Magic Mom]

Some people just don't feel comfortable saying the words. Maybe growing up their family wasn't very demonstrative. Be happy with "you too." I'm sure she means it.

 

[indimom]

Ditto what Magic Mom said.
I'm one of "those people" and so is the rest of our family. I don't hug my parents unless we're at a wedding or funeral and it's "required". Two of my three sisters also don't hug and we don't tell each other "love you." (One sister lives four states away and so we are more affectionate with her because we only see her once or twice a year if we're lucky.) But naturally it's just not how we are. We show affection with teasing, helping each other out, and such. We do love each other and we are a caring family, it's just not something we say and it feels so odd and uncomfortable to me that it doesn't feel "real" when I say it. It would be much more honest for me to say "you too." Does that make sense??
I'd assume it's something similar for your friend and let it go.

 

[MIGrandma]

I only have one close friend that I say it to, and she says it back as well. We've been friends for 40 years. Nobody else I know meets the criteria for saying that though.

 

[Christine]

I don't throw the words around lightly but if I love someone I want them to know it. I don't have to have the return I love you but it would be nice once in a while I guess...

I am one of the people who DON'T say "I Love You" and frankly, it bothers me when people say it after every phone call or personal exchange. It takes the weight out of the meaning *for me*. For you to say it all the time is your prerogative, but please don't inflict your irritation on others who don't. This is a true "different strokes for different folks" thing. Because I hardly say it doesn't mean I don't feel it. Words are words. I hope my actions towards my friends let them know how I feel about them. If they require me to SAY it to them, then I feel weird about it.

 

[Imzadi]

I don't throw the words around lightly but if I love someone I want them to know it. I don't have to have the return I love you but it would be nice once in a while I guess...

Maybe, she doesn't throw those words around lightly, either. It may be hard for her to say out loud even if she feels it. I find it picky that you hold her to a different standard than yourself. You should be grateful she says "You too," and writes it to you, instead of trying to mold her into what you need.

I hope this doesn't turn into a thread like that poster who threw away, what she claimed was a friendship with her best friend in the world, because she wasn't notified first that her BFF had adopted a baby.

 

[shortbun]

I can go either way. I have friends who hear 'I love you' from me each time we're in communication. I also have friends who are clearly not the touchy, feely type and I defer to their personalities unless there is something big going on-sickness, severe chaos and they need to hear it. Everyone needs hugging, btw, so I am a hugger. My mother was not a toucher but she came around to my way by the end of her life and it was good for both of us.

 

[Magpie]

I don't have to have the return I love you but it would be nice once in a while I guess...

What about you? Do you tell your friends you love them? Do they say it back?

I spontaneously told a friend of mine "I love you" yesterday. She didn't say anything back - she just laughed. I wasn't bothered in the slightest. It honestly never occurred to me to expect a particular response from her.

"I love you" is how I feel at that moment. It's an overflowing of emotion and joy. It's not a gift, and it's not an obligation, and I don't think there IS a prescribed "polite" response.

Some people use "I love you" as a substitute for "goodbye", and I guess that's okay, though it can be difficult to respond to in a genuine kind of way. I don't believe in "return I love you's" - that feels awkward and uncomfortable, to me. I probably have said "you, too" myself.

Friendships means SO much more than three words.

 

[Becky2005]

Ditto what Magic Mom said.
I'm one of "those people" and so is the rest of our family. I don't hug my parents unless we're at a wedding or funeral and it's "required". Two of my three sisters also don't hug and we don't tell each other "love you." (One sister lives four states away and so we are more affectionate with her because we only see her once or twice a year if we're lucky.) But naturally it's just not how we are.

That is us too! I really can't remember the last time my parents said "Love you" (if they ever have -- I think my dad said it once I was more stunned than anything else to respond because that was not normal!) nor anytime I have said it to them. I, however, know without a shadow of a doubt they do. I don't say it to the kids hardly at all. Occassionally (usually after I have been giving them a hard time with teasing and ending with "ah...but I love ya anyway" type of thing). The funniest thing out of it is my DD is very much a hugger, she hugs everyone. I am so NOT and it's a running joke when she gives me an extra long hug, I usually end up going "she's touching me" (you have to be there for the way it's said but we both start laughing since I think we originally got it from a commercial with 2 kids fighting and the "I'm not touching you").

The OP's friend with "you too" is just their way of saying I Love You without using the specific words. I have known one friend forever and I don't recall us ever saying it to each other either. I know if a good friend said "I Love You" specifically to me, I'm pretty sure I would repsond with "I Love You too". I would probably do the "you too" type of response.

 

[Pigeon]

No, I don't say it to friends and it creeps me out when people do. Family, yes, but I really don't "love" many people. To me that's something special. Like them a great deal, yes.

I had cancer a few years ago, and everybody started telling me they loved me. I know they were trying to be supportive, but it made me feel like they were sure I was dying tomorrow.

I've got a teenager and she and her friends are always telling each other they love them. They don't, and to me it cheapens what love means.

 

[MushyMushy]

My sister and her husband of many years just say "ditto," so "you too" would be a big step up. For some of us, those words are so very hard to say, especially if we weren't raised saying or hearing it much.

I don't think my friends or I have ever said it to one another. They pretty much know better than to hug me because I'm also not physically affectionate. These friendships have lasted well over 30 years, so I think we're all pretty confident in how we feel about one another!

 

[lucynme]

I grew up saying as well as showing, and to this day, still hug and kiss my parents (and brother) hello and goodbye when I see them and ALWAYS say "I Love You" before hanging up(and if I don't I usuall get a phone call directly back saying I forgot to), as well as whenever I feel the need to say it. And it isn't unusual for me to say "Love You" or write it in an e-mail either. So, in this aspect, I am like you. BUT-my other half was brought up not being so open to show affection, or how they felt, and in 16+ years, have never heard an "I Love You" to or from the parents. I had a hard time with this all at first, and just couldn't understand why. I guess for some, it just isn't as easy to share the way we feel, and aren't comfortable about it either. And I can see how it hurts, because does the "you too" have the sentiment behind, or is it just an uncomfortable reply...I'd have to agree with everyone else, and take it as they do mean it, and accept that's the best they can do.

 

[Art 1]

I do not.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I have no problem writing it, though I only do to my very close friends (about 3 or 4), but I do feel slightly uncomfortable when someone says it to me, unless it's in response to something I've done (a la "Oh, I just love you," etc). And I don't think I could bring myself to actually say it to any of my friends...possibly if they said it first, but I'd still feel uncomfortable.

We were middle of the road as far as affection and sharing our feelings when I was growing up. DH doesn't ever remember his mother hugging him and she rarely told him she loved him. We're both affectionate to our kids and tell them we love them all the time.

 

[KathyTX]

I do, all the time!

Probably didn't so much when I was younger, but now I find that I want the people I cherish to KNOW how I feel about them.

 

[Evi]

I do. My bff and I tell each other I love you all the time and its not thrown around she is very close like my sister and we've known each other since we were kids. Now I don't tell all my friends I love them.

 

[aprilgail2]

No, I don't say it to friends and it creeps me out when people do. Family, yes, but I really don't "love" many people. To me that's something special. Like them a great deal, yes.

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I agree--it would totally creep me out if a friend told me they loved me!

 

[Mommee]

My husband has a friend that will tell me that he loves me. It REALLY weirds me out. I like him, and I've known him for a good 10 years, but I just don't love him. So I do respond with something like "yeah, you too", or "back at ya, babe". I mean, what am I supposed to say? Well, XX, I don't love you. Or, Hey that's just weird? I really just try to avoid conversations with him so that I don't have to avoid the ending.

I do tell my husband I love him when one of us is leaving or hanging up the phone. What if it was the last time I saw him or talked to him?
I just don't have friends that inspire that kind of feeling in me.