Teens, parties and drinking

[Saxsoon]

Same here. It's not as appealing in college.



I know this question wasn't adressed to me but i'd say that their 1 in a million.

Wow, my friends and I are a statistical anamoly.

Seriously though, some kids my age have more will power than others. Some of us actually listened when our prents said no alcohol underage.

 

[MrsPete]

Alcohol was everywhere when I was in high school. I thought it was pretty common. Maybe it's just because I grew up in a small town there wasn't a whole lot to do there!

You know, all teens use this excuse.

I live in a small city. Without leaving a five-mile radius, I could eat at a different restaurant every night for at least two months -- probably more. One of the biggest sports arenas (and its little brother) are right here on our side of town. The biggest mall in two states is almost next door to our school. We have a smaller mall a few miles down the road. We have a speedpark with go-carts, mini-golf, rock climbing, lazer tag, etc. We have two huge movie theaters. Within the city limits we have several parks with various sports courts, and within 20 miles we have state/national parks with hiking trails and more. In good weather, we have a huge lake with water sports. We have a church on every corner, and at least half of them have large, well-supported, very active youth groups that sponsor numerous free social events several times a week. We have two churches that are completely teen-oriented. We have a thriving community theater group that's always taking in new talent. We have community sports leagues. Downtown we have lots of little independent coffee shops/restaurnats that offer live music a couple times a week. We have two YMCAs. And, of course, every high school has a full spectrum of sports and club activities.

And if that's not enough, 30 minutes down the road we have the biggest city in two states. We have a major state university on "our edge" of the big city, and there's lots of stuff to do there. The city offers much more than our small town in terms of entertainment, especially in terms of nightlife.

And you know what? The teens who want to sit around and do nothing but drink every weekend claim that there's NOTHING TO DO AROUND HERE.

 

[MrsPete]

Wow, my friends and I are a statistical anamoly.

Seriously though, some kids my age have more will power than others. Some of us actually listened when our prents said no alcohol underage.

Yeah, I can't buy the one-in-a-million idea. I don't know literally millions of people, but I know more than a few who fit this description.

Based upon what I see/hear in the high schools, I'd say it's closer to 1/3, 1/3, 1/3: About 1/3 of teens drink regularly (quite a few to excess regularly -- they're the ones who believe "everyone does it"), 1/3 drink only occasionally or just to fit in, and 1/3 abstain altogether (either because they've made a moral or religious decision, or because their parents are extremely strict).

 

[Andy B]

Yeah, I can't buy the one-in-a-million idea. I don't know literally millions of people, but I know more than a few who fit this description.

Based upon what I see/hear in the high schools, I'd say it's closer to 1/3, 1/3, 1/3: About 1/3 of teens drink regularly (quite a few to excess regularly -- they're the ones who believe "everyone does it"), 1/3 drink only occasionally or just to fit in, and 1/3 abstain altogether (either because they've made a moral or religious decision, or because their parents are extremely strict).

Can I ask why is this seen as a moral or religious issue?

 

[freckles and boo]

I got up this morning, fed my kids, and checked my email. I cruised through the new posts on this thread and then wandered out into the snow to get the newspaper.

Here is this morning's headline.

Teens die in horrific crash
8 teens in one car. A 24-year-old driver charged with DUI. 4 dead. And the people of Oswego left seeking answers.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/...29.story?coll=chi-news-hed&ctrack=1&cset=true

This is the THIRD weekend in a row the Chicago area has had these headlines! There have now been 14 teenagers killed in four terrible crashes in three weekends and drinking is suspected to be involved in at least three of the crashes. Parents need to WAKE UP!!!!

 

[Acklander]

This is the THIRD weekend in a row the Chicago area has had these headlines! There have now been 14 teenagers killed in four terrible crashes in three weekends and drinking is suspected to be involved in at least three of the crashes. Parents need to WAKE UP!!!!

Oh, I'm awake - but the problem is, with teens, they always think - This will never happen to me, bad things happen to other people. That is the part that I'm talking about when I say that it's age appropriate behavior. For the most part teens have a hard time thinking through the cause and effect. Only as we mature do we start to realize that yes, bad things can happen to anyone; but once we become parents we just look at things in the worst case scenerio when it comes to our kids. We can't help it.
Look at it this way, say on a given weekend 100 kids from a school drink. This goes on weekend after weekend. A teen will look at this situation and think - everyone is drinking and having fun and no one is getting hurt. The reality is that statistics show that eventually one of those kids (not every one of those kids) will get in an accident and kill themself and probably others who happen to be in the car or on the road at the time - drinking causes accidents & young drivers with less experience causes accidents. A parent will look at the situation and consider every drinking child a ticking time bomb and in order to protect "their baby" they will spout off the dangers of drinking and drinking and driving and all the evils that go with it. By putting the blinders on and only seeing the bad of the situation, you're doing just as much as a disservice as the teens who think nothing is going to happen. The teen isn't going to believe you, they think you're over reacting because from their vantage point they see 100's of kids drinking without any problem at all.
This is why it's important to TALK with your teens, about expectations, about what to do when confronted with the situation, and about the importance of calling for a ride when drinking has been going on. You can't just tell them, You're not allowed to drink until you're 21 - that's the end of discussion, because it isn't.

 

[Andy B]

Here is this morning's headline.

Teens die in horrific crash
8 teens in one car. A 24-year-old driver charged with DUI. 4 dead. And the people of Oswego left seeking answers.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/...29.story?coll=chi-news-hed&ctrack=1&cset=true

QUOTE]

Not underage driver!

 

[noseybuddy]

You know, all teens use this excuse.

I live in a small city. Without leaving a five-mile radius, I could eat at a different restaurant every night for at least two months -- probably more. One of the biggest sports arenas (and its little brother) are right here on our side of town. The biggest mall in two states is almost next door to our school. We have a smaller mall a few miles down the road. We have a speedpark with go-carts, mini-golf, rock climbing, lazer tag, etc. We have two huge movie theaters. Within the city limits we have several parks with various sports courts, and within 20 miles we have state/national parks with hiking trails and more. In good weather, we have a huge lake with water sports. We have a church on every corner, and at least half of them have large, well-supported, very active youth groups that sponsor numerous free social events several times a week. We have two churches that are completely teen-oriented. We have a thriving community theater group that's always taking in new talent. We have community sports leagues. Downtown we have lots of little independent coffee shops/restaurnats that offer live music a couple times a week. We have two YMCAs. And, of course, every high school has a full spectrum of sports and club activities.

And if that's not enough, 30 minutes down the road we have the biggest city in two states. We have a major state university on "our edge" of the big city, and there's lots of stuff to do there. The city offers much more than our small town in terms of entertainment, especially in terms of nightlife.

And you know what? The teens who want to sit around and do nothing but drink every weekend claim that there's NOTHING TO DO AROUND HERE.

This is so true. There are plenty of fun things to do that don't involve drinking, but they see going to the party as the cool, in thing to do. Many parents know their teen is going to a party and will be drinking, but don't seem to have a problem with it as long as they stay there all night and don't drive home. This I am kinda ok with if you are 18 or over, but these teens are between 14 and 17, highschool kids, and I just don't understand parents who let this go on in their homes. What are they thinking?

 

[rockbottomsound]

I'm sure it happens all the time, but it is illegal for of age people to give underage people alcohol. Those parents could get into a lot of trouble for that.

 

[freckles and boo]

Here is this morning's headline.

Teens die in horrific crash
8 teens in one car. A 24-year-old driver charged with DUI. 4 dead. And the people of Oswego left seeking answers.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/...29.story?coll=chi-news-hed&ctrack=1&cset=true

QUOTE]

Not underage driver!

All the dead kids are teens ages 14-17. They got into a car after a party with a drunk driver. They were on the road at 2:20 am, nine people in a car that seats five. They exercised terrible judgment. It doesn't matter that the driver was an adult, the kids were the ones that died.

 

[freckles and boo]

Oh, I'm awake - but the problem is, with teens, they always think - This will never happen to me, bad things happen to other people. That is the part that I'm talking about when I say that it's age appropriate behavior. For the most part teens have a hard time thinking through the cause and effect. Only as we mature do we start to realize that yes, bad things can happen to anyone; but once we become parents we just look at things in the worst case scenerio when it comes to our kids. We can't help it.
Look at it this way, say on a given weekend 100 kids from a school drink. This goes on weekend after weekend. A teen will look at this situation and think - everyone is drinking and having fun and no one is getting hurt. The reality is that statistics show that eventually one of those kids (not every one of those kids) will get in an accident and kill themself and probably others who happen to be in the car or on the road at the time - drinking causes accidents & young drivers with less experience causes accidents. A parent will look at the situation and consider every drinking child a ticking time bomb and in order to protect "their baby" they will spout off the dangers of drinking and drinking and driving and all the evils that go with it. By putting the blinders on and only seeing the bad of the situation, you're doing just as much as a disservice as the teens who think nothing is going to happen. The teen isn't going to believe you, they think you're over reacting because from their vantage point they see 100's of kids drinking without any problem at all.
This is why it's important to TALK with your teens, about expectations, about what to do when confronted with the situation, and about the importance of calling for a ride when drinking has been going on. You can't just tell them, You're not allowed to drink until you're 21 - that's the end of discussion, because it isn't.

I totally agree. However, my problem is with parents who either completely give up because it is too much of a challenge, or those who are inconsistent with their messages. There are plenty of people who spout the "do as I say, not as I do" mantra, and there are others who had their heads as deep in the sand as most teenagers do. The most ridiculous are those like my sister-in-law, who believed that since she made it through the teen years unscathed that her kids will, too. She chooses to ignore that her kid drinks. My niece lost a classmate last year in this same manner - drunk teen vs. tree. She still doesn't get it.

 

[horseshowmom]

That's nice, but she needs to realise that, like her as a non-drinker, excessive drinkers are in the minority. The majority of college students can enjoy alcohol without getting into a state over it. I've drunk (legally) for the entire four years of my degree - not once have I gone to class "reeking of alcohol", not once have my grades dropped. I don't know of anyone who HAS done those things - and yes, I get drunk probably once a week. The difference is, I plan my social life around my studies, as opposed to excessive drinkers who plan their studies around their social life.

You don't have to be tee-total to dislike the excessive mentality some people have towards alcohol. People who drink and get drunk on a regular basis dislike those who act out and give the rest of us a bad name. Alcohol can be part of a great social life and it can cause you no trouble whatsoever if you know your limits and drink responsibly.

Of course, if someone's idea of socializing was say, playing soccer, and they planned their studies around their social life; and their grades dropped because of it, and they came to class covered in mud, no one would bat an eyelid because there's no taboo or self-righteousness about playing soccer.

Alcohol can be part of an active, healthy lifestyle. It is recommended that certain drinks are part of a healthy lifestyle (red wine, for example, in moderation can have cancer-cause-fighting properties).

I have to respectfully disagree with you. If you are getting drunk once a week, I don't believe that it is part of a healthy lifestyle. I do think that's excessive. JMHO

I do agree with your example about the possible health benefits of wine, but as you said, that's in moderation (about 4 oz. per day) - not the same thing as getting drunk on a regular basis.

I'm not trying to insult you at all and genuinely am concerned. I wish you the best...

 

[meandtheguys2]

I have to respectfully disagree with you. If you are getting drunk once a week, I don't believe that it is part of a healthy lifestyle. I do think that's excessive. JMHO

I do agree with your example about the possible health benefits of wine, but as you said, that's in moderation (about 4 oz. per day) - not the same thing as getting drunk on a regular basis.

I'm not trying to insult you at all and genuinely am concerned. I wish you the best...

Very nicely said.

 

[singingpixie]

First of all, let me say where I'm coming from:
I'm 22 and a college graduate, but many of my friends are still finishing up college. There is generally a party for one of my group of friends every 2 weeks or month, and I go to maybe half of them. I've been drunk before, enough to know that I hate how I feel the next day and that it's not worth it. Most often if I drink, I'll get a little bit buzzed and be fine for the night (for the record, I'm a light-weight: two drinks will often get me buzzed).

In high school, it was made very clear to me that drinking was not to be tolerated. I was expected not to touch anything, and not to be around if there was drinking. In my teenaged (16 plus) mind, this just meant that I had to try really hard not to get caught. One new years eve, I went to a party and had one drink, and my mom smelled it on my breath when I got home. I was grounded for a month, no privaleges. To me, that just meant I had to try harder.

When my brother and I were over 18 but still underaged (home for college breaks, and the semesters my brother lived at home), my mom started turning a blind eye a bit as long as we were being safe. I would leave my car at work, go out w/ friends and get a ride home, and my mom never questioned me. My brother would sleep over at friends after playing poker. She knew he'd been drinking, but he was over 18 and had lived on his own on-and-off, so to her it was better that he stayed where he was and didn't drive, than try to continue whatever he was doing at college while trying to get home for a curfew.

As far as parenting teens goes, I think there's a very fine line when it comes to drinking. The defeatist "they're going to do it anyway, so we might as well condone it" attitude is a self-fulfilling prophesy. No teenager is going to refrain from drinking if their parents are offering to throw keggers. But the "just say no" attitude is too black-and-white. Sure, there are kids who are willing to completely abstain, but the vast majority are curious and will want to experiment at some point. I think there needs to be some middle road, where drinking is not condoned, but it is recognised that mistakes do happen and the most important thing is the safety of the teenager. Yes, it's a bad decision to drink too young, or in excess. It's an even worse decision to drive home because you have a curfew to make, or to stay in an unsafe situation (drunk girl w/ drunker guys, etc) because you are afraid to be seen by your parents. I think the "please call and I will come get you no questions asked" rule is a great one (one my mom never said and I never realized, but in hindsight I'm sure she would have done). Another great option is to have a trusted aunt/uncle/older sibling/cousin approach the sibling w/ the offer- sometimes the fear of disappointing the parent is too strong.

 

[rbuzzotta]

Here are some statistics I got from a book while earning some CEU's for my RN license renewal!!

Alcohol use by Students, 2002

8th graders 10th graders 12 graders
Ever Used 47.0% 66.9% 78.4%
Used in Past Year 38.7% 60.0% 71.5%
Used in Past Month 19.6% 35.4% 48.6%

Marijuana/Hashish Use by Studnets, 2002

Ever used 19.2% 38.7% 47.8%
Past Year 14.6 30.3 36.2
Past Month 8.3 17.8 21.5
Daily 1.2 3.9 6.0

I also have other statistics on other drugs!!! Scarey!! Worst thing is that these are statistics from 5 years ago and it is been said that those statistics are UP!!

My DD, a sophomore, I KNOW has experimented in alcohol and possibly marijuana!!! I will not turn a blind eye to this!! My local grocery store is a place of gossip!!! Just go to Shaw's on a MOnday and in all probabilty, you will know what your child did over the weekend!!! I just found out that DD, who was given permission to sleep at a friends Saturday evening, got drunk!!! And the parents were home and the Dad is employed by the Fire, Tabacco and Alcohol department!!!

Unfortunately, I have no proof other than 'hearsay' that this took place!!! But as of today, I have a home drug kit in my home!!!!

Dh and I do not drink and any alcohol we have in our home is locked up with DH having the key!!! We only have the alcohol because we had a going away party and needed it 3 years ago!!!

So, this thing does happen and unfortunately all too often!! I truly commend those that has chosen to abstain from alcohol/drugs/sex etc. while underage or not married.

 

[smartestnumber5]

On the other hand, if you teach them WHY it's dangerous at a young age, WHY you disapprove of them drinking at a young age, there's a very good chance that they'll make a better decision.

I definitely agree with the parenting attitude that giving a kid (especially a teenager) good reasons for a rule is much better than simply saying "Because I said so." (Of course, I'm sure many teens are so completely irrational most o the time, that no reason one could give them could ever be "good.") Still, both GF and I were the kind of kids/teens who were generally really good kids, but nothing ticked us off more than when there was some rule which made absolutely no sense and which our parents couldn't even try to justify.

Having said all that, however, I was just wondering what the explanation for disapproving of teenage drinking (let's say somewhat older teens--maybe juniors or seniors in high school) would be. For me a large part of it would be fear of legal consequences if my kid were caught or for me if I gave alcohol to other people's children or allowed my kid to have a party with alcohol there, etc.

Other than that, I can't really see why it's that bad for a 17 year old to drink. Many people on this thread have been talking about teens getting into accidents while drunk, and I would think that would be the biggest concern. However, this concern just seems to conflate two different issues--a) teens drinking and b) teens driving while drunk. For instance, I don't take the fact that some adults drive drunk and end up dead or kill others as a reason why it's bad for adults to drink. And I wonder if teens end up driving more than adults specifically because they aren't supposed to be drinking and could get in a lot of legal trouble and trouble with their parents if they are caught; plus, since they have few options about where to drink, they probably have to drive somewhere to get to that place. I would guess, for instance, that though alcohol is rampant on college campuses, college students who live on campus (especially small ones) are very rarely involved in alcohol related car accidents compared to middle-aged adults who live in suburban areas. Why? Because if you live on a college campus you have no reason to get in a car to get to or from the place you're going to drink. But middle-aged adults generally do need to drive to and from the bar or party at which they are going to drink.

In any case, the drinking that I mostly saw in high school was 17 year old seniors who, when parents were away for the night, would invite handful of friends to sleep over. They'd take what they could from the liquor cabinet without making it obvoius that alcohol was missing, get drunk, and then puke and feel miserable the next day. I was never really invited to these things, but I probably would have been too nervous about getting in trouble if had been (plus the idea of puking would not have been all that inviting ). But I can't say I find anything bad about such a situation.

 

[Alyssa88]

I never drank in highschool. I would go to parties with drinking but I never actually did it. I was always way to streesed about my future.

In college however I did start. I was 17. Not gonna lie, I enjoy it. I have done "illegal" thing. Honestly, it isn't harmful and it is nice to unwind.

I have excellent grades (dean's list, honor society) and I also have to work everyday. I am also a research intern, and to be honest I feel like I am a success. I don't see anything wrong with these activities as long as they are in moderation and it doesn't harm the individual academically or professionally. My professors, clients and peers would never smell alochol on me nor would the expect a problem from looking at my grades.

I am so sick of those students who say things about other students who do choose to drink. It is wonderful that you don't want to, that doesn't make me weaker than you in anyway. I choose to drink, it is fun for me. I am allowed to have fun and not all students who do are failures. And not all student who do not drink are successful. I know someone from one class who doesn't party or work or anything. The only she has to worry about is concentrating on school, and she only has a GPA of 2.6, pathetic.

 

[VirtuallyMe]

I'm all grown up and have two teens myself one is almost 19 and in college and the other is almost 15 and in high school.

My 19yo ds didn't drink, didn't hide it from me- he just didn't drink- wasn't something he wanted to do- so he didn't do it.

My dd 14yo= I'm sure will drink- hasn't yet- if don't count "trying" beer last Mardi Gras and deciding she thinks we are gross for liking it lol- She did have a Junior girl show up at homecoming- drunk, sick and puking all over stuff including dd's purse and shoes which she threw away at the dance- This girl was on the homecoming court, a cheerleader, Beta club, honor society, key club- etc etc- WAS those things- she got expelled from school and my dd thought she looked totally ridiculous- I told her to remember that- that no one looks good drunk and wasted

As a kid growing up I think I had my first drink when I was 13years old at a cast party for the school play- me and 5 other people split a six pack of beer that we bought ourselves. Drinking age back then was 18 (actually switched to 21 when I was 19) We would have alcohol at many of our parties- but never for the driver and when we saw a friend had to much we'd stop them... Usually most of our parties took place at a friend's house whose parents were never home- and they were usually mild- but every now and then it seemed like the entire city would show up- one party so many people came that we locked the people who were supposed to be there in the house and called the cops to clear out the rest. Drugs were often at these parties but I chose not to partake and was never told anything- same for those who chose not to drink- no one ever told them anything- At one of these parties one that many many people attended we didn't know- a girl from our school was there drinking straight vodka- and somewhere along the line was given acid- afterwhich she started taking her clothes off and running around naked- many boys we didn't know thought it would be great time to take advantage- but luckily there were others who felt other wise- and tackled the girl and we wrestled her into the bathroom where we locked her in until she passed out. We called her mom and explained that she had had way too much to drink and wouldn't be going home- the mom thanked us for taking care of her dd (we left out the acid and naked parts). The next morning the girl wakes up scared because "oh no I passed out my mom is going to kill me" We explained that we called her mom and told her you weren't coming home. She gets mad and asks what excuse we gave her mom and we told her drinking. She threw a fit that we told her mom she had been drinking- I looked at her and said well we could have told her you were doing drugs, running around without clothes and would have been raped- but we felt it better not to pass that along... sigh

I know girls I went to high school with actually had parents who bought that they would get "stomach flu" or "food poisoning" each weekend when they'd come home sick from drinking. It was a bit ridiculous.

But I feel that me and my friends were a bit more responsible about drinking than others - many drank to get wasted as a goal- we didn't- And I was lucky enough to have parents who were open and understanding about things- and the one time I had gotten into a car with a friend who had too much to drink I was able to have her stop the car- get out and call for my mom to come get us... There was no preaching on my mom's part and I knew there wouldn't be- she took us back to another friend's car where we were able to go on to another party if we wanted.

As a young teen my friends and I would even frequent bars in town- mostly to go dancing- we would sometimes have a drink or two but usually danced it off before we came close to getting drunk- on one of those nights a local cop was talking to one friend of mine and me and he was trying to pick up my friend- when she told him "no because I don't think my daddy would like you" He asked why and she explained "because you are too old" We then had to show him our id to prove we were under age- yep we were 15 and 16 standing outside of a bar drinking a beer and talking to a cop and didn't get busted. What we did get was introduced to all the area bar bouncers and cops on the Strip- and were then treated a little better than the rest- the cops would contact us when they wanted to raid for underage drinkers and we'd tip them off when the best weekend would be- We also helped out with busting some store owners who were selling alcohol to us...

Do I want my dd to do this? No way. Am I hypocritical because of it- yes I am- it is my right as a mom to have my daughter do as I say and not as I did. I take time to talk to my daughter- to find out about her friends, to talk to parents of the kids' whose home she is staying at, to find out if supervision will be there. I also have informed her that if she is ever anywhere and feels like she needs to leave that her daddy and I are only a phone call away... Will she make all the right decisions? I can only hope she does- and if she doesn't I hope that it isn't a decision that changes her life or that of someoneelses... Would I willingly let her go to a party I knew alcohol was being served at? If it was an "Adult's" party that kids were also attending- yes I would. If it were a bunch of teens having a party- No and I'd probably be the evil parent to rat out the kids having the party. I have friends on the police force now who will go and break up a party without actually arresting all the kids- just enough to scare them all- so far I haven't had to do that...

Oh and do all kids drink? No they don't and they aren't social lepers if they don't- I don't know if all kids know this or even understand it. So I do think some drink because they think that is what they are supposed to do. And I do think it is common- far more common in some areas than others- and more common than those kids who have posted here to say they don't need alcohol to have a good time.

Seems there will always be a few drunk jerks (male and female) who will make it look much worse than it is.

College and drinking- I do think for those kids who were strictly monitored at home and not allowed to decide for themselves that if they "go away" to college the binge drinking becomes a rebellion for them- and they will go and get drunk a few times until they decide that waking up wasted the next morning isn't really worth it. I had many friends who did that- and most had not drunk in high school but some were like some of the kids who binged drink during high school and just continued in college nothing changed. I do think more kids will drink in college- because they are closer to the drinking age and it is more available.

 

[rbuzzotta]

I must disagree with those that really beleive a few drinks is not harmful!!! Possibly not to an adult whose body (organs including brain) are fully developed!!

To a teen!! Yes, a few drinks can be harmful!!

Does this stop teens from experimenting?? NO. I have told my DD about all of the possible consequences of binge drinking and drinking which to could lead to unwanted sex, black outs and even death!!! Most teens drink to get drunk, not to unwind as a college age person may.!!!

Here is a quote I took from the book and I have made a copy for my DD to see it!!

"Alcohol dmages the young brain, interfers with mental and social development, and interrupts academic progress. Alcohol is the fatal attraction for many teeens, a major factor in the three leading causes of teen death---accidents, homocide and suicide."

 

[ozarkmom]

I'm 40 and when I was in Jr. High school in Norfolk VA. (Navy brat) there was drinking and pot smoking and some kids were even stealing their mom's valium. The drinking was usually at someone's house when their parents were gone. The pot smoking went on almost anywhere. By the time I was in High school we had moved to a rural area in Arkansas and parties with alcohol were every weekend sometimes at peoples houses and sometimes out in the woods or someone's cabin. I have teens and I know for a fact that drinking is still going on. There are some parents that allow these parties and keep the kids there. While I may not condone it I do realize it's been going on for a long time.