Telling Dd's About Santa, Good Ideas?

[5 for WDW]

My older two are 11 and almost 9 (12/21). I think they both know deep down but, continue to believe. They have not flat out asked us and I am not going to volunteer anything.

Another factor is our daughter. She is only 5 and obviously believes in Santa in a big way. I don't think the boys would ever tell her on purpose but, they might let it slip. I want to avoid that for as long as I can.

 

[Seewhatimesdone]

It can't be worse than what my parents did. They just got lazy one year and decided to not "do Santa". Pfff lazy

 

[twinklebug]

Wow, I never expected such a response! Thank you all for your imput! I think you make good points as to why not to tell them.

The problem I'm struggling with is that DD11 literally asks about Santa almost every day. She keeps telling me that all her friends say there is no Santa. She doesn't understand how her freinds say one thing and we say the complete opposite.

First when she said it didn't seem possible, we talked about God and Jesus and that we believe in them just because we have faith. Not everything has to be seen or heard to exist. That worked for awhile.

This year i've focused on the "spirit" of Christmas and that Santa is in our hearts. I don't think she's buying it. To be honest, I think she feels a little silly believing when none of her freinds do. We've also told her if she doesn't believe in Santa then she is certainly not going to get presents from him.

But I truly believe she is looking to me to let her off the hook in a way.

I was just thinking of there was a nice way to approach it, I could put her out of her misery. She is literally driving herself (and me) crazy thinking/asking about it.

I guess I need to think about this some more!

Thanks again for the food for thought!

When I was around 11 I firmly believed in Santa - several years before I had questioned his existence and my brother made sure I believed fearing that we'd not get presents. Asking my parents had brought forth the "spirit of christmas" speach another has posted here... so of course my faith was restored and I firmly believed. ...

... then one day I was visiting with a family friend just a couple years older than I was who I though was the greatest ... when she asked if I believed and I answered "yup" she made such a noise about how dumb I was to me, to her parents and to all her friends that I was embarrassed to the point of crying and felt betrayed by my family.

I understand where you're coming from OP, however it sounds to me like your daughter has figured it out, unlike my 11yo son who has always been a firm believer... I feel I need to somehow let him in on the secret too before he's ridiculed the way I was. Contrary to what others here are saying there is a HUGE difference between an 18 yo "believing" and an 11 yo BELIEVING

 

[DisneyKT]

I don't see the point in telling them at all.. I never told my kids.. We all still "believe" - even as adults.. "Magical" things happen at Christmas time and we prefer to believe that Santa plays a big role in that "magic".. Society as a whole is bound and determined to suck the fun out of everything for kids today - from what age is appropriate to still play with dolls to when they should start dressing like little hookers.. Why can't kids just be allowed to enjoy their childhood and not be rushed into the "teen" years and then adulthood?

As for other kids "teasing" them - it's no different than any other kind of peer pressure.. Whether they fall prey to it or not depends largely on you and your attitude..

If you suspect they are "pretending" for your sake, then obviously it's important enough for them to do that.. As the song says, "Let Them Be Little"..

ITA

 

[golfgal]

Why tell them at all? My kids are 15, 17, 20 & 24 and I have never told them there is no Santa. In fact, they still get presents from Santa under the tree every year.

Same here--only I told them if they don't believe in Santa, they don't get Santa presents any longer (not really, I was joking when I said that-they still get Santa presents and leave cookies for him).

 

[Skatermom23]

I did tell my 9 year old the truth when I heard him with friends. He was defending that Santa was real and they were making a big joke out of him. I decided to come clean before it got out of hand and interupted their little joke. To this day, he is grateful that I told him when I did. Plus it was our little secret from his sister for another two years. He loved playing the secret Santa for her. Now that my kids are teenagers they do believe in the spirit of Santa and giving. If your child is asking you questions about Santa, I think it is time to fess up about the facts of the matter. So sad, I know....

 

[clarabelle]

I think if it is making her crazy -you should tell her.
No need in having her picked on and feeling different from her friends. You need to be able to count on your parents.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

It can't be worse than what my parents did. They just got lazy one year and decided to not "do Santa". Pfff lazy

WHAT?!! ARE YOU FOR REAL..PLEASE TELL ME YOU WERE LIKE 20.

 

[slo]

My 10yr old asked me this year if my DH and I were Santa, and I was honest with her and told her "yes" (I personally believe that at this age, she needs to know that when she asks me a question, I'm going to be honest with her, so she can trust me - this is my own opinion of course, and not what I believe everyone should do). I also told her, that she can now have fun with the whole idea of Santa, because I do. I told her that now we can have fun, together, keeping her 5yr old sister believeing. I told her that the spirit of Santa is very much alive, and even though Santa doesn't literally come to our house, he definitly comes in spirit through all of us

What I think is cute, is that even though she doesn't "believe" anymore, she was still very excited to see Santa at the mall, she asked if she's still getting a letter from Santa this year, and if she can still leave cookies out for Santa. She's still having fun, and this is what I hoped for, because I"m not ready for her to be to grown-up and adultlike yet.

 

[paula70]

My ds said something like that when he was about 10. He told me you don't have to see something to believe in it.

She's going to have to deal with WAY WORSE peer pressure in a few years. It's your turn to keep her in your belief system and how to filter out the "friends".

Good for you. Heck, I'm 42 and I like believing in all good things unseen!

I'll apologize up fron because I can not get my multi-quote to work so I'm have to respond individually.

DD11 is in an Intermediate school (grades 5-8) so I totally get the peer pressure thing. I never said they were pressuring or bullying her just that it was talked about alot. She has wonderful friends and none of them have made her feel bad one bit for what she believes. I do think it is perfectly normal for a girl her age to question things she hears and I am thrilled she comes to me w/ those questions. I'm just running out of answers (or at least ones that I can say w/ a straight face).

 

[taximomfor4]

I guess my question would be, why tell the 8yo? I can see maybe sitting the 11yo down and explaining everything, but why jip your 8yo of the 3 years your older DD had?

I was thinking the same thing. When my oldest asked me, pointedly, if I would tell her the "truth," I did. But then we had a big discussion about how she has reached a special point in her life. How she is now "Santa" too, and that an important part of the magic is allowing others to still think Santa is one person. She was very excited to cross over to being part of "Santa" herself. In 7 years, she has still not "told" her siblings, cousins, etc.

 

[paula70]

I waited until after Christmas to tell my youngest. Keeping up with the pretense was too much for me, and I felt dishonest. Comparing belief in Santa to belief in God is a bit of a stretch. The idea of a spirit of Christmas is fine, and that is how we did explain it, but trying to convince someone there's an actual person who flies around on Christmas Eve? It did feel like lying to me.

This is how I feel, a little dishonest.

Also, please understand that I didn't mean to compare Santa and God, only use God as an example. We are a christian family and have always made Christmas first and foremost about the birth of Christ. Santa does come second in our house, but he comes none the less.

 

[taximomfor4]

It can't be worse than what my parents did. They just got lazy one year and decided to not "do Santa". Pfff lazy

Same here, but it was Easter. My parents and I were 5 and 4. We walked to church, walked home after mass. The parents were still sleeping, so we hunted for our Easter baskets (they were hidden each year). When my parents woke up, we were still hunting. They told us there weren't baskets that year -- we didn't believe them, but eventually gave up the hunt.

My grandma was FURIOUS. She had her own baskets at her house for us every Easter, but still would have provided the baskets for our own house as well. So we knew pretty early on! BTW, we never told ANYONE -- not even our little brother.

 

[paula70]

Is this the Poem? If not I thought it was cute anyway.

From many a child I often hear
A question one would think I’d fear.
So inquisitive their minds
So bright their eyes
I'd never be a party
to feeding them lies?

“Santa are you real?” they ask and ask.
Answering each inearnest is monumental task!
Driven like a race car
Persistent – oh they are –
They whisper in my ear...
They shout it from afar!

Santa are you real or NOT?
My friends all say you’re fake!
Please answer me -- once and for all
Answer NOW, for Christmas sake!

Well I answer the question
From my quiet home
With another question that's not even my own:
If I’m not real...
Then who wrote this poem?

It’s the SPIRIT you see
That makes Santa “BE”
And certainly now,
While that SPIRIT in ME

I AM the Real Santa

I found it on this web site:
http://www.santa.net/is-santa-claus-real.html

Very cute...THANK YOU!

 

[paula70]

I understand where you're coming from OP, however it sounds to me like your daughter has figured it out, unlike my 11yo son who has always been a firm believer... I feel I need to somehow let him in on the secret too before he's ridiculed the way I was. Contrary to what others here are saying there is a HUGE difference between an 18 yo "believing" and an 11 yo BELIEVING[/QUOTE]


Thank you, I honestly believe my DD has figured it out and is looking for me to "let her off the hook" as one of the posters said.

 

[paula70]

I was thinking the same thing. When my oldest asked me, pointedly, if I would tell her the "truth," I did. But then we had a big discussion about how she has reached a special point in her life. How she is now "Santa" too, and that an important part of the magic is allowing others to still think Santa is one person. She was very excited to cross over to being part of "Santa" herself. In 7 years, she has still not "told" her siblings, cousins, etc.

This is a great idea! Even though my DD is very respectful and kind to her sister, I was worried it just might 'slip'! But if I make her part of the secret of Santa it may be easier for her to keep the secret herself.

Thanks so much for the great advice!

 

[taximomfor4]

This is a great idea! Even though my DD is very respectful and kind to her sister, I was worried it just might 'slip'! But if I make her part of the secret of Santa it may be easier for her to keep the secret herself.

Thanks so much for the great advice!

It does that, and also allows them to be just as excited, just in a different role.

 

[paula70]

My 10yr old asked me this year if my DH and I were Santa, and I was honest with her and told her "yes" (I personally believe that at this age, she needs to know that when she asks me a question, I'm going to be honest with her, so she can trust me - this is my own opinion of course, and not what I believe everyone should do). I also told her, that she can now have fun with the whole idea of Santa, because I do. I told her that now we can have fun, together, keeping her 5yr old sister believeing. I told her that the spirit of Santa is very much alive, and even though Santa doesn't literally come to our house, he definitly comes in spirit through all of us

What I think is cute, is that even though she doesn't "believe" anymore, she was still very excited to see Santa at the mall, she asked if she's still getting a letter from Santa this year, and if she can still leave cookies out for Santa. She's still having fun, and this is what I hoped for, because I"m not ready for her to be to grown-up and adultlike yet.

I love how you handled this! I also feel as though it's time to be honest w/ my DD. I particularly love how you say he doesn't come to our house but we still have the spirit of Santa.

I think my DD will have the same excitement for holiday regardless if she believes or not!

 

[Laurabearz]

I can not confirm nor deny

 

[paula70]

Okay, Im done w/ all the annoying individual responses (I really got to figure out why this muti-quote isn't working...probably user problem!)

Thanks to everyone for all their responses! It's fun to hear everyones opinions on this matter and it reiterates what a diverse group of people we are! That's wHAt make the DIS so great!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!