Telling an invited guest "No Invited Guests!"

[FreeTime]

I am getting ready to schedule a trip for 11 or us. My family, Sis's family, parents, bro's family. Last year we invited them all but due to an illness that parents had to cancel. Well 1 day before we left one of my siblings advised me that they were bringing a guest with them. This "guest" who I did know stayed in our 2 br with us. I am worried that this person will be invited again. It is not that I didn't like them, but I want this to be a family only trip. (And they didn't offer to pay a thing and were a slob!) So how do I tactfully say, "no invited guests?"
I would never invite myself anywhere, I can't believe my own family did this to me!
Thanks!

 

[CarolMN]

Don't be tactful - Be direct! Just say something like " The invitation is just for the xx of you. Please do not invite anyone else. I was a little hurt that you invited someone else last time without checking with us first. To be honest, I am uncomfortable sharing with someone who isn't family. Hope this doesn't hurt your feelings because we really want you to come with us again, but I want just family as my guests".

It's better to make sure you are understood than to "be tactful" with people who think nothing of inviting other people to be YOUR guest.

Remember, no one can take advantage of you without your consent. You are paying, you get to make the rules and invite whoever you please.

Best wishes -

 

[WDW LifeLong Fan]

ITA with CarolMN...

Be VERY direct. Tell them that you do not expect any surprises.

It is not your siblings duty or right to invite anyone on your trip!

 

[donald...really]

Don't mention that you were hurt or annoyed the last time they brought someone that wasn't family. The time to bring that up has passed and it will only cause hurt feelings. Say that you would like to make this a family only trip and would appreciate it if they didn't invite anyone else before checking with you. They will get the picture.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yikes! I wouldn't want to share a room with someone I didn't feel comfortable with. Nooooo way. What fun is that? No fair. They should've shared, they invited!!

I agree with CarolMN & Donald Really. Be direct.

 

[julia & nicks mom]

I would make sure that your siblings know that you want this to be a family only trip

my only concern is: Did you pay for everything or did the people who brought him along pay as well? If they did - I can see where they thought it was okay to bring him - and if you think they will not honor your wishes - book a seprate room!

 

[DVC-Don]

I have a sister I invited to join us at WDW a couple of years ago. She showed up with a cousin of ours and his wife! I said NO and sent them down to the Hospitality House at OKW where they booked their own studio with their own money. My sister was like "How can you turn them away?!" That will be the last time I invite her.

 

[kathleena]

I agree - no need to be tactful - you need to be direct. They took advantage of you the last time - all your need for tact is off!!! Tell them NOW that this is family only and as it is your timeshare, you will do all of the inviting.

I agree NOT to bring up the last trip. If you didn't say your peace then, you shouldn't do it now - the time is past.

And the next time you invite them - you should state at the invite time - no other guests. Don't wait until you have worried about it so much that you are dreading the trip!

I admire DVC-Don for being so firm about his situation. There is no need for any of us to be taken advantage of like that. This is our money, our vacation, our choice.

 

[auntpolly]

Are you paying for the whole trip? Then you absolutely have the right to say who goes and who doesn't. But if you're all splitting the cost, I think your family has a right to invite who they want -- just not in your room! I think if it was my family I'd just say outright - "I'm not having any strangers in my room this trip. If you want them, you pay for them and you put them in your room!

Just my 2¢!

 

[shortbun]

Yeah, I'd definitely say I wanted the privacy of just family
this trip in my accomodations. If others are to be invited,
they need to find other rooms. Was this person a boyfriend
or something? In our family, that's "family." Unless it's
my 14 yo neices obnoxious, never keeps his mouth shut and
lays all over my neice, boyfriend.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I wont be such a slob this time

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by Pop Daddy
I wont be such a slob this time

YEAH, That's what you always say!

 

[wilderness01]

We also have obnoxious in-laws that think it is ok to invite their friends/family to tag along, spend the night, invite them to dinner at our house, etc. etc. Be direct. If it comes across rude, so be it. It is no more rude than them inviting their friends/family without permission.

 

[KristiKelly]

I agree with the others, be direct & firm. I wouldn't want a stranger staying with me nor would I wnat to stay with a family I didn't know. The nerve of some people.

Now, Pop Daddy, that's another story, as long as you pick up after yourself

 

[chainkid]

I had a similar problem develop this year because I invited a large crowd and then someof those people invited others. Since I booked the grand villas and had planned to give each family their own room..only two to a room, I said fine but you will have to let them share your room because the others are booked for other families and I won;t impose on them. Thisdid not go over well as they said the new people could sleep in the living room. I said no, I prefer to keep the living room free of guests so the area stays open in the morning for early risers and I won;t change this policy. So we will see if the new people actually come with them. I have the advantage of having brought them before so they know what the accomodations are like...I just made it plain that their accomodations are limited to the bedroom that sleeps 4 and the common area is mine to share with the group in the way I always plan. I love having alot of people come but I won't let it ruin my plans to enjoy my vacation and having strangers sleeping right outside the master bedroom and having to share it with them is a big NO NO for me. I have on occasion let my nephews when they were young sleep here if the laundry room wasn't available but we all agreed it is awkward in the morning and I plan to have extra villas to take care of this problem. I doubt they will do this again and it'll be fun seeing how they get out of the situation now as I know they don;t want to lose the privacy of having their own bedroom and bath, and they know I'll never budge. I'm a generous person but I'm a control freak with my time and my vacation. I invite you to share it but don't plan on effecting my plans. One note here, I never presume to make anyone follow my vacations plans. I give people the options of having meals together at night or not and the rest of the day we each do what we want and not try to stay together.......this is the biggest mistake as you will end up waiting for laggers so I just say today we are [playing golf if you want to join us book your tee times or if its a park we leave at such and such and if you aren't there then call on your cell and we'll meet up later. So far we have never had a bad time and My husband and I do what we want with absolutely no guilt. The best way to handle presumptuous people is to stand your ground and make what ever decision they made their problem not yours. If they end up paying for a room for the univited guests...they will learn a very expensive lesson and you will secretly get a thrill out of their predicament instead of an ulcer trying to solve a problem not of your making. I agree wholeheartedly with the brother who turned away his sister and uninvited guests.......guarantee she won;t do that again and its never to late to learn good manners.

 

[froglady]

Originally posted by auntpolly
Are you paying for the whole trip? Then you absolutely have the right to say who goes and who doesn't. But if you're all splitting the cost, I think your family has a right to invite who they want -- just not in your room! I think if it was my family I'd just say outright - "I'm not having any strangers in my room this trip. If you want them, you pay for them and you put them in your room!

Just my 2¢!

That my be fine, IF the guests stayed in the room.

A similar thing happened in our family. We all rented 2 BR condos, with two sibs sharing one. Their child (college age) was to sleep on the couch in the LR. She showed up with 2 friends!! There were people all over the place, it was, naturally, messy because of their stuff, they were sleeping late (being college students) and eveyone had to cook, etc for the extra people. (They were guys, so had big appetites!)

It also bumped the number of people over the maximum, so they could have been thrown out of their condo.

The couple sharing with them (who have no children from this marriage) were so put out that they've never shared a condo with them again, nor will anyone else for fear that this will happen again.

We always get our own condo, especially now that our daughter and son are at an age that they might bring a friend. HOWEVER, we always warn everyone else well in advance, and compensate for the extra person when someone else is hosting the dinner at their condo.

 

[FreeTime]

We did pay for the room and did not ask to be compensated for the points. If it was one of my nieces friends I wouldn't have had a problem with it. However, it was a cousin of one of my in-laws! Thanks for the advice. I just extended the invite a few weeks ago so when I call to make the ressies I will make sure that they understand that there will not be enough room for others and if they want to bring additional guests they need to rent a room on their own.