Tell Me About your Asperger's Kid

[kirstenb1]

My son is 9 1/2 years old and saw a developmental pediatrician a year ago and she did not diagnose him with anything but said he had "asperger tendencies". It's funny reading the other kids with aspergers, because it fits my son so well. At my son's last teacher's conference, the first thing the teacher said was "your son is very sociable". I have seen him at school interacting at school with the kids and gets along but would also rather read, play his ipod or watch godzilla or play legos. He is friends with one boy on the block and they play once or twice a week but to be honest, I think he would be just as happy playing with himself. It's funny, he just loves being home with his family and doing "his things". He plays nicely with his twin sister and 3 year old brother. He got a A+ in science and loves social studies, his writing is very poor and he's not a good speller. He is not really coordinated and has a bit of low muscle tone and is not interested in sports (I think mostly because he's not good at them). He will talk to me about his ninjagos and other hero factory figures and at times go on and on about them. He doesn't make good eye contact with strangers either. I think he may be asperger's or just have it slightly but definetely has some of the characteristics of it. He is a funny kid and is super loving and I am proud to be his mom. PS I held my son back when he was in 2nd grade (along with his twin sister) because I thought it would be beneficial since he had some learning issues and his sister was struggling a bit as well. I have never regretted it. Glad I did it. He matured more and doesn't struggle with the school work.

Thanks for sharing how repeating 2nd grade worked out for you guys. I've been really stressed about dd repeating 1st. I understand where the school is coming from, but I'm so worried about the social aspect. As luck would have it, she and another first grader are the only kids at our bus stop. He bullied her in Kindergarten (and got totally busted by the teacher and principal for it).

Anyway, I'm very relieved to hear it worked out for your son and daughter; thanks again.

 

[kirstenb1]

Personally I find nothing Offensive when it comes to anyone explaining or describing why they feel the way they do. I dont walk in her shoes but reading thru her post actually broke my heart. To you and yours .

We can only do what we can and try try again....As a parent I too know what it can be to try so hard , to teach and re-teach, to be involved, to aggressively pursue every option available, to advocate, and sometimes, to be disappointed and hit a brick wall. I dont judge anyone.
AS in an older child comes with different situations and challenges, some very difficult ones and PROUD moments as well ...it is often difficult for people outside the immediate situation to "see" the real situation/world because it is often masked with ...for lack of a better word, normalcy of situations and responses..
No disrespect to anyone that is in the situation of having a child/young adult or adult with Aspergers, but each stage can be very different and again, comes with its own set of challenges. To one and all, continue to be the best supportive parents you can. We're all so very blessed.....Nuff said.

Agree!!! It's hard to be candid about seeing your child struggle to make sense of the world. And for him/her to reject what you've spent a lifetime trying to instill, must be beyond belief. We all have a right to our own feelings.

 

[ccgirl]

I think it's important to remember that there is a wide spectrum. My DD, while never diagnosed, I think probably is very high functioning. She gets great grades and has friends but if friends go off and play without her, she thinks they don't like her anymore and won't go with them. She also has to have all tags cut off clothes and will only wear cotton stretch pant or sweatpants. She does not like change at all and can be very OCD. Her new thing is hand washing. Her hands keep getting red raw from it.

I also have two close friends with children with Asperger's. They both present very differently. One won't go anywhere without her mother. The other will go with anyone, even stranger so it's very scary. They are both 10 like my DD.

Good luck OP. Just know there is a lot more knowledge and support out there than used to be and lots of children with Asperger's go on to live very seemingly normal lives.

Best wishes to you.

 

[tlkscott]

I am dealing with this now with my 4 year old. I am also a teacher. First let me say that I am amazed that the school would say something like that. We have to be very careful because that is medical and not educational. The same with ADHD and ADD. My son has a lot of sensory issues. We have worked with the Birth to Three program and now we are working with the school. He is that child just does not "fit" any one category. I have seen improvements with adding supplements and vitamins and so on. We are now going to Health South for extra OT because he needs more than what is "educationally necessary. Just send (((HUGS))) and know that you are not alone.

 

[PelletierBears]

Personally I find nothing Offensive when it comes to anyone explaining or describing why they feel the way they do. I dont walk in her shoes but reading thru her post actually broke my heart. To you and yours .

We can only do what we can and try try again....As a parent I too know what it can be to try so hard , to teach and re-teach, to be involved, to aggressively pursue every option available, to advocate, and sometimes, to be disappointed and hit a brick wall. I dont judge anyone.
AS in an older child comes with different situations and challenges, some very difficult ones and PROUD moments as well ...it is often difficult for people outside the immediate situation to "see" the real situation/world because it is often masked with ...for lack of a better word, normalcy of situations and responses..
No disrespect to anyone that is in the situation of having a child/young adult or adult with Aspergers, but each stage can be very different and again, comes with its own set of challenges. To one and all, continue to be the best supportive parents you can. We're all so very blessed.....Nuff said.

You're right, each stage is very different. My son was diagnosed at aged 8 and is now 19. The struggles with homework over the years were painful for both of us! In hidesight I wish we had tried homeschooling but school was his only opportunity for social interaction outside the family. Even though he didn't have a best friend I felt it was enough to justify keeping him enrolled. It wasn't until high school that he found a group he could tolerate
Now that he's older we have to push him to stay involved socially but there's only so much we can do at his age.
I'm so thankful that's he's very high functioning and not more severe. When we received the IQ test results as part of the initial age 8 testing I had visions of class president, ivy league college, etc but reality was different. Now I just want him to be happy in life and to find someone to share it with.
As we all know, each of our children are special in their own way but I'll always worry over him a little more as he struggles to find his way through college, career and hopefully, love.

 

[LuvGoofy6]

OP, Asperger's and Pervasive Developmental Disorders fall under the umbrella of Autism. The DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is often used by psychiatrists to diagnose disorders. The DSM-V is about to be released and Aspergers is being dropped as a separate condition. This CBS article talks a little about it: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162...from-american-psychiatric-association-manual/

Previously, someone mentioned that it is a medical diagnosis and not an educational one. Some school districts have autism teams that use the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS) to diagnose.

One common statement is: If you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism. Autism is a spectrum disorder meaning that there can be a wide variation from one child to another.

Here is the Diagnostic Criteria for Aspergers in the current DSM-IV, if you would like a bit more information.

Hope this helps you some.

 

[Midnightred]

Boy, I feel so thankful after reading these posts, because I have never once wished my children were neurotypical, I have totally embraced these 2 autistic boys I have as special gifts from God. I enjoy every second with them, and know I am the perfect Mother for them. I wish everyone could experience the same sense of peace I have.

Midnightred

 

[Kellykins1218]

We have 3 boys on the spectrum, The oldest is 20 and had been diagnosed Aspergers. He's a high school graduate, has a job at Target (they are amazing with special needs employees!) and just got his driver's license last week. The two younger ones are both high functioning but we haven't gone for an official diagnosis because it's not necessary. We already get all the services we need with just a general autism diagnosis. I wish every single day that my kids were typical. Do I love them less because they're not? Of course not, but I also know how they struggle and I'm not going to apologize for wanting more for them.

 

[PelletierBears]

Boy, I feel so thankful after reading these posts, because I have never once wished my children were neurotypical, I have totally embraced these 2 autistic boys I have as special gifts from God. I enjoy every second with them, and know I am the perfect Mother for them. I wish everyone could experience the same sense of peace I have.

Midnightred

For me it isn't about wanting DS to be typical. Home has always been, and always will be, his soft place to fall, where he's completely accepted as himself..quirks and all (well, I DO have to remind his sister daily to have patience : ) Any regrets I have are my own regarding my actions through the years. I wish I had known more, took chances for him, etc. In the end he's a wonderful, sensitive, intelligent young man who I'm proud to call my son and who I wouldn't change for world. That doesn't stop me from worrying though!

 

[JACH1976]

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[utterrandomness]

I find this offensive as well. I respect that FortForever has had experiences that may differ from mine, but the above quote was generalized to the entire AS community. My DS is challenging, but not "ugly", a nightmare" or a "victim", and FortForever has no right to label him as such.

To the OP, good luck finding the supports that your child needs.

I agree with this, it's perfectly okay to express your own feelings, but it is offensive to confer those feelings on to everyone with asperger's or everyone who has a kid with asperger's. I know for a fact that my mother doesn't see me as a "nightmare" or a "victim" of an "ugly condition" and I don't see my life that way either. It is offensive, and beyond that, it's hurtful. Expressing your feelings is completely different than that.

It doesn't matter how you label it, OP, as long as your kid gets what they need, but make sure to talk to your kid about it. I hope you get the answers you need.

 

[Beccabunny]

My DS is challenging, but not "ugly", a nightmare" or a "victim", and FortForever has no right to label him as such.

She never labeled anyone's child or called anyone names. She was talking about the experience of living with Asperger's, the syndrome itself, not the child.

 

[koleta@mickey]

Definitely every kid is different....mine is my 13 yr old boy. He has been diagnosed since 9. Very good baby but never showed interest in really playing with other kiddos much. He is in a small private school with the abeka curriculum and is really smart. So much so that the school recommended that he skip the 8th grade, so he is a freshman this yr and will graduate at 16. He is allowed to type notes instead of write in school which really helps him.

He does not really have a lot of friends but we are working on it and he has been to a couple of school events this yr. He has really bad textural issues with food and has a very limited diet because of it. He is also very neglectful with personal hygiene....it is just like it is not a priority for him. We have to remind him to wash while he is in the shower every day! Can be a little exhausting! He loves online communities and is much more outgoing when gaming.

Planning on sending him to a small jr college first I think, thinking about him moving away to go to school worries me because he is very gullible with others because he is very literal. He believes anything people will tell him, so we are working on that constantly!

 

[JACH1976]

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[AddictedtoDoleWhip]

I have to agree with JACH1976 here, I find the way that was spoken of Asperger's to be extremely problematic.

 

[PatMcDuck]

My nephew has Aspergers. He is 20 now. He had many problems, esp. in school, so they placed him in a private school. They live in a small school district, and they provided this placement instead of trying some sort of inclusion.

Just to tell you all, with younger kids, he is doing SO WELL. He stayed in that school from 1-12th grade. When he graduated, he got a FULL academic scholarship to a college here in NJ. Which is pretty good, since that school had no AP or advanced courses. To my sister's surprise, he opted to live at school, but he comes home each weekend. He is currently in his 2nd year, got straight As the first year.

This would really not have seemed possible, considering in 1st grade, in public school, he was literally under his desk, curled into the fetal position. He is very smart, and funny with people he is comfortable with. He has a few close friends, and in college was able to join some clubs, which my niece calls "geeky", but he likes it.......

Looking back, we siblings now realize my brother likely has Aspergers too. He followed a similar pattern, but was able to function well in a regular school...... and he has a masters from Columbia University..... of course, all kids follow their own path, and some will do well in school, and some will not, like all kids. I am just saying that many opportunities are possible.

 

[FortForever]

I find this offensive as well. I respect that FortForever has had experiences that may differ from mine, but the above quote was generalized to the entire AS community. My DS is challenging, but not "ugly", a nightmare" or a "victim", and FortForever has no right to label him as such.

Please do not misquote me. I did not refer to anyone's child as ugly or a nightmare. I referred to Aspergers being ugly and a nightmare. I stand by that. As far as people with Aspergers being victims, that is a true statement. Would you consider them willing participants?

I'm glad that others feel they wouldn't change their children. I, however, would love to free my son from Aspergers. I am proud of all he has overcome and love him very much, but I do not love his disability.

 

[FortForever]

My nephew has Aspergers. He is 20 now. He had many problems, esp. in school, so they placed him in a private school. They live in a small school district, and they provided this placement instead of trying some sort of inclusion.

Just to tell you all, with younger kids, he is doing SO WELL. He stayed in that school from 1-12th grade. When he graduated, he got a FULL academic scholarship to a college here in NJ. Which is pretty good, since that school had no AP or advanced courses. To my sister's surprise, he opted to live at school, but he comes home each weekend. He is currently in his 2nd year, got straight As the first year.

This would really not have seemed possible, considering in 1st grade, in public school, he was literally under his desk, curled into the fetal position. He is very smart, and funny with people he is comfortable with. He has a few close friends, and in college was able to join some clubs, which my niece calls "geeky", but he likes it.......

Looking back, we siblings now realize my brother likely has Aspergers too. He followed a similar pattern, but was able to function well in a regular school...... and he has a masters from Columbia University..... of course, all kids follow their own path, and some will do well in school, and some will not, like all kids. I am just saying that many opportunities are possible.

I would like to point out that my son is also doing well by these standards. He graduated high school and college with a degree. My son has an extremely high IQ and that is not the problem.

The transition from school to work is where things are not so black and white. Finding a job in their field can be a challenge unless the interviewer is educated about, and accepting of, people with Aspergers. They can come off as strange and it puts people off. It hurts to say this, but I don't make the rules of society. I wish I did.

To be successful with Aspergers, one usually has to be a self starter like Bill Gates, or continue education to a PhD when people have no choice but take them seriously.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

People are not a victim of Asperger's. There is a trend towards Neurodiversity-which means acceptance of all various types of neurology. Now there CAN BE co-morbid conditions along with AS, such as mental "disorders" which can cause issues, but AS in and of itself does not make you a "victim" of an "ugly condition" in my opinion. AS is a difference in perception and other neurological processes, it is not a mental disorder or a personality disorder. Someone who is blind is not a victim of missing eyesight, yet they live in a world that is far harder to navigate than those with sight. It is the same with AS.

My brother is likely an undiagnosed Aspie. He was in Special Education in the 70's and they told my mother he had MR. He failed all throughout school, including a one year attempt at university. Several years later, after finding a niche in art, he went to an art school (very highly regarded and very hard to get into), graduated top of the class, and they asked him to teach when he graduated (he declined). He now has a wife and a child, lives in a very nice house, is well regarded in his profession (he is an industrial designer), and makes 5+ times more money per year than I do. I, on the other hand, made great grades, got along well in school, and am no where near as successful as he is. He does have social differences, so cannot (and does not want to) be in management, but gets along very well considering.

 

[tinkslite]

Is 17, is diagnosed with aspergers, PTSD, and a pretty low IQ (her school records actually read "borderline retardation." She copes amazingly well, outside the house!!!!! She presents as "youngish." Many think she is a somewhat shy middle schooler after meeting her and interacting briefly. Everyone who knows us (except her doctors and teachers) have expressed surprise in learning that she is on the spectrum.
She used to have a terrible time with eye contact, but now only during meltdowns. She hates changes of any kind. she hates growing out of clothing for instance. she over does the things she loves or finds comfort in, like food (unfortunately, since she has a weight problem). She thinks in terms of extremes. She is easily agitated and is often anxiety ridden over "fitting in," and "seeming normal."
She almost never melts down at the time of the trigger but waits until she is safe at home. then she explodes. This may last twenty minutes or roller coaster for an entire day. Swearing, violence, repetitive expression, rhythmic stimming, all are part of the meltdown drill. Afterword she is racked with self hate and guilt.

she also has a video graphic memory. She has gifted small motor skills. She is a fabulous swimmer. She is sweet natured and loving, making colorful little iloveyou notes and leaving them about for family members and friends.

Now, I cannot tell you " my little girl would be this way if there had been no autism" because which traits are autism and which are not?

Some days autism is a nightmare, but some days her brothers food allergies and asthma are a nightmare. I wouldn't trade either one of them. Other days ( when she knows exactly where I set my keys and cell phone, again) autism is a gift. it is a part of our lives. we have to adjust to the hand we are dealt, so we do! I don't assume that because yesterday was an autism meltdown nightmare at MY house that it means that every one dealing with autism in any form has a nightmare on their hands. But I would certainly understand the point of view of someone who describes it that way AND the point if view of the parent who is offended by hearing that terminology.
let's be gentle with each other. Life is hard enough without bashing each other for expressing our own experiences.